Straight Up Love (The Boys of Jackson Harbor Book 2)
Straight Up Love: Chapter 36

If hope alone were enough to make a baby, I’d have several dozen by now. I’ve peed on so many sticks in my life, and every single time I did it, the action carried so much desperate hope. I’ve come to loathe these stupid sticks. To me, they represent the bad news they’ve always delivered.

I can say with utter certainty that this is the first time in my life I’ve needed to pee on a stick and been totally unsure how I feel about it. How do I feel about a possible positive result?

I still want a baby. That is part of who I am, and it will never change. But now? Now I know I want Jake too, and I’m not sure how a baby will complicate our reunion. I want him back, and I know he’ll be a good dad, but what if he’s not ready for a child?

I pee on the tester and set it on the counter like I’ve done dozens of times before. And as I learned to do a year into my marriage, I set a timer on my phone and walk out of the room, determined not to look at it until the alarm goes off.

There are no three minutes longer than the three minutes you’re waiting for a pregnancy test to process. Except this time, they go too fast, and my phone is beeping at me and it’s time to go look at the results. Instead of hope turning my feet as fast as possible toward the bathroom, I’m scared.

I’m scared of the disappointment I know I’ll feel if it’s a negative again. And I’m scared of how my relationship with Jake will change if it’s positive.

I’m staring at the bathroom door, my arms wrapped around myself. “Is everything okay?”

I jump. I didn’t even hear Ellie come in. I exhale slowly. “I’m taking a pregnancy test.”

Her shoulders sag. “Finally. Oh my God, the wait’s been killing me.”

I shake my head and look away. “I want a baby, but it’s complicated now, you know?”

“I get it. But Jake adores you. Whatever you want out of this, wherever you want to go from here, he’ll make it happen for you. I know that without a doubt.”

I wrap my arms around my best friend and squeeze her tight. Ever since I left Molly’s house, I’ve been carrying this guilt about knowing a secret I can’t share and bracing myself for it to rock her world. “I’m so grateful for you.”

She rubs my back and whispers, “I’m grateful for you, too. Are you going to go look at that test now?”

I pull back and shake my head. “It’s not going to be positive. I’m jumping the gun with this. My periods are so all over the place that it’s hard to know when to test and when to wait.”

“So go look.”

I nod, but I stand still and stare at her.

She smiles. “You want me to do it for you?”

“Yeah. I do.”

She doesn’t skip a beat. She rushes into the bathroom and straight to the counter. She looks down at the test and freezes, staring at it.

“What?”

She turns to me, disappointment written across her face, and I’m not sure what that means.

I put my hand on my stomach. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Ava. It’s negative.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “Of course it is. It was stupid to think . . .” My stomach cramps. So stupid. All the fear and uncertainty from minutes ago is washed away by a rush of disappointment. It’s too much, too heavy. Before I lived it, I never understood you could grieve for a child that never was.

I put my other hand on my belly over the first, close my eyes, and imagine what might have been. I imagine telling Jake about a baby. The joy in his eyes. He’d be an amazing father.

When I open my eyes, Ellie’s come closer. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah.” I swallow and look up at the ceiling. It would be really ridiculous to cry about this. “No. I’m not okay.”

“Oh, honey.” She wraps me in a hug, and even though I feel foolish for being sad about this, I love her so much for getting it. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too,” I whisper.

“Call Jake. Don’t hurt alone.”

“I don’t know how to start.”

“Tell him what you’re feeling. He knows you, Ava. He loves you.”

I nod. “I will. I love him too, and I’m done waiting.”

“Good.” When she pulls back, her eyes are full of tears. “Is there any chance you have another test?”

I wave her off. “There’s no need. I’m sure the first one was right.”

She bites her bottom lip. “I meant for me.”

Jake

“Where is she?” I left Cindy and the idiot new kid to cover the bar and rushed to my childhood home after Ava sent me a text. The old hideout is smaller than I remember. And it’s pretty lonely without you.

Brayden points his thumb toward the backyard. “Tree fort,” he says. He laughs. “She actually knocked on the door and said she wanted to sit up there for a while. She asked if I’d mind. You two used to hang out there when you were kids, didn’t you?”

I nod, but I’m not interested in giving Brayden a history lesson right now. Ava’s here. In our place.

That’s where she always went when she was upset and needed me.

I run into the backyard and climb the rope ladder, making a mental note to thank Ethan for replacing it last summer. It’s been thirty minutes since I got her text, and I’m afraid I’ve missed her. I pull myself into the fort.

She’s here.

Thank God.

She’s sitting in the corner in jean shorts and a Jackson Brews T-shirt, her hair in a ponytail, and her knees tucked into her chest.

“Are you okay?” I gulp in air. I think I’ve been holding my breath since I got here.

“I got the job in Florida,” she says.

I nod slowly. Fuck. This isn’t what I was hoping for.

I sit next to her—close enough that I could reach her hand if she let me, but not too close. “Congratulations.”

She exhales slowly. “Yeah, but I don’t want it. I don’t actually want to leave Jackson Harbor.”

Relief makes me limp, and I lean my head back against the plywood wall. “I don’t want you to leave either, but I do want you to be happy. I’m just a little selfish and want you with me.”

She rolls her head to the side and scans my face. “Why?” The word is so heavy with emotion that it cracks. “Why do you want me?”

I might laugh if she didn’t look so damn vulnerable. “Because I love you, Ava.”

“Is that enough?”

I cup her face in my hand, half expecting her to pull away. She doesn’t. “It’s enough for me.”

“I blamed Harrison for my failed marriage, but the truth is, I was just as at fault. I wanted him to leave me because that was easier than facing the fact that I couldn’t give him children. If he left me, I wouldn’t have to confront my own failure every day. I pushed him away, and he cheated on me with a woman who could give him the family he planned for.”

I don’t want to talk about her ex-husband right now, but I understand why she thinks it’s relevant. “Harrison was a fool, but dammit, Ava, I’m glad he left.” I roll to my knees so I’m in front of her, holding her face in both hands. “I’m glad you aren’t his anymore, because if you were, you couldn’t ever be mine. Not the way I need you.”

She swallows and searches my face. “When I thought Molly might have had your baby, I saw it all in a flash. A future where I was trying to give you a child and failing. A future where I pushed you away because I was so miserable about my body’s failure.”

I shake my head. She’s ripping out my heart, and she doesn’t even know it. After all this time and all my screw-ups, she still believes she’s not enough for me. “I’m not in any rush for the future. Tomorrow can wait, as long as I get to have today with you.”

She closes her eyes and tips her face down. “I’m not pregnant.”

“What?”

“I took a test today. I was silly to think I might have been, but I kind of hoped . . . Maybe I’m foolish to think I might ever be.”

I can’t take it anymore, so I tilt her chin up so she’s looking at me and then lower my mouth to hers. She slides a hand into my hair and kisses me in return, but I pull away when I feel her shaking. I hold her gaze while I speak. “You’re the woman I love, and I want to be with you whether we can have kids or not.” I run my hands down her arms until I’m lacing our fingers together. “I’m in love with you. That didn’t change when I thought Noah might be my child, and that doesn’t change if you aren’t pregnant now or ever.”

“I know you’re not Harrison,” she says, searching my face. “I know that because you give everything, Jake. I want to be able to give something to you in return.”

I brush my lips across hers again and again. “This is all I want,” I whisper. “You. Just you.”

“Can I have my job back?”

I laugh against her mouth. “Is that what this is about? A job?”

“I miss it. I miss hanging out with you, and hearing you geek out about beer.” She pulls back and looks into my eyes. “Colton says I’m afraid of change, but that’s because I like my life. I especially like the parts when I’m with you.”

“You can work at Jackson Brews anytime you want, but that doesn’t get you off the hook for pursuing a job you love.”

She nods. “Oh, I know. That’s why I talked to the board about expanding the Jackson Harbor Children’s Theater program into a year-round community-outreach program. I’ll have drama clubs for all ages in the afternoons, and plays year-round.”

I gape at her. “Yes. Ava, that’s perfect.”

“I think so too. The pay won’t be much, but I have grant money coming in and am eligible for more now that we’re offering afterschool programs.” She drags her bottom lip between her teeth and studies me.

I press her hand to my chest, afraid she might disappear if I let go. “What can I do to help?”

“Well, the building I’m leasing needs some work, so I might hire you for some underpaid manual labor if you’re up for it.”

“You don’t have to ask twice. Anything.”

She arches a brow. “Even if I make you do the work shirtless?”

I pull her onto the floor with me so we’re both lying on our sides. “You could talk me into anything right now. Just say that you’re mine.”

“I’m yours.”

“Damn right you are.” Grinning, I pull her body against mine.

“Ellie is pregnant,” she says before I can kiss her, and I’m surprised enough that I pull back.

“Colton’s?” I ask, knowing the answer. Levi might be in love with his best friend’s girl, but he wouldn’t act on it.

“I assume so. She didn’t say otherwise.”

“Does he know?”

“Not yet.” She drags in a ragged breath. “I felt bad enough before, but now that she’s pregnant it’s going to be a bigger mess when Molly finally tells Colt about Noah.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

She props herself up on one elbow and studies me. “Did you see him when you went up there? The kid is obviously a McKinley.”

I open my mouth and then close it again. “Yeah, the family resemblance is really clear.” But is that because Colton is the father? That’s a lot less disturbing than what I thought before leaving Molly’s, but I won’t upset Ava by speculating out loud. This is Molly’s secret. She’s the only one with the answers.

“I told Molly I’d give her three months to figure out how she’s going to tell Colton. I can’t keep this secret from my brother.” She shakes her head. “What a mess. I don’t want Ellie to be hurt.”

“She’ll be okay. She has you.” I roll over her, resting my weight on my elbows and look down into her dark eyes. “And so do I.”

“I suppose you do.” She grins. “I think you always did.”

I lower my mouth to hers and decide it’s the perfect time to show her just how long I’ve wanted her and how many things I’ve imagined doing to her right in this very tree fort.