The Alpha's Mutt
Letting Go

The battle was bloody pandemonium. Bodies and limbs flailing in every direction. Fur, hair, fangs, and claws flying about everywhere you looked. Farris struggled as he desperately attempted to make his way towards the building that Mysti had disappeared within. They were supposed to stay together. She had promised that they would do this together. But in some naïve attempt to protect himself and the others, she had taken off with Hugo to fight this battle alone.

Most maddeningly of all, she had blocked his mindlink with her and no matter how hard he tried, he could not get through. He was desperate to know how she was or if she needed him. He fought hard and he had already taken down several vamps, but he did not feel that he was getting any closer to his goal of reaching her. Even with Relic’s protection and Casey’s help, they just were not getting any nearer to that elusive door.

When all of the sudden the vampires stopped in their tracks. They all stood still and looked around at each other in confusion. A moment later, some began to roar in anger while the others merely began to run away. Most had seemed to lose all will to fight while the few that remained and attempted to defend what was left of the clan, were easy to subdue.

Farris wondered if this meant that Mysti had succeeded in her task. Had she killed Master Belial? Farris instructed Casey to begin replaceing as many able-bodied survivors as possible, so that they could start rounding up and tending to the wounded. Then he commanded Relic to follow him, their task was not finished. They were going into the building to replace Mysti and Hugo.

They had just about reached the door, when it suddenly flew open, stopping them in their tracks. Was there another hoard of vampires about the exit the building prepared to attack? Or were they simply others looking to escape? Just in case it was the former, Farris placed himself in a defensive stance, ready to continue fighting if necessary.

Though he quickly relaxed at the sight of Hugo coming through the door followed by several women in antique-looking nightgowns. Farris watched carefully as he looked over each of the women, expecting any moment for Mysti to be amongst them. That was until he studied Hugo more carefully as he noticed Farris and began stumbling towards him. His eyes were bloodshot and sunken, his cheeks were tear stained and snot dribbled haphazardly from his nose. He stopped just before reaching Farris and mouthed the words…

“I’m sorry.”

Farris stared at him for a moment in shock. What could he possibly mean by that? Why was he crying? Where was Mysti?! Dread began to overtake him as panic set in. She was not dead, they were marked, he would have felt it. She had to be in there. She was still alive in that building somewhere and she needed him.

He began making his way to the door, pushing past the bewildered women in their nightgowns that stood in his way. They did not matter. Nothing mattered. Mysti needed him and that was the only thing that he could focus on. The only thing his world would revolve around until he saved her. Until he held her in his arms again.

“Alpha!” Hugo cried as he ran after him. “She’s gone, Alpha! She’s gone!”

“No, she can’t be!” Farris cried. “I would feel it! She can’t be gone! She has to be in there!”

“Alpha…” Relic offered in a more soothing tone, as he placed a gentle hand on Farris’s shoulder. “Hear him out.”

“I can’t. She’s in there. She needs me.Hugo show me where she is so that I can help her.” Farris insisted, the tears building in his eyes, despite his certainty that he was right.

“She’s gone, Alpha. She sacrificed herself to end Belial.” Hugo explained.

“But…” Farris wanted to argue; however, he could see the sincerity in Hugo’s eyes and knew that he would not lie about something like this. “I did not feel it happen.” He gasped. “Why didn’t I feel it happen?”

“I…I don’t know, Alpha. But I watched it happen. She’s gone. I’m sorry.”

“Her…her body?” Farris questioned, choking on the words as he spoke them.

“It’s gone as well. They both kind of...disintegrated. Just disappeared into the air in an explosion of magic.” Hugo explained, hating that he had to be the one to deliver this news.

“Mysti…” Farris spoke barely above a whisper, the tears spilling from his eyes.

Suddenly, Farris turned away from the building and took a few steps back towards the field where all the fighting had occurred. He looked over the bodies littered across the ground, vampire, and wolf alike. He fell to his knees and released an unholy noise, something between a roar and a scream. It was a desperate sound reserved for only the most shattering of moments. Ones which break your soul in ways that it will never recover from. It reverberates throughout the land and sends shockwaves into the universe. The world will never be the same again.

Farris collapsed, the pain in his heart simply too great a weight for him to bear. He had lost too much this day. From the wolves in his care who looked to him as their leader and protector. To the most important being in his life, his mate, the other half of his very soul.

He could hear the others calling to him, but he could not bring himself to respond. Instead, he let the darkness claim him as he allowed reality to fade away, taking his pain with it. He floated to a deep, dark place within his mind, somewhere that no one would get to him unless he wanted them to. He created a door and locked himself safely inside.

In here, there was no more loss. Mysti had not gone away. Nothing in his life had changed. They were simply at home together in bed, but not in the pack house. No. They were tucked away in Mysti’s cottage, hiding from the world around them. He wrapped his arms around her waist and snuggled his face into her chest. He inhaled deeply, taking in her scent before releasing a contented sigh.

“It feels like you are holding onto me for dear life.” Mysti joked, her voice sounding almost far away, an ethereal quality to her tone but Farris chose to ignore it.

“Maybe I am.” He responded as he clutched onto her even tighter.

“Tell me, Alpha.” She teased. “What is it that you are so afraid of?”

“I am afraid of letting go.” He admitted, being more honest with himself than he cared to be in this space. “But I don’t want to talk about that right now.” He deflected, quickly changing the subject. “Instead, I just want to focus on you, here and now.”

He began kissing her shirt where it covered her stomach and breasts, playfully nipping at the fabric with his teeth as he went. She giggled under his touch and her cheeks blushed.

“You are so beautiful, Mysti. I love you so much.” He revealed as he stared up at her with admiration in his eyes.

“I love you too, Farris. More than you will ever know.” She offered as she placed a hand gently on his cheek and stared deeply into his eyes. “But…I am afraid...my love, my mate, that…you need to let go.”

“Wait…what?!” He panicked as he looked over her face, his eyes wide in shock.

He half expected her to say that it was some kind of sick joke. That she was only messing with him. They were locked away in the safe place in his mind. Nothing could get to him here. Not even the truth. He was supposed to be safe in here where he could deny what was happening out there. How could she be so cruel as to destroy that illusion for him?

“You are an Alpha, Farris.” She explained, calmly, her look one of adoration, not judgement. “There are wolf packs out there that need their leader. They are hurting as well. You will need each other to heal. You cannot do this without them, and they cannot do it without you.”

“The Betas will take care of everything.” He argued.

“No, Farris. They are hurting too. Alessa has been my best friend since we were young. Jamari made herself responsible for my safety from the moment we met, and she will blame herself for not protecting me. The Elwood Pack just lost their Luna, and the Pariah Pack lost their Alpha. They will need you to be there for them. They will need to know that they still have a strong leader.”

“What if I don’t want to be strong?” He begged. “What if I don’t know if I can do it anymore? What if I cannot do it without you?”

“You can do this, Farris. You were born to be an Alpha. You can overcome anything. I believe in you.” She promised. “I am not saying that it won’t hurt, and it probably will for a while. The packs do not need to believe that you are not in pain or mourning. They won’t expect that from you. And it is better that they know your grief. Allow them to help you heal as they heal as well. But, no matter what, you still need to be there. They still need to feel that you have their backs, just as they will all have yours. Lean on each other.”

“I can’t.” He tried one more time, even though his resolve was quickly crumbling as he knew in his heart that she was right.

“You must.”

“But I need you.” He whispered.

“And I will always be there. I will never completely leave you. If you need me, you know where to replace me.” She replied as she placed a hand over her heart and affirmed with a nod.

Reluctantly, Farris sat up on his knees and Mysti leaned in to offer him one final kiss. The room around them began to fade followed, eventually, by Mysti, herself. Farris stared into the empty darkness and mouthed one final goodbye before he let go completely.

Moments later, he awoke coughing as his lungs gasped for air. He shot up from where he lay and looked around expecting to still be on the battleground in vampire territory. Instead, he found himself laying in his bedroom inside his own pack house and he was overcome with confusion.

“Whoa, Farris, it’s alright.” Deene cautioned as he stepped into view, discouraging Farris from moving too quickly. “You’re okay. You’re at home. Everything is fine.”

“Mysti?” Farris croaked, suddenly hoping that it was all a bad dream.

Deene reached over to the nightstand and offered Farris some water as he thought over what to say.

“Well, uh…she…” Deene stammered unsure of how to answer.

“So…it was real then?” Farris sighed, dejectedly. “She is gone.”

“I…I am afraid so. I am so sorry, man. For what it’s worth…she died a hero.” Deene offered knowing that it would bring his friend little solace in the moment.

He was certain that Farris would come to understand the greater meaning of Mysti’s sacrifice with time. But for now, he knew that nothing anyone said or did would help to ease Farris’s pain. They would simply just need to be here for him, to help support him until the time came that he could begin to heal. If that time would ever come. All they could do was hope.

“How long have I been out?” Farris asked, as he tried to focus on anything but the aching emptiness in his chest left there by Mysti’s loss.

“More than a day.” Deene admitted.

“A day?” Farris questioned in surprise.

He had not expected it have been so long. It only seemed like mere minutes inside his mind.

“What about the pack? Did everyone make it home? How many did we lose?” He pressed, his concern for his wolves growing knowing that he was out of commission for so long.

“There will be time to discuss the details later. For now, just know that Ralph and I have the pack under control. In the meantime, there have been a lot of pack members working on a small memorial outside, in front of the pack house. They’ve been putting out pictures and items that remind them of those we have lost. They are surrounding the whole thing in candles and flowers. Maybe you would like to show your support by visiting the memorial here in a little while. Perhaps you can bring something of Mysti’s to put with her picture.” Deene suggested, softly. “It will do the pack good to see you there.”

“Yes…of course.” Farris responded, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with his grief at the mention of a memorial.

He wanted to cry, and he wanted to scream. He wanted to break things and blame someone for his losses. But he would not do that in front of Deene, or anyone else, for that matter. He needed some time to himself to act out on his feelings before he presented himself to the packs.

“Could you please let me have some time alone?” Farris requested.

“Are you sure? I am not certain that you should be alone right now.” Deene argued.

“I am positive. Thank you for your help, Deene. But I just need a moment to process. Please go help the others or check on Alessa, I am sure that she is having a hard a time as well.”

Deene thought about this for a moment and knew that Farris was right. Alessa had been desperately trying to keep herself busy to keep from thinking about Mysti. But Deene knew that it was only a matter of time before her tough façade came crashing down. She was currently working to put together the memorial to keep her mind from focusing on herself and her own feelings.

“Alright.If you are certain. I won’t be far though. So, if you need me, just call for me and I’ll be here.” Deene promised his friend before getting up to leave.

“Thanks, Deene. I will let you know.” Farris assured.

The very moment that Deene closed the bedroom door behind him, he jumped in surprise at the sound of Farris screaming in despair on the other side. He paused for a moment and considered going back inside, but he knew that he should give his friend the time that he had asked for. If he had wanted Deene to witness him breaking down like that, then he would have done it when he was there. So, despite the difficulty that he was having leaving his friend and Alpha in pain, Deene slowly walked away in search of his own mate, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

A few hours later, Farris found himself outside in front of the pack house with all the other wolves from the Pariah and Elwood Packs that were there to mourn their fallen comrades. Their family and friends who had lost their lives in this senseless war. The Alpha female that was stolen from them too soon. Mournful howls filled the air as everyone took turns approaching the memorial and placing additional items or lighting candles and offering prayers to the Goddess.

Farris scanned all the faces in the photos before him. His bloodshot eyes straining from exhaustion. Too many lives cut short. Too many strong, healthy wolves gone because of some misplaced hate.

His mate. Gone. Taken from him.

He clutched tightly to necklace in his hand. A pendant made of yellow and white gold; yellow gold for his eyes and white gold to match her silver ones. Two wolf heads, noses touching, forming a heart of sorts, a moonstone nestled in between them. He had purchased it for her during the time that she had been missing. His hope had been to present to her at her Luna ceremony after her safe return.

Oh…how things had changed. Now she would never be coming back. Would never officially take her rightful place at his side. Farris’s footsteps were heavy as it was finally his turn to approach the memorial. He rubbed the pendant between his fingers feeling the smoothness of the moonstone in the center.

Tears spilled from his eyes as he approached the large photo that someone, probably Alessa, had placed there of Mysti. She smiled up at him from behind the glass, her silver eyes sparkling with light and life. He could feel himself shaking as he draped the necklace over one of the corners of the frame, allowing it to slowly drop from his grasp.

As soon as he finally let go, he collapsed to the ground as the weight of his grief became too great to bear. He sobbed loudly and uncontrollably not caring who saw or heard him. But no one judged him. Instead, many hurried to his side, embracing him. Whispering in his ear that it was okay to cry.

In that moment, he was no Alpha. There was nothing that separated him from any of the others. Ranks did not matter. He was simply a wolf. A wolf who had lost his mate.