Synonym
Chapter 4

"Well, it was definitely a little hectic right before we started dating." I muttered so no one could hear me. My words didn't escape the bionic ears of my boyfriend, though. Nothing got pasted him.

His green eyes sent me a knowing look as if to say 'it will be okay'. His lips pursed like he wanted to say something but Finn let the moment pass. Now wasn't the time.

Finn knew I was stressed out about the trial. It was coming up in a month and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. The nightmares were almost completely gone and when they did happen, I usually could fall back asleep after realizing that I was awake and okay. My biggest fear though, was that once I see them in front of me, not more than twenty feet away, that I'll have another panic attack or that the nightmares would come back.

I couldn't afford to start having episodes again. Not when my life was starting to pick itself up again.

I just couldn't.

****

"Sylvia? Are you okay? You've been acting off ever since that conversation in the weight room." Finn's voice rang out behind me.

I rested my forehead against the cool blue metal of the locker. It contrasted with my sweaty and warm skin. There was no use showering when I had practice in an hour again. I would shower right before class instead.

I closed my eyes and let the darkness consume my mind. Something about it was relaxing. There was nothing in front of my eyes to distract my already rampid brain.

Once again I had a locker room all to myself so Finn walked in whenever he wanted. I didn't mind. It gave us some alone time, even if it was only ten or twenty minutes. We didn't need to be at practice until 1 and it was a 25 minute drive so we could afford some time alone while Jason did whatever it is Jason does. We would pick up food from the UOT café before we left because it was free for athletes and it was healthy.

When I didn't respond Finn sighed from behind me and rested his forehead on my right shoulder. "I'm scared, Finn." My voice was so weak it sounded like it was about to crack. That was the first time I had admitted I was actually scared and not just nervous. "They scare me."

I didn't open my eyes until Finn removed his head from my shoulder and spun me around to me back was against the cold metal. His forest eyes were the color the vibrant grass back home. It was captivating. Usually people were scared of others seeing their souls, but when Finn looked into your eyes, it was calming. "It's okay to be scared. It makes you stronger. You can look at them and know that your untouchable now. They can't do anything to you. They tried to ruin your life and they did no such thing. You are strong and brave. Remember? Triskelion."

I loved that necklace. If I didn't have practice, I would wear it everyday. I used to wear it everyday and take it off for school practice and games but now I play too much to bother with jewelry. Finn's Christmas gift to me still sits on our dresser so I can see it everyday.

"And if it makes you feel better, I'll be right there. Your father will be there, my father, and I. All our friends will be there. We're all there to support you. To help you. They can't do anything to you even if they wanted too." He whispered while running his thumb over my cheek.

I had seen a physiologist like Finn had recommend but they just prescribed my Xanax to take when I was having a rough week. I had never used them.

"I'm sorry for stressing you out. I know it takes a toll on you too. Even if you don't admit it." I whispered while my eyes flickered to the lockers behind him just so I didn't have to look at his face. I always felt embarrassed and weak when we talked about things like this. I couldn't help it, it was my nature.

"Hey. Look at me." Finn demanded softly. He waited until I did it on my own, not wanting to rush me or overwhelm me. "It does take a toll. It takes a toll because I love you and I worry about you. Not because it's an inconvenience for me. Get that idea out of your head. I love you. I love you. I love you. That's all that matters."

"Why are you so perfect?" I murmured wistfully. A small smile worked its way into my lips, something that seemed to be rare when I got into a mood like this. "You always know what to say."

"Maybe its because I have a perfect muse." He smirked. "Or maybe it's because I'm just perfect at everything."

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I laughed whole heartedly. "Started out sweet, ended cocky. It's a classic for you, really."

"There's that beautiful smile." He ignored my jab, his sparkling eyes the only indication that he heard it. Finn leaned in before giving me a soft kiss. I kissed him back, putting a little more passion and hunger into the kiss. Our five day streak has been updated to a sleek seven as of late.

He got the memo and wasted no time in moving his hands to my ass. Finn loved my ass almost as much as I loved his jawline; and that was a whole damn lot.

Making out with Finn was probably one of my favorite pass times that never seemed to get old. His touch still lit me on fire like it did that first time back in January. I was always a puddle of mush as soon as his hands were on my body. Sadly, we wouldn't be able to do much more because we had to leave soon.

I guess I'll just have to wait.