Selling Myself To The Alpha
Chapter 55

Liana POV

"It's Monday," I mumble to my reflection in the mirror as I fix my makeup. I am not ready for today. I am not ready to face Axel, but I have no choice.

After my emotional breakdown Friday night Nina gave me all the support and space I needed. She carried me through the worst and by Sunday I could actually smile and enjoy activities with her.

But that was yesterday. Today I will see Axel and I do not think I am ready for it. Scrap that, I know I am not ready.

I still wake up in sweat crying every night. I still struggle to breathe when I replay our last encounter. My heart still pulls painfully when I hear his name. I am not fine.

"Holy mother of pearl," I mumble when I open the cabinet to put my makeup away and I notice my contraceptive pills. I have not taken a pill since... since that dreadful day that Angela locked me in the bathroom. And with being in the hospital and dealing with Wilson and Axel dumping me, it completely slipped my mind.

I sigh as I toss it back into the cabinet. There is no use in taking it now. Axel left me. I will never have sex again. The thought creates fresh tears and I shake my head.

"Suck it up," I say to my reflection before I put on my sunglasses, grab my handbag and walk to the car waiting for me.

**

I am relieved when I walk into the office and notice that I am the first to arrive. I need more time to build up the strength to talk and laugh with Juliana as if nothing is wrong.

I pick up the stack of papers that needs to be documented and sit down at my desk. Longingly I look at Axel's office door. Is he here yet? Should I check and say hello?

I have not seen him since Friday, and I miss him so much.

No! I reprimand myself when I feel the tears creeping up and pull the papers closer. I cannot sit here and cry, I need to work.

**

"You're here," Juliana says happily, and I look up in surprise. I was so deep in my work that I did not hear her. "Welcome back."

"Good to be back," I smile at her.

"I hope Axel is in a better mood today," she sighs as she places her handbag down and starts her computer. "He was downright full of shit after you left.""

"Really?" Interested I look up from my work.

"Don't say I said that," she whispers with big eyes. "He'll fire me."

"No, he won't," I chuckle.

"Friday he would've," she snorts.

"Don't worry, I won't tell," I smile as I continue with my work.

"I'm going to make coffee, do you want?" Juliana asks as she walks past my desk.

"Yes, please," Axel replies, and my hands jerk over the keyboard in fright.

Don't look up, don't look up, I say to myself as I look up. My heart stops and my blood freezes when our eyes meet.

"Yes, sir," Juliana's reply splinters the moment and I look down at my hands.

"No, thank you," I clear my throat and start typing random letters with trembling fingers.

I have no idea where I was, and Axel is still looking at me. The last thing I want is for him to know how unnerved I am.

"Liana," my name sounds like honey on his lips, and I steel myself as I look up at him. "Can you come to my office please?"

"Sure," I clear my throat as I pick up a pen and my diary.

My heart is beating a thousand miles per minute as I follow him into his office. I wonder if he can hear my heart beating. Wolves have exceptional hearing, he might and if he does, he can tell how I feel.

"How was the weekend?" He asks as he drapes his jacket over his chair.

"Good," I say as I take a seat. "The resort was lovely, thank you."

"I'm glad you liked it," he smiles as Juliana comes in with the coffee.

I sit quietly and look at my hands as Axel talks to her before she leaves.

"Liana," he clears his throat. "We should talk."

"No," I shake my head adamantly. I already know what he is going to say, and I cannot hear it now. I will suffer another panic attack and being dumped by him is humiliating and painful enough. To hear the actual words will break me. "I ... uhm, let's stick to work." "Okay," he says after a moment of silence, and I feel his eyes on me. "I must go to Dallas again for three weeks. Please book a flight and accommodation."

I nod as I scribble it down. Not because I am afraid that I might forget a single instruction but because it keeps my hands busy, and I do not have to look at him.

"Anything else?" I clear my throat and look up. Which is a terrible mistake because I am instantly sucked into his eyes.

"Yes," he stands up and I keep my eyes fixated on the clear blue sky behind his desk. "I need to know how you're doing."

I close my eyes and swallow hard as he sits down next to me.

Axel POV

"Axel, please," her voice is nothing more than a whisper. "I cannot do this here."

"I cannot go to Dallas not knowing," I take her trembling hands into mine. It is killing me to see her like this. The weekend was hell. My wolf yearned for her and so did I. Neither my wolf nor I will be calm when I go to Dallas, and she is still unhappy. Has she somehow figured out that she marked me and regrets it? Did I hurt her when my wolf was dominant when we made love?

"I must go," she sniffs and dashes for the door. But I am quicker and block her way.

"Why are you so upset?" I frown as I lock the door and rest my hands on her shoulders.

"Really?" She sneers with a quivering bottom lip. "Like you don't know."

The pain in her blue eyes is like a dagger in my heart. My wolf did hurt her!

"I'm so sorry," I say urgently as I place my palm against her cheek. "I never meant to hurt you. It's complicated but my wolf ..."

"It doesn't matter," she cuts me off. "It's over and in the past."

"No," I say adamantly as I cup her face and kiss her softly. "It's never okay to hurt you."

She sighs as I deepen the kiss and my wolf rejoices when she responds eagerly. How am I ever supposed to let her go? I groan inwardly as she puts her hands on my wrists and pulls away. "Please forgive me," I mumble as I rest my forehead on hers.

"There's nothing to forgive," she smiles softly before she gently kisses me. "It's not your fault."

"Liana, I..."

"I need to go," she clears her throat and unlocks the door. "Your plane ticket isn't going to magically appear from the sky."

Defeated I hang my head and close my eyes. I cannot go to Dallas, not like this. Not while she is hurting. It does not matter that she says it is fine, her eyes are telling a different story.

"Liana," I open the door and walk to her desk. "Please come with me."

She looks at me in bewilderment for only a second before she follows me to the elevators.

"Where are we going?" She asks as the elevator descends.

"I signed a multi-million dollar contract in Dallas," I explain as I lead her to the parking lot. "And you're sorely mistaken if you think that I can do my work efficiently when you're looking like this." "Looking like what?" She frowns as we get into the car.

"Like a kicked puppy," I grunt as I start the engine and pull away.

"You apologized and I accepted," she crosses her arms in front of her chest. "End of story."

"If only you meant it," I grunt as I drive deeper into the woods to the place, I showed my wolf to her.

"I did mean it," she argues. "You're forgiven."

"Fine," I kill the engine and turn to face her. "If I'm forgiven, why can't you look at me?"

"Because it took me an entire weekend to stop crying," she explodes and looks at me with pain-filled eyes. "And I don't want to go back to that. I'm not upset or angry. I'm trying to heal, and it's not easy, okay?"

I swallow hard on the disgust as I look at the trees. I never knew I hurt her so deeply. She might forgive me for what I have done but I will never forgive myself. Up to this point, I was debating whether or not I should reject her but now I know. If I love her at all, I will set her free. My wolf and I will learn to deal with the rejection, but I cannot continue knowing that I am responsible for her pain.

"What are you doing?" She asks softly as I open the door and climb out.

"I'm going to tell you something in a minute," I undo my tie and throw it back into the car. "And then I'm going to shift. You should take the car and go back to the office."

"Axel," her eyes widen as I take off my shirt.

"Wait," she shrieks as she gets out of the car and runs towards me.

"Did ... did I do that?" Her voice is hoarse, and horror is written over her face as she touches my mark.

The mate bond sparks through me, and I quickly step away from her.

"It's nothing," I mumble as I take off my shoes and pants. I need to reject her and fast. She simply touched my mark, and my wolf is already aroused. He is going to fight me on this. Once I have uttered the words, I must shift and run away as fast as I can before he goes berserk and kills what is in front of him.