The Alpha's Mutt
An Alpha's Instincts

When Farris finally returned to the room, I was excited to tell him what I may have discovered. Yet my elation was quickly deflated by the scowl that he had on his face as he looked at me. He slammed the door behind him and crossed his arms over his chest. He stared at me as if expecting me say something, but I was not sure what it was that he wanted to hear from me.

“What’s the matter?” I questioned, as I rose from my seat to face him.

“Where were you all day?” He growled.

“I was with Zeeb. We went to his cabin to see-…“ I began to explain before I was cut off by a roar coming from Farris.

“You went to his house with him?! Alone?!” He demanded.

“Yes. We were looking for answers to his immunity. Thought it was better to check everything just to be sure.”

“I see…” Farris responded, clenching his jaw. “Don’t you think it’s a bit inappropriate for you to be going off by yourself with some strange unmated male.”

“What?!”

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. Did he really think that I would have done something with Zeeb? Did he think so lowly of me that I would throw myself at the first unmated male that I got alone? I had been apart from him for years and had not even bothered to glance at another male in a romantic way. And that was when I had still thought that he had rejected me. I certainly would not be doing anything now that we were trying to work on us.

“Are you being serious right now?” I asked, placing my hand squarely on my hip and glaring at him.

“You are my mate!” He declared. “I have a right to not want you to be alone with unmated males! Especially since you are unmarked!”

“First of all…” I began while trying to remain levelheaded. “You do not own me. I am an Alpha in my own right. And I am unmarked because we are not currently acting as mates.”

“That is only because you keep refusing me!”

“And whose fault is that?!”

Farris would not admit this out loud, but my words had taken him aback, causing him to feel hurt. The real reason that we were not mated was because of a miscommunication that was taken advantage of by others. Yet for some reason, a part of me still blamed him and I knew that he blamed himself. Even though he did not deserve the blame that either of us were placing on him. I even felt a little guilty as the words left my mouth, but I could do nothing to stop them.

“I’m doing my best here! I’m trying to make everything up to you, but you won’t give me an inch!” He revealed; the pain evident in his eyes, despite the scowl that remained on his face.

“It is hard to trust you! You have to give me time!” I admitted.

While I felt a bit badly for what I had said. I still had to speak my truth even if it hurt him. I did not trust him even though there was part of me, deep inside, that wanted to. It was an internal battle that I had been trying to reconcile. I was making headway but having him act this way now was not helping his cause.

“I’m trying to give you time, but you have to understand where I’m coming from here!” He yelled, exasperated. “I’m trying to be patient…” He sighed, lowering his voice. “But you have to understand, I am fighting my instincts here. Everything inside of me is screaming at me to claim you. To make you mine before you get away again. Watching you leave to chase after some unmated male…” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “It took every ounce of control within me not to run after you.”

At his admission my resolve immediately softened. I realized that I had not really been taking his situation into account. He was an Alpha, and Alpha males were naturally possessive, especially when it came to their mates. In order to respect my wishes, he had been fighting his innate desires to lay his claim on his rightful mate. I may have wanted to go slow because of the pain that his pack had caused me in the past. But he was only going slow for me because it was what I wished, not because that was what he wanted.

As irritated as I was that I felt he was trying to restrict my freedoms. I needed to understand that not all of this was entirely within his control. I had been pushing him away and then went running after another. Even though it was completely innocent, his wolf had to have felt threatened by that action. Once I really sat and thought about it, I was rather impressed that he had been able to keep himself from coming after me at all. It truly displayed a great amount of self-control.

I kept thinking of our situation from my point of view. From my feelings. I needed to do my best to be more open minded to his viewpoints as well. This was not easy for him either. And the truth of the matter was that I did want to replace a way to make things work for us. He was my mate, and I was working towards forgiving him, letting go of what had happened before. However, if I wanted things to improve for us, I needed to be understanding of what his struggles were.

“I’m sorry.” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

“What?” He questioned; the surprise evident on his face.

He clearly had not expected me to be the one to apologize. But I knew that I needed to. I needed to let this go and fix it, so that we could move on. As it was, the time when we were going to be able to communicate effectively, without my shift getting in the way, was limited. We had a difficult enough road ahead of us, perhaps, hanging onto every little irritation was not worth it if we were going to take this relationship anywhere.

“I said that I am sorry.” I reiterated. “I did not think about how hard all of this was for you. I know that you’re fighting your instincts and I need to be more sensitive to that.”

“Thank you for that.” He gratefully accepted my apology, relief spreading across his face as all his features softened. “I’m sorry too. I know that I’m struggling, but that does not give me the right to yell at you like I was. I will try to work on that.”

His apology warmed my cold heart just a little bit. He did not really need to apologize as I understood where he was coming from, but I appreciated that he had anyway. He really was trying to be a better wolf and I acknowledged every little effort that he was making. Especially now that I had opened my eyes enough to notice them.

I could not help myself. I stood up on my tiptoes and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. I wanted him to truly understand the depth of my gratitude. I felt the need for a physical act between us, no matter how small.

As I pulled away, his hand immediately went to his cheek, and I watched as the wide smile grew across his face. And I did not fight the grin that graced my own as I saw how much such a simple act had meant to him. He was beaming ear to ear with a sparkling smile, as his eyes twinkled with the promise of renewed hope. I felt a strange flutter in my chest as I admired him; the mate bond suddenly sparking back to life.