Reckless Regrets
Chapter 11

Morgan

This dinner had taken a sharp turn into terrible, and I wanted to go home and ball up in a dark corner. I’d been trying so hard to avoid the whole Canyon Woods issue, but it was apparent that that was no longer a possibility. We were getting closer and closer to the test results coming back, and it seemed that it weighed heavily on Kade.

And now this. Kade didn’t say the words, but he was essentially asking me to go from his fiancé to mistress. From his future wife to the woman, he only saw under cover of night, never in public and never outside the walls of my home.

I didn’t want to live like that. And as much as I loved Kade, it was unfair of him to ask me to. He knew that I would do absolutely anything for him, even live my life in misery and isolation, but it was selfish of him to want that for me. Or for us. And now I sat here in this phenomenal restaurant with a plate of the best food I’d ever eaten in my life growing colder by the second.

“Please say something, Sugar. Anything. Just tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking you’re f*****g selfish, Kade. Before we met, I’d been with other guys, sure, but I could count them on one hand. One! And I never put myself in a situation that could one day come back to bite me in the a*s. But you did. And then you made me fall in love with you.

You made it so that I couldn’t breathe without having you near me, and now what? How can you expect me to be okay with this? You mean the world to me, but damn it, what I want and need matters too! I don’t want to have a child with someone else’s husband. I don’t want my child to be shunned or picked on simply because of who I am. They would be innocent and wouldn’t deserve that.

But it’s what you’re asking me to do. Every night when our son or daughter comes home crying because of what the other kids called them or me, when they ask me why their daddy is never there, I’ll be there by myself to wipe their tears and soothe their pain! Alone!”

I was hysterical at this point. I could maybe handle the hate on my own, but the thought of putting a sweet innocent child through it was too much to handle. Thank God Kade booked the private room for us, or I’d be causing a huge scene.

“I’m so sorry, Sugar, truly I am. I should never have asked you to do this. Please stop crying,” he begged.

But I couldn’t; the damn had broken, and all the feelings I’d been trying to hold back came rushing out. Kade pulled me into his lap and rocked me like a baby while I poured out everything I had. Physical pain was one thing, but the emotional pain was something totally different. It was soul-crushing.

I can’t tell you how long this went on for, but when I was exhausted and had no more tears left to give, I laid my head against his chest and listened to the sound of his heartbeat.

“You’re right, baby. I did this, and I’m the one who has to take responsibility for it. I won’t put you or our child through that type of pain and suffering because I was reckless and irresponsible. Even though it will kill me, I’ll let you go and let you live your life. Maybe you’ll replace someone else; they won’t love you nearly as much as I do, but they can try.”

Someone else? They’ll never be anyone else. But now wasn’t the time to bring that up.

I brought my left hand up and rested it on the lapel of his suit and watched as my ring sparkled in the light. It was the most gorgeous ring I’d ever seen. If he left and had to marry Marisol, would it end up on her finger instead of mine? It was his mother’s ring, after all. His father had given it to him after she’d died and told him to save it for his future wife. What if it was always meant to be Marisol’s?

“Do you want to go home now? I’m sorry I ruined your night with my stupidity, and I’ll take you home if that’s what you need.”

“You’re not stupid, Kade, don’t ever call yourself that again. You’re just desperate, we both are at this point.”

“I broke your heart, that’s what was stupid. I’ll never do it again if I can help it. And I’ll never be desperate enough to put my desires before your own.”

After a few more silent minutes, I moved back to my seat and tried to finish my meal.

“We can order another one, Sugar. You don’t have to eat that; I know it’s cold by now.”

“I’ve never been the type to waste food unnecessarily. Besides, this stuff could be fresh out the refrigerator and still be delicious,” I said as I bit into some asparagus.

“Whatever you want, babe.”

“You know what I’d love right now?” I asked.

“Nope, but whatever it is, I’ll do it for you.”

“I want you to tell me about your mom. You never talk about her, and I’d love to know more about the woman who helped raise you. What was she like? Do you look like her?”

He sighed and took a drink of his wine.

“She died Sugar when I was sixteen. My dad took it hard, and my sisters never got to know her because they were too young when it happened. What else is there to talk about?”

“I know that she died, but before that, she lived. That’s what I want to talk about.”

He sat silently for a few seconds before he finally spoke. “My mother was awesome. I remember as a child, I would sit in her lap and listen to her sing while she played the piano; her voice was beyond beautiful and could brighten anyone’s day. She loved music and excelled at it. It didn’t matter what instrument it was; if she didn’t know how to play it, she could sit down and learn in no time. I loved to watch her.

I wouldn’t say I look much like her, though. Xander and Matt are almost exact replicas of their moms, but I’m a copy of my dad. Mom had big brown eyes and long curly brown hair that always smelled like honey; my dad couldn’t keep his hands out of it. He had to touch her whenever they were in the same room; he was drawn to her. We all were. She was smart and funny and badass. She could fight as well as any of the pack warriors, and everyone knew it.

And she loved being a mom. When my parents found out that they were pregnant with Lily and Rose, they were so excited. I don’t think I’d ever seen her so excited. She spent weeks getting their nursery together, making sure it was perfect, and when they were born, I could tell that she was finally complete. She had her little girls and could play dress up and have the princess parties I refused to participate in.

She was an amazing woman, and before you, she was the only woman I’d ever loved. And she would have adored you.”

“We’re you ‘wild’ before she died?” I asked.

He chuckled and shook his head.

“Nah, not so much. I had already slept with a few girls by that time, but I think losing her and not having her there to show me how I was supposed to treat a woman just made it worse. Her death was also what led me to my first tattoo. The picture of her over my heart, I wanted her with me always. Then I just got more and more. Anything that meant something to me got a spot; that way, I would never lose it. I’ve even got Xander and Matt weaved into the tapestry.”

“You do not! I know all of your tattoos and would have noticed two other men inked on your body,” I replied.

He pulled off his jacket and unbuttoned the top of his shirt, pulling it aside to reveal the left side of his chest. There was a large blue moon with three wolves howling up at it. It was always one of my favorite tattoos he had, but I never knew that it held a deeper meaning for him.

“When I became Beta, that pack became more important to me than anything. And Xander and Matt officially became my brothers. I would have and still would die for them both; we’re the three amigos. Because of that, they are forever here with me. Just like my mom and you.”

***

Kade

It was hard to talk about my mother. s**t, if I’m honest, the entire dinner was hard and not at all what I’d planned, but thankfully eventually, we got it back on track and were able to have a good time. We talked for a few hours and drank way too much wine before I decided to call it a night and head back home.

Morgan snuggled up next to me in the car and drifted off to sleep on the drive. I knew that she was exhausted; there was no way a person could cry the way she did and not be drained afterward.

As I carried her up to the room, I wondered if I could just run away with her. We could go somewhere no one would replace us, she could mark me, and we could finally get married and have our family. It wasn’t ideal, but at this point, I was grasping at straws.

For all the times I’d classified myself as a ladies man, there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that I could deal with being tied to Marisol. If it meant that I had to leave behind everything I’d ever loved, as long as I still had Morgan, I could accept it.

But that was the cowards way out. It was running away and hiding like a scared little boy. I was a man, and I was proud of that. But was my pride more important than my happiness? More important than Morgan’s happiness?

I needed to talk to Xander and the guys again. I needed to hear what they thought and figure this s**t out. I refused to give up without exhausting every single option, not on something as important as this.

After I tucked Morgan in the bed, I quietly crept out of the room and sent a link to Xander, Alexi, and Matt and a text to Tyson. I needed all hands on deck. It took about fifteen minutes of waiting, but eventually, all four of them arrived downstairs in the kitchen as I’d asked. It was after midnight, and we had training at 5:00 AM, so it was apparent they were not happy about me waking them up.

“Kade, this better be good; damn good,” Xander sat down and said.

“I wouldn’t say it was good. That’s why I need your help. Xander, what do you think about instead of excommunicating me, you banish me instead? Classify me as a rogue and clear the pack of any responsibility for me. The pack would be safe from retribution, and I could have Morgan. What do you think?”

“I think that the dumbest s**t I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth and not at all worth you dragging us all out of bed,” he angrily replied.

“Just think about it, Xan. It solves all our problems; I don’t have to marry Marisol, and I get to have my life with Morgan. How is it dumb?”

“It doesn’t solve anything, Kade. If anything, it makes it ten times worse. Even if Xander banishes you, it will forever tarnish Blue Moon’s name. We’ll be known as the pack that had a Beta who ran away from his responsibilities and broke the law. And have you thought about how Morgan would feel? Taylor and Alaia are her best friends, and she’d never be able to see them again. Never see the kids grow up. And none of us would see your children. Tyson would never see his cousin again. Think about this, man,” Matt chimed in.

“Well, I’m all out of ideas, I don’t know what else to do,” I admitted.

Then Tyson spoke eight words that shamefully lifted my spirits and gave me hope.

“How about I just kill her for you?”