The Assassin’s Mate
Aftermath

Emotions! Those pesky little things that get in the way of your happiness, or whatever you consider happy. They just keep showing up at the worse possible time and to be honest I've never really figured out how to deal with them so I just keep pushing them down into the pit of my soul hoping that they will disappear.

"Li? Can I ask you a question?"

I nodded without looking up from my food.

"Do you regret running away from Crane's pack?"

I set my food down and contemplated my answer. I don't think I ever really thought it over so when he asked me I didn't have a truthful reply.

"I don't know. I mean if I never would have ran then I never would have ended up here and I would have never learned of my true identity but sometimes...no I don't regret it one bit. I'm a ruthless justice seeker who happens to annihilate my victims in the most barbaric way possible." I said as I got up from the table and walked back to the stairs an up to my room.

"Li, you can't hide from your feelings forever. It's ok to have some reservations about this profession but you just have to know when to show them and when to turn them off."

I turned and looked at him noticing something in his eyes I couldn't explain. Was he telling me he didn't care for this life? That it was ok to not want to be a homicidal maniac? No that can't be it he would never say that, this is all he's ever known and as a Lycan it's all he ever will.

I rushed back to my room and slammed the door sinking to the ground as I placed my elbows on my knees and dropping my head into my hands. Why couldn't this be easy for me? Why did I have to think so hard about it, it shouldn't be hard. I should just do my job and walk away but no I had to have this nagging conscious that wouldn't let me forget it. It had to haunt me everyday, clawing at my mind like a rabid animal stuck in a box.

I took in a deep breath through my nose and blew out through my mouth several times before I got up off the floor and walked to my bed. I threw myself down and closed my eyes hoping that the sandman would have pity on me tonight and let me get some sleep. I don't know if it was him or my total exhaustion that set in but as soon as I closed them I drifted off into a deep slumber.

The next morning I woke up feeling much better and decided to go to the practice field to get in some extra agility training. Bryson was the best at speed and coordination and he had the toughest course to run drills on. I put on my sports bra and leggings and threw on my Nike's then headed out back.

It was awfully quiet today but I didn't mind. The less people around the better. As soon as I made it to the greens I started placing the cones in a zigzag pattern then placed the rope ladder on the ground along with the rings. I started my watch and went through the exercises he taught me only stopping to get a sip of water. I needed a distraction from my problems and the best way to do that was by putting my body through some serious pain.

Three horrendous hours later I picked up the equipment and headed back to the track to get in some laps. I started off at a moderate pace hoping the feeling in the pit of my stomach would dissipate but no such luck. I sped up but the faster I went the more I felt it and the harder it was for me to forget it.

I halted to a stop and bent over to rest my hands on my knees as the sweat dropped from my brows onto the hot pavement below me. I waited for the burn in my lungs to subside before I stood up and pensively made my way back to the pack house.

Damon walked out from behind a tree and stopped right in from of me folding his arms across his chest.

"So. Are you going to talk now?"

I rolled my eyes and walked right past him hoping he would get the hint but instead he grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him forcing me to look him in his eyes.

"There's nothing to talk about, Damon. I found the target and I took him out."

"I'm not talking about that, you know what I mean, Li. The Alpha who bought you from your father came to our pack trying to attack us looking for you and 12 years later might I add. Don't you think he was a little late? And then to make matters worse you let him go." He ran his fingers through his hair and dropped his hands to his hips waiting for my answer.

"He saved my life, Damon. I know I didn't owe him anything and yes, he did deserved the ultimate punishment for his actions but I just couldn't let it happen to him." I said as I hung my head in shame.

He never knew what my life with my father was like and I would never tell him either because reliving it would make me have to deal with it and that was one road I wasn't willing to go down again. He made me feel insignificant, like my life didn't matter at all and for a long time I believed it. But then Crane came and took me away from the pain giving me a chance at happiness. Even though I was only there for a few days I couldn't help but think fate brought me there for a reason. And that reason was to end up here, with my family.

"Li, I get it. You aren't the only one here who's had a troubled past. But you can't let people get away with committing crimes because they once did you a favor. We have to stay hidden for a reason and you letting him go could potentially cause problems. I just don't want you to let him get into your head."

I knew he would eventually confront me about this but I didn't think he would make so much sense. I knew letting him go was risky but killing him would have only caused more problems. I didn't want his blood on my hands and to be honest he didn't deserve that, he was a good man who took my suffering away so I owed him my life.

"I'm sorry Damon, I should have waited for Romero to get there but I didn't want him treated like some criminal when he was only trying to get to me. Should he have attacked the pack, no but maybe he wasn't thinking. Maybe he thought I was being held prisoner again or being tortured daily or worse, dead. He thought he had a responsibility to me nd the way I see it he was just trying to uphold his end of the deal."

I turned on my heel and bolted back to the house hoping Damon wouldn't follow me. There was only so much I could take before I broke down and that was something I simply refused to do.