Carrie

I woke up the next morning with a blanket thrown over me on Anna’s couch. I had a light headache, which was testament to just how much I had drank since werewolves almost never got hangovers.

The living room was a mess, and what I could see of the kitchen was no better. Forcing myself to get up, I started collecting bottles and glasses and carrying them to the kitchen. I couldn’t very well leave this mess for Anna to clean up before her mate and kids would be back in the afternoon.

Samantha appeared in the hall. “Oh, you’re up. Don’t worry about the mess.”

I shook my head. “I’ve got nothing else to do.”

She looked uncertain.

I frowned. “I can’t be acting luna when he’s got his real luna now.” Maybe it was irresponsible of me to abruptly quit doing all the things I did for the pack, but I was pretty sure I would simply spend the entire time I was there crying and not getting anything done either way. Those duties were a part of our relationship and pretending they were still mine would be little more than rubbing salt into my wounds.

Her expression wasn’t necessarily agreement, but she didn’t argue further. “It’s going to be a rocky transition, I’m guessing.”

Although she had not meant it that way, I instantly felt bad. Who would ensure that everything stayed on track until the new luna figured out what she was doing? Whatever, it was not my problem anymore. I was sorry if the school ran out of paper or the kitchen out of ketchup, but they’d have to cope, and it wasn’t like the gamma was too incompetent to deal with urgent problems.

Samantha and I didn’t talk other than about what we were doing, until Anna finally came out of her room, rubbing her eyes. “Oh, you two didn’t have to do this.”

“We’ve already had that conversation,” Samantha reassured her in a forced bright tone.

I just kept cleaning.

When we were done, I thanked them for everything and left before I wore out my welcome.

I didn’t know where to go next. I didn’t want to return to the pack house, and I didn’t want to be around anyone. I ended up heading into the forest and wandering around in my wolf form, blocking everyone out of the link and letting my wolf have her head. I did my best to avoid my pack and any places that brought up memories of my time with Dane.

Night fell, and I considered returning to the pack house, but instead I found a comfortable corner of the forest and curled up into a furry ball. It was an improvement over pitying eyes and my lonely bed.

The next morning, I could feel my mother pushing at my mind and I ignored her. My father started it, too, and after ignoring him multiple times, I gave up and let him in.

“Carrie? Your mother and I are worried.”

I growled. “I’m fine. You both were right, and I don’t want to talk about it.” I shut him out again.

Although it had not been my intention, I spent the next couple of days wandering around in the forest, drinking from the river and hunting to stave off hunger.

I did plan to go back to the pack house, but I just didn’t want to. It was easier to hide in the forest and let my wolf take care of me.

I continued to wander, but I never did get the chance to decide to go back when I was ready, because eventually Dane used his alpha strength to push through my defenses.

“Carrie?” he asked, sounding tentative considering the way he had invaded my mind when I clearly hadn’t wanted to talk to him.

“You know it’s me.”

I wasn’t sure if his silence was because he did not know what to say or because of my disrespect. “I need you to come back to the pack house.”

His words were such a pale shadow of the way he used to talk to me it hurt.

“I don’t want to,” I admitted.

Another awkward pause stretched out through the mind link. “It’s not a suggestion, Carrie.”

His command stabbed my heart and I obediently began wandering back to the place that used to feel like my home not long ago.

My clothing was still where I’d left it, although cold and a bit damp from the morning dew. I transformed back to my human form for the first time in days and reluctantly made my way back to the pack house. Before going to see what Dane wanted from me, I quickly went and showered and made myself presentable.

I knocked on the door of his office and received a terse invitation to enter. None of the former affection I remembered so well was left in his voice. I pushed open the door cautiously and was slapped with memories of making love with him in this very room.

“Have a seat, please,” he offered in a way that sounded more like an order.

I swallowed hard and did as he said. He never used to speak to me that way. “Alpha?”

He was all business. “You need to resume your usual duties.”

I stiffened. “With respect, Alpha, those are the luna’s duties, and I’m now in no way the luna. It should rightfully be your mate taking care of everything, along with help from the gamma, or the ranked wolves’ mates, or assistants, if needed.” The gamma had done the job before me, and he could pick up again where he left off.

“Those duties belong to whomever I give them to, Carrie. Even if you’re no longer acting luna, you still have a responsibility to Greenwoods to assist with the transition.”

I could not believe he was going to force me to keep doing what had only been mine to do because of my former close relationship with him. Another flare of anger overcame my sadness. “Am I to also train my replacement, Alpha?”

He frowned at my tone. I could see no trace of the kind lover he had once been. “You will be expected to help Heidi acclimate, yes.”

For one long moment I imagined grabbing Dane’s cup and splashing his coffee straight into his face before leaving the territory forever, but I forced down the inclination. I didn’t want to be a rogue, it was a terrible fate. “Fine.” My words were bitter. “I’ll do it for the pack.”

“And don’t say anything to her about our former...association.”

“Of course not, Alpha. My lips are sealed,” I said in a falsely sweet tone. A part of me was glad he was being so cold, because waves of anger were finally drowning my sadness and loneliness. This male used me and didn’t even have the grace to completely discard me because I was still useful to him, using me as if I were an unfeeling tool.

Fuck him.

“May I leave now, Alpha?” I asked, meeting his eyes in a way that could probably be considered a challenge.

“Yes,” he agreed with a frown, not addressing my minor show of defiance.

I swept from the room and went to my former office to start catching up on the piles of work that had accumulated in the few days I had been gone.

The next day, Dane brought Heidi to meet the pack. I was forced to watch as he made a complete ass of himself drooling over her in public. She looked young and naive and she even flounced when she walked. The pack didn’t seem to notice how unsuitable she appeared at just a glance. Of course everyone would ignore that. After all, fate had chosen her, hadn’t it?

I was disgusted. I tried not to feel old and used in comparison, but it was hard to avoid the feeling. I retreated back to my work as quickly as I could to get away from the wash of good feelings sweeping through the pack. They only made me feel nauseous.

The sooner I got through this, the sooner I could escape the hell this position had become. I tried to plan my future and came up with a couple of reasonable ideas. I would return to acting as a scout as I had before the alpha had swooped in to play with my heart. Most of the orders came through the delta, so I wouldn’t have to endure much direct contact with Dane, which was the position’s main allure.

Then, maybe I’d try to replace a job in the human world. I’d never had a desire to spend time away from my pack before, but it was looking better and better out there.

There was a knock at the door of my office, and the scent was familiar but I could not place it. I called permission to enter. I recognized the woman standing before me as one of the more eccentric older females of the pack. Her nearly grey black hair was long and pulled back into a bun. I recalled that she lived in one of the furthest houses from the pack house, but I’d never had a reason to speak directly with her before, or she with me. I struggled to come up with her name.

“Won’t you take a seat?” I offered her, and added as the name finally came to me, “Madeline?”

She smiled. “Thank you, Carrie.”

“So, what can I help you with?” I asked her.

She smiled, the lines in her face crinkling more with the expression. “I actually was hoping that I could help you,” she said.

I was curious. “Oh? How?”

“Well, I’m sure you’re aware that I live alone in my own place. It’s quite large for just me, so I thought, if you ever need it, I have a room you can have any time you want. Either permanently, or just to get away from the pack house from time to time.”

I had not expected this. I almost turned down the offer automatically, but something stopped me. I had considered going to stay at my parents’ for a while once I had finally wiggled free from the trap Dane had me in, but I had rejected the idea because I didn’t want to see the sympathetic understanding on their faces or the silent reminder that they had been right about my relationship with Dane.

“Thank you,” I said instead. “Can I ask what brought you to make this offer?” She was getting older, perhaps she needed assistance around the house or was lonely or some such need that had been overlooked.

She smiled with sympathy. “We mateless should stick together, don’t you think?”

While the pitying glances of everyone else had been grating, this was something different, maybe because she understood where I was coming from unlike the rest of these happily mated pairs. Now that Dane had found his mate, I was probably the fourth or fifth oldest unmated wolf in the pack. I met Madeline’s eyes. “Yeah, we should.” I paused. “I can’t do anything yet until I at least start passing off my former duties, but maybe after that. I’ll have to think about it a bit.”

Madeline smiled encouragingly. “You’re welcome to come over for supper or just to talk, too, Carrie.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime, dear. But for now, I’d better let you get back to work.”

I nodded and watched her as she left the office before turning back to the papers on my desk. It was small, but I felt my first glimmer that maybe there was something good on the other side of this disaster.

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