Sweet Redemption: The Morningstar Series Book 3
Sweet Redemption Chapter 69

t's been a few days since we were gifted our new apartment. Ever since dinner that night I hadn't left our bed. I couldn't bring myself to. The guilt and the agony were too much. I couldn't pull myself out of it, mostly because I didn't want to anymore. That day in Tia's office, when she had told me everything with Hayden and the other Alpha's, I couldn't belive it. The shock that things had gone in my favor wore off and left immense guilt in its wake. I wasted so much of my time, so many tears over Hayden. My heart broke and I took on all of it alone. It wasn't like he was some boyfriend I had, he was my mate, er well I thought anyways.

I put Bou through a lot over nothing pretty much. I had already been feeling guilty about leaving with Russell and the fight Bou and I had after. Then I thought we had made up, I thought we were good. Sure Bou told me he didn't want my other marks yet, he wanted to wait just a few days. And I understood that, even if it hurt a lot. But the s**t storm that came out of this was too much.

Bou was pissed off every time his eyes landed on me and every time it felt like a punch in the gut. It was to the point that it hurts to breathe. I tried to paint on a brave face at first and tried to just be around him.

Even if he's mad his presence is still calming. But his mental distance became too much. I haven't felt a thing from him through the bond so it was weird that he asked me how to block each other out. He thought I was upset about Hayden.

I honestly couldn't care less about Hayden and his situation. My depression was due to my guilt over Bou, not Hayden. Everytime I tried to tell him that he wouldn't even let me get the words out.

After he pretty much told me he regretted being marked I gave up. On everything. I put up a block from everyone. Ahkari, Bou, Selma even. I shut them all out. I knew I deserved this.

This spiraling depression. This guilt. My mate hating me. I did it all to myself and I deserved all of it. I didn't deserve to be happy. My only regret at this point was dragging Bou down with me.

Bou had barely spoken to me. I only ever saw him when he came in to shower or change. He didn't even sleep in the bed with me. My life felt cold and meaningless. Everything was bleak. Nothing matters. All I want to do is die.

I deserve all of this. I deserve to not sleep, or eat, or live. I don't deserve to feel loved anymore. I f****d up too much. I f****d up so much that not even my family had suspected anything. No one came to check on me. I wasn't even sure anyone noticed the change in Bou.

As more tears fell I stood up for the first time in hours. I walked to one of the windows in the bedroom and peaked out at the night. It's 2 a.m. and Bou still isn't back yet. I haven't felt any betrayal pains but I still wondered what he was doing. Goddess I wish he would show me that warmth I miss. I miss him so much it hurts.

The window in front of me cracked snapping my attention to it. s**t. This also had been happening a lot lately. Things around me would burst or break. Fires would start and when they did it was the black flames of my darkness. Bou and I found out that nothing could put out the flames, but me. Not water, flour, foam, nothing.

Quickly, I used my magic to fix the window before Bou found out. There are a couple or new things. One, I could fix everything I broke with barely trying. And two, Bou now only held anger towards me. How could I blame him?

Bou would yell and scream at me any time I damaged our new place. He would remind me that this was a gift from the people that loved me and just because I didn't deserve their care doesn't mean I get to destroy what they did for us. I tried to tell him that it was always an accident but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered to Bou anymore. Especially not me.

I sat down in the middle of the floor and tried to meditate. Despite knowing I deserve to feel this way, I tried to make peace with it. I never could. No amount of meditation or therapy would ever stop this. Knowing that my mate now regrets being mated to me was crushing.

There were several times that I wanted to die, wished I could just die. I knew I would never survive another rejection. Now it was too late, but Bou still had regrets and that hurt more than I could begin to describe.

There is nothing but pain inside of me and I missed feeling empty. I missed my brothers and sisters. I missed Selma. I missed my friends and my parents. I missed Bou the most. But I just couldn't convince myself that I deserved their love. Sighing I went back to the bed and sat at the edge. Tears fell and I wondered how I had any more tears left to cry. Then the door burst open suddenly, scaring the s**t out of me and making me jump. Bou sauntered in staring at me. "Hey sexy." He said to me.

"H-hey." I stuttered. Honestly, I was shocked that he had spoken to me. It's been two days since he's even acknowledged me.

Bou walked over to the bed and crounched down at my knees. He rested a hand on my bare knee and looked up at me. His smile melted my heart and for just one moment I forgot that he hated me.

"You look delectable from this angle." He smirked at me.

My face heated. "Uhm th-thank you." I wasn't sure what was going on.

"I'm hungry. Feed me?" He asked innocently.

I blinked at him. He wants me to feed him? Bou's eyes started to glow and the pieces started to fall together. He wants to f**k me. His Incubus side is hungry.

Without thinking I leaned down and pressed my lips to his. Bou tugged on my life energy and tears rolled down my face as he deepened the kiss.

Bou pulled more energy from me and I gladly gave it to him. He kissed me as tears continued to roll down my face. This is just s*x. All he wants from me is s*x. I mean nothing to him. He doesn't really want me. Bou hates me now. He said it himself and proved it over the last few days.

After a few more minute Bou pulled away. A very angry expression on his face. Oh no.

"You don't have much to give me." He stated.

"Y-You can just drain me. I'll come b-back." I stuttered out.

Bou gave a dry laugh. "And go through the pain of my mate dying? No thanks." He said and my heart broke more. The air had been taken from my lungs. He didn't care about me anymore.

"I wish I would have never marked you." I whispered to him.

Bou got to his feet and looked away from me.

"Too late for that love. Trust me, I've looked into it." He told me.

"You looked into removing our marks?" I asked him.

"Still am. But shh. Don't want to tip off our siblings." He told me with a wink.

I stared up at him in bewilderment.

"You hate me that much?" I squeaked out.

Bou looked down at me. "Starting to. All you do is destroy everything in your wake Acaisia, and you barely even leave this room." He said. "What's the point of being mated to each other anymore?" He asked but I don't think he wanted an answer. "Because I love you." I whispered anyways.

Bou laughed again. "Do you now?" Despite his cold tone, I nodded. "Then prove it. f**k me, feed me." He said shocking me.

"H-How does that prove anything?" I asked.

"Well if you don't want to I guess I could always replace someone else." My blood went cold. "You'd have to feel that pain though." He said.

"Y-You'd d-do that?" I couldn't believe it. This was not my Bou. It couldn't be.

"That one girl is still here. What was her name again? Harper?" He was trying to bait me and it worked. Just not in the way he was expecting.

Air seemed to be impossible to gather in my lungs. I shot to my feet as I stared into Bou's eyes, just hoping this was some kind of cruel joke. He was serious. Completely serious.

"D-do y-you ev-even k-k-know who sh-sh-she is?" I stuttered out as I tried to pull in air.

Bou shrugged, completely unfazed by my panic. "Does it really matter?" He asked.

Breathing was impossible after that. My vision blurred and black spots danced across my eyes. The room was closing in on me. No, this isn't happening. Any moment now I'll wake up. Any moment. Please. I can't live like this. This can't be my life. "Acaisia.." I could barely hear Bou's voice as nothing but pure panic rolled through me.

I used to have panic attacks after being rejected. This was different. This put all my other panic attacks to shame. Arms circled around me but I couldn't see. The sparks I missed feeling so much danced across my body and I started dry heaving. "Acaisia baby calm down." That sweet voice I miss so much. I can't take it.

I shoved the arms off of me and fell to the ground. Wrapping my arms around myself I started to rock back and forth on the floor. No air was making it inside of my lungs and I just hoped it would kill me. Then arms gripped my shoulders and pulled me to my feet. "Get ahold of yourself Acaisia. I won't sleep with her damn." Bou's voice was back to that cold tone. It broke any fight I had left in me. He was annoyed that I was having a panic attack.

Everything stopped. I looked up at him and it was like everything went in slow motion. Bou looked down at me with the same annoyed expression he always has these days. I thought another sob was going to break from me but with a loud burst, every window in the room shattered. Bou flinched as shards flew around the room. I stayed rooted in my spot. Not even the sting of being cut by the glass pieces moved me.

"s**t Acaisia." Bou said once the glass had fallen. "Look at the f*****g mess you made." He scolded me.

"Do you even care?" I asked.

"About our f*****g windows? Yeah I do." He said.

"About me." I said.

Bou sighed. "I thought we had been through this. You hate me and I hate you, but we are stuck with each other." He told me.

"But I don't hate you." I said.

Bou chuckled. "Alright." He said sarcastically.

"You're going to cheat on me aren't you?" I asked.

Bou shrugged. "Are we even anything for me to cheat on anyways?" He asked.

I stared up at him. "I thought.." I trailed off.

"You thought wrong I guess." He said bitterly as he turned for the door.

"Anyone but her. Please." I begged without facing him.

"And why do you hate little Harper so much?" Bou asked amused.

I'm falling apart, and he's amused.

I turned to face him. "Because she is Hayden's sister." I said.

Bou smirked. "Wouldn't that just make more sense then? You f****d her brother...I f**k her... We could be even." He told me. "What would you say if I offered you a better mateship if I could f**k Harper? Huh? Do you love me enough to say yes to that?" He was teasing me.

"I can't do this anymore." I whispered. The fight left me. I was fighting for nothing this whole time. I know I did this to myself but I just can't take it anymore.

Bou opened his mouth to say something but before he could a man appeared in the middle of the room beside me. He's old and creepy looking. He smiled at me and I would say it was cringey if I was able to feel anything other than pain. "Who are you?" I asked him.

"Get the f**k away from her." Bou said.

I turned to my mate to see him glaring at the man, who ignored Bou.

The man held his hand out to me. "I can take you away from here sweatheart." He offered.

"Acaisia don't you go with him." Bou warned but I ignored him.

"Why would I go with you?" I asked him.

"I can give you what you want my dear." The man offered.

"Acaisia don't listen to him. He's Omen." Bou shouted at me.

Omen.

"And what is it I want Omen?" I asked him.

He smiled again sending chills down my spine.

"Death. I can promise you death my dear." He offered with his hand still out waiting for me.

"She doesn't want to die you sick f**k." Bou argued.

For the first time Omen turned his eyes on Bou.

"Believe me boy, that is exactly what she wants." Bou scoffed. "If you do not believe me, just wait to see what she does." Omen offered.

He pushed his hand towards me. Could he really grant me a permanent death? I wanted that. I wanted it so bad. No more pain, no more guilt, no more mates around to tell me how unworthy of love I am. I never have to worry again. "Acaisia.." I heard Bou's soft voice. That soft voice that tricked me into thinking I was something. That I was worth something.

I looked over to my mate who had nothing but pure fear in his eyes.

"I don't wanna hurt you anymore." I whispered.

Bou took a step towards me. "Baby don't do this. He's tricking you. He was tricking us. He-"

I couldn't listen anymore. It was all lies, all tricks, all the bond that felt more one sided these days. I placed my hand in Omen's. The last thing I saw before being teleported away was Bou's terrified eyes as he reached out for me.

Bou's P.O.V.

After Omen had pressed that f*****g finger to my forehead it was like I was trapped inside of my own mind. Anytime Acaisia was in the same room as me everything would go foggy. When I wasn't around her I was wondering why I wasn't with her.

The fog in my head made it impossible to focus on anything. I spent most of my time sitting on the brown couch staring at the wall. I never ate, or slept. Every cell in my body was screaming to go to my mate but I was stuck in a trance. My body too heavy to move. Every once in a while I could manage to go check on her but everytime I looked at her, blind rage took over. I couldn't stand it. How could I hold so much anger to something so precious to me? I miss her.

I miss that smile, and those musical giggles. I miss touching her and loving her. I missed breathing in her scent, that I quickly found out smelled like raspberries and dark chocolate. I would get wiffs of it throughout our apartment but it wasn't enough. I wanted to burry my face in it. Hell, I wanted to bathe in it.

Every second of every day it was the same. It wasn't until I was snapped out of it that I even realized how long it had been. Acaisia and I were once again being pulled apart. She blocked me out of our bond so I had no idea how she was really feeling, which was completely my fault.

The curse was getting worse. Every day things were getting broken or burned. I wanted to run and tell Tia about it but I could never make it out of the house. Whatever Omen had done to me had really f****d with my head. It was like being in some kind of time loop. Even in my fog it didn't take me long to realize why Acaisia was so sad and guilty before. It was over me. I was sure of it. After the way I had been treating her, and the depression that followed, I knew it was over me. If I had to guess she was feeling guilty about all the work she put me through because of Hayden. Acaisia made it very clear that she kept it to herself out of fear of what it would do to her family had they retailated. Still, I would do it all over again to have her.

Finally at one point my body knew it needed to feed. I went in search of my mate. Nothing Omen could do would make me seek anyone else out anyways. Acaisia was right where she always was, in our room waiting for me to take away all of her pain. Though, I never could.

I pushed down all of the anger I was feeling and managed to talk to her without malice in my voice. When I asked her to feed me Acaisia didn't hesitate to press her lips to mine. Despite everything that I've done to her over these last few days and she still would do anything for me.

It wasn't until I was almost lost in her that I realized how little life she had to give me. I pulled away worried but all of my words came out in anger. Why was I doing this to us? How could I treat her this way?

Even when Acaisia begged me with her eyes to just be soft with her I couldn't. I wanted to cut my own tongue out when I made the comment about Harper.

After Acaisia told me that she is Hayden's sister I was disgusted, not that I wasn't already. Then I gave her that offer... Why would I do that? I didn't want anyone else. Acaisia is my one and only.

My life. My soul. There is no one else for me.

The anger wouldn't let any of my real feelings out. Not my worry for my mate. Not my need to protect her. How long had it been since she ate? Since she fed? Since she smiled? She looked so heart broken, so pale and weak. I did this to her. No. Omen did this to us. I was about to leave again. I didn't want to but I wasn't even sure if I had control anymore. There's no way I would talk to my mate like this. Acaisia's broken face had my heart throbbing painfully. She didn't deserve any of this.

Just when I was about to say something Omen appeared in the room. Acaisia turned to look at him and I was frozen in my spot. Literally. I wasn't sure what had me pinned to my spot but I fought it as hard as I could. "Who are you?" Acaisia asked.

"Get the f**k away from her." I gritted out as I glared at the old man.

Omen held his hand out to my mate, ignoring me. "I can take you away from here sweatheart." He offered her.

Panic rushed through me. No. He can't have her. She wouldn't leave, right?

"Acaisia don't you go with him." I tried to warn her but my throat felt like it was on fire.

"Why would I go with you?" She asked him, ignoring me.

"I can give you what you want my dear." Omen offered her. What the hell did that mean? Only I can give Acaisia what she wants. Right? She wants her and I to live happily ever after. I wanted that too. I wanted to give her that. "Acaisia don't listen to him. He's Omen." I shouted to her.

Acaisia ignored me again. "And what is it I want Omen?" She asked him.

Omen smiled and pure panic rushed through me. She can't seriously be thinking about leaving with him, can she? She has to know that this isn't me. That I do want her. f**k, less than a week ago we were dicussing how many kids we wanted. She can't leave me. "Death." Omen said and my blood ran cold. "I can promise you death my dear." He offered her.

Omen was wrong. Acaisia didn't want to die. She can't be that far gone. She can't.

"She doesn't want to die you sick f**k." I argued.

For the first time Omen turned his eyes to me.

"Believe me boy, that is exactly what she wants." I scoffed.

He doesn't know my mate.

"If you do not believe me, just wait to see what she does." Omen offered.

He pushed his hand towards my mate. Acaisia stared down at his hand. She was thinking about it. She was really thinking about going with him.

All because he promised her death. I pushed her so far that she doesn't even want to live anymore.

"Acaisia.." I said her name softly. She can't do this. I'd rather give my own life. I can't lose her.

Panic like I've never felt rushed through me. I wished I could move from my spot. To go to my mate and hold her until she gets sick of touching me. Breathing was impossible and when Acaisia turned those devastatingly sad eyes to me.. Nothing but fear settled in the pit of my stomach. "I don't wanna hurt you anymore." She whispered.

My heart broke even more.

Hurt me? I had been the one hurting her. Acaisia was convinced that all of this was her fault, that she had pushed me over the edge to this point?

She was so lost in her depression and self loathing that she didn't notice I wasn't myself? And how could I blame her?

After everything between us I had told her that I regretted being marked. It was a lie and I'm not even sure why I said it. Omen. This was his fault. Finally I was about to take a step towards my mate.

"Baby don't do this. He's tricking you. He was tricking us. He-"

Before I could finish Acaisia set her hand in Omen's and they were gone.

The moment they were gone the fog I had been in for the last few days disappeared in an instant. I dropped to my knees as I stared at the empty space my mate was once in. Tears fell from my eyes as I really realized what I had just done for the last four days, no eight days.

Guilt threatened to choke me as I recalled all of the things I had said to her. More tears fell as I remembered how broken she looked. She laid up here for days wallowing all alone. I should have been here with her. Should have told her that I love her more than anything and that would never change. I should have done better for her, faught harder through the fog.

I pushed her to the point where she no longer wishes to walk this earth. Acaisia wanted to die. She was pushed into her depression that far.

Wiping my face I decided I have to do something. I haven't been here for Acaisia for the last few days, but I sure as hell was going to save her from a permanent death. No way in hell am I going to do nothing after not doing anything for this long.

Getting to my feet I sprinted down the stairs and straight for the school.

Don't worry my love. I'm going to save you.