Sin and Redemption
: Chapter 25

We’d been closing in on Adrik for weeks. I had felt it in my bones that I needed to protect Sara but had underestimated Adrik’s determination and hunger for revenge. All of us had. It had almost cost the lives of the people I loved.

I glared at the mangled remains of Adrik. We would drop them off in front of one of the Bratva establishments. Luca had been fond of the plan when I’d asked him on the phone. Would the current Pakhan retaliate? Maybe. Or maybe this was the final straw, and the puppet masters in Russia would finally put a new Pakhan in power, someone more reliable.

“Help me pack the body on my truck bed,” I told Primo.

Sara gave me a confused look from where she sat on the swing hammock on the porch. She’d refused to stay inside despite the carnage out here.

“We’ll send the Bratva a warning.”

She touched her belly, rubbing it slowly like she often did. Her eyes were forlorn when they met mine. “When will it be over?”

“Over?”

“Your quest for revenge?”

“I’ll get some rope to secure the freight,” Primo said and disappeared in the barn, obviously uncomfortable by our discussion. I gave Sara a blank look. I needed something to keep me going, and revenge was that. I lived for revenge. It was all I could think about when I didn’t think about her, about Sara and our baby.

“It has to be enough at some point. You have already killed so many. It won’t change the past, but it’ll stop you from moving on from it.”

I moved closer, and with Sara standing on the porch, we were at eye level. “Can you just move on?”

She frowned. “We have a future to look forward to.” She rubbed her belly again. “We have her and hopefully more children to live for.”

I nodded slowly. She set all her hopes on our child, and I too hoped it would be a new milestone for us, but I was also fucking worried that things would go wrong at some point. I hated feeling helpless like that. Sara had some semblance of control over how she took care of her body. She ate healthy, did pregnancy yoga, took supplements, and listened to calming music. She did everything she could to feel good about this pregnancy. All I could do was kill everyone who had ever worked with or was related to Jabba to make sure my family would be safe in the future. I knew fucking well that revenge was a slippery slope.

“It’ll be over soon. If the Pakhan doesn’t retaliate, we have no reason to attack,” I told her. The conflict with the Bratva was naturally far from over, but it had lain dormant in the past and it could again.

“So you’ll leave me alone?” she asked, the hint of reproach in her voice.

Ouch. I touched her cheek. “Your brother and father will take you home with them. I’ll go visit my father in the hospital once I’ve dropped off the body. Then I need to help out here, catch the dogs that are still on the run and help with the damage.”

She nodded slowly. “I could help too.”

“No,” I said firmly. “I want you to rest. You’ve had enough excitement.”

I gave her a quick kiss on the mouth, then headed toward my brother to help him with the rope. Primo came out of the barn with the rope and his phone in the other hand.

“Mom messaged me. Dad’s in surgery. They don’t know if they can save his calf.”

I gritted my teeth. “Dad’s tough as steel. He’ll pull through.”

“You’ve got a few cuts too, and the way you keep touching your ribs, you should have those checked as well,” Primo said.

I waved him off. That was the least of my worries. Once the body was safely stowed and I’d made sure that Sara was on her way to her parents, I drove off. Primo and a few men would stay and clean up.

After I’d dumped Adrik in front of the Bratva’s newest bar, I headed to the Famiglia hospital. When I stepped into the old abandoned factory building that harbored a fully functioning hospital unit that worked on demand, I saw Luca and Mom talking to a blood-covered doc. I hurried toward them.

The doc gave me a nod. Mom’s face was ashen but also full of resolution.

“They had to take off his leg up to the knee,” she said when I stopped beside them.

“Fuck,” I gritted out. Those Bratva bastards.

“The injuries he sustained were too great. This is the cleanest solution, and with the help of a good prosthesis, he’ll be up in no time.”

Mom nodded. I touched her shoulder, and when she leaned against me, I wrapped an arm around her. “Can we go see him now?” she asked.

“He should wake any moment, so yes.”

I led Mom behind the curtain of the patient cubicle. Dad lay in bed with his eyes closed. Mom immediately went over to him and sat down on the mattress. She took his hand, careful not to tug at the transfusion needle.

“He’ll be fine,” I assured her, but I had to admit it was strange to see my father helpless. He’d suffered many injuries in his life. I had stitched him up on more occasions than I could count, but he’d never been incapacitated like this.

He stirred, and his eyelids dragged up. He looked at Mom and gave her a small smile.

I considered giving them privacy, but then he looked over at me.

“Sara?”

“She and the baby are safe too. Primo is at the house, trying to catch the dogs that ran off, but he’ll visit you later today when I take his place.”

Dad nodded. “What happened after I lost consciousness?”

Mom gave him an apologetic smile. “I unleashed the dogs. I know we said they should never have to fight for humans again, but I didn’t see another way.”

“You did the right thing. You and Max saved us.”

He glanced down his body. “My leg?”

Mom exchanged a look with me. I cleared my throat. “They had to amputate it up to the knee, Dad. But we’ll get you the best prosthesis money can buy, and you’ll be running in no time.”

Dad’s face remained stoic, but I could see in his eyes how much the news bothered him. Dad was used to being strong, but he’d have to rely on others for a while until he could be strong again.

“Once you’re used to the prosthesis, you’ll probably be even quicker on your feet,” Mom said. “I’ll help you with the physical therapy.”

Dad’s lips pulled into a smirk. “We could start now.”

Mom flushed and gave Dad an indignant look.

I shook my head with a grimace. “I’ll head back to the shelter so you can do whatever you want, all right?” I waved as I stepped outside. Dad making this kind of innuendo was a good indicator of how well the painkillers worked, but it also gave me hope that things would be back to normal soon.

After a long day of cleaning up at the shelter and a short meeting with Luca, Matteo, and Amo, I returned home to Sara’s and my apartment around midnight.

The two bodyguards in the hallway nodded at me, and inside waited Valerio. He was stretched out on the sofa, a bag with chips on the floor beside him and the newest Fast and Furious movie playing on the TV.

He had been the only one who could watch Sara tonight. Everyone else had their own wives and children to protect. She had insisted on sleeping at our place and not at her parents’. I wondered if she wanted to protect them or if she finally saw this place as her home.

Valerio swung his legs off the sofa and shoved to his feet. “There you are. I have a date.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “You didn’t even know what time I’d be home, and it’s midnight now.”

“I’m worth the wait,” Valerio said with a wink before he walked out, leaving the chips bag on the floor and crumbles all over the sofa. I picked the bag up and cleaned the crumbs off the sofa. I knew how much it bothered Sara if the apartment wasn’t clean when she woke in the morning.

She never said anything, but I could read her expressions. The exasperation in her eyes when I left my clothes somewhere or dropped a wet towel on the bed had quickly made me adapt my actions.

I went into the primary bedroom, surprised when I didn’t replace Sara in bed. The bathroom door was open, and she stood in front of the mirror with closed eyes, caressing her belly.

“I love you so much, little one. So very much. I can’t wait to hold you. I’m counting down the days until you’re safe in my arms.”

In her nightgown, the bump was clearly visible, and it filled me with an intense sense of protectiveness. I’d caught her doing her nightly ritual a few times before, but I’d always quickly retreated because it had seemed like something very personal, something she didn’t want to share. But today, I wanted her to know I was here. After tonight’s events, I wanted to share a moment of peace with her.

I approached her. I didn’t try to be stealthy, but Sara was so focused on herself that she jumped when I wrapped my arms around her from behind and put my palms over hers. She met my gaze in the mirror, her eyes questioning. “How long have you been listening?”

“From the start. It’s not the first time either.”

She flushed. “I’m talking to Ambra.”

“Ambra?”

She flushed even more and gave a small shrug. “It’s not the name we have to pick. It’s just that in my head, in my dreams, she always has your eyes, so I started calling her Ambra in my thoughts. I know it’s stupid. It’s just a feeling I have.” She looked uncomfortable that I’d caught her. Did she worry I’d ridicule her need to talk to our baby? That I’d be angry because she called her by this beautiful name. Knowing that Sara imagined our daughter having my eyes made me proud.

“I know it might look odd, but I like talking to her. I want her to know that I love her.” Tears shone in her eyes, and fuck, if that didn’t make me feel as if someone had put my black heart in a vise.

I moved my palms down from her hands and put them flat against her rounded belly beside hers. “I know she can feel your love every second of the day.” My voice felt scratchy and rough. I cleared my throat, not sure how to do this. Expressing feelings still felt awkward, as if I was being unmanly. “Hey, little Ambra,” I began, even if I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet.

“We don’t have to use that name. We can pick one together,” she whispered.

“I trust your intuition, and I love the name. I don’t see a reason we should pick another one.” I could tell how much this pleased her.

I looked down at my hands on Sara’s belly because I couldn’t look into her eyes while saying what I wanted to say. Today as I worried about her life, my feelings for Sara had become crystal clear.

“Hey little Ambra, I just want you to know I’m so happy about you. And I know you can feel it every day, but your mom loves you so much.” I cleared my throat again because it felt fucking tight and dry. Could the baby even hear us? I wasn’t sure, but just the chance that she might made this feel like a monumental moment. “We can’t wait to hold you.” Sara moved her hands on top of mine. I didn’t mind making a fool out of myself when it meant Sara felt better. Today must have been hard for her if she couldn’t fall asleep. What I wanted to say next was even harder. I wasn’t sure I could actually do it. I had never tried. “And I want you to know that I will love you every day of my life just like I love your mom.”

My head felt hot, and I couldn’t look at my reflection in the mirror. Emotions were hard.

“Oh, Maximus,” Sara said in a shaky voice. “I love you too.”

I looked up, shocked. I hadn’t expected Sara to say it back, especially because I didn’t even have the balls to tell her directly. Get a grip, man.

“I love you.” I blew out a breath, feeling out of my element.

Sara gave me an understanding smile, her eyes watery. “You don’t have to say more. Some things don’t require an explanation.”

“I doubt there’s a reasonable explanation why you would love me.”

“Oh, but there is,” she said firmly, her gaze unwavering and certain. “But even if there wasn’t. Love doesn’t need a reason.”

“What I said today about revenge giving my life a purpose was bullshit. I don’t need revenge for that. Having you in my life has given me more satisfaction and happiness than I’d ever thought possible.”

Sara’s belly twitched under my palms. I froze and stared down at our hands. Had I imagined the twitch?

“Did you feel her?” Sara asked with wide eyes and quickly put her hands beside mine. “She’s very active, but she’s never kicked me this hard before, never hard enough that I could feel it on the outside.”

Another twitch followed. Sara clapped a hand over her mouth, tears falling down her cheeks. “It’s her way to show us that she heard everything.”

I put my chin down on Sara’s head and closed my eyes, simply feeling the gentle movements of our child. Who knew that such a small thing could make me so happy?