The Black Rose
Entry 31

As I waited patiently in front of Mia’s home, I ruminated over the possibilities. Tomorrow I would be on a flight to Shadow’s secret facility. I would be probed both physically and mentally as part of their “assessment package,” surely reprogrammed as well. Why? I wasn’t sure. Killing is what they created me for, and no one was better at it than me.

In fact, I would argue I did them a favor. The Chings seemed to be royal scumbags. Who knows how many people they had in their expansive closests. Probably far more than me I wagered. Ugh, who was I kidding, I colored outside the lines on this one. Maybe I should’ve taken the pills.

I bit my lower lip continuously as I stewed. I couldn’t take down Shadow tomorrow alone, that would be suicide. What I needed to do was replace out when they would take Mia. I realized that that was how long I had, from now until when she would be kidnapped. I knew Mia wouldn’t sign on to create super-humans in a dark lab for probable terrorists.

The lights of an approaching car’s lights caught my attention in the side mirror. It was her. I unbuckled my watch and placed it next to my glasses in the cup holder. This move would surely break the thin ice I was clinging to.

I stepped out of the car and exhaled. To Mia this would be a dinner, a chance to get to know me, to pick my brain and to talk about the articles I write, etc. To me, this dinner was the calm before the storm. Mia had no idea how much her days were numbered.

The gate opened and Mia drove her white Tesla X into the garage.

“Sorry if you had to wait long,” she apologized getting out of her car hastily.

“It was no trouble at all,” brushing her apology aside.

Mia opened her garage door and ushered me to enter. As we walked down the darkened narrow hallway, the lights automatically illuminated. The hall opened to the giant kitchen for which Mia never used.

“I never use this thing,” she exclaimed as if reading my mind.

“It’s nice,” I nodded gazing around at the stark white walls.

“Everything seems so...sterile,” I chuckled.

“Yes, lots of white,” she lowered her head bashfully. “If you haven’t noticed, white is my favorite color,” she smiled awkwardly.

“And why is that?” I asked curiously.

Mia grabbed two wine glasses from the white cabinet. “I guess I correlate white with being clean or sterile,” she shrugged. “White is also simple and goes with everything.”

I pursed my lips in thought, nodding my head, “Fair enough.”

“What’s your favorite color?” Mia asked while pouring a glass of smooth wine that smelled like aged cherry and dark chocolate.

“Ha,” I chuckled, “I’ve never really thought about it. I guess I would have to say black.”

Mia giggled, “Look at us black and white. Why black?”

I smiled and thought, “Black just seems so dense, so dark and mysterious. I don’t know, in a way, I guess that describes me.”

“I’ve never heard someone describe themselves as dense and dark,” Mia’s brow furrowed inquisitively.

I chuckled, “I guess what I am failing to say is it is a color with many layers, with an emphasis on the mysterious part.”

Mia smiled, “I think that describes you better.”

“Oh, yeah? Why do you think that?” I mused.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “You just have this introverted mysterious aura about you, like you’ve been through something or hiding something.”

I swallowed slightly as she handed me the glass of wine. She had no idea the secrets I held. I guessed she would know in due time.

“Wow,” I muttered, taking a sip of wine. “Maybe you should’ve been a psychic” I grinned. “And I don’t mean that as sarcasm.”

Mia shrugged bashfully and sipped her wine. “I too am an introvert, and I think it takes one to know one.”

I nodded, “So what are your secrets?”

“It’s a little too early for that,” she raised her brows at me playfully. “Should I pull out dinner?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Sure,” I stammered, wondering if I had gone too far.

Mia rummaged through her massive double refrigerator and pulled out several brown boxes.

“What do we have here?” I aired.

“We have a tray of cheese, crackers, a small Caprese salad, and then some pumpkin gnocchi pasta, with the wine of course,” she pointed at each item on the counter.

“Sounds delectable,” I smiled, taking a plate from her.

We each loaded our plates in silence with enough food for two people and made our way to the stark white dining table.

“Thank you for dinner,” I muttered, breaking the silence.

“Of course, it was the least I could do after that glowing article.”

“You liked it?” I grinned lightly.

“I loved it,” she returned my grin.

“You’re truly talented, Jennifer. Have you ever thought of writing a book?”

I chuckled lightly. If only she could read this right now. How many times had I played a journalist and been asked this and I couldn’t tell the truth?

“Yes, I have, and I intend to,” I nodded, wiping my mouth with the napkin.

“And what would you write about?” she pressed, taking another swig of wine.

I paused for a moment, unsure of what I should say this time.

“I would like to compile a book on all the Black Rose’s kills, try to devise a pattern,” I paused, waiting for my largest chunk of bait to land.

Mia nodded as I spoke. “Yes, those articles are highly fascinating. I just wonder what type of person could do that? Also, why? What is their motive?”

I could see Mia’s wheels turning, wheels that didn’t replace the Black Rose abhorrent, but more out of curiosity. How did my mind work? I wish I knew.

“I think there is a secret society controlling him or her,” I fished.

“It could be,” Mia answered. “I mean it would make sense.” She paused in hesitation. “I think it’s a woman.”

“Also, possible,” I gulped, grabbing the bottle of wine, I filled mine and Mia’s glasses. This was taking an unexpected turn.

“Why do you think it’s a woman?” I had to know.

“I’m not positive, but I feel like a man wouldn’t leave black rose petals behind, or maybe he would to make people think it’s a woman. I don’t know I guess it’s just a wild hunch, but also not sure what type of person could do that, no matter what the rewards or reasons.”

I could feel my anxiety heighten. She was disgusted.

“Could you ever kill someone?” I blurted slightly angered. Mia’s brows furrowed thrown by the question.

“I... I don’t know. I think I could, if I had no other choice, like out of self-defense or if God forbid a zombie apocalypse could ever occur. I don’t think I could kill anyone because someone told me to,” her voice faltered.

I knew what was coming next.

“Could you?” Mia asked predictably

My inner rage wanted to scream out, to tell her I was the Black rose. I was the type of person who could do that and didn’t even need a reason or reward. That I could kill her right now just to prove my point.

Instead, I took a sip of wine and remained poised. “Yes, I could if it made logical sense. I believe the difference between killers and non-killers is small. People who can’t kill or say they can’t only say that because of the consequences. Take those away, then what’s the difference between killing a cow or pig from a human? We’re all animals.” I trailed. I was getting a bit carried away.

Mia remained silent for what felt like eternity. “I guess you’re right. I wonder how different a killer’s brain chemistry is, say from someone like me? Are they simply missing a certain hormone or gene? Or are they made? Is it that they operate on a black-and-white frequency where consequences don’t exist? Do they have empathy? It’s very fascinating,” she sighed.

“Very,” I muttered as the conversation began to sink in. Mia was talking about me as if I was some type of lab rat, a disgusting monster, someone she would love to study, someone she could never understand.

My skin crawled with shame and guilt. This brought back painful distorted memories from my first months at Shadow. With the blood draws, tests, needles and endless miles of cords, to the hospital beds and charts. I was a glorified lab rat. I wasn’t human. My blood began to boil. Suddenly I wanted to kill them all. My hands began to tremble.

“You okay?” Mia asked as I caught myself gazing down at my plate.

“Yes,” I mumbled. “Sorry, where is your restroom?”

“It’s the second door on the right down that hall?” she pointed her finger in the direction.

I rose a little too abruptly and moved to the door. I closed it and paced. My heart raced. I could sense the sweat protruding from my pores. I felt my purse in the kitchen. “Shit,” I screamed silently throwing up my hands in frustration. I fanned my face in a feeble attempt to calm myself. I turned the water on and splashed cool water over my skin. Eyes closed, I focused on my breath. “Calm down, Alex. It’s okay.”

I could feel the demon within on the back of my eyelids. “You will not be let out tonight,” I mumbled. My heart raced. I couldn’t keep it in. I needed those pills but I couldn’t go out there like this.

I gripped my fists tight and clenched my jaw. Leaning against the bathroom wall, my back slid down until I was sitting on the tile. Images of Dr. Marlo holding me down the torture infecting my mind all over again. I clutched my chest. My heart felt the radical electric shock of revival.

“Everything okay?” A faint knock interrupted. Oh, no, I thought. I couldn’t keep this from Mia.

“I’m just feeling a little sick,” I called.

“Anything I can do?” she asked. “It wasn’t the food, was it?”

I felt like everything was hitting me at once like a nuclear detonation. I was less than a human being to them. I felt sick. How could I have been such a fool for so many years? I was technically one of the most powerful humans on the planet both physically and mentally, yet I couldn’t anticipate this?

“Could you grab my purse?” I rasped, my chest tightening.

“Sure,” Mia mumbled. I could hear the shuffle of footsteps recede then return. She knocked.

“Can I come in?” Mia cooed.

I couldn’t afford for her to see me like this, but I also couldn’t ignore her. Besides, I needed those pills.

The door swung open and Mia saw me crumpled on the floor having a panic attack.

“What are your symptoms?” she asked worriedly.

“I think I’m having a panic attack,” I groaned clutching my aching chest. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my sternum.

“Can you hand me my purse?” Mia moved closer and set it down by my side. With one hand, I rummaged through the purse being careful not to disturb the knife or gun. I grabbed the vial. My hands shook, but I managed to extract a handful of pills and thrust them into my mouth. I swallowed as the weight of the world came down upon me.

“Should you have taken that many?” Mia asked.

“They’re for anxiety,” I gruffed. “It’s fine.” I could feel the sweat drip in cold ringlets down my back.

“Here,” Mia commanded, waving her hands towards me as she scooted behind me. She lowered herself to the floor, her back to the wall and my back to her chest. My brows rose wildly, my heart didn’t need any more stimulation at the moment.

Mia forced my sweaty back against hers, my head on her shoulder, and she wrapped her arms around me tight.

“What is this?” I sighed.

“It helps, just try to relax. Focus on my touch, the pressure.”

I definitely didn’t need help focusing on that.

Her skin felt cool and warm at the same time. I felt secure, safe, comforting as her touch enveloped me.

“Just relax,” she whispered. “Try to match my breathing.”

“Good,” Mia cooed several moments later as my heart beat lessened.

As my muscles began to relax into Mia, I felt my heart and my mind relinquish their restraints. I felt as if I was melting into her, that we were becoming one. My head swiveled towards her and my green eyes gazed into hers.

“Thanks,” I muttered.

Mia looked at me not with pity or worry, but with desire. Her eyes flit from mine to my lips and then back. I didn’t hesitate. My lips touched hers, and everything went black. In those seconds, I could’ve sworn, the world stopped spinning, I stopped breathing, the stars stopped shining, everything stopped. The electric shock I experienced with her touch dulled in comparison to this. Her lips felt like kissing a field of sunflowers, my heart and mind buzzing like a sea of happy bees.

“Wow,” Mia exhaled as we parted. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Me either,” I groaned, “But it worked.”

I lifted from the comfort of her chest and turned to face her. Mia’s lips the instantaneous cure for anxiety attacks.

“I suppose we just discovered the cure for anxiety attacks, ” I joked.

She chuckled, “Is that so?”

I grinned from ear to ear. Her smile and her laugh even had calming effects.

“Is it okay I did that?” I asked, suddenly realizing I wasn’t supposed to know she wanted to do that all along.

Mia nodded, “Yes, it was okay.”

“Okay, good,” I sighed.

“Have you ever kissed another woman before?” she asked timidly.

I gulped. How honest should I be with this one?

“I have,” I hesitated. “More than a few times,” I shrugged. “Have you?”

Mia shook her head, “No, this was my first.”

The normal Alex would’ve taken this as a challenge, another conquest, another way to satisfy the boredom, but not with Mia, not this time.

“I’m honored that you felt comfortable enough to let it be me,” I smiled, grabbing her hand.

“I’m glad it was you,” she grinned.

“Sorry, I ruined dinner,” I frowned.

“Don’t be silly,” Mia retorted. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Do you know what triggered it?”

I inhaled. “I’ve been a little overwhelmed with work lately, and I guess talking about the book made me dwell on the things I haven’t done yet.”

“Oh, Jennifer, I’m sorry--”

My lips found hers again, but this time I pushed deeper against hers. The electricity enough to make me pass out. I rest my hand on her cheek, my fingers intertwining in her hair. My logical side screamed, ”What the hell are you doing? Abort. This is stupid. Stop!" While the side currently winning cheered loudly.

Mia kissed me passionately, our tongues caressing, our lips dancing with one another, responding and conceding. Suddenly, Mia pulled back.

“Was that not okay?” I asked worriedly.

“No, no, it was more than okay,” Mia stammered. “I, I think I was enjoying it a little too much. Maybe we should take it a little slower?”

She looked at me with puppy dog eyes as if she was hurting my feelings.

“Of course,” I consoled. “Not a problem at all.”

A moment of abated silence passed. “Should we get off the bathroom floor?” I smiled.

Mia giggled, “Probably a good idea.”

We both rose and went back to the dining room table. My stomach over food.

“Could I save this for later?” I asked, the sight of the food making me queasy, yet somehow not the wine.

“Of course,” Mia exclaimed. “I’m full too.” We took the plates to the kitchen and wrapped them and put them in the mostly empty fridge.

Mia kept her wine in her hand as if it grounded her. Her muscles tensed. “Could I show you something?” she asked.

“Sure,” I muttered, unsure if I could take any new surprises.

Without explaining, Mia walked past me, past the bathroom where we had our first kiss, and to the office at the end. The office with its white oak floors and rows and rows of bookshelves seemed as if a library had a baby with a hospital. Mia moved to the books and grabbed one in particular from the shelf, except the book didn’t move. Instead, a clicking sound emitted and the shelf grinded into action. It was a secret door.

The door slid open, and we stepped down two short flights of stairs to what could only be the basement that didn’t exist on any of the blueprints I had. My eyes widened even more. Before me was a laboratory, fully stocked, a mini replica of what was on the top floor of Biogenesis. A glass door opened and we walked inside. The laboratory was freezing. Mia handed me a thick coat that doubled as a lab coat, and we both put it on.

Was she about to murder me? Or was she about to show me a secret stash of bodies?

“What is all this?” I asked unable to refrain from my curiosity.

“This is called bringing your work home with you,” Mia mused. “No one knows about this lab except for me and now…you.”

Another wave of regret washed over me. No, no, no she shouldn’t be showing me this. “Why are you showing me this?” I asked trying my best to remain calm.

Mia paused for a moment, had she made a mistake?

“Your secret is safe with me, I swear,” I added.

“Because, like you, I have secrets and as much as I want to know yours, it’s only fair if I start telling you mine.”

I swallowed. I felt an ache in my chest. “I’m honored,” I countered. I wasn’t expecting nor ready for this kind of surprise and information. I didn’t know what I could give her that wouldn’t set off a cascade of mistakes.

“What do you do down here?” I blurted, changing the tenuous subject.

“More of what I do up there,” Mia continued slightly downtrodden I still refused to give anything up.

I nodded, my wheels turning. “Have you experimented on yourself yet?”

“No,” she exhaled, “But I’m very close.”

I turned on her, my eyes wide. “You shouldn’t, it’s too risky.”

Mia’s face melted to one of fear and alarm.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled holding my hands in the air. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“It won’t,” she soothed. “Did I mention I am pretty good at what I do?”

I relented, “You are.”

If this wasn’t a sign, I didn’t know what was. Here goes nothing.

“I don’t want you to think I am taking this secret for granted, that I am unwilling to share. I do trust you…” I faltered, taking a breath. “I lost my mom in high school, from breast cancer. After that, I pulled back from the world, from people. I never wanted to feel that type of pain again. I write about other’s lives so I don’t have to focus on my own. I have severe anxiety and self-medicate with pills, which recently have had to take more and more of just to keep from drowning. I often wonder what it would be like if I just disappeared, or never existed…”

“Stop,” Mia interrupted. “You can’t think that.” She reached for my hand and we shared a lingered glance.

“I have never shared that with anyone before,” I confessed.

’Thank you for sharing,” she grinned half-heartedly, “But I want to help.”

I was a lost cause. The only thing that could help was a bullet to replace its way through my brain.

“You could analyze my blood?” I blurted, surprising even myself. Stupid, Alex. Why did you say that?

“I guess I could map your genes, see if you have a hormone imbalance or any other underlying issues.”

I gulped. “It was stupid. You don’t need to,” I back tracked.

“No, I want to help,” she consoled. “Take off your coat.”

I reluctantly exposed my right arm as Mia moved to her lab table and pulled open a few drawers, pulling out vials, tubing, a needle, gauze, and strap. “You can sit here,” she instructed.

I did as I was told and balled my hand in a fist. “You have good veins,” she stated.

“Thanks,” I muttered.

Mia stuck the needle in my arm and my genetically altered blood flowed into the tube. With this, I knew I was forever binding my life to hers. There was no going back from here.

“How long do you think it will take you to map me?”

“Umm if I dedicated tomorrow and Monday to it, I should have the results by Tuesday.”

“Wow, you’re good.”

“Told you,” she winked, pulling the needle from my arm and holding the gauze to the prick of blood. The red blob brought flashes of Zhang Chin’s blood spraying across the bathroom walls and with it the excitement, the enthusiasm. My face moved to Mia’s and I kissed her.

I moaned as Mia pulled away again. Her lips curled into a fantastic smile. “What was that for?”

“I like you,” I murmured, unsure if I had ever muttered those words together in a sentence before. Suddenly I wanted to bolt, to hide. I could feel my cheeks flush from embarrassment.

“I like you too,” Mia responded.

My heart raced. My feet remained rooted to the ground. I didn’t need to hide or run.

“Shall we go upstairs and out of this icebox?” Mia pressed, giving me a slight peck on the nose.

I exhaled in frustration, “You are making this near impossible.”

“Am I being a tease?” she baited.

I took a deep breath trying to gather my wits. “Something like that,” I groaned.

Mia placed the blood vials of mine in a centrifuge and pressed several buttons, and we exited the lab. If Shadow knew this existed and I hadn’t recorded the interior or our conversation, they would literally kill me.

“What shall we do now?” I asked, since sex was obviously off the table.

“We could drink more wine and sit on the roof?” Mia offered as if this was the lamest thing I might have ever heard.

“That sounds perfect,” I swooned.

Mia grabbed the bottle, and she guided me up the stairs past the second floor to the roof. As we ascended, the roof was an elongated flat rectangular space with a massive sectional couch and two comfy chairs. There was a fire pit in the center, several dim lights, a storage bench, and a covered area that had a giant telescope.

Mia placed the wine down on the table and her glass. She turned two knobs and the fire pit roared to life. I took a seat on the chair closest to the wine. Mia lifted the bench and grabbed a blanket. She then walked over and sat herself down next to me and spread the blanket over both of us. I didn’t know if this moment could get any more perfect. It was like a scene from one of those romantic comedies.

I allowed Mia’s back to rest against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her this time. Now, I felt like the protector, like her knightess, in shining armor. I wanted to protect her. I could protect her.

“This is nice,” she mumbled as we lay gazing at the sky.

“It is,” I returned. My hands caressed the soft hairs on her arms.

“What do you think is out there?” Mia questioned.

With my massive computer as a brain, I knew with almost certainty that aliens were out there and that there were many species near and far.

“I imagine there are much smarter beings than us out there,” I mused. “I think they are looking down at us and shaking their heads.”

“I think so too,” Mia sighed in agreeance. “Humans have royally screwed things up.”

I bit my lower lip. I was a part of that mess. I guess we all were to some degree. The world needed people like Mia, brilliantly pure, and bright. People who wanted to make the world a better place and who could. Shadow didn’t deserve Mia. They would eradicate her light and her passions. I couldn’t allow that. As Mia and I gazed into the sky, talking about the world, each other, I had never felt such closeness to another being before, not even Annie.