Princess at Heart (The Rosewood Chronicles)
Princess at Heart: Part 3 – Chapter 30

Someone had lit candles in Lottie’s quarters. They flickered in their silver holders, casting the illusion of shivering leaves over her otherwise empty room. In the many hours since she’d found Jamie’s wolf, this was the first time Lottie had been truly alone, and she knew if she didn’t do something to distract herself soon, it would all catch up with her.

Lottie held on to the one thing of Jamie’s she had – the gift he’d given her when she’d first taken on her role as Portman. The diary of an old Maravish Portman named Oscar Oddwood, who’d written down a personal account of as much history and gossip as he could uncover.

She’d read it hundreds of times, entranced by the exciting world of royalty; every detail in the book had been sucked dry. It was limp in her hands. It wasn’t so fun reading about royal intrigue when you were part of it.

I have to make myself useful. I’ve got to help fix this. Kind, brave and unstoppable!

She couldn’t stop now; she had to keep going.

Lottie wrapped herself up in her dressing gown. Too tired to go for a run like she usually would, she instead located an object that she hoped would help. Lottie found the clue from Haru’s notebook she’d written down. Tracing the numbers gently, she moved down to the Japanese characters. They had been easy enough to translate, yet the words provided no clarity. ‘Sū jū-nen’ it said – or simply ‘decades’ – but what that had to do with her dorm room number or the other three numbers, she had no idea. Thinking of everything they could be, she tapped the page, wondering if perhaps they were simply combinations he needed to remember: 221 – her room, 999 – the police. That left her with the middle two: 009 and 109. Were they safe combinations? Other room numbers? There were too many possibilities and no way to test her theories.

The numbers blended together in a meaningless blur, and the person who could usually solve a thing like this was gone.

‘Jamie’s gone.’ She said the dreaded words out loud, finally admitting it to herself. ‘He’s gone, and it’s just me and Ellie now.’

And Ellie didn’t want her.

A drop of water fell on one of the numbers, the ink spreading like fur. She looked up, confused where it had come from, but when her eyes returned to the page there was another. It wasn’t until a feral sound escaped from her throat that she realized she was crying.

Her face erupted into a mess of snot and tears while she floundered for tissues to clean herself up, only to replace the box was empty. With wobbling legs, she pulled herself out of the plush room in a daze of messy grief, searching for something to fix herself. The hurt from Ellie’s rejection and Jamie not being there overwhelmed her. She needed him and he wasn’t there. He might never be there again.

Stumbling out into the hallway, she began wandering through the palace, clutching at her stomach.

‘Miss Pumpkin?’

She paused, not wanting whoever it was to see her so broken up, her pink skin bright and irritated. She wiped desperately at her nose with the sleeve of her dressing gown before turning round.

‘Hanna, Midori.’ Her voice was shaky and raw. ‘What are you doing up so late?’

They stood together like two magpies in their black-and-white uniforms. They looked at each other, concern etched on their faces.

‘We’re waiting for Eleanor to finish talking with the rest of the family.’

‘They’re still in there?’

Midori nodded, but it turned into a sigh, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her apron, and without another word she marched over and wrapped her arms tight round Lottie. Her uniform smelled like freshly cut lemons and honey, soothing and clean.

‘We’re so sorry about everything.’ Lottie could hear the cracks in her composure.

Squeezing back, she felt another body against hers – Hanna’s, her big arms warm and pink. She melted, letting herself cry again, softer this time, each fresh sob dampened by gentle fingers stroking her hair.

After a while, Hanna pulled away, keeping one hand against Lottie’s cheek. ‘Let’s go and get you something to eat and drink, hmm? I’m sure you haven’t managed to have dinner with all this.’

Lottie nodded, following the two of them to the kitchen.

Taking a seat on one of the stools, Lottie silently accepted a tissue from Hanna. She listened to the low hum from a fridge, the ticking of the flame coming to life on the stove and soft singing from Midori while she went about stirring a bowl of batter.

‘You guys don’t have to –’ Lottie wanted to tell them not to fuss over her, but her stomach rumbled, giving her away.

‘Don’t worry.’ Midori attempted a smile. ‘We’re going to have some too.’

The room slowly filled with the thick, comforting smell of chocolate, and soon after Lottie was presented with hot chocolate and a chocorrito, a Frankenstein’s monster of a dessert that Ellie had invented. Feeling like a child, Lottie grabbed a chunk of whipped cream and marshmallow, licking it off her finger, and letting the mushy sweetness wash away all the lingering salt round her lips.

‘Thank you.’ Lottie’s voice came out as barely a whisper, her throat still sore from crying so much.

‘We’re sad about Jamie too,’ Hanna said, taking the seat on Lottie’s left with her own chocorrito piled high with ice cream and caramel sauce. ‘Thought we needed something sweet.’ Despite her attempt at a cheery expression, Hanna’s nose wrinkled, the freckles scrunching together, and she sniffed hard as she took a bite, trying to ward off tears.

‘He’s like a little brother to us,’ Midori confessed, pulling her hair up into a ponytail before delicately sipping on her hot chocolate. ‘We always thought it was cute how serious he was as a child, but the older he got, the harder it was to see him like that.’

‘So you knew? About who Jamie really was?’ Lottie’s fingers paused where they held the mug mere inches from her lips.

Eyes cast down, Hanna and Midori said nothing, their silence speaking louder than any words, and Lottie couldn’t blame them; she hadn’t told him either.

‘We think Willemena was a bit afraid of Jamie,’ Midori admitted, stirring the spoon in her mug until the cream had melted. ‘He was always so smart and strong. It made her uneasy knowing what his father had done.’

Hanna began absent-mindedly fiddling with a curl of her orange hair. ‘And after he was born, the gardens grew wild,’ she said. ‘The queen mother stopped bringing people in to tend them.’

‘Why?’

‘They are very superstitious.’ The way Midori said it made it clear they were not the only ones who were superstitious. ‘I suppose she feared invoking Hirana’s spirit, that Jamie would seek retribution one day.’ Pausing to lick a clump of chocolate sauce off her spoon, Midori’s eyes clouded over. ‘Now it seems that future she was so scared of may be coming true.’

Lottie imagined what it must be like for all of them in the palace to live with this awful secret, and she felt the burden heavy on her shoulders, that same feeling of guilt. ‘I can’t believe he’s really gone,’ she said at last.

The two maids shuffled and Midori looked up at the door.

‘Lottie, we want you to have something,’ Hanna announced, her voice pitching, as if she wasn’t quite sure if what she was about to do would be allowed. She stuck her hand in her apron pocket and pulled out a small silver drawstring bag, its velvet skin glistening like mercury.

As fast as a kingfisher, she opened it and poured the contents into her hand, placing something in Lottie’s palm with her eyes shifting constantly back to the door, as if this was all very secret and important. ‘This is the ring Hirana left for Jamie,’ she said, voice barely a whisper. ‘They were going to give it to him next year when they told him the truth but after we found out he’d left we, umm … well, we took it. To look after it – for Jamie.’

‘You what?’ Lottie couldn’t help baulking; even in her grief she had enough sense to be shocked.

‘You do not understand – the queen mother was going to lock it away,’ Hanna quickly explained. ‘She thought it would become cursed because she failed to give it to Jamie.’

Lottie stared at the thick band of gold in her hand, tilting it from side to side where the buff metal revealed its stardust pelt. The whole Milky Way rested there, etched on its skin in painstaking detail; it wasn’t the harsh, judgemental gold you found in the palace – it was candid and crisp like autumn leaves, warm and smooth. Angling it against the light, words exposed themselves, glowing from the inside, letters she couldn’t make out.

‘Why are you giving this to me?’ she asked, matching Hanna’s whisper.

‘Because –’ Midori sounded almost pleading as she closed Lottie’s fingers round the band – ‘out of all of us, we think you are the only one who can bring him back.’

They both stared at her – two sets of eyes, one blue and one brown, and both glossy like crystal balls, seeing a future that they believed Lottie could bring them. She could feel it as clear and consistent as the beating of her own heart, that despite replaceing her crying and scared and alone, they believed in her. She only wished she could believe in herself.

‘I’ll try my best.’ The words woke something up in her she was afraid she’d lost. ‘I’ll do whatever I can to give him this ring and bring him home.’

Usually Lottie was so sure of herself, but now her voice wavered, pricked with fear, because she’d always had Ellie and Jamie with her.

She needed to get Ellie on board. She was her Portman, and they were stronger together. No matter what had happened between them, this was more important; they’d tackle it together, like they always did.

A sound from the hallway broke the moment, and Lottie quickly put the ring away while they all went back to their desserts.

Ellie’s face appeared round the door, bruises from exhaustion under her eyes and lips chapped from the dry flight over. She seemed unusually uncomfortable under Hanna and Midori’s gaze but shook it off. ‘Hey, how are you –’

‘What’s the conclusion?’ Lottie asked, still not sure she could handle talking to Ellie about how she felt; they had more important things to think about. ‘How are we going to get Jamie back?’

Ellie pursed her lips, guilt turning her skin even paler than usual. ‘We’re staying in the palace for the rest of the Christmas holidays, then we’re going back to school to finish our exams.’

Lottie’s mouth fell open, dropping her fork on to her plate with a loud clang. ‘You can’t be serious? We need to act now; we don’t have time to –’

Ellie held her hand up, gesturing for Lottie to follow her out of the room and away from the maids.

Once they were out of earshot, she turned back to Lottie, her expression blank and unreadable, like a mask of her own face. ‘Samuel will be escorting us,’ she continued, as if this was all completely normal. ‘I know it seems unexpected, but the choice has been made that –’

‘This isn’t right,’ Lottie snapped. Ellie was supposed to be on her team. They were supposed to save Jamie together. ‘This isn’t right and you know it. We need to be looking for Jamie. We can’t abandon him!’ She felt the ring in her pocket, her last remaining hope.

Ellie had her back to Lottie now, hiding her face.

‘Ellie, listen to me,’ Lottie said. ‘We need to get Jamie back before –’ Her words caught in her throat like a bone, as something she hadn’t considered crawled up through her tangle of thoughts. Jamie would tell them that Ellie was the real princess, and if he did, where would that leave Lottie?

‘Claude can’t replace out about you. This is urgent, and we need to act now before –’

Ellie turned on her, her robe whipping around her like a tornado. ‘Don’t you get it, Lottie? It’s over.’ Shaking her head, she rested both hands on Lottie’s shoulders, pleading with her not to push the topic. ‘It’s already too late.’

What was over? What did she mean?

Ellie took a deep shaking breath, calming herself. ‘My parents and I have made a decision that we think is for the best.’ She paused now, squeezing Lottie’s shoulders until it almost hurt. ‘We’ve decided to handle Jamie and Leviathan ourselves. You are forbidden from going after him or Claude.’

Lottie pulled herself out of Ellie’s hands. ‘Why?’ she whispered, but when she looked at her princess there was nothing cold or certain about her order; there was heat behind her eyes, tears ready to spill over, and the question soon got lost.

‘Please, Lottie.’ Ellie gulped, every inch of her working not to break down in front of her. ‘Let’s just go back to school and finish our exams before it all comes crumbling down around us, OK?’

Lottie was sure there was something more that Ellie wasn’t saying, but the look she gave her was so painful, all her bravado chipped down to the scared girl that lay beneath, that Lottie was unable to push it.

How could she not go after Jamie? How could Ellie expect her to drop all her research on Leviathan’s plan? It wasn’t possible, yet the idea of fighting Ellie on this now was equally as impossible.

‘OK,’ Lottie said, swallowing down the hurt she felt, knowing that if she wanted to help Jamie she was on her own. ‘If you think this is for the best, I’ll do whatever you order.’ She didn’t bother putting on a smile; there was no way of hiding how she felt.

Lottie couldn’t leave Jamie, and if the Wolfsons were forbidding her from going after him, she’d have to replace a way round them.

‘I think we should go to bed,’ she announced, feeling the ring in her pocket and clinging on to the very last shreds of hope that they could one day go back to normal, that they could all be friends again, laughing and joking their way through homework and parties like regular teenagers.

Strange how a dream so simple could suddenly feel so far out of reach.

Ellie and Lottie began walking in time with each other, uncomfortable silence following them down the echoing hallways.

Lottie dropped Ellie at her room, who looked as if she were going to say something, but it only came out as a sigh. ‘I promise you everything is going to be OK,’ she said instead. ‘I’m going to make it OK again.’

‘I know,’ Lottie replied, her hand going to the wolf round her neck, which felt delicate and rare now that hers and Ellie’s were the only two left. She felt the same way. She was going to make it OK, whether any of them liked it or not.

Heading back to her quarters, the opulence of the palace felt stale; dampened silver and waning crystal decorated the dressers under the windows where vines and branches tapped at the glass. Lottie had never noticed the way the garden grew up around the walls before, its spindly green fingers creeping just out of sight. It was no wonder Willemena had been so afraid.

‘I’m going to bring you back,’ she said, gripping the ring tight. ‘We’ll be together again.’