SIN-BIN: An Enemies To Lovers College Hockey Romance (Sinners on the Ice)
SIN-BIN: Chapter 40

COLTON

“So, where are we going?” Ava asks as soon as she climbs into my car. I try to suppress my smile—to no avail. She’s like my personal source of vitamin D, surrounding me with her light and soaking me in her warmth. A little sunshine to my grump. “Colt?”

Her palm on my knee gets my attention, and I lock eyes with her. “To visit my mom.”

She fastens her seat belt and nestles in comfortably, leaning back in the seat. “Thanks for stating the obvious, genius.”

I chortle, finally starting the car and driving slowly away from her house. Dax is standing on the porch with a mug of steaming coffee, watching us leave. He was incredibly supportive when Ava told him I wanted to take her to go see my mom. I’m beyond grateful to him for that. She’s lucky to have him in her corner. A dad like him would turn the planet upside down and make it rotate in a totally different direction for his kid.

“It’s just that I’ve never ever introduced any girls to my mom. This is all new to me, Ava, and sometimes I feel like I need some guidance.”

“Dating for dummies?” She giggles as I tighten my grip on the steering wheel. That word detonates a bomb inside my chest, spreading hope and fear throughout my bones.

“Are we dating?”

Her laugh dies in her throat, and her eyes go round. She looks like a deer in the headlights, and I don’t know what I want to do more: laugh or be upset. The answer to my question is written all over her face.

“No, we’re just… I don’t think ‘enemies with benefits’ suits us anymore. Maybe ‘frenemies’, or ‘friends with benefits’?”

“Do you hate me?”

Ava narrows her eyes. “Sometimes I do, when you act like an asshole.” Fair. She drives me crazy sometimes as well. “But in all honesty? No. I really like you, Colt.”

“I really like you too, Ava.” A moment of silence passes between us, and then she slowly takes my hand in hers, entwining our fingers together. My breath evens out, and I smile, feeling my tense muscles loosen. What we have is so much more, but I’ll never push her. I want her to admit it on her own, not under my demands or pressure. She’s a free spirit, and caging her in would only break her wings. I love the way she is, and I don’t want any other version of her.

“What happened to your mom?” she asks in a quiet voice, her thumb caressing the skin on my wrist. It’s soothing my nerves, helping me navigate through my most hurtful memories to replace the ones I’m ready to share with her. For now, it’s better to leave some things in the darkness.

“My mom is the most important person in my life. Every happy memory I have is connected to her. How much she cared, how much she loved me, how much she always wanted to be there for me. Even hockey. She was the one who took me to my first game, bought my first puck and stick, and even taught me how to skate. She’s the reason I fell in love with the sport. She’s the reason why I’m so good at it. Her encouragement, her excitement when I’d score, her presence at the arena even when she didn’t have time to come to practice.” I take a deep breath, needing it in order to continue. I’ve never talked to anyone about this, and now I’m having trouble putting my thoughts into words. “She was my everything, and my lies took her away from me.”

“What happened?” The torment in Ava’s eyes is noticeable, and it leaves no doubt how much she cares about me.

“My father was always in meetings and on business trips. He never seemed to replace time for Mom and me. It was always her who was making the effort, pushing me to go to his office to spend time with him. I never felt loved by him, you know? It seemed like he couldn’t care less about my life, and especially hockey. He was distant, indifferent, and incredibly toxic. His mentality that everyone should obey him because he has money made me sick to my stomach, but because of Mom I never said anything. He was ‘her Eric’, the guy she fell in love with years ago…her husband. The father of her child.” I fall silent. Anger rises in my chest, because the images in my head are becoming more vivid. “While he—”

“Did he cheat on your mom?” Her question catches me off guard, but I simply nod, grateful I don’t need to say it aloud. She’s silent, but I feel her fingers tremble. Ava always comes to the right conclusions, and I have no doubt she already knows what happened. “Why didn’t you tell her?”

“Because I was an idiot. A little over a year ago, I came home during a break, went to visit my dad, and overheard a conversation. Apparently, he knocked up his secretary, a young girl who had worked for him for three years. She was with him in his office that day, sitting on his desk. His hand was on her growing belly. Idyllic picture, but not what you expect from your father.”

I gulp down the lump in my throat and set my jaw hard. “He saw me, and there wasn’t even the slightest change in his face. Nothing. As if I didn’t just replace out that my father was a cheater. A liar. Not even a trace of embarrassment. I turned around and stormed out of his office, and he didn’t try to stop me. He just stayed put. With her.”

“What did you do?”

“I went home. Mom instantly noticed the state I was in. I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. Shame was the only emotion I had, and the realization of my own stupidity. All the years Helen worked for my father, I would joke that I had no idea how he could keep his dick in his pants. But he couldn’t, and I failed to see it.”

“Why did you hide it?” she asks again, her voice louder. “If you loved your mom so much—”

“She had the perfect life, Ava. A husband who was a successful businessman, a son who was the rising star of his college’s hockey team. She was happy, and he convinced me the truth would break her. He came home twenty minutes later and barged into my room. He gave me a long lecture, told me he made a mistake months ago, and she got pregnant. He assured me he was only supporting her because she was carrying his child, and I agreed to keep quiet. On one condition—he needed to fire Helen. He promised to do it, and I believed him. Later, when Mom came to check on me, I lied to her about my mood. Gave her some bullshit about problems with classes. She brought M&Ms with her to cheer me up—my favorite treat—and I lied right in her face.”

“How did she replace out?”

“He fired Helen, but he didn’t stop seeing her. A year ago, my mom was on her way to the gallery when she saw my father pushing a stroller with his secretary by his side. She figured out everything and had a breakdown.” Tears burn my eyes, and I try to steady my breath. “She called me, but I was at practice and missed it. She didn’t know where to go because her whole world fell apart. She was driving aimlessly, probably crying, and I’m sure she barely saw where she was going when her car hit the railing of a bridge at full speed and fell into the river.”

Ava presses her palm to her mouth, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. “It was my dad, wasn’t it? Who found her? I remember hearing about it, but he was vague. He didn’t tell me right away, because I would have thrown a fit if I’d known he risked his life, out there alone with no equipment or help from his guys. I think I actually overheard him talking to someone about it. Otherwise, he never would have told me.”

“Yeah, he saved my mom. He even went to the hospital, where he met me. If it weren’t for your dad, my mom would have died, and I would have spiraled that day. I’m not sure I would have ever recovered from it. He gave me hope, and I held on to it even when the days were dark and depressing. Even when my life was shit, I still had hope. I wanted to believe that things would get better, and they finally are.”

“Colt…” Ava utters, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes darken, their emerald color becoming deeper, and I’m spellbound, unable to look away.

I stop the car on the side of the road, unfasten her seat belt, and pull her into my lap. I just want her warmth, her closeness. I want to absorb her scent and drown myself in her. I need her way more than she realizes.

She wraps her arms around my neck, pressing herself close to my chest. She whispers my name again and again, her hands massaging my shoulders, bringing me much-needed peace. I’m ready to tell her something I’ve been hiding from everyone, all my friends, including Clay. The truth about my mom’s state.

“Her heart stopped beating during surgery, but the doctors were able to start it again. They were very cautious about their prognosis, but eventually they thought she’d be okay. She was forty-four, and things were looking up for a while. There was no price too high for my father, and he ended up spending tons of money on doctors and physiotherapists. She was doing well, and it even looked like she’d forgiven him. Until one day I realized she didn’t remember the things I was telling her. She couldn’t remember what she was doing. She’d become restless and agitated, confused with her own reactions. I approached my father a few times, sharing my concerns and hearing that it was all in my head. It wasn’t, and later she showed signs of apathy and depression. Mom lost interest in everything in life, including me. She was a shell, just existing on the fine line between the real world and her memories.”

“What does she have?”

“She had a stroke and a severe brain injury, causing anterograde amnesia. She doesn’t remember anything about the car crash. She has problems remembering things about her days, the conversations she had. Mom lost control of her life, and it caused her depression. It got so bad that it started to interfere with her daily life. She needed constant care, someone to look after her. And my father, along with my mom’s parents, decided to put her into a facility. They told me it would be for the best, because a calm and predictable environment with an established daily routine could reduce her apathy and help with her amnesia. She’s been there for almost ten months already, and I go visit her every Sunday. Sometimes she doesn’t remember my visits, the talks we had, but sometimes she’s herself. Dr. Stewart told me she has been really good the past two weeks. There is no sign of her depression, and the strategy he chose to help improve her memory has shown progress. I honestly can’t wait to see her, and I want her to meet you too.”

Ava leans away. She presses her thumbs to my cheeks and brushes away my tears. A gentle smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “And I can’t wait to meet her. She sounds like an absolutely amazing person, Colt.”

“She is. Unlike my sperm donor dad.”

“Are your parents divorced?”

“No.”

“What about Helen?”

“She’s still in his life, working for his company as if nothing happened.”

“Are they together?”

I sigh, not knowing what to tell her. There is still a lot she doesn’t know. “They aren’t. It’s just complicated.”

“You’re not telling me the whole story, are you?”

“No. That’s another long-as-fuck conversation, and we don’t have time for it,” I tell her, and she pinches my cheeks slightly. “I’ll tell you everything some other time…” An idea flashes in my head. “Actually, I have a question for you.”

“Go ahead.” Ava slides back into her seat, buckling her seat belt.

“My father is hosting a party for his partners at the end of January. He expects me to be there—”

“I’ll go with you,” she interrupts me, as if it’s the simplest question in the world. No hesitation, no holding back.

“Really?” I start the engine again.

“Yeah. Your father is clearly a real piece of work, and I don’t want you near him alone.” Ava tilts her head. “Will Helen be there too?”

“Yes.”

“Well, can’t wait to meet the bitch.”

“Something is telling me I might regret asking you to come.”

“Nah, you will love having me there.” She pokes her tongue out at me, and I laugh heartily and gradually relax. I would love to have her anywhere, not just at the stupid party, but I keep those words to myself. Scaring her off is not on my agenda.

I first go in alone to see Mom. Considering her fragile state, it’s important not to stress her out. She smiles and hugs me tighter than usual. I give her my present, and she can’t help but laugh. I got her an avocado pillow and a few more paperbacks, all romance with lots of fluff. When Ava saw the titles, she huffed so loud I thought she was going to make me drive to the bookstore and buy something different. She didn’t, but she warned me that next time she was going to choose books for my mom herself. To say I was stunned is an understatement. It means the world to me that she’s thinking about coming to see my mom again, and that she cares so much about someone she has never even met.

“You look mysterious, Colt,” Mom comments. “Is there something you’re hiding from me?”

“Do you remember when you said to bring a girl with me if she was constantly on my mind? If she caused such strong emotions within me it would be hard to ignore?”

Mom smiles apologetically and slightly shakes her head. “Sorry, baby. I don’t, but I can imagine myself saying that to you.” She pats my knee with her hand. “Is she here?”

“Yeah, and I want you to meet her. Can I invite her in?”

“Of course.” Mom jumps up from the bed, looking excited as she tucks her hair behind her ears and smooths her palms over her dress. “Where are your manners, Colton? You’ve been here with me for an hour already.”

I stand up and head to the door, unable to hide my smile.

“Hey.” I open the door and peek outside. Ava is sitting on a chair with a book in her hands: Twisted Love. I read the title and frown. I think I need to keep tabs on what she reads—Clay’s words from before come into my head, and my dick swells in my pants. Oh, man. This is definitely not the right moment. “Come in.”

She gives me a smile, hides her book in her backpack, and stands up from the chair. She walks up to me, and we stare at each other for a minute. I’m not sure either of us understands how crucial this moment is, because I’m about to share something really private with her. I step aside, and she moves into the room, lingering by the door to wait for me. I join her, take her hand in mine, and we move toward my mom. Her eyes are sparkling, and the biggest grin plays on her lips as she lets her eyes wander over Ava.

“Mom, this is Ava.” I speak quietly, my heart booming in my chest. “Ava, this is my mom, Avery.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Avery.” Ava untangles herself from me slowly and takes a step forward, extending her hand. Mom sucks in a breath, and a worry instantly crosses my mind: what if this is all too much for her?

“It’s very nice to meet you too, Ava.” Mom moves closer, hugging Ava briefly. “Thank you so much for agreeing to keep him company, and I’m very sorry he made you wait for so long. My son didn’t tell me he brought you until just now.”

“It’s totally fine. We agreed I would wait for him in the hallway.” Ava glances at me over her shoulder. “Besides, I brought my book, so I definitely wasn’t bored.”

“What are you reading?” Mom sits down on the bed, patting her palm on the covers. Ava joins her, while I stay planted.

“It’s called Twisted Love. It’s a brother’s-best-friend romance, and I’m loving every chapter so far.”

“You read romance? It’s my favorite genre.”

“I figured that out once I saw the books Colt got you.” Ava says, and they both smile at each other. “Can I pick some out next time? I don’t think I approve of his taste.”

“That would mean everything to me.” Mom clasps Ava’s hands in hers, an excited look on her face. “I love my son, but he definitely has no clue when it comes to romance novels.”

“Hey!” I say, coming closer and sitting in the chair near the window. They both focus their gazes on me and then laugh wholeheartedly. “I don’t remember you ever complaining.”

“I didn’t have a choice, baby.” Mom shrugs and winks at Ava. They chat about books for the next fifteen minutes, while I just sit here in silence, shocked to the core. I had no clue what to expect when I decided to bring Ava with me, but I honestly couldn’t imagine it would be like this.

Ava and I stay with Mom for three more hours, until her nurse, Beth, comes to remind us about visiting hours. It’s time to leave, even if I have no desire to do so. We say our goodbyes, and Ava walks out of the room first, but only after my mom gives her a very long and hard hug.

I come closer and wind my hands around my mom’s waist, hauling her into my chest and holding her tight. “I’m gonna miss you so much, Mom.”

“Me too, Colt. Thank you so much for coming to see me, and thank you for bringing Ava with you. Watching you two together…it gives me hope that you won’t make the same mistakes as me and your dad, that you will never hurt the person you love.” I lean away and peer at her, my eyebrows furrowed. “The way you look at her says it all, baby. You love this girl.”

“I like her,” I clarify, and my mom just shakes her head. I swallow the lump in my throat, replaceing it difficult to concentrate. “I just…”

“Just be yourself. I’m sure she’s the one for you. Call it mother’s intuition.” She stands on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek. “Merry Christmas, Colton. See you next week.”

“Merry Christmas, Mom.” I give her one last squeeze and step back. My thoughts are all over the place as I amble out of the room. I notice Ava and Beth down the hall. My eyes are glued to her, and she smiles at me. It’s hard for me to figure out what it all means. Today exceeded all my expectations, but there’s one thing I know for sure: I told Dax the truth. I’m not letting his daughter go.