Rivers of blood and sand
Chapter 39

Sweat soaked both of us as we lay here, our breaths evening out. I found myself focusing on the steady heartbeat under my palm, having a new appreciation for it after two near-death experiences.

This was the first time I had a chance to observe his chest tattoos up close. Normally when he was shirtless around me, I was facing away or didn’t have the time to get a good look. I traced the intersecting black lines connecting the red sigils, making a cohesive piece. The decorative lines were all made up of graceful arches and swirls, without any sharp edges or angles. It spanned across his entire chest, from underneath his collarbone to the bottom of his sternum.

From what I knew about blood mages, they only needed the sigils, the connecting lines were unnecessary. Seth was one of those that didn’t have anything extra. His were down his spine—since there also weren't any rules where the tattoos had to be.

We lay in silence for several long minutes—something we had never done before, usually Ander would’ve excused himself to go to the bathroom or downstairs for a few minutes. This time though, he traced his fingers over my spine in a light teasing touch that left shivers and goosebumps in its wake. “Why didn’t you tell me you kept me alive in the Wilds?”

My focus remained on his tattoos as I spoke. “I didn’t do it so you’d owe me, or to hold it over your head. I did it because I—” I pressed my lips together, stopping myself from revealing too much. I didn’t want to scare him off with everything I felt the moment his heart stopped beating. And those emotions were nowhere near what I felt in the mirrored dimension as he slipped away from me. If I could erase those memories, I gladly would.

“You couldn’t let me die.” Ander supplied and I bit down on my lip. It was too simplistic and wasn’t the right word.

Ander tilted my chin up using two fingers, bringing my gaze to his. He searched my face for several moments and I had no idea what he saw. “Do you know why it’s so rare to mix blood while casting, much less in the body?”

That had been the last thing I’d been expecting him to ask. My mouth opened and closed, but at first, no words emerged. I figured the avoidance of mixing the blood in the body was due to the disadvantage it put you in. I’d never questioned why they never mixed blood while casting, figuring it was an intimate act. “I don’t know.”

He cupped my face with one hand, while his other continued rubbing up and down my back. “I’m assuming you don’t know much about blood mage’s mating rituals.” Even though it was a statement and not a question, I still shook my head.

I’d only been to a handful of mating rituals and all of them were between summoners. While the core essence of the rituals remained the same—a sorcerer or a sorceress binding the couple’s essences together—each race had its own touches they added to the ritual. In the instances where the couple were of different races, they combined both traditions.

Ander released my chin and grabbed my left hand, his thumb swiping over my palm in the same spot where I’d drawn blood to save his life. “We exchange blood as I did with you. In normal circumstances when the spell is cast, the blood fades until it leaves the system completely. With the mating ritual, it never fades. The blood becomes intertwined, permanently.” To emphasize his words, he threaded his fingers through mine, sealing our palms together. A jolt of electricity surged between our joined hands.

“Of course, things are different with fated mates. When one mixes blood with their fated mate—even if it’s just a drop—the blood forever remains intertwined. It’s how many blood mages have discovered their fated mates, but it’s a serious risk and one many of us aren’t willing to take.”

I sucked in a sharp breath as I fully grasped everything and the risk he took when he saved me. “So our blood…”

“Will be forever intertwined, until one or both of us dies,” he said without inflection, making it near impossible for me to know how he felt. I assumed he wasn’t pleased he now had a new weak point in his life.

“I’m so sorry. If you hadn’t saved me you wouldn’t be stuck—”

Ander cut off my words with a hard kiss that stole all of my focus. His hand slid from my back to my ass and delivered a sharp slap that had me jolting against him. My breathing was ragged from the kiss and spank when he finally pulled away.

“Never apologize for living, I don’t regret saving you. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Do you understand?” He held my chin, forcing me to meet his steady gaze. His expression was serious in a way I wasn’t familiar with.

My face felt numb as my heart leaped with a hope that I struggled to tamp down. “I don’t understand.”

Ander pushed stray curls from my face and twisted one around his finger. “One of my biggest regrets when it comes to you is how poorly I handled everything. I never should have treated you the way I did.”

“You mean treating me like a dumbass every time I spoke?” My words lacked any bite or condemnation.

Regret simmered in the depths of Ander’s eyes and I was completely stunned. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling for several moments. “When I first saw you, I was drawn to you in a way I hadn’t been to anyone else. The way you drew me in, shadowed how I ever felt about Scarlet and at that point, I barely knew you. I was terrified of the pull and what it might mean. What might happen all over again to my family if I allowed myself to care. As I said, I hadn’t handled the fear well.”

Damn. Turned out Roman did know what he was talking about after all. Go figure.

“You did a good job hiding how you felt,” I said with a faint laugh, but there wasn’t any real humor in it. “You had me thinking you hated me and were disgusted by me. I mean, you went out of your way to avoid touching me up until yesterday.”

Ander’s hand slid up from my ass to rub along my spine again as if to prove my words wrong. “I did do that, but not for the reasons you might think. I knew that as soon as I touched you, I’d never want to stop, and I was right.”

Warmth and buzzing energy filled my chest and stomach as my heart felt like it leaped. I pulled away so I was no longer lying on him. My hands rested on his chest as I stared down at him. “Ander, what are you saying?” I needed to hear him say the words, no more alluding to it, I needed full clarification.

His eyes closed for a brief moment and I took it as a chance to study the planes of his perfectly sculpted face. I couldn’t help myself and brushed my fingertips along his cheekbone, keeping my touch light.

“I love hearing you say my name,” he whispered so softly, that I wasn’t sure if he meant to say it out loud.

“You seem to hate your full name,” I noted, remembering how he stopped in his tracks when I said it.

“Everyone used to call me by my full name, everyone but Larissa. She had a difficult time pronouncing it when she was little,” Ander said, his eyes opening and meeting mine. He continued twisting my curl around his finger over and over again.

“Let me guess, she called you Ander.”

A sad smile lifted his lips. “After her death, I decided to go by Ander to honor her. My full name at that point had been tainted by Scarlet’s use of it, and it felt wrong to go by that name any longer.”

I didn’t say anything else, since there wasn’t anything for me to say. We continued staring at each other, with him playing with my hair and me tracing his face. He hadn’t tried to stop me or complained, so I took it as a sign he was okay with it.

Ander was the one to break the silence, pinning me with his intense gaze. “To answer your earlier question, I want you. I want you in every way possible. I know what I said about never wanting a mate, but that was from before I met you. Things with you are different, they have been from the start. You’re not a weakness or a distraction, you never were. I want you as my mate Starling, if you’ll have me.”