Savage Desire
Chapter 9

Jeremy entered his room after about six hours of running and went directly into the bathroom to take a shower. It was almost dawn. His huge bathroom looked like something out of a magazine. It looked simply luxurious and elegant. For one, he had a mini swimming pool in there, a shower that could hold about ten people at the same time, and a Jacuzzi that could massage his body when he needed to soothe his body. Jeremy stood under the spray with a hand against the tiled wall and his head bowed. Even after all that run, he still hurt. He'd needed that ran to revive his wolf. Hearing all those hateful words coming from his mate made his wolf want to curl up and die. So shifting and forcing the wolf to run was usually necessary for the survival of his wolf. Because without his wolf, he was nothing. Much as his wolf didn't want to live knowing how much his mate hated him, Jeremy needed him if he was going to be the alpha that his people expected. He felt drained but he had to do what was necessary. Jeremy heard the connecting door between his room and Ryan's opening and felt fear. He didn't know what Ryan was going to say to him next to cause his heart to feel as though it was going to explode inside his chest. He knew he was going to live with the pain he'd caused Ryan for the rest of his life. But for that day, Jeremy felt he'd had enough of that excruciating pain that came with Ryan's utterances. He didn't know what he would do if Ryan told him he hated him one more time that night. He knew he deserved it but there was so much he could take. Jeremy could sense the presence of Ryan in his suite. He didn't attempt to enter the bathroom though. Jeremy felt himself begin to shake. He really dreaded seeing Ryan and hearing what he had to say. He wished he never had to leave the bathroom. But he had to leave the shower at a point.

In Jeremy's suite, a much calmer Ryan's eyes were wide as he took in the opulent luxury of Jeremy's suite. He'd been too angry when he went in there earlier to notice just how beautiful, elegant and huge the suite was. Even the paintings on the walls looked expensive. Ryan could have bet his last cent that they were originals. There was a seating area which had some comfortable looking couches, uniquely designed glass center and coee tables, with a plush white Persian rug completing the setting. There was a dining area too, set up for ten people. Ryan was sure the purpose was not just for eating. Jeremy obviously held private meeting in his suite sometimes. The suite had a wide bar area which had a display of assorted drinks arranged on a whole portion of the wall...from top to bottom. Through a transparent sliding door, he could see an abnormally huge beautifully made bed. One had to climb about three steps to get to the bed itself. All the furniture in the suite was made out of beautifully polished solid mahogany. The only other colour used in the classic décor was white. The green plants that were strategically positioned in the suite, together with the mahogany brought an earthy feel to the setting, making the suite cozy and inviting. The suite was simply elegant and screamed class and wealth. Ryan heard the bathroom door open and turned to watch Jeremy enter the room.

The man looked totally yummy with a white towel sexily wrapped around his waist. Ryan swallowed hard, feeling his whole body flush with arousal. At least now he knew the reason behind that uncontrollable lust for Jeremy. He told himself silently to concentrate on why he was there and not on his mate's sexy body. Jeremy was drying his wet hair with a smaller towel. He didn't acknowledge Ryan's presence in the room though Ryan knew Jeremy had seen him. He watched as Jeremy walked into his huge walk-in closet and pulled on grey sweatpants beneath his towel. Then he pulled on a white t-shirt and went back to the bathroom, obviously to hang the towels. When he got back, he took a seat on one of the couches in the seating area, picked up a remote control and clicked on the TV. With a deep sigh, Ryan went to stand in front of Jeremy, electively blocking his view to the TV. Jeremy's eyes dropped to his hands which still held the remote. Ryan sat on the classically beautiful glass center table in front of Jeremy and took the remote control from his loose grip. Then without turning around, Ryan clicked the TV o].

"That was why you lost it, wasn't it?" Ryan asked quietly. "You realized that I was your mate. And you couldn't handle it." It wasn't a question. "Your mother told me what happens when your kind meet their mates for the first time. From what she said, it's always a joyful moment. But that was nowhere near what happened with us. Tell me Jeremy... Did you flip because you thought your mate was a hunter or...because of my sex?"

Jeremy's head snapped up at that question. He stared into Ryan's eyes but couldn't utter a word. He'd linked up with Philip immediately Ryan had started talking about being his mate and asked whether he'd told Ryan. Philip had quickly apologized, explaining that it had slipped out. Now he stared at his mate, trying to read his mood. But all he saw was curiosity. Jeremy cleared his throat.

"Both." He responded simply.

"I see." Ryan said, not really seeing anything at all. As far as he was concerned, it couldn't have been possibly due to the hunter factor. "Have you ever been with a man?" "No."

"Neither have I." Ryan said dryly. "That didn't stop you from fucking me though."

"I couldn't help my..."

"Don't give me that crap." Ryan growled. "You knew what you were doing. Knew you were f*****g a man's arse. If you hated it so much, why did you go through with..."

"Because I wanted you okay?" Jeremy bellowed. "I didn't want to. I tried to stay away. But I smelt you..." Jeremy covered his face with his hands. "I smelt you Ryan." Jeremy whispered. "Your cum smelt so damn good. It called to me. I just had to have you. I couldn't resist..." He removed his hands from his face and stared Ryan in the eye. "I wanted to fuck you nearly as badly as I wanted to kill you. The l**t was unwelcomed but it was there."

"So I wanked of and unknowingly invited you to r**e me. Great." Ryan's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Gloria said the foremost instinct of a wolf is to protect its mate. She said a mate makes your kind melt inside. Even the most fierce and powerful of werewolves become softies where their mates are concerned." Ryan gave a bitter laugh. He remembered Jeremy's mother explaining to him that the instinct to care for a mate was not necessarily love.

It was a bond. Some did fall for each other along the way but it was not common. They were animals after all. But that urge to protect one's mate from harm, was a constant. "Are you telling me you didn't feel any of those things? Not even a little? That all you could think of was hurting me? Your so-called mate?"

"I'm sorry Ryan. God, I'm so sorry." Jeremy choked. "I don't know what to..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, I'm not gay either. And even if I were, you would be the last man I would want to end up with taking into consideration how you treated me due to my sex. We both obviously don't want this. Is there a drug or a ceremony that can take away this mate thing? I want to sever..."

"No." Jeremy screamed, going on his knees before Ryan and wrapping his arms tightly around Ryan's waist. "Don't say it Ryan. Please don't say it. I'll do anything. Just don't say what you're about to say, please." Jeremy tried very had not to lose it. The last thing he wanted to do was show weakness in front of Ryan. "Please Ryan..." But the level of emotion within him had reached a peak that he had no control over.

And right there... in his suite...on his knees in front of his mate, one of the most powerful alphas of all time showed the ultimate form of submission... Jeremy Stanton completely broke down. With his face buried in his mate's lap, the alpha's body shook with gut- wrenching sobs.

"Fuck..." Ryan gasped, surprised at Jeremy's reaction. This mate shit must mean a lot to the wicked a*****e, Ryan thought completely shocked. Though he felt an answering pain and sadness within his heart and wanted like hell to console Jeremy, he just sat quietly... almost dispassionately, watching and listening to him sob.

Jeremy cried for quite some time, apologizing the whole time to Ryan for treating him so badly. He begged for his forgiveness. When Jeremy eventually quieted down, he remained on his knees but sat back on his heels....unknowingly assuming the sitting posture of a submissive. He just didn't feel like moving from where he was. He looked so defeated, vulnerable and dejected. Definitely not like the powerful arrogant alpha that Ryan had come to know. Oh he still looked sexy as f**k. No one could take that away from the man. "Wh...what would you want me to do for you?" Jeremy rasped when he felt he could talk.

Ryan's brow shot up in devilish surprise. "I thought I just told you what I wan..."

"Ryan please." Jeremy couldn't even recognize his own voice. His throat hurt and there was an unpleasant feeling of dread within him. "Anything but that."

At that point, Jeremy felt Ryan had seen him at his lowest. Even when his father and brother had been killed, he hadn't cried. He'd gone on a rampage and killed over a dozen hunters but he hadn't shed a tear. To say Jeremy was shocked that his mate had driven him to tears would be an understatement. But he didn't even feel shame for submitting in such a way to Ryan. He just wanted to keep him from severing their bond. Should Ryan sever their bond, Jeremy's wolf would die with excruciating pain. His human body would become a shell...almost zombielike. And then eventually his human body would deteriorate and die. It was a fate worse than death and Jeremy wouldn't wish such a fate on even his enemy. He would rather die than have his wolf die. Because should that happen, it would mean Jeremy had let down not only his people but Luna too because his human shell certainly couldn't be the alpha his people wanted.

Jeremy felt he had two options. It was either get Ryan to forgive him and accept his mark by mating with him properly, or commit suicide. He would gladly die than put his wolf through the agonizing death it would go through should Ryan reject them. What happened wasn't the wolf's fault and Jeremy could therefore not allow it to take the fall for it. He just couldn't have that. All it would take was for Ryan to say it out loud to him that he rejected him as his mate, to kill his wolf. If Ryan did that at that moment, Jeremy wouldn't even get the chance to kill himself to save his wolf. To say Jeremy was desperate would be an understatement. He was ready to do whatever his mate asked of him. At all cost he had to make things right with his mate to keep him from severing their bond and in elect, kill his wolf.

"Anything you want." Jeremy said hoarsely.

"I want my life back." Ryan's voice was barely above a whisper.

"I can't change you back into human." Jeremy groaned.

"Oh I know that. Your mother told me. I just want to go back to my work. Back to teaching. My leg is healed..."

"Not fully heal..."

"It's fine." Ryan cut him of. "I can manage."

"You don't have full control when it comes to your wolf. Being amongst people in such a state can be dangerous."

Ryan gave a short bitter laugh. "I don't think anyone out there is going to hurt or anger me as much as you have. But even you, I didn't harm. How much more..."

"You would have, Ryan." Jeremy said softly. "I had to command you not to shift on more than one occasion if you can recall."

"I won't shift."

"Don't be too sure."

"I want to go back to my apartment," Ryan said, drawing a groan from Jeremy.

"It's not safe, Ryan. That young boy who lured you onto my land comes from a family of hunters. We're still working on them. Till we're done, it's not safe for you out there."

"He doesn't know I'm a wolf now Jeremy." Ryan stood up. "I don't think he'll be a problem."

"I will allow you to go back to teaching." Jeremy stood too. "But please stay here with me."

Ryan gave a short laugh void of humour. "Stay here with you." He began to pace. "There's something you need to know about me. I'm...how do I put it? Very highly sexed. I need to get o often otherwise it gets pretty uncomfortable for me. The urge has become even more intense since I became a...werewolf. The last time I wanked of in that room..."

"I won't attack you ever again." Jeremy said quickly. "And I won't touch you sexually...unless you ask me to."

"Don't hold your breath." Ryan sneered.

"You have my word." Jeremy completed what he was saying as if Ryan hadn't said anything.

"Well, do pardon me but your word doesn't mean shit to me, Jere..." Ryan trailed o at Jeremy's sudden furious growl.

"I'm an Alpha. And my word is my..." Jeremy begun harshly...

"Ow, don't get your panties in a twist over this Oh Mighty Alpha." Ryan drawled mockingly with his hands up, palms open and facing upward in a sign of mock reverence. "Yes, you're an alpha. And yes, your word is all that. But hey, this is me you're talking to. The newly-turned werewolf. The one who had to endure t*****e upon t*****e from you. I think you should understand if I'm replaceing it diicult to trust you. Where I come from, you know people by their actions."

"So have I not acted in any way, throughout your stay on my land, to show you that I'm not the monster I portrayed in the beginning?" There was so much anguish in Jeremy's voice Ryan's breath hitched.

"It still doesn't erase the fact that you treated me cruelly because of my sex." Ryan whispered. "I can't get past that. Surely you understand."

"Ryan..."

"At least now I know why you snapped. And I wish you can be honest and admit it like a man...or werewolf or alpha...whatever. I just want you to admit you snapped because of my s*x and not because you thought I was a werewolf killer."

Jeremy sighed. "The hunter bit contributed. There was a full moon that night which made me restless. The pack was getting ready for our monthly run. I got so furious when I heard that hunters were lying in wait for us. Then there you were...a hunter...well that's what I thought at the time. Then I realized you were my mate too. And you were a man. I just lost it Ryan. I...f**k!" Jeremy rubbed at his forehead with rough fingers in a sign of frustration. "I'm so sorry."

Ryan didn't say anything for a few long moments, and when he did his voice was hoarse. "Surely someone must have heard my screams that night when you were..." There was so much pain in his eyes and voice. "Why didn't anyone come to my aid?"

"If anyone had tried to stop me, I would have killed that person without a thought, Ryan." Jeremy said quietly, his eyes were filled with regret and shame. "Philip tried to get me to snap out of it but there was so much he could do. He blames himself though because he sorta convinced me to release you from the dungeon. Maybe if you had remained there, I wouldn't have..."

"Smelt my irresistible cum and want to get your rocks of." Ryan concluded sarcastically.

"Sorry."

"Yeah, me too." Ryan stopped pacing and looked up at Jeremy. "Listen, enough of this. The harm has already been done. No need to cry over spilt milk. But I need to feel normal. I need to teach. That's what I love doing best. That's my life." "And you will teach." Jeremy said. "But please stay here with me. I need to keep you safe."

"I can keep myself safe.""

"I'm your mate, Ryan. Do you really want to see what I'll do if something should happen to you?"

Ryan's eyes widened as the seriousness of what Jeremy was asking hit him. He remembered what Gloria had said about that murderous Ojah power. Besides, he'd experienced its ruthless power first hand.

"Shit." He shuddered to imagine what someone like Jeremy would do if anything happened to his mate. "But I'm not officially your ma..."

"It's just a ceremony. To let everyone know you're my mate. It's a very important ceremony. But it doesn't mean you're any less my mate now."

"Why do you people bother with it then?" Ryan scoped.

"You will probably gain some abilities after I mark you. Become stronger, share some of my abilities and generally gain the respect of everyone in the pack...and beyond."

"As if I need all that." Ryan snickered but Jeremy ignored his words and went on.

"Oh and this attraction or l**t or whatever you call it will become even more intense but controlled and sweeter. Well, that's what I'm told."

"I definitely don't need that."

"Well, what I'm trying to explain is that even though that ceremony hasn't taken place, I'll still lose it should anything happen to you. And I don't think it will do anyone any good." Jeremy said quietly.

"Hmm...for starters, that ceremony is not going to happen. But I'm curious... Do we have to go through that ceremony before you get the urge to avenge me when someone hurts me?" Ryan tilted his head to the side and gave Jeremy a calculating look which Jeremy didn't miss. "Like I said, I don't need some ceremony to feel that way," Jeremy responded, wondering where Ryan was going with that line of questioning.

"So what are you waiting for?" Ryan asked with a sneer. "Need I point you to the individual who has hurt me most in my thirty-one years of existence?" Ryan asked in a low voice. Jeremy froze. "The one person who has made me

wish for death. Or is the almighty Ojah Alpha above the law?"

"Do you have any idea what I'm going through?" Jeremy whispered with so much anguish in his voice.

"Hey, I'm the one that got wronged here. Why the fuck should I care what you're going through? Why don't you do to yourself whatever you would do to anyone who harms your mate?" Ryan growled.

"Is that what you want?" Jeremy asked with a sudden calm which actually scared Ryan. "Cause in my opinion, anyone who has the nerve to do what I did to you, shouldn't live to tell that tale. I'd destroy them."

Ryan looked into Jeremy's eyes and blanched at what he saw. There was determination, finality and calmness. Somehow he just knew that Jeremy was ready to kill himself if he gave the nod. And Ryan had never been more terrified in his life than he was at that particular moment. The panic within him swelled until with a tortured groan, he stepped close to Jeremy and reached out to touch his chest.

"Don't even think what you're thinking." Ryan rasped. "I didn't mean you should of yourself." Then Ryan said in the coldest voice he could manage... "If you ever do anything to yours..."

"What do you want me to do then?" Jeremy asked exasperatedly. "You wanted me to do to myself what I would do to someone who..."

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me you asshole." Ryan growled angrily, shocking Jeremy. No one spoke to him like that. Not even his mother. "Don't even attempt to do anything stupid." Jeremy's eyes widened at the threat and blatant desperation in Ryan's voice. He didn't think Ryan even noticed how hard he was shaking. "Give me your word, Jeremy."

"I thought my word meant nothing to you." Jeremy murmured as his arms went around Ryan to draw him close. Just like any normal werewolf, his foremost instinct was to comfort his mate whenever he was distressed. And the Ryan who stood in front of him was anything but calm. He couldn't help the small smile that curved his mouth when Ryan pressed against him.

"It will do for now." Ryan said, leaning the side of his face against Jeremy's chest. "Do I have it?" He asked softly.

"You do." Jeremy's voice was barely above a whisper. Having Ryan in his arms was such an awesome feeling he wished he would never leave. "Thank you."

"That doesn't mean I'm any less angry at you." Ryan mumbled.

"I know." Jeremy sighed.

"I'll stay here." Ryan stepped away from Jeremy. Being plastered against him like that was making it difficult to think. "But I'll need my space."

"I'll convert your room into a study for you."

"Thanks but I'll need more than that." Ryan grimaced. "I want to be able to go to my place whenever I want. You see...I've been independent almost all my life. And I don't think I can cope very well with...this." He threw his arm in a wide arc indicating his current situation. "I understand."

"You can turn that room into a study for me but make sure you leave the bed? 'Cause that's where I'll be sleeping." Ryan saw the crushed look on Jeremy's face but resisted the urge to give him what he knew he wanted. Jeremy couldn't possibly expect him to agree to jump into bed with him under the circumstances, could he?

Jeremy swallowed responded in a small tighten with sadness.

"I'll be in the next room Jeremy." Ryan said with a deep sigh.

"I under..."

"Will you stop snapped. "I'm circumstances."

'I understands' already?" Ryan is generous here under the with the being hard. "I understand." The alpha voice which caused Ryan's heart to

"I know and I'm grateful." Jeremy said quietly.

"Good. I'll be going to school around ten a.m. to sort out my time table so I need to catch some sleep. Good talk." With that Ryan abruptly turned and went back to his room. Jeremy didn't try to stop him.

Just being able to stop Ryan from severing their bond was okay for Jeremy because that would have been a disaster. He knew he had a big problem though. His mate had no intention of going through the ceremony to be marked by him. But somehow, Jeremy didn't care as his main goal was gaining Ryan's forgiveness, and also getting him to like him. He'd thought hard about it on his ran. And he intended to accomplish his goal come what may. He hadn't known Ryan for long but he'd come to really care for him which surprised him. Naturally, being his mate meant he would care for Ryan, which was basically all that a mate wanted...care for his or her mate. But whether one's mate showed the same afection back or not didn't really matter. Therefore Jeremy wanting Ryan to genuinely like him surprised him as that definitely had nothing to do with the fact that they were mates.

The alpha knew that the first step to getting Ryan to like him was gaining his trust. Jeremy however couldn't help but acknowledge the fact that his high-handed nature was not helping his cause. For instance, on impulse he'd gone to Ryan's apartment and brought part of his belongings to his home, which had obviously pissed Ryan o]. Jeremy knew he needed to make an effort not to piss his mate o again with his actions. He was used to taking matters into his own hands and making decisions for people without considering their feelings. He called it an occupational hazard. As alpha, he had to be firm and authoritarian sometimes otherwise other wolves would think he was weak and challenge him for his position. No one had ever dared challenge him though. And Jeremy chose to believe that was because of his style of ruling rather than the fear for their lives as he tried to be fair in all his dealings.

He needed his mate's forgiveness. It wasn't going to be easy but Jeremy was determined to do whatever it took. He hadn't been surprised at his readiness to kill himself earlier when Ryan had hinted on him avenging him because he felt that anyone who acted as he had, didn't deserved to live. And if that was going to make Ryan happy, he was prepared to do it. He would rather end it all by killing himself than kill his wolf by allowing his mate to server their bond. That would be like making his wolf take the fall for his actions. He could never do that. He couldn't live even a day with that guilt. For his wolf and his pack, he had to make things right with his mate. Jeremy didn't have a plan. But he vowed to himself not to rush Ryan. He was just going to be himself...as real as he could be...and hope Ryan would give him a chance.

"Give me strength Luna." He prayed under his breath.

Alpha Jeremy Stanton could definitely use some divine intervention.