THEA PETROVNA

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself.” Her first flatmate piped up from behind as she held her hair back and rubbed her back softly.

“I second that.” The second flatmate sounded from where she was sat on the sofa in the living room, trying not to gag after hearing her throw up in the bathroom for the second time this morning now.

Thea groaned as her stomach lurched one more time but since she had already spilled the entire contents of her stomach, she was just throwing up water now.

Once she was certain that there was nothing left in her system to throw up, she pushed herself up from the toilet bowl. Thea moved over to the sink to brush her teeth, desperate to get rid of the acidic taste of bile that currently plagued her mouth; leaving more than just a bitter aftertaste.

When her friend and roommate frowned from behind her before moving over to flush the toilet, she was grateful and attempted a thankful smile. Although, she was sure that it came out as more of a grimace.

“You really need to see a doctor.”

Thea shook her head before leaning over to clean the brush and rinse her mouth before proceeding to brush her teeth for a second time.

“I don’t need to a see a doctor. I’m perfectly fine.” Thea insisted as she walked out of the bathroom to head into the kitchen, needing to eat something light so her stomach wouldn’t be so empty.

“You can’t keep doing this, Thea.” Her friend sighed as she walked into the kitchen behind her friend, the concern evident on her face.

“Doing what?” She feigned ignorance as she reached into the cupboards above for some salted crackers, intending to wash them down with some water.

“Keep denying the fact that you’re pregnant.”

As the words sounded aloud, Thea’s body stilled. After a few moments, she forced her fingers to curl around the box as she placed it down on the counter and reached in for a cracker.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Thea murmured quietly before moving around her friend and out of the kitchen, heading toward her bedroom.

Making sure to close the door behind her so her two roommates knew that she didn’t want to talk, Thea plopped herself down on the bed as she reached into the red box for another cracker. Even though she tried not to think about it, her roommate’s words kept playing on her mind. She hadn’t had a boyfriend since junior year of college and both of her roommates knew this. Despite that, they both suspected that she was pregnant.

The worst part was that Thea suspected she was pregnant, too. In fact, she didn’t just think it anymore but rather, she feared it.

She hadn’t mentioned to anyone that she was raped three weeks ago after being separated from her friends after a night out at one of the local clubs as she had hoped to bury the memory in hopes of never having to think of it again. However, it appeared that her plan had backfired now.

Despite her incessant denial, Thea didn’t have a doubt in her mind that she was pregnant, especially since her assailant had come in her and failed to use protection.

She had somehow managed to stumble home that night and the first thing she had done was scrub her body raw in the shower in hopes of getting the feel of his hands off her body but when that failed, she was forced to remember the feel of his body against hers every night, effectively turning her into a sleepless, exhausted zombie who couldn’t sleep without the aid of sleeping pills.

But now, it appeared that he had begun to haunt during the day, too as his seed was now growing inside of her.

Thea sniffled and dropped the box of crackers on the bed as she lifted her shirt and pressed her hands against her stomach. Not that she would be able to feel the baby as it was far too soon.

She wasn’t sure how long she remained like that, sitting on her bed with her head bowed and her hands pressed against her stomach.

When a gentle knock sounded on the door, she called out quietly for them to enter.

“Thea?” Her roommate called out to her softly as she took a timid step into the room and closed the door behind her. “We really need to talk.”

“I know.” She exhaled quietly before forcing herself to lift her head and lock eyes with her friend and roommate.

While she didn’t want to face the reality going on around her, it appeared that she now had no other choice.

“Then you know what you have to do.” She stepped further into the room and pressed the box into her hands, silently encouraging her what she should have done when she first suspected that she was growing a life inside of her.

Thea nodded as she accepted the stick and walked past her friend to walk into the bathroom; closing the door behind her to give herself some privacy. Even though it was evident to the three of them in the apartment, Thea knew she couldn’t live in denial any longer and if it took two green lines on a senseless piece of stick to finally come to grips with the truth, then so be it.

She unboxed the stick and uncapped it as she sat down on the toilet, moving her hand to hold it underneath it as she forced herself to pee even though she was too nervous to do so.

As she washed her hands and stared at herself in the mirror, she knew that her whole life would change in a few moments.

Thea was no longer the woman she used to be three weeks ago. College was no longer her first priority and instead of attending lectures and working part time in the student cafeteria, she could barely bring herself to get out of bed in the morning and those days that she was able to do, all she did was stare aimlessly at the TV.

She had somehow managed to drag herself to her afternoon lecture yesterday but about halfway through, she had fallen asleep at her desk only to be awoken by a nightmare of him behind her and his hands roaming all over her body again. When she had gasped loudly and jolted awake, everyone had stopped to stare at her, including the professor but Thea couldn’t bring herself to care.

After that fateful day in the alleyway after a night out gone wrong, nothing seemed to matter anymore but that couldn’t continue. Not if she was about to be someone’s mum.

Not when she wasn’t the only one in the picture anymore.

As she blinked and was transported back to reality, she bowed her head to glance down at the pregnancy test.

Thea didn’t need to wait the two minutes to replace out the result as she knew she was already pregnant. When the small screen flashed with two green lines, it was confirmed and now with this piece of information, there was no going back.

Well, there was the obvious one but just considering that option made her feel sick to the stomach which was ironic since she had earlier emptied out the contents of her stomach by literally being sick.

Even under the traumatic circumstances that this baby had been conceived, Thea couldn’t bring herself to even consider terminating the pregnancy.

After she had disposed of the box and the pregnancy test, Thea washed her hands and splashed her face with some water before she headed out of the bathroom and headed straight to her bedroom, needing to share this news with the two most important people in her life.

While she wasn’t sure how they would take the news, in the moment, she needed to share this news with someone and since her roommates already knew, she picked up her phone from the bed and called her mum.

“Thea? How are you, sweetie?” Her mum greeted her in usual chipper voice, picking up before the second ring had even finished sounding.

“Hi, mum. I’m good. What about you? How are you and dad?” She replied, though groaned internally at evident lacklustre of her voice.

“Things don’t sound so good.” Her mum hummed and Thea could practically hear the frown in her voice. “What’s really going on?”

“I don’t know how to say this, mum.” She sighed before allowing her body to drop back on the bed behind her, knowing that she probably shouldn’t be standing for this.

Seeing as the only way she could bring herself to break the news was akin to ripping off the band aid, Thea prepared herself for doing just that.

“I’m pregnant, mum.”

A momentarily silence sounded on the other end of the line and before she could ask if her mum was fine, shrill laughter sounded which only made Thea sigh and frown slightly, knowing that things were just going to get harder now.

“For a second there, I thought you said you were pregnant.” She continued to chuckle, clearly not believing her daughter despite her all but confessing.

“I did.” She exhaled in a quiet whisper.

“What?”

When the question was met with an eery silence, the truth of her daughter’s admission finally started to settle on her.

“What did you just say, Thea?”

“I’m pregnant, mum.” Her voice was quieter now as she squeezed her eyes shut and lifted her spare hand to pinch the bridge of her nose, regretting calling her mum when she clearly wasn’t thinking clearly.

Perhaps it would have been easier if she had decided to break the news to the both of them in person, but Thea doubted she had the strength or courage for that matter to confess in person, especially regarding the circumstances.

“How did this happen?”

If the situation had been different and she actually had a boyfriend, or even if the baby had been conceived via consensual sex, Thea would not have hesitated to make a joke about it however, nothing was as simple as that.

“Thea? Are you still there?” Her mum sounded on the other end of the line. “Have you been seeing someone?”

“No.” Thea denied, unable to bring herself to lie.

“One-night stand?”

“No.”

“Friends with benefits?”

“No.”

Her mum audibly groaned; the frustration evident.

“Thea, why are you speaking in riddles? Why won’t you just tell me what happened? How can you be pregnant if you’re not seeing anyone?”

An eery silence sounded on her end of the phone, her mum only able to hear her laboured breath as the reality of the situation started to dawn on her.

Before her mum could prompt her again, Thea exhaled deeply, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to admit. It was one thing keeping it a secret, but it was a whole other matter voicing the truth aloud and having to face it.

“I was raped.” She was barely able to force the whisper out of her mouth, the words heavy and lingering on her tongue and while she thought that once she finally told someone about it, that it wouldn’t weigh her down as much, that it would make her feel better, the honesty just made her feel worse.

The fact that her mum gasped loudly before screaming out for her dad did not help things either.

“Thea, honey?” She recognised her dad’s distinct gruff voice.

“Hi, dad.” The greeting barely passed her lips and when her dad didn’t respond, she couldn’t help but think that he hadn’t heard her but before she could, her mum’s voice sounded on the phone which made her think that she had been put on speakerphone.

While she understood why her parents were concerned, she felt even more dread with having to tell her truth to two people now instead of just one.

“Thea, tell your dad what you just told me.”

Thea sniffled and shook her head, not that her parents could see.

“Please don’t make me say it again.” She all but begged, the pain and desperation audible in her voice. “I can’t say it again, mum. Please don’t make me.”

“How did it happen? How could this have happened?” Her mum asked at the same time her dad demanded that she need to get an abortion before it was too late.

Thea was unable to remember or recall the rest of the conversation but it went on for a while and by the end of it, she knew that her relationship with her parents would never be the same again.

And how right she was.

-

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Layla Knight

29.11.2020

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