Power Play: A Second Chance Hockey Romance (Sinners on the Ice)
Power Play: A Second Chance Hockey Romance: Chapter 5

Now, August

I nod absentmindedly, not really listening to what Ava is saying. My mind is elsewhere, and I’m having trouble being in the moment. All I can think about is my first time talking to Clay.

Was that even talking?

Not having any expectations was my goal. I tend to be pessimistic from time to time, so I’ve been trying to tone it down since I woke up this morning. Throughout the years, and especially after Eli, I learned one thing—when it comes to other people, don’t expect anything, as there’s no control over their actions, their words. Everyone does what they want, and all we can do is accept it. In some circumstances, it’s like setting yourself up for failure from the start.

I didn’t want that.

And yet it happened.

That whatever-the-hell-it-was conversation was a disaster from the moment I walked in on him talking to Maya. Then I noticed his balled-up fists after we simply said hi to each other. Why did he react like that? He went from being excited and fascinated by my little girl to literally scowling at me.

Do I look so fucking awful that he couldn’t even handle it? Am I so different from what he remembers? I fix my dress again, pulling its skirt lower and readjusting the little bow around my waist. I should’ve worn something else. Something looser and baggier, something that wouldn’t make it obvious that I’m no longer the size I used to be.

I’ve never been really confident, battling my insecurities about my looks all my life. Hiding behind flirty smiles, covering my lack of confidence with silly giggles when I didn’t know what to say, letting my best friend do the talking when boys were approaching us. I was putting this bravado, being this overly-confident sexy girl, while silently praying no one would notice how unsure of myself I was, that no one would ever know that I was used to spending hours sitting in front of the mirror, and replaceing more and more things that I hated about my looks. In my head, between me and Ava, I was that ugly friend every attractive girl has.

The only thing I was always proud of was my body, but after I gave birth to Maya it became another source of my insecurities.

I’m doing so much better now at replaceing things I love about my body. Buying new clothes that complement my figure and feeling confident in it. Then bam! Insert Clay Rodgers, with his eyes coasting over me like he’s looking for imperfections under a magnifying glass, and I’m ready for the earth to swallow me.

I hate it here.

“Layla?”

I jerk my head to my left and gape at Nevaeh. She’s Angie’s best friend, but today she’s here as Roman Pashkevich’s wife. He’s a right defenseman for the California Thunders and a good friend of my brother and his friends. He and Nevaeh got drunk and accidentally married in Vegas, and now they are trying to navigate their new reality as a married couple who wasn’t even dating before their trip. How many drinks does it take to get drunkenly married in Vegas to a guy you barely know? I’m sure I wouldn’t need that many—I barely make good decisions even when I’m sober.

“What?” I plaster a smile onto my face, pushing away all the thoughts that won’t allow me to relax.

“Do you mind helping me with this?” Nevaeh points to a big red M&M’s toy on the table. “Ava said it would be better to put the candies into a bowl. That way the kids can take them any time, and no one will destroy the toy.”

“Ava wants to share her M&M’s?” I say, feigning surprise. “I’m shocked.”

Nevaeh snorts and sets a bowl on the table beside the toy. “Angie told me before that the Thompson family is obsessed with these. That’s why I opted for it as a gift.”

I wrap my hands around the bowl as Nevaeh lifts the toy. “If she had to choose between her dear husband and these candies, I’m not sure Colt would win.”

“I hear you, Benson.” Ava walks past me to get to the cupboard and slaps my ass. “I love M&M’s, but not as much as I love Colt.”

“Your husband will be happy to hear that,” I say.

Nevaeh stops pouring candies into the bowl when it’s full to the brim and puts the toy back down on the table. “Maybe there’s something else we can do?” she asks, rapping her fingers on the table. Her nervousness is obvious, and I feel for her. It brings back all my memories to the surface.

I remember what a wreck I was when I first met Eli’s friends, how much I wanted them to like me…while I never actually fit in. We had different interests, different views on life, and most importantly on our future. I wanted stability and love, and all he was about were parties and his music. It was a failure from the start. I was too stubborn to admit it.

Too stubborn to listen to the only man who was never afraid to speak his mind to me. He doesn’t deserve you, he’d said in the bathroom of this very house three years ago. And I went and got pregnant by a guy who didn’t even want a family.

A round of applause for Layla Benson, who didn’t treasure what she had until she lost all chances to make things right.

I fucked up my own happy ending, confusing light infatuation because I was lonely with a real love. What could be more pathetic than that?

Only the fact that I never said ‘I love you’ to the man I was in love with for years.

I am a joke.

“Mommy.” Maya’s voice makes me flip my head to her. She’s sitting on the couch in the living room with Angie by her side, who holds Meghan in her arms. “I want drink.”

“There is apple and grapefruit juice if you want,” Ava says to me before focusing on Nevaeh. “Everything’s ready. We just need to take the dishes outside. Thank you so much, Nev.”

I skirt the kitchen bar and go pour some apple juice in Maya’s sippy cup, which I brought to the kitchen earlier, all while loosely listening to Ava chat with Nevaeh about Colton and Roman. When I turn around, I see Maya walking toward me with a bright smile on her lips. Grinning in return, I kneel to her and extend the juice. “Here you go, sweetie.”

Maya takes it from me and starts sipping, her eyes dancing between me and the girls. She didn’t last long with Drake in the backyard, preferring instead to come back and be with us. She spent the last twenty minutes or so talking with Angie as she looked after Meghan.

My heart swells. There are so many emotions running high in my chest. I’m happy that Maya is surrounded by so many amazing people who love her and care about her deeply. I know I can always count on my friends and Drake to help me if I ever need anything. Maya has everything she needs, except her father’s attention. Sometimes I wonder how it’s possible for someone to be so indifferent to his own child. Not a question about how she’s doing, not a text asking for a picture so he can see his daughter grow. He doesn’t care.

I spent so many sleepless nights worrying about him, dying from jealousy because I knew about all the girls he’d be hanging out with. Stalking his social media to check if he posted something, only to fire up my insecurities more and more. And for what? Did he ever change how he acted? Did he ever think about how it was for me? No. Finally accepting this when Maya turned six months old helped me a ton, and I stopped being upset about what Eli does or doesn’t do.

The future, on the other hand, is something that bothers me. There are definitely days when I think about Maya inevitably asking me about her dad. I don’t know how I’ll answer that because growing up knowing that your parent doesn’t want you would be a low blow to anyone’s self-confidence. I don’t want that for my little girl.

“Mommy, come.” Maya extends a hand to me, and I gently wrap my fingers around hers.

“Where are we going?”

“Out,” she says. Maya starts pulling me out of the room, and I follow after her, grabbing a bowl filled with a salad on my way.

“Do you want to go back to Uncle Drake?”

She shakes her head.

“Do you want to go play outside?”

Another shake.

“So why are we going to the backyard?” I ask as we step onto the wooden terrace.

Maya looks around, and then her gaze lands on the guys sitting at the table and talking. She lifts her hand and points at a man with auburn hair and a short, neat beard. His yellowish-green eyes sparkle as he listens to Drake say something to Roman. An amused smile stretches across his face.

“Him,” Maya says.

My insides start churning with the reality that I’m trying to chase away. Maya brought me out here to go to him?

“I wanna talk to Clay,” she tells me, tugging on my hand. “Come.”

Not a big deal, Layla, you know she’s very sociable and gets along with new people easily.

With a deep breath, I nod and drag my feet after her.

When we’re a few steps away from the table, Maya lets go of my fingers and rushes to Clay. This gesture alone leaves me stunned. She stops by his side and places her hands on his knees. I watch them, my heart beating so fast that all the sounds around me fade away. Everyone at the table falls silent, probably as surprised as I am by Maya’s sudden appearance. Everyone but him.

Clay’s lips break into a wide grin as he bends over to level his gaze with Maya’s. “You changed your mind?” he asks, and she nods. Not even a second later, he scoops her into his arms and lowers her onto his lap. The pure joy written all over Maya’s face makes me freeze like a deer caught in headlights. I stand still with my jaw unhinged.

What is happening?

Nevaeh passes me, carrying a dish, and it instantly takes me out of my shocked state. I’ve got this. Straightening my back, I strut to the table and put the salad bowl on it, trying to avoid Drake’s gaze, but he keeps glancing between his niece and me. I have no clue what’s going on, but I’m not going to question it. If Maya wants to spend time with Clay, for whatever reason, she can totally do that.

I head back to the house, reciting Maya’s favorite song from Paw Patrol. Anything to keep myself from overthinking. Helping Ava serve dinner is exactly what I need.

But even with this song, I can’t stop the memories that flood my mind.

The party is in full swing. Loud music, excited chatter, and bursts of laughter surround me, the air in the house is humid, and my skin feels hot and sweaty. Everyone is having fun, including Drake and my roommate, Grace. I should be with them, but instead, I sit on the third step of the stairs leading to the second floor, nursing a half-empty red cup with vodka and an orange juice. Getting an F in pre-calculus screwed my mood so bad, I honestly thought about staying at the dorm instead of coming to the party.

I hear steps behind my back as someone walks down, but I have no desire to move. A girl passes me, and once she’s by the foot of the stairs, she looks at something behind me. Her eyebrow arches. “Are you coming?”

“Go ahead, Chels. I’ll replace you later,” a familiar voice says, and before I know it, Clay Rodgers lowers himself beside me and the girl heads into the living room. There’s not enough space for both of us to sit comfortably. Sandwiched between the wall and his body, his citrusy scent blankets me, and the heat of his skin where our shoulders touch sets my own on fire.

“What’s up, Layla?” Clay asks. He’s so fucking close, it takes a lot of effort on my part not to stare at him. “Why are you here alone?”

“I’m not in the mood.” I shrug. “Did you have fun?”

His yellowish-green eyes darken as he gazes at me intently. “I did,” he finally says. “Can I help you? To improve your mood, I mean,” he hastily adds.

I barely hold myself back from rolling my eyes at him. It’s been five months since I started college, since Drake made sure everyone on the team knew I was off-limits. But it’s also been five months since Clay talked to me for longer than three minutes. It’s like he’s been avoiding me, and now, all of a sudden, he’s not.

“I got an F on a test.” I sip on my drink, hoping it will cool off my skin at least a bit. “It ruined my mood, but it’s not the end of the world. I can work harder and get an A, or maybe I’ll drop out of college because I’m stupid and have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You’re not stupid.”

“You don’t know me, Clay,” I retort, press the cup to my mouth, and take a sip.

A smile lifts his lips, his eyes crinkling. “You’re a straight A student. One F in pre-calculus means shit.”

I frown and turn to peer at Clay. How does he know all that? “Are you stalking me?”

Laughter bolts out of his lips as he drapes his arm over my shoulders. “Your brother talks about you.”

That’s a bit of a stretch if you ask me because even with how open Drake is with his friends, he wouldn’t randomly talk about me and my grades. But whatever. I don’t want to question him.

“You’re right. I’ll fix it. Plus, it’s just my first year. It’s not like I should already know what I want to do after graduation.”

“No one knows.” Clay chuckles, his fingers gently skimming over my skin. It feels heavenly, and I absentmindedly lean into him.

“You know,” I insist. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to play in the NHL?”

“I do, but it’s not everything.”

“And what else do you want?” I ask, boring my gaze into his. Clay doesn’t look away at first, but then his eyes fall on my lips, and my heart gallops. Is he going to kiss me?

He swallows, his Adam’s apple moving up and down. A forced smile slips on his lips, and he slightly leans away from me.

“If I won’t have a chance in the NHL, I want to be a coach. To train kids, to help them learn everything about hockey, to teach them to be the best on the ice.”

“Why kids?” I ask.

“Why not?” Clay laughs, slowly standing up, then hovers over me. “My aunt has three kids, and I used to spend time helping her with them while they were living in Michigan. So I don’t mind. I love kids actually.”

Wow. I had no idea about any of this. Though should I really be surprised? He doesn’t notice me when we’re on campus.

“I better go,” he says, walking down the stairs. “Chelsea isn’t going to wait for me forever.”

I lift my hand with my red cup in a goodbye. “Bye.”

“See you, Layla.” He walks to the living room but pauses and lingers in the doorframe. “And stop sulking. Go have fun. It’s your first year in college, for fuck’s sake.”

“Yes, sir,” I tease him innocently, but with how his jaw clenches, I’m not sure if he found it funny.

Shaking his head, Clay steps into the living room, leaving me alone on the stairs. I sit for a few more minutes but then decide to go replace Grace. It’s not that late for me to let loose a little.

The memory fades away, and a hesitant smile spreads over my lips. Clay’s always been good with kids. Always liked spending time with them. Maya probably feels it too. There’s nothing more to that.

“Where’s Maya?” Ava asks me when I step into the kitchen. She’s holding Meghan in her arms as Angie stands beside her with a plate of appetizers.

“She wanted to go outside.”

“With Drake?” Angie strolls toward me to leave the room, but my answer makes her pause.

“She’s with Clay.”

“What?” both girls say in unison.

I snort, shaking my head. Their reaction is priceless but still not even close to how speechless I was. “She wanted to go outside, to be with Clay.”

“They are actually so cute,” Nevaeh gushes as she joins us in the kitchen. “When I was about to leave, she started talking to him about someone named Bon-Bon, and he was really into the conversation. Like, genuinely interested. Asking questions, making her tell him more. The man is dad material.” She notices the look on my face and smiles awkwardly. “Um, sorry, it’s not my place to say anything.”

“You’re not wrong,” Ava says slowly. “Colt calls Clay the baby whisperer because kids always like him. Michael adores him, just like Xander and Bella’s daughter, Isla. The last time Clay visited, he took them both to the beach and spent the whole day looking after them, making sure they had fun.” Her gaze meets mine. “He’s amazing.”

I stare at Ava, then pick up a stack of plates and turn around. “I know,” I say, more to myself than to her, and walk out of the room.

Today is full of surprises, and it’s not over yet.