Severed Bonds
Chapter 5: Fear of the unknown

The car takes off leaving us in a tension filled atmosphere, usually this would be when he asks me about school. Then I would say how boring it was when I'm secretly replaying moments of that day. He parks the car we sit there for a bit, I decide to get off first. When we both enter inside dad tells me to sit down, I carefully take out a chair and sit. He sits across from me. I hope he's not going to ask what happened, I don't want to talk about it.

"Hannah, I know you may have questions about what happened, but right now I can't tell you." Honestly I don't care I just want to forget that day.

"Could we drop this dad, I said I'm fine!" He sighs again,

"We have to move before it's too late."

"What are you saying dad?"

"Hannah, were- you're not safe here anymore." What does he mean? "I thought I would be able to protect you on my own..." He rambles. I get up from my seat,

"I don't understand, is this some joke? What do you mean I'm not safe anymore!"

"I'll explain everything when were there." He says sternly. I run up to my room and slam my door, what the hell is going on! Why did he say I'm not safe anymore! Maybe I'm in a bad dream, I pinch myself hard. Nothing, this is real... this is my reality. Two days go by without me not speaking to my father or acknowledging him. The only reasons I go downstairs is to eat and use the bathroom. I sit in my room ignoring calls, and texts from everyone. I sit on my bed holding my injured arm, it doesn't sting as much anymore. I roll up my sleeve slowly and see a ghastly scar, it's starting to become a scab. It looks worse, I preferred it when it was just a cut. Now it's a scar, a ghastly scar. I unroll my sleeve and lay on my back; staring at the ceiling I let out a long sigh. There's no use, I don't even know why I'm fighting this? I don't have a say I'm only sixteen, I can't drive yet, and I don't have a permit. Monday morning, I step downstairs slowly meeting my dad's worry gaze.

"Where are we moving to?"

"Idaho." From South Carolina to Idaho that's a big change. I was hoping it would be somewhere closer. I say nothing after that; we head in the car and he drops me off to school. I don't know how I'm going to tell Justin and Lola. And Noah... during third period I get called to the office. I step in the office and they motion me to follow them. The past minutes they gather info from me about my transfer. Since it's so last minute they question the reason for my sudden transfer. I just lie and say my dad got a new job. They nod understandingly and explain to me about my classes and requirements. They insist on me working harder on the majority of the classes that way I won't have to retake a year. For once, I agree with them. I leave the office and take a slip to class. I sit in my seat and try to catch up on the lesson, when class ends I gather my stuff and leave. I can hear Lola running behind me,

"Sup girl!" She smacks me hard on the back. I rub my back,

"Geez Lola!" She giggles.

"You seem spaced out lately, is something wrong?" I give her a slight smile.

"Lola, I'm moving." She stares at me for awhile,

"Stop messing around," She slaps my arm lightly, she looks up and sees there's no smile on my face. Her happy demaner fades,

"Your serious?" I nod slightly. "But, why?" I wish I knew,

"My dad got a job." She fidgets with her bracelet looking down at the ground. There's no use in hiding it anymore.

"When?" She looks up at me with a sad expression,

"Really...soon." My dad is arranging for us to move next week, I don't know why and I don't bother to ask. He might just lie to me again, "And... Lola." She looks up at me hesitantly,

"Don't tell anyone, I'm going to tell them soon but not right now." She nods at me understandingly. When we head to the cafeteria together Justin and Noah are waiting to greet us. Lola acts like her normal self and even smiles more than usual, I eat my food timidly. Noah looks at me concerned. I give him a half hearted smile; well at least Lacey isn 't here my mood would go down even more. Justin babbles about a movie night he has planned, I try to be excited about it. But my mind is elsewhere, if it's not in that horrid memory it's thinking of my current situation. I'm fucked either way, Justin is starting to catch on he even started pestering Lola. She reassures him he's overreacting again, but Justin doesn't buy it. I've known him for the longest. Justin trusts his gut more than others around him;he's a very caring person and he hates lying. Not only that, but he's able to sense lies from people. At first I thought I was just too obvious but overtime I noticed he's not only able to tell lies from me but from others too! As days pass by, I work even harder on my grades. I don't want to have to retake a class or graduate late! Justin insisted on having a movie night today, so we all agreed. Lola was in charge of the movie since Justin would "accidentally" put on a porno movie. I laughed out loud just thinking about it, everyone was so uncomfortable. And of course out of all the times Noah and I never sat together that was the one day we did. Justin was just laughing and making excuses and insisted there's a good story. We didn't even last a minute Lola walked up and took the movie out. Ever since that, Justin isn't allowed to pick a movie. My footsteps reach Lola's front porch, I reach for my phone in my pocket to text Lola. Before my fingers even reach the inside of my pocket the door flies open. Inside I see Noah and Justin chatting, Noah looks to be slightly irritated and Justin is just his same old goofy self. Lola is at the door her face is worrisome when she sees mine. I bit my lip and nod at her, she softly nods back. As we stuff ourselves with all the snacks and drinks Lola sets up the movie. I smile and laugh here and there, I'm still a little shaken by the incident but not as much;I'm doing better. But at the same time, I could be better.

"Allright, if no one is going to say it then I will!" Justin shouts out of nowhere. I hold my breath, did I really think I could hide it for this long? Noah eyes Justin curiously and Lola fidgets.

"What's eating at you Hannah?" Many things, mainly the incident...and my dad's lies. I let out a huge sigh and closed my eyes. I look up to face Justin then Noah, my head droops down.

"I'm moving this week." Instead of Lola acting surprised she looks for everyone else's reaction.

"What!" I can't tell if he's mad or shocked.

"How?" Noah adds. My heart squeezes.

"My...dad..got..a job." I can barely make out a phrase, I don't want to meet their gazes. I can already imagine the hurt in Justin's eyes and the sadness in Noah's.

"When did he tell you this?" Judging by the questionable tone, Justin is the one asking me.

"He told me that a long time ago, but he said it was a possibility... "

"Were you ever going to tell us?" He adds. Yes..? No... I honestly don't know! I can feel all their gazes on me.

"Yes, I... just didn't...know how..." Everyone falls silent, I take the empty bowl of popcorn seeds and refill it. The thought of going back is making me nauseous, the microwave beeping breaks me out of my thoughts. I take out the bag and pour the popcorn into the bowl, I turn around and see Noah standing there with his head slanted and hand in his pockets. Seeing him looking at me like that was it for me. "Noah can you take this in the living room, I'm just going to get some fresh air." I shove him the popcorn bowl before he could say anything and ran out, I sat on the swing in Lola's yard. And hold in my tears, I didn't want to hurt them. But I wanted, for us to be happy and carefree. I didn't want to ruin this day either... I start to sniffle.

"Han?" I jerk my head and see Noah. Fuck! Why does he have to be here when I'm like this?

"Yeah?" I do my best to not show any sadness or tears welling in my eyes.

"You okay?" He asks softly.

"Yeah, I just... don't want Justin to hate me." And you to be hurt... He walks over to me.

"He doesn't hate you." He nudges me softly. I pick up my head slowly and meet his eyes.

"I know how much he hates lies and secrecy, I didn't mean for-" I stop myself before I can say anymore. They can't know that this wasn't planned! I turn the opposite direction.

"For what?" Given by his tone he's curious and concerned.

"For you guys to get upset." If I were to look at him now, I wouldn't be able to lie. He walks over and leans on the metal part of the swing.

"I'm not upset, it's just...shocking..." This moment would be more memorable if it weren't for the current situation. "Hannah?" He hangs his head low, with his posture hunched over.

"Yeah?" He hesitates, then shifts his feet side to side. His posture becomes stiff and his shoulders raise to his ears.

"If it weren't for Justin, you would've told us right?" My heart squeezes once more.

"Yes, eventually..." I shrug, not meeting his gaze.

"Eventually?" His sweet and gentle tone has now been replaced with an agitating one.

"Yes." I said sharply. My arms wrap around my torso.

"Do you mean eventually, as in the day we replace you packing? Or when we realise you're not there at school? Or when some stranger answers the door to your house!" His tone gets tenser by the minute.

"No!" I hang my head down and smear my hand over my face and shake my head.

"Were you at least, ever going to tell me?" By the look on his face I can tell he's hurt. Maybe not, it would be for the best to forget about him. After everything that happened between us and me getting my heart crushed over and over!

"I would've said goodbye." I blurt. He gets up and hovers in front of me.

"Goodbye? You would've said goodbye and then left?" He accuses.

"I didn 't say I would tell you on the day I would move!" I shot back.

"So you would go off and disappear as if none of this happened!" He throws his hands up in the air. I get up from the swing.

"It's not like I have a choice!" I feel my eyes dilate as I watch my palms face up in front of me.

"Bullshit! You should've been honest with me!" He clenches his jaw then paces away from me what the hell is he talking about?

"Honest about what?" I tilt my head at him as my voice grows softer.

"Honest about how you felt after that night I walked you home." My eyes widen, what? He turns away from me and grips his hair.

"Why did you have to bring this up now?" My eyes begin to sting, This can't be happening, why is everything so screwed up!

"Because we never brought up before." He swallows hard, I snap my head.

"Neither did you!" I throw my hand up.

"I didn't think you felt the same when I kissed you back then." His voice is soft as a whisper.

Tears well in my eyes again, they burn even more.

"You're with Lacey now..." I mumble, his hands fall in his pockets.

"I like her Hannah, but I'm in love with you." L-love? He loves me? All this time... and now I'm moving away. Heh, of course Noah confesses his feelings toward me when I'm moving. How fitting for my screwed up life. I love him too, so much it hurts...

"I- can't do this right now, Noah." I take off before I can regret those words, if I tell him I love him I'll hurt him even more. I walk inside Lola's house to see only her sitting on the couch, she looks up at me.