The Blacklisted Rogue
Chapter 24

Elijah POV

I ran through the woods as fast as my legs could carry me.

My mind was reeling to the point where it felt like my brain could just randomly explode. The things that Joe and Barry told me made sense to me, but at the same time they didn't.

Why would my father push me to the point where I was weakened? All he wanted was to make me a strong Gamma. Or did he do it on purpose? Why didn't I stand up against him when he pushed me too far? Maybe I was too weak after all. If I was too weak to stand up for myself, how could I be strong enough to fight for this pack? To fight for Sally?

Endless questions with no answers swirled in my mind like a whirlwind until I felt my chest closing. I tripped over a root and curled up by a tree.

I wasn't not strong enough to fight him.

I was weak.

Pathetic.

I didn't deserve to be a member of this pack.

I didn't deserve to be Sally's mate.

I was nothing.

The pain became unbearable and I staggered to my feet. A few yards in front of me, I spotted the lake shore. Small waves were washing up on the soft sand.

Without hesitation, I marched out into the lake without taking my clothes off. I barely noticed that the water was almost at freezing temperature in the cold autumn weather. When the water reached my waist I stopped and silently looked out over the lake. It was quiet.

Peaceful.

A grim contrast to the storm brewing in my mind.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I dove down under the water, the turbid water making my surroundings dark.

I opened my mouth and screamed as loud as I could, until there was no breath left in me. Then I quickly broke the surface again, took another deep breath and went back down under the surface. I screamed out all my pain, my confusion, my self-hate. When I broke the surface again, the scent of roses and summer rain filled my nostrils and I quickly turned around.

Sally was standing on the shore, her face showing a mix of sadness, horror and confusion.

I glued my eyes to the water surface and slowly walked out of the water.

With my eyes still cast down, I asked quietly:

"How much of that did you see?"

I held my breath waiting for her response.

"I saw enough to know that you're hurting." Sally replied softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, afraid that she might push me away if she knew the dark thoughts that haunted me.

"Would you be upset if I asked you to leave me alone right now?" I asked. "I don't want you to see me like this. You deserve better."

I almost couldn't finish the sentence, a sob threatened to leave me and I gulped trying to contain it.

Sally reached up and caressed my wet hair.

"No, I understand." She whispered. "But you don't have to hide your pain. Not from me. You're not alone anymore. You don't have to carry everything inside you anymore."

I leaned forward and kissed her on her forehead.

"You deserve better." I muttered. "You deserve someone that doesn't have this baggage. A strong man with a strong wolf that could protect you from Alpha Richard. Someone that isn't messed up and feels the need to scream inside a lake to handle their past." I gestured to the lake behind us.

Sally stood quietly and listened. When I finished my rambling she placed a light grip on my chin and brought my face closer to hers. She kissed me slowly and gently, caressing my face and chest. After a while, Sally pulled away and looked at me with so much love I almost had to fight to keep my tears at bay, I didn't want her to see me cry.

"I don't care about what kind of mate I should have. The only thing that matters is you. You are stronger than you think. Not because of what the Midnight pack did to you, but because you survived it. You survived everything they did to you and here you are, still a kind, loving and caring person. That makes you the strongest person I know."

I stared at her with a mixture of shock and confusion. Sally made everything sound so simple, so obvious. I knew that she was right. I survived everything, that made me strong.

There was just no way that my head could make my heart understand it.

"We got out." She whispered, leaning her forehead against mine. "So decide what you want to do with the rest of your life, and go for it. I know you can do it."

I could see the slight challenge in her eyes, encouraging me to recognise what I wanted and replace the courage to pursue it.

Again, the answer was simple.

I wanted her.

Nothing else mattered.

Only her.

I buried my hands in her hair and kissed her. Her lips instantly parted, inviting me to explore her mouth.

When I pulled away I looked into her eyes, feeling more certain than I've ever been before.

"I love you." I blurted.

Sally smiled warmly.

"I love you too, Elijah."

"I want you." I whispered.

Sally nodded.

"I was hoping you would say that." She smirked, before she pulled me down towards her again. Her kiss ignited a fire inside me, a desire so strong it was burning my heart and soul. Sally pulled away from me and took my hand. The scents coming from the lake mixed with Sally's arousal and I felt my c**k twitch.

Still smirking, she led me into the forest again towards the packhouse.

I stiffened. I didn't really want to run into Joe and Barry after what happened at the training grounds.

Sally noticed and quickly turned around.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I-I just.. Maybe we shouldn't go back to the packhouse yet." I stuttered.

Sally raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"You don't want to..." She trailed off, but I understood what she meant.

"No, that's not it. I want you, more than anything. I just want it to be us right now. Like it was before we came here. I don't want to see anybody right now."

Sally seemed to understand what I was really trying to say, because she reached up and pecked my lips.

"Joe and Barry went to check the border patrols, and George and Alex went on a date, I think we'll be okay." She said. "Besides, it's cold as f*ck out here and your clothes are soaked."

I chuckled when I realized that she was right and nodded at her to go on.

Sally led me back through the forest to the packhouse. We made our way back to the Beta wing and just like Sally said, the apartment was empty.

When we came back to the bedroom, Sally stopped and pulled me to herself.

"So." She whispered. "Now it's just you and me."