Rejected Mate and Following Fate - Awakening Book
Chapter 54: Jerk

“I should have found her a long time ago, before any of this. I should have looked harder, but I wasyoung, and stupid, and I believed in my father when he said it was for the best.”Oh, for the love of god! I give up, eyeroll upwards at the fates and mentally ask them is this isdeliberate. I mean, when you decide to avoid a topic and they just keep pushing it between us likesome sort of annoying sign, it starts to grate a tiny bit.That heartbreak and rawness in the croaking tone tells me finally though, how much the betrayal ofhis father is screwing him up, and I focus all my energy on that and not the universe trying to makeme smother him with his own hoody. I instinctively wrap my arm around his, hoping contact willkeep me from heinous beatings, and lean my head on his shoulder in a bid to blank them out. Ireally want to ease his pain, as it ebbs through me and waves inside of my own heart and stomach.He's still trying to shield me but this close, he's failing to do it fully, and I can feel it inside of me.It's heavy, and deep, and consuming, and I forget everything about being upset with him or angry. Islide my flattened palm along his arm instinctively, cover the back of the hand he has laid on hismom's and entwine my fingers in his, so we hold hands on top of hers. Colton turns his head withmy contact and rests his chin and mouth on top of my hair, pushing in against me so we're halfcuddling but not really, just touching, leaning together, and for once I don't push him away or feelthe need to jump out of proximity. We both exhale at the same time, a heavy releasing of tension,and hurt, and energy, as we sag together, and everything pauses for a second. That calm silence histouch always brings meI can feel him feeding from me, soothing him slightly with my touch like an imprinted mate is meanttoo, and I close my eyes and enjoy the stolen moment I'm allowing myself. I can push everythingelse aside and pretend that it's okay to be what he needs when it's about her. When the topic isn'tus, and markings, and anything other than being a support for someone who really needs it.“I don't know how to lead, Lorey. These people, this pack. I'm just a kid. I'm not ready.” Thedevastation and self-doubt rips through me as it waves over me from him, and I look up from mynestled position, shifting to see his face without breaking away. Hating that he feels so out of whackand the normal confident rock I've come to depend on is wavering.“You're a born leader. Maybe it seems hard right now, and things aren't clear, but Colton, you arethe best for your people. Look around. They're here with you. You did this. Safe, protected, youstood up and made a stand for them against someone you love. You put them first, always. Thegood of the pack, it's always your primary focus, even when other things get in the way. How canyou doubt that? It's what makes you the strongest kind of leader!” I praise him with honesty,heartfelt, and hushed, as I whisper the words he needs to remember. How he can doubt himself thisway is beyond me, when everything I know about him makes it obvious, he was always going to bethe best kind of alpha. He is!“Maybe I just want to be a kid who's selfish. Who took the girl he wanted and walked away, andscrew all this. I should have left with you. Belonged with you, wherever you went.” He soundsdefeated and I know this isn't him. This is a tired and uncertain guy who has had a lot thrown athim. In one day, his ex-mate resurfaces, dragging his long-lost mom along, and he replaces out hisfather kept her prisoner, after murdering his own people and destroyed the life he thought he knew.It hurts to hear him say it, feel it. The regret of what happened with us, even while I'm trying toignore it. The tears bite at my eyes, and a lump forms in my throat, that almost chokes me, inflictinga unique kind of body and brain ache that's hard to shake off.“Maybe you should have, but you would never have forgiven yourself. You made the choices youmade for the good of the pack, even if it hurt us. If you left them, he would never have relinquishedcontrol, and they would be suffering still. The fates had a plan, and maybe leaving with me wouldhave changed my path and never led me to her. And what about her? You've waited for her for tenyears; she needs you too. They all do. I finally see how all of this is so much bigger than us, Colton.Why it had to be that we couldn't be together. It was by design, and we did what we were meant to,even you when you rejected me.” I nod at Sierra, my own voice strained with my own undercurrentsof agonizing emotions, knowing that all of this is his pain talking and the desire to run away fromeverything hurting him. A normal flight or fight response, and I felt the same when I learned aboutall of it, in fact I still feel this way. To run and bury my head and wish it'd been different. It's fear, it'soverwhelm, but it's pointless and running isn't going to fix any of this anymore. Juan has to pay; thebalance has to be restored, and Sierra needs her son. Colton needs to lead.Colton sighs, slides his arms under me fully and picks me up, surprising me with the suddenmaneuver, and drags me to his lap where he wraps himself around me. He buries his head under mychin, against my chest so I have no other option than to hold him too, taking from me what heneeds, even if he should have asked first. I relent and wrap him up in a hug, being the strength he'slacking, while doubt and heartbreak consumes him. It's both awful, and yet the best thing, to allowmyself to be this way for a while even if it confuses my heart all the more.“The people, the war, the future... it's all interwoven. Us, your mom, your dad... we can’t run awayfrom any of this. Even if we wanted to. We're part of it, even in our mistakes, even in our heartbreak.The fates, they know what they're doing and for whatever reason they did this to us, it'll make sensein time.” 1 run my fingers through his thick short hair, stroking it back and lulling him against meCaring for him, giving him what I can as it starts to stir up all kinds of longings, and warm sensationsin the pit of my stomach being this connected to him.“I denied the fates, Lorey. Maybe I was meant to replace her with you, by your side. Maybe I screwedeverything up by rejecting you.” He squeezes me harder, pulling me closer so I end up almostentangled in his body fully, and it starts to feel inappropriate and way too intimate as I naturally fitup against him in the hollow of his lap. Especially with my ass nestling in his groin, and I'm fullyaware he's carrying a pretty healthy package, because it's now worked somehow into a positionwhere it's wedged in between my ass cheeks and distracts from the heavy feelings of this scenario.Distraction at its finest, a pretty sizeable one at that, and I try and focus back on what I'm meant to,but it's not an easy task.My eyes scan the room for signs of Carmen crashing in here, because of my own guilty libido as mynether regions tingle. I'm heating up with being this close, skin starting to sizzle, and stomachflipping over at something so nothing and stupid. I don’t seem to have much control over it now,when all I can focus on is the fact, I can feel it through his pants, and mine, and it's impressive. Itbeing... you know.... his ummm.It's not like I haven't seen it, when he's turned from wolf to human again, just somehow when he'sstanding up and there's a lot of abs, pecks and muscles all levelling out the eye candy, you don'treally size up what you don’t want to get caught looking at. I looked that one time, accidently, and itwas memorable.I wriggle in a bid to get his “situation’ from under me, not that it's reacting much, it's that I'mpainfully aware of it through thin sweats, and once your head goes somewhere like that, it's hard toget it back out of the gutter. I've been having lucid pornographic dreams about him these pastweeks while out there alone, but the reality feels a lot more.... Substantial and within grasp.Swallowing hard, trying to rake my mind, and hearing back to him and failing badly.I start blushing crazily, aware I'm being a freak. Heat spreading up from my boobs, neck, andcheeks, that makes me sweat instantly, and overheat, so that I must be turning rosy visibly.Becoming that awkward, sex starved, teen virgin, you read about in young adult romance books.Scared to now put my hand anywhere, and flinch anytime I feel an ounce of movement under me,while trying to avoid looking down, or directly at him, and subtly attempting an escape fromimpalement without drawing attention to it.“I don't think they ever intended you to be with me. This is where you're needed. They wouldn't giveyou a role if they didn't think you could do it.” My words are rushed, babbling mainly, cheeksflushing, a little breathless. Focusing on sliding sideways like some sad little untouched having afreak out, because he has a penis, and it's like I just realized, because I'm sitting on it. Distractedfrom the levity of what we're talking about because Colton is making me .... hot. That's the word!Really, really hot. Squirmy. My whole body pulsating with need now that it's caught on to what'shappening. I think I'm experiencing my first full on hormonal breakdown, full haze mode initiated,and craving things I shouldn't.My wiggling does seem to change the atmosphere a little, and the way he frowns at me as he sitsup and glances down at my weird moving in his lap, says it all. I react by looking much like a rabbitcaught in the headlights, widening my eyes in embarrassment, and try to smile, albeit weirdly athim, to distract him from the fact I'm trying to dislodge my butt from his manhood. I feel like anidiot and slide straight back into his groin with a minor bump that does extract a twinge ofmovement that makes me gasp lightly. I ignite a semi now he’s aware of where my thoughts are andmy grinding on it unintentionally.Oh my god. I didn't mean to and now, it's like that elephant in the room... literally, and I spazz outmentally. Freak out in full. Completely flustered, face so flushed I know I'm probably crimson fromchin to roots and my movements are clumsy. It feels bigger like this and it intimidates me morethan a lot, now I can feel it half hard, and probing my ass way more.I get a hint of dimple as a slight knowing smile moves in, a raised brow, and his whole aura changesfrom down and depressed to “well, hello, are you doing what I think you're doing?". That cheekytwinkle in his eye and it's obvious my hormones are giving his hormones the come on. I literally seethe slide of Latino Lothario as Colton’s whole aura changes to wolf mode, and his eyes begin toglow. His prey caught in his sights and I become hyper aware that every cell of my body heightensto crazy levels. His wolf rattles mine, and I can't stop the way she piques; knowing my eyes start toglow in response to his primal signals as she uncurls deliciously. I'm suddenly super aware of everypart of his anatomy, and tingling with apprehension, as our bodies start to tune in on one anotherin the first stages of going into heat. This is new for me and the timing couldn't be any worse.He slides his hand under my hair to catch me in his hold, locking his eyes on mine as his pupilsdilate, and things get real heavy real fast, so that my lungs literally stop functioning. He lifts my chinand brings his face to mine so our noses graze, the contact ignites a fire inside of me, and I groansoftly, so quiet no one in the room hears it but him and I forget that there's other people here.Colton is all in horn mode, his erection growing under me, only making this worse, and I think heeven forgets we're sat beside his mom. I almost self-combust as though he zaps me with a taserwhen he grips me a little harder and move sin with intention.“I don't believe never was in the plan. You're here now. They brought you back to me.” It's so softit's barely audible, his voice tickles my mouth as he runs the tip of his tongue across his bottom lipand sucks it in, sexy as hell. I pant in response as one of his hands slides under my ass and cups acheek with a small squeeze. My underwear gets clammy, my heart rate almost explodes, and I pressmy thighs together to combat the aching sensations down there while I bite on my own lip, such isthe desire to do that to him. My head gets insanely foggy, and all I can do is lean in, crave with ahunger like I “m starving to have that tongue in my mouth. The memory of his kiss fueling me onwith abandon. My nails rake across his chest as I begin to slide my hands up in readiness to curlaround his neck. Instincts taking over as my wolf dominates with her unyielding need.He tilts down softly, and I know what's coming, the slow move in, the way he lifts me to him by theass as he grazes his nose against mine, and as much as I start to get drawn in, aching for him to doit, something tugs me mentally, clawing slowly at the back of my mind. I'm almost drooling as Irelent and start to close my eyes, my heart pounding through my chest, and I want those hands ofhis to slide up my shirt and feel me out. Yet, I can't.Sense claws at me as he gets so insanely close his lip softly slides against mine, igniting a desire andpassion unmatched, and it takes every ounce of will power and strength in me to close my mouth,breathing so heavily I might pass out, and inhale like I need oxygen badly, through my nose. It'sincredibly painful and takes everything I have in me to lean back and break the headiness of beingcaught up in his scent, his touch, his power over me, which inevitably leads to more. Our mixedemotions of strong desire and need for sex is pulsating between us, and I honestly don't knowwhere I replace the strength to break it.I lift my hand and stop him midway, with a hand over his soft lips, and close my eyes tight while I tryto regain some control and attempts to rationalize. Breathing in and out and slowly, counting to tenwhile praying my body calms down and saves me from my own weakness. Colton halts, sensing mychange, and has the decency to sit still and not push me. I swear, if he did, I would lose andprobably traumatize the doc with a vulgar display of porn in the infirmary. I honestly, for a second,thank the stars Colton doesn't force my hand, even though his own need is almost overpoweringme.We clearly have the attraction, and every day the haze gets closer my own body will start to betrayme, just like this. I turned this year, so this will be my first heat, and god, it's going to kill me if this isanything to go by. Maybe this is that, creeping in, or maybe it's just the downside to imprinting, sothat when we get too intimate the need to screw gets right in there, but whatever it is, it's areminder to stay away from him like this from now on. Close contact is a no. We can't fight it.“Don't. Some things I can't forgive. You're just making this messy.” I shove him back forcefully, myvoice shaking, not able to breathe properly, a whispering tone as I slide off his lap, getting on myown two feet on Jell-O legs and a lot of lightheadedness. I avoid his eyes, but Colton isn't about togive up.He catches me by the waist and pulls me to him bodily, so I collide into his now standing frame, andalmost crumble. Maybe it's a last-ditch attempt to play on what's already ignited between us andthrowing caution to the wind, but I'm getting stronger by the second now I haven't got him allaround me, hemming me in."Are you really going to stay mad at me for an eternity and deny this between us? Come on, baby. Iget that you're angry, but really? Never? When it feels like this? When we both want it this much.”He leans in, aiming to carry on his smooth seduction, nuzzling into me as though this is merely mybeing a stubborn girl, and this is all a game. Pulling me up against him and wrapping me in tight ashe tries for a second go at aiming a kiss, but it riles my temper, and I snap. From lust crazed topissed in zero point five seconds."Colton, stop it, let me go.” I start fighting him, but he has octopus arms and manages to get metangled up with him no matter which way I tray and escape.“No can do. It's not in me to let you go again. You've got me crazy right now.” He makes a joke of it,pinning my arms around me and swiftly leans in to peck me on the lips and gets himself a knee tothe groin. I'm not playing, and I know I started this, but I'm stopping it now, and he needs to acceptit and fuck off.Colton is faster than me though, blocks my assault and just gives me that cheeky boy, dimpled grinthat infuriates me. Making light of the heaviness that's between us and pushing my mood off likewater on a duck’s back.“Nice try. Good to see your time without me brought out the fierce. I like a bit of rough in a girl.” Heslowly unwinds me, chuckling at my furious glare, and then leans in, cups my face, steals a quick lipto lip kiss before I slap him hard in the abdomen for doing it against my will. Crossing the line evenif a second ago I was begging for it.He makes an “oof noise, clutches it, then throws up defensive palms and laughs at me. He's notdeterred, or mad, he’s seeing that little thing between us as a ray of hope that he might get his wayif he plays his cards right and might even take advantage of getting up close again. My hackles rise,and I go into defensive mode, eyes glowing with warning that he needs to back off. Insides calmingfrom what that was and instead igniting in fury, ready to claw him half to death."Okay, I surrender, red eyes. I get it. You need more time and I need to up my apology game. Maybecalm my testosterone while I'm at it.” That smug, cute boy face, and the bro mannerisms, as headjusts his own black sweats and rolls his shoulder to relieve some of his own sexual tension."You need to go choke.” I snap at him sulkily, pushing past him in barging for the direction of thedoor, irritated by him, at him, at me. So annoyed that he took liberties when I was showingweakness and pissed me off all the more.“It's not a preference, but if it gets you hot, I'm into trying it.” He adds with a raised brow, thatcomplete inappropriate sexual innuendo getting another slap in response as I spin on him, instinctmaking me lash out to maim the asshole and he cowers away playfully, laughing harder at me andclutching his side as though hilarity is painful. Utterly entertained at my amusing him. Not fazed bymy anger one bit. Not taking this seriously at all, and not injured by my feeble aims ... this guy whowas literally seconds away from betraying his new mate bond and cheating on his Luna.JERK!He backs away with a raised set of hands, that goofy smile of adoration, looking at me in thatwicked devilish way that makes my blood boil. All happy, teenage asshat, who doesn't see anythingwrong in what just went down."Honestly, you just ... arghhh” I half growl at him, self-combusting with sheer frustration, and pentup rage. No longer willing to play this weird whatever it is, losing my cool, and being as immatureas him. I turn again, go to storm out of the infirmary, fueled with hot anger and returned hatred.Seeing the doc and medic glancing my way as I stomp my hardest towards the door, glad theydidn't actually see us getting hot and heavy back there and throw daggers back at the room I'mleaving.I walk smack bang into an incoming figure in the doorway, and almost trip over them in the process,muffling a shocked yelp as they right me to my feet with a mumbled apology, and then look pastme directly.“Alpha ... we have incoming.” It's a low tense sentence and my heart stops beating. It shuts me up,my blood runs cold and I mentally try and calculate if it's been long enough for Deacon and hispack to get here. It's only been a couple of hours, surely it can't be. My blood runs cold, cooling myjets, and dispersing my tantrum as seriousness makes me turn to look back at Colton standing inthe room by the bed.Colton mentioned attacks.... maybe it's Juan and his men, or maybe it's vampires. I feel instantly sick,my insides turning to dust, but Colton springs into action, the ever-ready warrior, the smile fadingand the carefree dropping around his feet. He seems to grow taller, look stronger, his eyes turningto a low glowing amber as his expression calms completely. A born leader pushing everything elseaside when faced with an actual threat.“It's showtime!” He sounds out confidently, those eyes burning brighter as he bristles up and getsready to go out there and take down whatever threat is coming for his people.

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