Selling Myself To The Alpha
Chapter 68

Liana

POV

I am laying snugly in Axel's arms as I stare out of the window. The grey clouds and soft rain reflect my mood perfectly. I am in complete turmoil about seeing my parents. Especially Mother. Leon was her favourite and perfect child. She is going to be inconsolable. "Are you sure I can't come?" Axel murmurs as he kisses me on my neck, and I turn around to face him.

"Yes," I cup his face and kiss him softly. "There's nothing you can do, and you're needed here."

"I can come as support," he catches my bottom lip between his teeth, and I kiss him eagerly.

"You're always supporting me," I smile as I pull away. "But your pack needs you more."

"Do you have to go so early?" He complains as I get out of bed.

"Yes," I reply over my shoulder as I walk to the shower. "You already convinced me to leave today and not yesterday. I cannot postpone this any longer."

"Only if I can join you in the shower," he shouts after me.

"Then hurry up," I laugh and open the taps.

**

The bus is overcrowded and stuffy. For a split second, I regret declining Axel's offer that Drew drives me. But I had an appointment with Michelle and there is no way he will not report that to Axel.

Michelle just confirmed what we both already knew I am pregnant. I bite hard on my quivering lip as my eyes fill with tears and I place my hand on my abdomen. I am still uncertain if I should keep it. My heart says yes but my mind says no.

The bus approaches my stop and I quickly wipe the tears off my face before gathering my things. At least it has stopped raining - for now. That is one of the reasons I loathed living in a trailer. On rainy days everything is damp and muddy.

My mind is trying to replace the right words for my parents as I walk from the bus stop. But my words fail me. What do you say to grieving parents? And I know my mother, she is going to take it out on me. All her grief and anger will be directed at me like missiles through hurtful words.

Without knocking, I enter my childhood home and place my things at the door. Mom is sitting on the couch staring into the abyss. Silently I walk to the kitchen and pack away the groceries I bought for them. I made an effort and bought everything they like. Even chocolate cupcakes that Dad enjoys so much.

"Hello Mom," I say softly and take a seat next to her.

"I saw everything," she takes my hand tightly into hers. "And now I cannot sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see them slicing his throat."

"Mom," I swallow hard and close my eyes for a second. "Didn't the doctor give you something to help with that?"

"He did," she snorts. "But it doesn't help. I will never forget."

"Maybe you should talk to someone," I suggest softly. "I will ..."

"No!" She says sharply. "I want to remember. When the police catch them, my mind must be clear to testify. I want the bastards to burn for what they've done."

"Mom, what happened yesterday?" I finally master to ask the dreadful question.

"They knocked on the door and Leon stepped outside to talk to them," her voice is a lifeless monotone. "I was watching my favourite telenovela and I didn't want them to bother me. After a while, I heard them arguing and I walked outside to shut them up but ... we have a new neighbour. His name is Stanley. He was fighting three men while another was holding Leon. One of them pulled out a knife and cut his throat. There was so much blood, Liana. More than I have ever seen. I started screaming and they ran away, leaving Leon there in the dirt choking on his own blood. Your father was outside and ran to help. I couldn't move. I just stood there screaming and screaming."

"Oh, Mom," I sniff as I throw my arms around her shoulders. "I'm so sorry."

"Stanley called 911 and took us to a hospital," she continues as if I am not there. "Leon was gone when we came back. All that was left, were blood. But Stanley cleaned it up. He's a good man."

"Mom, I ..."

"I need fresh air," she stands up and leaves me alone on the couch.

I bury my face in my hands as sobs tear through my body. I have never seen my mother like this. She is functioning but it is like she is not here at all. There is no emotion. I was expecting hysterics and blame not this... this emptiness.

After a moment, I pull myself together and wipe away the tears. I need to replace Dad. I am worried about him and his heart. Mother is in such a state, she will not notice if something is wrong with him.

"Dad?" I call and walk to their bedroom, but he is not there.

Slowly I walk to Leon's room. I inhale deeply and steel myself for what is waiting on the other side of the door. I did not plan to go into his room, and I do not know if I am ready.

Dad is sitting on Leon's bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his fingers intertwined. His head is hanging low on his chest, and I can hear him sniffling softly.

"Dad?" My voice is hoarse, and my heart is breaking for him. He is such a loving father; he should not have to go through such a thing.

When he hears my voice, he sits up straight and wipes over his face. Quietly I walk closer, but I stop dead in my tracks when he looks up at me. His always tender eyes are blazing with unblemished anger. "Of all the times you could've refused, you chose this time," he hisses at me.

"Dad, I don't ..."

"I heard everything," he bellows as he jumps up and glares at me. "When they attacked Leon, I heard every word. Why didn't you pay, Liana? Why? You could've prevented this."

"That's not true," I defend myself hastily. "They would've killed him either way."

"Liar!" He snaps and I take a step backwards.

Never in my life have I seen my father this angry. It is so unexpected that my mind and body cease. Dumbstruck I stare at him.

"Why are you even here?" He continues mercilessly. "To rejoice that you're free of him? That you're off the hook for providing for him?"

"Dad, no," I start crying as I wreck my mind for words to calm him down. "I'm here to help."

"We don't need your help!" He shouts. "When you should've helped you turned your back and now my son is dead. You've done enough. Leave my house."

"Dad, please," I sob. "You're not being fair."

"Don't talk to me about fair," he yells. "Burying my son isn't fair."

"I'm not responsible," I try again. "I tried, Dad. I really did. You have no idea all the things I've done to help. I'm ..."

"It's not enough!" He bellows. "You should've done more. You failed your brother, and you failed me."

He storms out of the room, and I slump onto the bed as tears stream over my face. Each of Dad's words was like a punch in the gut. He always saw my side. I could always count on him to understand and support me. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect him to blame me. Mother yes, but not him. His attitude toward me is worse than losing a brother. Even in death, Leon succeeded at taking something from me.

I feel empty and lost by the time I get off the bed. I am too scared to walk out of the room and face Dad. I do not know if I can handle another word lashing. But staying here is out of the question. The room is filled with accusations, and it is smothering me. With dragging feet and a bouncing heart, I walk to the tv room. Mom is sitting in front of the television, but I can tell that she is not watching. I relax a little when I do not see Dad anywhere.

"Mom," I say hesitantly as I take a seat next to her. "I'll arrange the funeral, okay?"

"Why?" She turns to me.

"Because he was my brother," I reply flabbergasted. "And I want to help."

"Just send money if you want," she turns back to the television. "We don't need your help."

"Mom, please," I beg urgently. "Don't do ..."

"Don't what, Liana?" Her eyes are dead and dull when she looks at me. "You got what you've always wanted. You're free of your obligation to this family. You never wanted the responsibility and always complained about it. Now you're free." "That's not true," I did not know I had tears left but I am crying again. "I did my very best."

"If that were true, Leon would've been alive," she sighs and turns back to the television.

Defeated I only look at her. I tried to explain but it is like she and Dad refuses to comprehend the words. I want to believe it is only the grief talking but my gut is telling me I am only fooling myself. According to them, Leon's death is solely on my shoulders. "Where's Dad?" I ask. Maybe if I try talking to him again, he will listen.

"At the bar," she replies. "And you should get going. I don't want you to miss the bus."

"Mom, I came here to help," I say urgently. "I took time off from work to stay here and ..."

"No need," she interrupts me. "You should go work and add to your piles of money."

"Will you please stop?" I jump up as I look at her on the verge of hysteria. "Stop blaming me for Leon's choices. I didn't borrow the money, he did. I owe hundreds of thousands of dollars and cannot afford more loans, Mother." "Nice," she snorts. "Blame the dead."

"I'm your child too," I continue.

"No," Mother stands up. "You're not. I don't have children anymore."

"Mom, don't..."

"Don't bother coming to the funeral," she says as she walks to her room. "You're no longer welcome here."

My legs give in, and I sit down as she slams the door shut. I knew today was going to be hard, but this is too much. I force myself to stand up and walk to the door.

I inhale the fresh air deeply but a radiating pain rips through my abdomen and I fall onto my knees in the pouring rain.