The Alpha's Mutt
Watching Helplessly

Over the next few weeks, the pack house had become the official quarantine space, acting as a makeshift hospital for those who had taken ill. All of the Elwood Pack members who had been living in the manor had been moved to temporary housing elsewhere. Only the sick and the mutts who were tending to them were allowed anywhere within the building.

The half-breeds were working all day and all night in rotating shifts. Newly infected wolves were appearing every day. The pace was relentless. I wished that there was more that I could do to help them but currently, all I was good for in this situation was to offer words of moral support through mindlink and my thanks for their service.

Every day I would make my way through the pack house. Checking on the ill, hoping that my presence reminded them that there was still a sense of leadership in the pack. They may have been feeling weak, but they were still safe, they were protected. Many of them would reach out to me and run their hands through my fur. It seemed to calm them, so I happily allowed it. I was not certain if anything I did was actually helpful at all for them. But I hoped that it was, at least, in some small way.

I would check in with my hybrids, constantly. Making certain that they were caring for themselves, as well as those who were sick. I knew that the stress of watching the virus ravage otherwise strong wolves, could be detrimental and as much as we needed them to continue providing care, I did not want them wearing themselves too thin.

I would meet with Jamari just outside the pack house for lunch on a daily basis. She was immune to the virus, but I did not want to risk her carrying anything back to those who had managed to not fall ill as of yet. For this reason, we always remained outside in each other’s presence with a small distance between us while we met. We would discuss pack matters and tried our best to keep the packs running as normal.

She was acting as a kind of leader for both the Elwood and Pariah Packs at that time. Being the highest-ranking wolf that either of the packs currently had access to, since I was holed up in the pack house with the infected. Originally, Jamari was going to come work alongside the rest of the mutts in the pack house. But when Deene had come down with symptoms, the plans had to change. Alessa could not remain in charge of the Elwood Pack as she was a mess over Deene taking ill and had quickly revealed that she too caught the virus. The same ended up being true for Farris’s Gamma, Ralph, shortly after the Betas had gone down. In the end, it simply made sense to go with Jamari. She would not fall victim to the illness, and we could communicate without issue to make certain that both of the packs concerns were properly tended to.

I had expected some push back from members of the Elwood Pack about being essentially under the leadership of the Pariah Pack. However, to my surprise, they transitioned to Jamari and I’s command quite easily. I supposed that during an emergency situation even the least agreeable of wolves could be brought to their senses. It was their instinct to seek out their leadership in times of crisis and they had apparently accepted that the leadership would be in the form of Jamari and myself. For that I was grateful.

After my lunch meeting with Jamari, I would go to Deene and Alessa’s room and I would spend some time with them. They had taken sick fairly quickly after Farris’s symptoms had appeared. I was not surprised by this; they had spent too much time in Farris’s presence since we had returned from the Bristlecone Pack. If anyone was going to contract the virus, it was going to be them. It was hard for me to watch Alessa struggle as she lay in bed clinging to her equally sick mate. She had been my only friend for so long. My saving grace more times than I could count. Yet, here I was, helpless to do anything for her when she finally needed me.

The Moon Goddess had tasked me with fixing this problem, yet I was at a loss. We knew that the mutts were immune, but otherwise, we had gotten nowhere. I had met with the pack doctors from Elwood and Pariah, they were providing medicine to the half-breeds to administer to the ill, but all it was doing was making the infected more comfortable, they had no remedy that actually attacked the virus. If we did not figure out something soon, then I feared that the hybrids would be the only ones left.

The worst part of all of this was watching Farris. The majority of my time was spent by his side. Wiping the sweat from his forehead. Snuggling up to him when he shivered, trying to offer him warmth. Encouraging him to eat and drink when his body felt too weak. My heart ached, as if it was being squeezed in the grip of a vice, whenever he had a coughing fit and struggled to regain his breath. I was very literally seeing him fade away right before eyes.

He was my mate. The other half of my soul. I had to save him, but I had no idea how. All I could do was sit by and watch him suffer. Wondering if we would ever have the chance to be normal mates; ones who lived together and loved each other. How much time had we lost because of the hatred of others? Where would we have been if I had stayed? If we had claimed each other all of those years ago? Now…we may never get that time back. Never get the chance to make up for those mistakes.

I knew that I had been the one who wanted to take things slowly between us. I had needed to learn to trust him again. But I now regretted that choice. If I had known that our time together again was going to be so short, then I would have reconsidered. Maybe kissed him a few more times and felt the touch of his skin beneath my fingertips, delighting in the electricity that danced between us.

My only solace lay in the fact that the full moon was near again. I would be back in my human form soon and I could be of more help. I could actually care for him as a good mate should. I could hold him in my arms and tell him how much he means to me. Remind him to be strong. At least, for a few days, I could truly be there for him, and I was going to do absolutely everything that I could during that time. Before I was a wolf again, he would understand completely, without a shadow of a doubt, exactly how I felt about him.

A couple of days later, as the full moon started to lift into the sky, I stood at Farris’s bedside watching his pale form struggling. I could feel my bones beginning to move shifting and snapping back into place as my being transformed. A few moments later, I stood, naked, in my human form. I was relieved to finally be in this body again, I had never desired my human side more than I had in these last few weeks. Wolves were good at many things but tending to the ill was not necessarily one of them.

I sighed as I approached Farris’s side. He was asleep and looked almost peaceful. I did not wish to wake him only for him to feel his suffering again. So, I decided that I would let him dream for now. He would see me in my human form again soon. I brushed my hand, ever so lightly across his cheek, appreciating how beautiful he was even as the virus had taken its toll. I truly was a lucky she-wolf. I could not allow it to end this way.

I leaned in and gently kissed his forehead, enjoying the electricity that coursed through my veins for just a moment. Then I carefully stepped away, making my way over to the en suite bathroom. I hopped into the shower, grateful that I could bathe properly for the first time in weeks. As a wolf, you pretty much just jumped into the nearest water source and swam around. You could use your tongue and your paws a little bit, but there was not much actual cleaning to be had. It was nice to get to scrub yourself in human form and I planned to take advantage of that. The air in the pack house was thick with the scent of illness and it stuck to your skin. I was eager to free myself of that feeling, if even only for a few moments.

I basked in the feeling of the water slowly cascading over my body as I did my best to relax for a few moments. Needing some of the tension to melt away. Though it was not long before I realized that I lacked this ability. The situation was far too serious, and I did not feel like I had the right to feel calm until something could be done about it. The Goddess, herself, had assigned me this task after all and now my pack, my friends, my mate, were all under threat from this. I could not unwind until I fixed this…somehow.

After getting out of the shower, I brushed my teeth with a toothbrush that I had found still in the package. I borrowed Farris’s hairbrush, hoping that he would not mind. Then went into his closet to borrow a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that I had to roll up at the waist several times to make them fit alright. Then I went and finally did the thing that I desired most…I climbed into bed with my mate.

I moved carefully and slowly as I joined him, I did not want to disturb him. But I could not stop myself from getting close to him. From putting my head on his shoulder and wrapping an arm around his torso. I sighed in contentment, feeling his firm form underneath me and breathing in his intoxicating scent. Even with the stench of illness hanging in the air, his soothing aroma still pushed through, wrapping itself around my senses. I could not imagine being anywhere else but here…with him.

At some point, I had finally managed to fall asleep. But as the sunlight began to peek in through the bedroom windows, I found myself awoken by a hand, gently, pushing the hair away from my face. I slowly opened my eyes, met with the sight of Farris’s golden orbs staring back at me. I gazed into their depths, feeling the longing and desire within them. I hoped that he could see my emotions within my eyes as easily as I could read his. I wanted him to understand my feelings. I smiled at him, elated that we could finally be like this, and he offered me a weak smile in return before launching into a coughing fit. Our trance broken by the reality of our situation.

“Let me get you some water.” I suggested as I jumped up, rushing to the bathroom to fill his cup.

After I returned and gave him his glass, he sipped at it, gratefully. I grabbed the chart that the half-breeds had made up for every patient to keep track of when they had been given medicine. He was due for another dose, so I hurriedly gathered it up for him. After he had taken the medication, he leaned back into the bed, seeming to start to feel more comfortable again.

“You make one sexy nurse.” He teased, his voice croaking as he spoke.

“Only when you’re the patient.” I winked.

He tried to chuckle at my response, but it came out as more of a wheeze. I worried that he was going to throw himself into another coughing fit if he tried to continue like this.

“Try to not to push yourself.” I cautioned. “It may be better not to talk too much.”

“I know…” He sighed, speaking slowly. “But I have not gotten to speak to you like this in a month. You cannot blame me for wanting to hear your voice.”

“Well, luckily for you, I can speak without issue and if that helps you to feel better then I will be happy to do it.” I stated as I lowered myself down onto the bed next to him.

He hummed in response, nodding his head in agreement. So, I closed the distance between us and found myself wrapping my hand into his. Then I talked. I talked about anything and everything that I could think of. Without going into too much detail, as I did not want him to worry too much, I explained how things were going in the pack. I avoided the actual numbers of those who had fallen ill because I knew this would cause him stress. But I did not wish to hide the whole truth from him either, he had a right to know that his pack members were sick. I told him how we had worked out the leadership issues with Jamari taking charge of the healthy, while I remained with the infected. I assured him that we had maintained a sense of control within the packs despite the chaos that the virus was wreaking. He seemed confident that I had the situation under control.

When he finally fell back to sleep, I decided that it was important that I keep my word on everything that I had just told him. With this in mind, I forced myself out of the bed despite my heart and body begging me to stay by Farris’s side. But I knew that I needed to tend to my duties, and it was best to do it while he was resting so that I could spend the moments that he was awake with him. So, I mindlinked all of the mutts that were working to alert me immediately if they noticed that Alpha Farris had woken. They promised to do so, and this was enough to finally convince me to leave his room.

I spent the rest of the day traveling back and forth between Farris and helping the rest of the half-breeds to care for the sick. I felt so much more useful now that I could actually assist in the cleaning or administering medicine or delivering food and water. I was going to make the most of this week, assisting the hybrids as much as possible while spending every moment that I could with Farris.

As the evening set in and moon climbed higher into the sky, I found myself growing tired. I had been running around all day and I need to just be near my mate for a little while. I went into the room quietly, noting that he was sleeping. That gave me some time to slip into the bathroom and wash the day off myself before climbing into bed with him.

As I emerged from the closet after borrowing more of Farris’s clothing, I could see him stirring through the darkness. I worried that he was uncomfortable, so I hurried to his side. He opened his eyes to look at me and I could not help but melt for a second, forgetting myself for the briefest moment.

“I missed you.” He wheezed before clearing his throat, painfully.

“I missed you too.” I admitted, running my hand through his soft hair.

“Mhmm…” He hummed as he pressed into my fingers.

I scooted into the bed beside him and continued to run my hands through his hair. If this was something that he enjoyed, then I would be sure to do it more often. I looked down at his face, a look of pure contentment across his features despite the haggard way that he felt. My heart swelled at the sight of him, and I could feel a strong desire building within me. I wanted to be with my mate. I wanted to feel the effects of the mate bond coursing through me.

I knew that Farris was far too weak to perform the entire mating ritual, but a thought had been plaguing my mind for the last week or so as I watched him suffer. Maybe I had been looking at this all wrong. I kept insisting that we take things slow. Get to know each other. Acting as though we had all the time in the world. Yet, as Farris deteriorated before my eyes, it occurred to me that our time on this planet was not guaranteed. Someone that you care about could be snatched away from you as quickly as they came.

I wanted to have my mate before something happened and I would never have the chance again. So, I cleared my throat and prepared to bare my soul to him…

“Farris…I…uh…” I stumbled over my thoughts, seeking the right words. “I have been thinking about this a lot lately…” I admitted still feeling sheepish. “And I was wondering what you thought about…” I paused, the anxiety beginning to squeeze at my lungs.

I needed to get this out before I lost my nerve altogether.

“How would you feel about us marking each other?” I huffed out, knowing that if I did not do it now, then I may not have done it ever.

“Mark each other?” Farris rasped; his eyes as wide as saucers.

“Yes…” I sighed, not certain what was going through his mind.

I had hoped that he would be excited by my suggestion. He had made every indication that he was interested in us being fully mated. However, now I was sensing an apprehension on his part, and I was not certain where it was coming from. Was it simply because he was ill? Or was there something more behind it?

“I was thinking…” I decided to try and explain myself further.

I may as well be honest with him. If he turns me away now, then at least I would be certain that he did not want me this time and no one will be able to say that I was the one who did not try.

“Life is precious. I don’t want to put off our mating any longer. I do not want something bad to happen and for us to have never known each other that way. I want to be your mate.”

I watched as Farris’s eyebrows furrowed. Considering the words that I had just spoken to him. This only caused my concern to grow.

“I don’t want you to feel like you were pushed into anything.” He finally responded, shaking his head as he spoke. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this.”

“I know that I don’t have to. I want to.” I insisted. “I want to know that I am yours and you are mine.”

“I want that too.” Farris huffed. “I want that more than you could ever know, but…”

Farris struggled to continue but was stopped short by a coughing fit. I rubbed his back as he hacked away, knowing that there was not a thing that I could really do to help him. Though hoping that it some small way I was bringing him comfort.

After the coughing finally stopped and his breathing was normalizing. I reached over him and grabbed his glass of water, bringing it to his lips and encouraging him to drink. Once I was sure that he was alright, I gently encouraged him to continue, desperate to know where he was going with this.

“But…” I beckoned.

“I’m sick, Mysti.” He breathed as if speaking the words out loud would somehow make him worse. “We do not know what the outcome of this virus is going to be. What if…” He paused for a moment, hesitating before speaking the next words. “What if I die? What if I die and we’ve marked each other. You will feel it. I don’t want it to break your heart or your spirit.” He finally admitted, quietly.

I was taken aback by his admission. I wanted to mark him because my deepest fear was that he may die from this illness. And if he does, I did not want to go through my life having never known how it felt to be marked by my mate. Yet, for the same reason that I wanted his mark, he did not want to mark me. I understood his reasoning to a point, but it did nothing to sway my mind.

“What makes you think that your death would not break my heart either way?” I challenged. “Do you really think that just because you have not marked me that I will be accepting of your death?! I would be ruined by it, regardless. And what’s worse is…” I continued rambling on. “You wish to condemn me to a life of never knowing what it is like to be marked by my mate. Never getting to feel the mate bond in its full capacity.”

I could not help the tears that sprung forth from my eyes as I spoke. Did he really believe that I would not be bothered by his death just because we were not mated? How could he possibly believe that he was somehow protecting me by denying me this wish.

“Please don’t cry…” He begged as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I cannot take it.”

“I want to be marked by you, Farris. I want to be marked by my mate. I know the possible consequences concerning this infection. But I also know that we are just as likely to face another threat if this sickness were not it. There is always the risk that we can mate and that one of us will die. But is that not a risk worth taking? Is it not worth it to know each other as marked mates despite all of this?”

Farris stared into my eyes for a few moments, processing my words as he did so. I could hear the soft wheeze coming from his chest as it rose and fell with his strangled breaths. This sound only made me more certain in my resolve. Unless he planned to outright reject me, then I wanted to bear the mark of my mate. We had no way of knowing what lay ahead of us, especially with the virulence of this virus ripping its way through our world. I did not want to live with any regret, and I knew that I would regret it if I did not have him while I could.