Stealing for Keeps (Frost Lake High Book 1)
Stealing for Keeps: Chapter 34

I spend the day in bed. Ruby brings me Sprite Zero and Jell-O, and we watch TV together. Mom stopped in only long enough to tell Ruby not to get too close because she has a big dance competition next weekend. She did also ask if I needed anything, but she meant medicine, not the thing I really want, which is for her to dote on me like she used to when I was little.

I don’t know what happened. It’s like once I started winning trophies, I stopped being her daughter and became her employee.

At some point, I fall asleep, and when I wake up, Ruby is gone from my room and the house is quiet.

Lacey stops by after I text to check in and let her know I’m alive. When I answer the door, she hands me a new box of saltine crackers and a two-liter bottle of Sprite. She smiles sadly. “You look like crap.”

“I actually feel better.”

She comes in and goes to the living room, sitting in the big armchair adjacent to the couch. “Well, you might not after I tell you about the game today.”

The ache in my stomach intensifies. “I don’t know if I can handle more bad news.”

“Coach Collins benched Vaughn and Austin today. They lost to Ralley. Four to zip.”

I groan and walk over to the couch, slumping into it and cradling the crackers to my chest. “This is all my fault.”

“And that’s why I wanted to be here when you found out. This is not your fault.”

I open my mouth to protest, but she shakes her head.

“Nope. Uh-uh. Repeat after me. Boys are dumb, and they did this to themselves.”

I don’t repeat it, but it does pull a small laugh from me.

“I know that I didn’t owe it to Vaughn, but I should have talked to him anyway. He and I have so much history.”

“And you and Austin?”

“I don’t know. It all feels so complicated now.”

“High school is complicated.”

“Is it, or do we just make it that way?” I shake my head. “The last few months have been some of the worst and best, and I can’t help but wonder if the good only felt that way because the lows were so low.”

“Yeah, I can see where you might feel that way. You’ve been dealing with a lot.”

“Or not dealing,” I say quietly. “It hit me this morning. The semester is half-over, and I have no better idea what I’m going to do about college next year than I did two months ago.”

She smiles. “You’re doing amazing if you ask me. Honestly, some days I don’t know how you’re still standing. Skating was your whole world. You had your entire life planned around it. So if you want to keep avoiding the future, I say that’s A-OK. You’ll figure it out in time. College isn’t everything.”

I snort. That is basically the opposite of the pep talk my mom has been giving me since I hurt my foot.

“Don’t let your mom get you panicked. Your grades are fine, and plenty of schools don’t care about having dozens of extracurriculars and awards.”

“I know you’re right.”

She smiles smugly.

“But it’s not just her. I want to replace other things to do. You have cheer and student council. Andie has theater. Everyone has found their place, and I’m just floating aimlessly.”

She comes over to the couch and takes the spot next to me. Lacey folds her legs underneath her so she can sit facing me.

“What if I don’t ever replace something I love as much as I did skating?” My throat tightens. I’d give anything to just perform one last time to soak up the feeling and bottle it in my heart forever.

“You will,” she insists. “Do you remember when we went to that adventure summer camp the summer before fifth grade?”

“Vaguely,” I say, thinking back on it. We slept in cabins and did outdoor things each day like hiking and kayaking, archery and other things. I only went because Lacey’s mom signed her up, and she convinced me it’d be fun if we did it together. I was not a fan of the outdoors—I’m still not—but Lacey was very persuasive. Also still true.

“Remember how miserable we were on day one?”

“Sort of.”

“But by the end of the week, we didn’t want to leave. And you got really good at reading a compass.”

“I think I blocked it. All I remember is staying up all night talking in our bunk beds.” I smile. That part was fun. It was like a weeklong sleepover.

“My point is love isn’t always automatic. Maybe whatever you fall in love with next is going to take a little bit of patience and practice.”

“A lot of practice.” I sigh. “I spent so much time figure skating, I’m basically terrible at everything else.”

“Not true. You’re a great friend.”

“So are you. I don’t think I would have made it these past few months without you.”

I abandoned my phone earlier on the coffee table, and it buzzes now with a text.

Lacey looks over at the screen and then smiles. “Your boyfriend is checking up on you. The new one, not the old one.”

I push at her shoulder lightly. “Not funny.”

Her voice softens. “These last few months, I’ve seen you smile a lot, and most of it has been because of him. I don’t think that’s because you were feeling low. He really likes you, and I think you really like him.”

“I do,” I agree. I’m just not sure if it’s enough.

“You’re going to be okay. I promise.” She takes my hand and squeezes it. “I’ve always got your back. Whatever you need.”

She stays for a little while longer and catches me up on all the other drama I’ve missed overnight. Apparently, Ashley and Eddie broke up, one of the girls on the cheerleading team had to get her stomach pumped after drinking too much, and there’s a new rumor that the high school volleyball coach is hooking up with his assistant coach. I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to make me feel better about my own drama, but it works.

After she leaves, I finally check my texts from Austin.

Austin: How are you feeling? Sorry I had to bail so fast this morning.

I’m typing out a reply when my phone rings in my hand. Austin.

“Hello,” I answer tentatively.

“Are you home?” he asks. “I’m outside.”

I walk over to the front door and pull it open. Seeing him makes me feel better than I have all day. He smiles, but he has a tiredness about him that reminds me of the game. And then of course, his purple-and-black eye. It looks like it hurts.

“Hi.” I step back to let him inside.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “Can I hug you?”

“I feel better, but I might still be contagious.”

Before I’ve finished the statement, he has his arms wrapped around me. He holds me like he’s been waiting to do it all day long.

“You scared me last night,” he says against the top of my head. He continues to keep me tight against him. I rest my cheek against his chest and breathe him in. He smells like laundry detergent and his body wash.

“I’m fine. Really. How are you?”

“Better now.” He eases his grip and looks down at me.

“Do you want to sit?” I ask. My legs still feel a little shaky.

“I can’t stay,” he says, and it’s not the words but the tightness in his expression that tells me something else is wrong. “I’m grounded, but I had to stop by on my way home to see you.”

“You’re grounded because of last night?”

“I think it was a combination of the fight, not coming home, missing practice, getting benched for the game, and then yelling at Torrance.” He tries to smile, but it doesn’t light up his face like normal.

“I heard about the game. I’m so sorry.”

“It’ll be okay.”

Will it though?

“Why did you yell at Torrance?” I ask.

He gives me a look like it should be obvious.

“What she did was awful, but we were the ones hiding it.”

“She knew exactly what would happen if she told everyone. She wanted to hurt me, and that’s fine, but not you. You’ve done nothing to her.”

I can see how mad he is at her, but I don’t know. I don’t blame her. She’s hurting, and she saw an opportunity to hurt someone else. An opportunity we gave to her by keeping things a secret when we should have been honest.

“Anyway. I better get going. If you’re feeling up for it, do you want to come over tomorrow to work on our art project?”

“I thought you were grounded.”

“They have to let me do school stuff.”

I chuckle lightly, but the knot in my chest tightens. “I don’t know. Maybe we should wait until things die down a bit.”

He gives me a weird look.

“I just don’t want you to get in more trouble because of me. Vaughn, Coach, your sister…”

“That’s not on you. None of it. I take full responsibility, and I’d do it again.”

I know he would, which is scary. I don’t want him to screw up his opportunity with the team and make a mess of his family.

“Look, it’s okay. I need to figure some things out for me anyway. I’ve been spending so much time with you and putting off dealing with everything else. I don’t want to keep doing that. It’s time to pick myself up and move on.”

He looks so hurt that I have to hold my ground instead of hugging him. I need him to hear me first.

“You don’t want to keep seeing each other because Vaughn is pissed? He’s always pissed.”

“No, that’s not it.” I take a breath. “You need to fix things with the team and your sister. I need to fix myself. Maybe it’s better if we each focus on ourselves, just for now. I would never forgive myself if being with me cost you opportunities with soccer or created a rift between you and your sister. Maybe you can’t see it right now, but us being together is causing problems for you. Even without the tension between you and Vaughn. You missed practice this morning. You never would have done that.”

“You’re right. There is a small circle of people who mean enough to me that I’d risk it, but you’re one of them. I don’t regret it.”

“And that means so much to me. I can’t even begin to tell you.” I think of all the times Vaughn put me second. All I wanted was someone to put me first, but now that it’s happened, I don’t think I can stand by and watch him do it. Not at this cost.

“Does it?”

“You are so talented, and you deserve to have everything you want. I know how much soccer and your family mean to you. I would give anything to still be able to chase my dreams. I can’t stand by and watch you risk losing yours.” My chest feels like it’s going to crack down the middle as I say each word, but if I can save him from the heartbreak I felt after losing skating, then I will. I never want anyone else to feel that. Especially him.

“I can’t believe this,” he says. “It doesn’t have to be a choice. I can chase my dreams and be with you. You’re not a risk. And if you are, then fine, I choose that risk. I choose you.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” My voice is a whisper. He thinks he understands what it feels like to lose the very core of who you are, but he doesn’t.

“I like you. I really, really fucking like you. I like you so much it’s hard to breathe sometimes. I thought…” He trails off. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I thought you felt the same way, but I guess not.”

I want to tell him that he’s wrong. I do feel that way about him, but if I do, I’m afraid he’ll stay.

“I guess I’ll see you around.” He pauses at the door like he’s waiting for me to tell him not to go.

I don’t. And then he’s gone.