The Black Rose
Entry 43

A warm hand rested on my shoulder as I stirred. I bolted upright, suddenly aware of the waning darkness. “What, where am I?” I yelled.

“It’s okay,” a familiar voice that wasn’t Annie’s consoled. “You passed out. You lost too much blood.”

I glanced across the passenger seat to Mia. She had stripped down to her tank top, which had specks of blood across the front. I looked to the front at Damien who glanced back at me in the rear-view, and Landon was still in the passenger.

“I wish I could say I felt sorry for you,” Landon countered, “But you did stab me in the leg.”

I fell back into the seat, “Fair enough,” I muttered.

I touched my shoulder. It had been bandaged and I no longer felt the lump of the lodged bullet.

“Did you take it out?” my eyes widened, turning to Mia.

“We had to,” she shrugged. “Damien pulled over just long enough for me to get the bullet out and stitch you up. We couldn’t give you any blood for fear it may cause more harm than good. We... I just hoped you would recover.”

My hand rested on the wound. It already felt better. My ribs too felt more stable. My hands grazed the wrap around my waist.

“Thank you,” I grinned slightly in her direction. Mia’s face had softened.

“You’re welcome,” she consoled.

“How long was I out?” I asked realizing Damien didn’t have the exact location.

“It has been exactly eight hours. You mind giving me those directions now, in case you pass out again?”

I nodded realizing just how close I was to death. I had never passed out from anything for eight hours. Suddenly I felt nauseous.

“Can you pull over?” I asked quickly.

Damien veered and I opened the passenger door immediately. Stumbling out, I had barely landed on solid earth when I puked. No food came out, only liquids. My stomach heaved as I wracked my insides.

Mia came around, placing her hand on my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Never better,” I panted, as nausea subsided slightly.

“I think you need to eat something,” she murmured. “I had to give you some potent painkillers to make sure you stayed still.”

I chuckled lightly, “Marvelous.”

Mia stood.

“No, stay, I’m sorry.” Mia stayed standing but didn’t move.

“I’m sorry, for everything,” I stammered. “I shouldn’t have let my rage get the best of me.”

I rose shakily, Mia reached out and grabbed my shoulders. My eyes met hers. “Please don’t hate me,” I mumbled, my voice breaking as the vulnerability leaked. “I’d rather take a million bullets than suffer that.”

Mia gazed at me not like an escaped psych patient, but as a respected equal.

“I’ll do my best,” she grinned slightly.

I nodded, “Thank you.”

“You going to throw up anymore?” she asked returning to Dr. Semmens.

“No, I think I’m okay for now, but I will take you up on that dinner date,” I smiled trying to lighten the mood.

Mia’s lips curled, and she laughed, “Can you settle for crackers in a car with two other males who also hate one another and quite possibly you?”

“Sounds delightful,” I grinned.

Mia helped me back to the car and I sensed the pieces being slowly put back together. Apologizing wasn’t so scary. I survived, and I wasn’t rejected. I could do this.

After punching in the location on the car’s navigation, we had six more hours to go until we reached our destination. Mia handed me a pack of crackers and a bottle of water. I ate them two at a time and chugged the entire bottle within seconds. What I wouldn’t give for a nice shower, my silk kimono, and a fine bottle of wine.

“So, can someone give me the detailed version of your secret lives for the last some odd years?” Landon finally addressed the airplane-sized elephant in the car.

Damien turned to him.

“I’ll let Damien speak for a while,” I offered.

Damien gulped. “Landon, maybe we should discuss this in private.”

“No,” Landon raised his voice. “You have been doing too many things in private apparently. Besides, Mia stitched my leg from a knife wound caused by that one, and that one saved your life from a bullet wound, so as far as I’m concerned there should be no secrets anymore.”

“I’ll second that,” Mia piped up.

Damien hesitated for a moment, then relented, “Fine. I joined Shadow eight years ago. Before that, I was in the special forces. My unit was deployed to Iraq to assist on a special mission to capture a high-valued target. On our way to the rondavue point, our convoy was hit. It was the middle of the night. I watched as the first vehicle was blown to pieces. Bullets sailed in all directions. We were ambushed. I woke up a week later in an army hospital. My leg had been shattered and in need of amputation. Before my surgery, two men confronted me in the hospital. They said I could keep my leg, and while I could no longer serve in the special forces, I could serve in a different division of the military. Who wouldn’t want that?” Damien aired as if to make us understand why he chose to join.

“I signed up instantly. I was taken to Shadow’s facility, my leg was fixed, and I spent a year training. When I graduated, I was placed in the field, Miami, to be exact. In the special forces I was known as the greatest sharp-shooter to ever graduate the academy, so you can guess what I did for Shadow. I killed high-value targets from afar for four years. After Miami, I was moved to L.A. where I killed some more. Then one mission, I was given a target, his name was Mohammad Ishmael. He was an ambassador for Israel. I was to kill him in his home, close range, make it look like an inside job. Only when I went into his home, his eight-year-old son was there. He wasn’t supposed to be. He was supposed to be in Israel. I had been given false Intel.” Damien paused for a few moments. I already knew where this was going.

“I had no choice,” he continued shakily. Landon grabbed Damien’s arm.

“After that, I told Miriam that I didn’t want to do it anymore. She of course responded by having me assessed and reprogrammed.” Damien’s eyes met mine. Only we would know what reprogramming meant.

“After spending two months in Shadow, I was given another chance. I was sent back to L.A. and within a week I met you,” Damien turned to Landon. “I killed five more times after that, so I could stay alive, stay in L.A.”

Damien licked his lips. “But I knew the more I had to kill, the further and further I would get from being with you. I made a deal with Miriam and they sent me you, Alex. I no longer had to kill anymore, but they said, if you or I messed up, it would fall on my shoulders. That’s why I was so hard on you. My life, my future was in your hands.”

I felt a slight microscopic amount of guilt for making his life harder.

“I never properly thanked you,” Damien confessed, staring at me.

“I wanted out, but I never had the balls or the hope to make it happen. I was lulled into thinking I could have Landon, I could keep up this charade forever, but that was foolish thinking. You’re right, the only way any of us stands a chance at a life beyond Shadow is to eradicate them.”

“Now you’re finally speaking my language,” I cheered.

“And you?” Mia spoke up. “You never told me your full story.”

I swallowed, even though I knew I would be next.

“I...my childhood is blurry,” I lied, visions of my very real father one of the leader’s of Shadow parading across my mind.

“Part of my conditioning was to erase who I was and only put back what was valuable to Shadow. I know my real name was Danielle Renee Watson. I lived in Atlanta, Georgia, where I was a troubled child. I was homeschooled and I had a teacher...” I paused, gazing out the window, not ready to face the music.

“I went to Georgia Tech after high school and majored in Computer Science. I made two friends named Mo and Cassy. They will be at the safe house hopefully. I was kidnapped two days after my graduation, and I was offered a way out. I had a golden ticket. My genes, my personality profile matched perfectly for the type of soldier they wanted to build. They knew everything about me,” now laughing as to how easy it was for them to replace out so much thanks to my traitorous father. Mia reached over and grabbed my hand. My confidence swelled but I still couldn’t bring myself to tell them that secret yet. I continued.

“I survived my enhancement. I was the first to survive the procedure. I too was in training for a year, in total isolation from the others. I learned Italian, Spanish, German, Mandarin, Russian, Japanese, how to build bombs, how to withstand food deprivation, freezing temperatures, darkness, noise, being buried alive, how to face my fears, how to have no fears, no emotion...” I paused.

“I could lie and say I regret killing everyone that I did, but I don’t. I was born different, bright, unemotional, and that’s why I was chosen. I won’t apologize for doing what must be done, ever. I know I have a short fuse, that I’m manic, a monster, whatever you want to call me, but I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to make sure we have a life after this. Even if it means leaving a field of bodies in my wake.” My voice grew steadier. My eyes met Damien’s and he gave a nod. I turned my head to Mia, and she too nodded.

“I for one am glad you are on our new team,” Landon piped up. “I don’t ever want to be on the receiving end of your wrath ever again.”

I reached in my pocket where the letter rested. I pulled it out and handed it to Mia. She looked at me in surprise. I had never let another soul read that letter. I had never let another soul in.

As Mia read the letter, I recited the words to myself.

Dearest Dani,

I wanted to start off by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of your life I will miss. I know your sadness will turn to anger and resentment, but don’t let it. I know there is a spark, a deep light you keep hidden from everyone.

I know over the past three years you have allowed me to witness it more than anyone, and for that I am truly grateful. You have quickly become my best friend and I want to thank you for allowing me to be your teacher, but more importantly, your friend. Between you and me I think I learned more from you, but I hope I could at least impart some of life’s curiosities and pleasures.

Life is more than being smarter than others, more than painting a pretty face or smile. Life is cruel, unfair, but most of all it should be cherished and lived.

Even though my life has been cut short, I want you to promise me one thing. You will continue to live for me. Live life to the fullest, love to the fullest, explore, create, fail, learn, but most of all, show who you are. You are an amazing person, Danielle Watson. Fill your cup, then light that city on fire.

All My Love,

Annie

I smiled. The day began with one friend, one spark of hope, and now I stared into the faces of two more. With our building team, I was confident we could keep this fire going, that we would meet this machine called Shadow with a movement. That soon, they would fear my name, and as a Black Rose her darkness was beautifully fatal (e. Corona).