THAT FALL
19 - FAREWELL

An ancient agreement when the immortals vowed themselves to peace and tolerance, the question ceremony seems a waste of space. I realize now that my appearance is reassuring and my long-absence resulted in faithlessness.

“Your constituency is awaiting your arrival, my Queen,” Castania bows deeply.

I rise from the dining room table and walk through the wall, arriving in my chambers on Atrax. Onnage and I created this quaint cottage just recently. We enjoy the Atrax beaches, with their green-blue sand and even bluer, still water. The two yellow stars the planet orbits are relatively close, but gentle on the eyes and comforting on the skin. I just wish Atrax had a moon. I like moons. Something to consider.

My attendants, two female Neanderthals, Gnel and Poswain, are present and bow. I swish my hand and open my arms to embrace them. They rush to me, full of tears and proclaiming how they missed me. Six months is six months to them. I feel like I just saw them at breakfast. Space is a funny delusion. All about perspective. I hold them close until their tears subside. I do not promise to never leave, but I promise to never disappear.

They dress me in the emerald gown of my dream. I could dress myself with a thought, but… ah, formality and tradition. It works for mortals. I manifest several sapphires which are appropriate to honor our human guests, who are rested, fed and dressed in clean clothes awaiting my presence in the receiving room.

I replace I am looking forward to this. Funny emotion, thankfulness. Thankfulness and surprise, I suppose. Curious. I am surprised these humans were so helpful. And so good. I close my eyes and will myself into my chair in the receiving room.

Several in the audience gasp. They will get used to my little tricks. A bit at a time–although I realize Onnage had one of his tantrums, so a few of them have seen the uglier side. I really need to speak with him about his lack of self-control.

I take a moment to appreciate the room created when Onnage and I resolved a slight incident for the inhabitants. The Atrax population are similar to Earth polar bears. They keep to themselves and live in deep caves within the planet. When a louse-invasion was disrupting the environment, Onnage and I intervened. Out of thanks, we received this tribute, which was more a chapel than a receiving room. With shimmering white walls and windows along the sides overlooking the Atrax mountains on the left and the ocean on the right, the room holds only twenty guests. The light from the windows causes the entire room to shimmer as sunlight on a still lake. Tufted, high-back chairs are set in rows on either side of a long, purple carpet. At the far end are the sixty-foot double doors made of white Cylandrial Oak and secured with silver brackets. The thirteen pillars at increments along the walls represent our children and the two chandeliers of Ursbe crystal represent Onnage and me.

The only thing I installed in the room was my chair. Well, a throne, actually. I like it, although it is ostentatious. It is a deep Gravianian metal called dritish. Why mince words? Chemistry is chemistry. It is silver. We just acquired it from Gravian. The seat, back, and the arms curve to fit my frame. The craftsman molded my family’s symbols into the headrest and the legs. Yes, I could have just manifested it–and I would have made it a tad shorter to the ground so I was more comfortable. But, again, tradition, expectations. Blah, blah. I sigh and raise my eyes to the group before me.

Damn it. They are all bowing.

I reach out my hand and indicate they should rise. They do, trying to avert their eyes and watch me at the same time.

I laugh and say, “I do not know who coached you, but none of that averting eyes thing is necessary. I was just being cared for by all of you in granny panties and no bra. Please.”

Josey laughs, cuddling Vrybe in her arms. I notice Navin is not present. I hear him in my mind answering my thought and telling me he is on his way. I allow it but will Onnage to my side. He resists, but appears, manifesting as my guard and inspiring more gasps at his favored appearance: Red-skinned with blazing sapphire eyes, his horns rise above the helmet he has donned. He stands over ten feet tall and fire surrounds him. In his hand is a broadsword and his hounds sit statue still behind him.

“Get used to it, people. Really. You should see what we do when we are having a marital spat.” I turn my face up towards him. He does not return my glance, merely tracing his fingers along his initials behind my ear.

“We’ve seen the result of your marital spats,” Eleanor calls out.

I know they all know what my anger has done. My anger at Onnage. My decision to trap myself as Angie. My stubbornness to teach my husband a lesson. My self-flagellation for failing to care for my children. My foolishness. How irresponsible have I been?

Josey adds, “Oh, and I’ve seen him angry.”

“Me, too,” Oren adds.

“Let us get this started, shall we,” Onnage growls.

So testy. I look up at him and he continues to avoid my gaze. The onlookers wait and I quickly compose the appropriate speech in my head, saying:

“Earthlings. Welcome to Atrax. We have granted you the opportunity to appear before me and receive blessing. You have earned this honor by being faithful, honest and strong no matter the odds or your fear. Be blessed and receive my thanks.” I raise my hands over the assembly and the room fills with silver-pink light. I tweak it to be a bit more orange. I am just in an orange mood.

The light rains over them and they laugh, holding their palms up to receive the warmth like little children in a spring rainstorm. Josey tilts her face and closes her eyes, giggling. I will be with her for the birth of their first child. Just like I am for every child. Yes. Every child of every race on every planet. Let that sink in for a moment. Appreciate my schedule. Keeps me busy. Even when in stasis, in my Angie-coma, I was present.

“In return for your faithful service, I grant you three things: You and your loved ones will be housed on Atrax for as long as you wish or be offered relocation to anywhere but Earth. To Earth you may never return. Does anyone have loved ones for whom they wish to seek?” Head shakes and nos fill the room. “So be it. Second, I will show you Earth as it is and shall be.

I pass my hand over the assembly and each attendee sees my mind:

Although it is not the first time I have reset a planet’s history, it is the third time for Earth. What appears to them is a lush planet, teeming with life. The flora and fauna are the same, but the buildings, the roads, the malls, and the cell towers are no more. Electricity has not been harnessed. The wheel is yet to be invented. The sky and water is clean and free from pollution. Humans, returned from stasis, roam, picking at berries. One female is planting seeds. Another is attempting to domesticate a horse. Others are trading fish for wheat. A flash of two males attempting to sharpen a rock. I have returned Earth to Eden. Nothing but flowers, I sing in my mind.

“I have granted humans the opportunity to start again,” I say, adding, “Do you accept my solution?”

“I love it,” Katie calls out. “It’s beautiful.”

“Agreed,” Wanda says.

“Gives them the chance to not invent guns,” Andre offers. “Or countries.”

I accept the comments and say, “Third, I permit you to ask me one question and one only. That is tradition.”

Castania takes Wanda’s elbow and leads her to the dais. Wanda is crying and smiling as she presents her daughter.

“My… my Queen?”

“Oh, none of that. Is that your question?”

She laughs and says, “I hope not!”

I accept the child in my arms. Ah… life. A daughter. So pretty, she will be. Black hair and charcoal eyes. And sharp as a tack. I do not hide my joy and say, “She is yours. And Andre’s. But she is also mine and I expect great things.” Wanda continues to sob, softly. Then I prompt her, and ask, “What is your question?” I already know.

“I’m sorry we didn’t say goodbye before we left Earth. Reynolds–Onnage–wouldn’t allow it.”

I say, “He was correct. I needed only him.” I feel Onnage inside my chest as his fingers caress my neck once more. His flaming hand crackles in my ear. Delicious.

“I just want to thank you… for,” she says as she squeezes my hand. “We both want to thank you.”

“And?”

She looks into my eyes, tears falling from hers passing over her smiling cheeks. “We–Andre and I - want to know if we can name her Reyna. Can we?”

I laugh. Which, of course, is feigned because I already knew the question. “I would be honored.”

She accepts her daughter from me and returns to her chair. Andre ensures that she is comfortable, and Castania leads him to stand before me.

He considers kneeling but stands firm. He is really handsome. Onnage pushes at my thoughts and his hands flame. I ignore him and imagine my nails on Andre’s back. Onnage’s growl is low enough so only I can hear it. I replace my vicious thought with Onnage and I dancing on the beach. The flames on his hands lessen.

“Doctor Antoine.”

“Renya.”

“Thank you for being so brave,” I say. “I knew I could count on you. It’s all perspective, yes.”

He smiles but says, “I’m sad for Earth.”

“As am I,” I admit. He was there, what? Fifty-odd years. I have been there since before the first one-celled creature swam in the depths of Earth’s blue water. Since before the rock planet itself spun into form. He thinks he is upset. Here it comes.

“What is the meaning of life?”

That one. Why do mortals think immortals know that answer? I could make up something prophetic. Something juicy. Love. Compassion. Doing for others. Pizza. I am honest. It is tradition. I say, “The answer, my doctor is: You decide.”

He smiles a slow, wonderful, warm smile and thanks me. I nod, watching him return to his chair. He hugs Wanda and they coo over their child.

“What will you two be doing now that you are relocated?” I ask, although I already know but feel chatty. Chatting makes mortals comfortable.

Wanda says, “We’ll both be training as medical staff. Although we’re told it’ll take six Earth years to catch us up!”

The assembly bursts into laughter.

“Time is relative. Here, you will live until you are over a thousand Earth years. Consider yourselves children.”

Some gasps. Some stares.

“Did no one tell you that?” I ask and look at Castania who shrugs. “Yes, well. Lots to learn.” I consider telling Wanda and Andre that I created their daughter to mate with a male from Thuringian, creating a new race and ruling that planet. But flaming Onnage was enough for one afternoon.

Castania brings Josey to the dais. Vrybe jumps into my lap and I silently warn him not to tear the material. He chides that I can will it repaired and not to bother him with my concerns as he kneads the material. Cats.

Josey does not hesitate and asks, “Can you see the future?”

I see her Tarot cards in her Longwood room. I see her necklace. I see. “I know this: You will have the opportunity to ask me other questions over your lifetime as we stroll in my garden.”

She flushes but says, “I was just curious about that whole omnipotent thing.”

“Did she say impotent?” Onnage frowns.

“Omnipotent, dear,” I say as I sigh. “Yes, I can see patterns and eventualities. But living things change every moment. The future is always uncertain.”

“Oh. I always wondered that.”

“However, Onnage and I clearly see all that is now. And I direct the future. Just as you do. Oh, you had not realized that? Well, you do. Sometimes being me is dull. But I do enjoy being able to prepare an answer.” I smile to let her know I am not disciplining her. She, with all her foibles and peculiarities, is safe here. “I think you should forget all that occult stuff. It is just a way for unscrupulous people to take others’ money. As are all organized practices. You are the only one to decide your future.”

“So, what makes you–and him–so different from me? For any of us?”

“That is more than one question,” Onnage says, trying to sound annoyed. The whole having her manage the universe reports was his idea, and he is pleased to have a female child with us again. I hope he is satisfied with her and does not demand another child for us. I am tired. He sends me images of me pregnant. I ignore him.

“We can make an exception for family,” I say as I consider my answer, not wanting to frighten her. Or the others. “You all have much to learn. I can tell you that those of our kind are different in one key respect.” I look over the humans gathered before me. I have made mistakes revealing too much, too soon. I choose my words carefully. “The one difference: We were born self-aware. Your time will come.”

Josey shrugs and reaches for Vrybe who jumps into her arms because he wants to do so, not because I willed it and not because Josey reached out. You understand cats by now.

Castania gestures for Katie and Brian to approach. The two reach the dais and Katie encourages Brian to ask his question.

He looks up, with green eyes so clear and honest, and asks, “Can I go to college here? Be an engineer?”

“That is two questions,” I say. This time I enforce the rules.

He flushes. “Oh. It is? Yeah. Sorry. I forgot the rules.”

I say, “But the one answer to both questions is yes. You will have all the opportunity you create for yourself.” I consider and then ask, “How are you adjusting to your new awareness?”

He smiles. “I’m still the same guy. But you know that. I can draw using computer programs and create bridges and machines. Not just pictures of cats.”

“I loved your pictures,” I say. “But, yes, you now have the freedom to be your fullest self.”

He gestures to Katie and says, “You go, Kat.”

She considers kneeling but does not. She considered several questions but chose the one I did not want her to ask. Lovely, clever woman. She finally says, “Can you bring my husband back to me?”

I hesitate and pain over the favorite prayer. I say, “This, I cannot do. And would not even if I could. Just as I cannot return your Mother, Oren, I will not alter time in that way. But be joyful: All that was the person returns to the stars and will be remade again. All that was, is and ever shall be.” I offer her my hand. As she takes it, I say, “And you have a future without him on your path. A future you must travel.”

She allows a single tear to fall from her eye, releases my hand and returns to her place. The room is painfully silent and Onnage snaps at me mentally: You should have lied for that one. I tell him to hush.

Castania brings Jack to the dais. He is puzzling and puzzling in his head. Glorious, brilliant man. I say, “Doctor Geddies. I want to explain one thing before you ask the question at the forefront of your mind. This is just one version of Earth. There are many. Countless. And, yes, many of the humans of your reality are lost for this life. I am sorry, but that was inevitable.”

I watch the group feel the pain and loss of those they knew and did not know. I feel it with them.

Jack clears his throat and asks, “Will I have a chance to ask all my questions?”

Onnage leans forward, stating to me, respectfully, what I already know: “I have already arranged for Doctor Geddies to meet with a team of engineers.” He gestures to the back of the room. “They await his presence and have been ordered to answer his every question.” He provides his tight smile and addresses Jack, “I told you I would answer your every question and I keep my promises, Doctor Geddies.”

Jack regards the team of white-coated beings in the doorway. He says, “Well, let’s get started.” Castania gestures for him to join what will soon become his peers. They leave already fielding his barrage of questions. I will hear them continue even when they board the transport to the lab. It would be a long few days for them. Maybe weeks.

“I thought he was going to remind me to fix his knee. He was thinking that,” I whisper to Onnage.

He leans over, his breath against my ear, and says, “I heard that, too. I expect he will ask that shortly. Just fix it.”

I envision Jack’s knee without the metal, before the injury. We hear a scream from the hall beyond the doors. Then laughter and excited calls.

“Good idea,” I say, turning away from my husband and regarding the man who now stood before me. I say, “Oren Clark.”

“Renya.”

“If anyone cared to ask me, I think you look like Oren Clark.”

He chuckles and says, “I guess that’s pretty good.”

“So it was.”

His eyes meet mine. He reaches up to the cross around his neck and pulls, snapping the chain at the clasp. He offers it to me, and I accept it, grasping his hand in mine. He closes his eyes at my touch. Things are different for us. I ask, “What will you do with your new life?”

“I’m not sure… this is all I wished I suppose.” He hesitates, concentrating, then asks, “Will I see you again?”

I palm his pendant and transform what was a cross into my family symbol: What you know as the Norse rune, Algiz. He stares at the altered metal. I return it to him and whisper, “Every day.”

As he returns to his seat, he turns his new symbol over and over in his large hand. Eleanor approaches and I raise my eyes to hers, “I only have an answer for you, Eleanor Bergstrom.”

To my left, Navin appears with a small human boy of around ten years of age. I wave my hand and transform Eleanor into her twenty-three-year-old self. I say, “It is the least we can do.”

The boy runs to his mother, and she embraces him, crying out. The assemblage claps and cries with her. I leave Navin with his little family and fade into my chambers. Onnage follows, again in his human form, and pulls me towards him, holding my waist with his hands.

“Disappointed there is no big battle scheduled for the morning?” I ask.

“Yes… and you woke up as late as you could have. Scared me to death.”

“Impossible.”

He purses his lips. He says, “Okay. Not death. Turn of phrase. English is a tedious language, as you say.” He pulls me closer. I want him desperately. My aura opens, exploding and filling the room, our lights merging. He murmurs against my neck, “It has been six Earth months, Renya…”

I smile. “Oh, that... Time to make up?”

“Time to make up.” He nibbles on my neck, thinking we could go home.

“No,” I say aloud, thinking, Earth.

He nods and we are back in the New Jersey house. The staff and military have evacuated. The sole Victorian house on the planet is silent and our steps echo as he leads me up the basement stairs, through the second floor to the third. We enter the room where I awoke. He raises his hand and the door slams shut. He raises his hand and the boards on the door, the hole where I had punched through, seals. A blue candle appears and flickers, lighting the room in a cool hue.

“You always raise your hand. Why do you do that?” I ask.

He takes me into his arms, kissing me deeply. Our light floods the room and bursts through the cracks of the roof, the door frame, the windows. The house heals. The broken windows, clear and mend. The cracked walls, smooth and cover with fresh paint. “You can be very stubborn when you are angry,” he says as he kisses my forehead.

“You think this is worse than the fight we had on Watrax?”

“Much.” He buries his lips against my neck, thinking about the Xeyophyte. Onnage is not an animal fan. Especially one similar to a tiger, but seven-hundred feet tall with sixteen-foot claws.

“I am sorry about that, too,” I say.

Passing his lips across mine, he says, “It is very dead.”

“You did not have to kill it.”

“I did.”

I pull back and say, “Maybe you can get rid of that scar on my neck. Which is more of a branding–“

“Sure is.” He exhales against my skin and nibbles my ear. I hear his thoughts: Get rid of it if you dislike it.

“I suppose you want me to heal that lovely inscription on your back?” I feel my body yielding to him.

He lifts his head, looking into my eyes. He says, “I kind of like it.”

“I guess Beatrice was not around?” I whisper, acerbic.

He closes his eyes and sighs, returning to my neck and whispering in my ear, “Shut up and just be my wife.” Then, he abruptly stops and raises his head again, and says, “And I could ask the same of you. Earth men. Boyfriends?”

“Never.”

He pulls me closer, knowing my truth, and I can feel his body vibrating. The heat builds between us. I enjoy his touch for a moment. Using our illusory forms is pleasurable, but nothing compared to when we merge. I am anxious and happy, whispering, “Thanks for sending Vrybe.”

He bites my shoulder, mumbling, “I just did not want him creeping around the house for six months looking forlorn and demanding that I feed him.”

Why do you toy? I think. You just wanted to spy on me.

He laughs. I love his laugh and run my orange nails down his arms. I ask, “How is my garden?”

Fine, he thinks.

“How are the kids?”

He lifts his eyes to meet mine. “They are all fine. They are waiting for us at home. They know the plan. Everyone is fine. And you know all that. We can catch up after–“

I pull my body away from his and say, “I am sorry.”

He puts his nose to mine, and says, “So am I. Trust we will not lose another child.”

I think maybe we need therapy. Maybe?

He shakes his head. “What therapist understands all we do? Has seen all that we have seen? We have to keep our own counsel.”

It is true. But the rest of our kind are as hotheaded, jealous… all of it. Life is life, no matter who is living it. I say, “We need to control our reactions. Talk more.”

He nods, pulling me towards him. His mouth on mine.

Perhaps we need a vacation?

He lifts his mouth from mine and whispers, “A vacation is a good idea.”

We go to the little bed. My false body shudders at he lies on top of me. I enjoy that reaction and want to feel it a bit longer. My husband. My Onnage.

“You are my one and only….” he says as he presses against me and our light grows stronger. It will only be physical for a moment. Then we will really enjoy each other as we truly are. Pure energy. Our illusory forms discarded.

I must speak. He deserves that much. The space fills with my voice from inside my head. I am sorry. I never wanted to return. I wanted to let it all go. I wanted… I wanted to hurt you. I can be such a cranky bitch…

My cranky bitch…

We become one, my husband and me, physically merging in our foreplay to so much more. I have missed him more than I could have imagined. Angie Krigare, the Warrior Angel, was a nice person. But I missed me. And I missed me with him.

But I hear the crew in the north, vacating the Earth and moving onto another battle to come. I can hear them hundreds of miles from here, and I wish they would be quiet. I can hear the main ship rising out of the Atlantic Ocean on the shores of Island Beach. The ship with my people. They hear my request to leave me a moment. They retreat in my mind.

I only want to feel the leaves falling. To hear the sun setting. To send rainbows over this planet to let the others know that have awoken. That I will set things right. I only want to feel Onnage inside me. I only want to feel his breath. Hear his voice. I only want to feel our melting into our light. I will tell my army to quiet. They answer to me.

Because I remember who I am… Oh yes, I remember:

I am God.

All seeing. Mostly knowing; mostly all powerful. Timeless. The creator. The mother. I existed before the first moments of the universe, self-aware and full of wonder. When I desired order, Onnage was born. And we created the other immortals, watching them awaken to join us as we looked over this universe. We are dark energy, formless, outside of time. I wonder at my own endless life and the quantified lives I create. I hope they will evolve and love and create. I hope they will understand the abundance of this universe. I hope they will recognize the illusion and realize they are just like me.

But until then, reader? Get the hell out of my head.

You cute little monkey.