The Accidental Wife (Emily and Julian)
The Accidental 182

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182

It's been less than a day since 1 left home, and I already mice it. Emiss it so much. Despite how cold that place has been lately, I still miss sitting on the couch watching movies and sleeping in my bed. I miss designing in my office. I miss everything, but I cannot go back This decision was hard to make, and I knew that the moment I guld take it, part of me would regret it. Maybe it's because I still love Silas with everything in me. Maybe it's because I know it will take me a lot of time to get over him, if it's even a possibility. I'm not sure how one can get over somebody they have loved for more than five years.

Silas spent the two days after the fashion show trying to prove to me how sorry he was. He made me breakfast and tried to talk to me, but I ignored him. He got me flowers and tried to get me to watch a movie with him. I almost gave in due to the efforts he made, but I stood my ground.

I learned my lesson. I forgave him more than once. I gave him more than one chance and every time, he made me believe that he was going to change. I was stupid for allowing myself to be fooled more than once. Maybe love blinded me and made me believe the false hope I had in my heart.

I'm glad I woke up. I should have woken up earlier, but maybe it's good that it has taken me some time, so I won't regret walking away from him after making up my mind.

When I took off my wedding ring, I felt cold for a few minutes. We have been married for more than a year and a half and that was my first time to go out without my ring ever since he placed it on my finger. During our engagement and marriage. I loved looking at the ring. It was a reminder that I was married to the man who owned my heart. However, the feeling has changed lately, because the man I was in love with went somewhere and never came back. For the past few months, whenever I looked at the ring, I always felt some sort of heaviness in me. It became a symbol for something that no longer existed.

Despite all of that, when I took it off, I felt something was wrong. Maybe that feeling could be attributed to how I never took it off and I simply wasn't used to going out without the ring. Maybe it's because Silas still owns my heart and I still love him, but love isn't the only necessary thing that keeps marriage going. There are a lot of factors and love is just one of them. It feels like all of them suddenly disappeared and love was all that was left.

I'm still in California, but I'm nowhere near Silas or my parents. I thought about leaving California, but there's no point since I will be leaving for Puerto Rico soon with Sabrina and Knox.

Sabrina knows that I left, but like everybody else, she doesn't know where I am. I didn't tell anyone, because I know how much they all love Silas and I'm well aware of how convincing he can be.

My phone rings and I answer upon seeing that it's my mum. I blocked Silas because I didn't want to receive any calls or texts from him. I love him and I cannot fully trust my heart. It may give in if he talks to me in that sweet tone of his. I may pack my suitcases again and go back home if I hear him crying.

"Hey, Mum," I say. I bet Silas has already paid her a visit.

"Did you leave divorce papers for Silas?" Yup, he paid her a visit. I didn't tell anybody anything about leaving him divorce papers because I know they will talk me out of it. They will remind me of how much I love him and how everything can be fixed. But they weren't there to see him gradually change for the worse. They weren't there during the mornings when he'd rush to the bathroom to empty his stomach after getting drunk the night before. They weren't there to see him treat me with indifference as if he forgot how to love me. "Yes, Mum. I left him divorce papers," I tell her. It's a decision I'm still not sure about. Did I take it too far?

"Rosie, I know he hurt you, but he... he seemed really sorry. He was frantic and nervous. He told me he had been sober for two days and even enrolled himself in an alcohol rehabilitation program." My heart clenches for a second, but this isn't his first time to try being sober before relapsing. He once stayed sober for four days and relapsed. Another time, he stayed sober for ten days, then relapsed. Why should this time be any different?

"Did he tell you that he tried to get sober before and failed?" I wonder, looking down at my lap

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"I didn't know that," she says in a quieter tone.

I know that she may think my heart has turned into a block of ice, but the thing is, I have been through a lot during the past few months. I have tried many things with Silas and nothing really worked. Don't I have the right to look for my own happiness? Shouldn't I try to fix what has been broken?

I never stopped loving Silas. Walking away from him doesn't mean that I don't love him anymore. Yes, I left, but I'm still worried about him. I want to text him to make sure that he's okay. I want to have a conversation with him about my decision, but I also know that he won't take it well. "Listen, Mum. I know my decision may seem irrational, but trust me, it's not. It's far from that. I have been thinking about it for a while and I need you to understand that leaving him was never an easy decision to make, but some decisions have to be made even if they're going to cause us pain at first. Don't you already know that?" She knows what I'm referring to. She made herself disappear for five years after proving that she was innocent to the whole world. She made Dad regret not believing her.

I think I also have the right to walk away when I see my husband mistreating me. I have the right to leave when I no longer become one of his priorities.

Did I have to leave so that he could realize what he had done? His realization came too late.

"Yes, I do know that, but I don't want you to regret your decision later," she reasons with me.

"I think I would have regretted staying more," I say, arching my neck back.

"Do what you think is right. I will be here for you if you ever need anything," she tells me, making me let out a small smile despite the darkness clouding my mind.

"Thanks, Mum. I will talk to you soon," I tell her before hanging up.

I have a strong feeling that Silas doesn't plan on signing the paper easily.

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18:52 Sat, Nov

Chapter 183