He could hardly admit that he was missing her crazily, pining like some love-sick fool over being apart for an hour. He knew he should be putting down the phone, turning it off, and heading straight out that door to the nearest bar with any of the guys he hung out with. He should be concentrating on replaceing a woman. Fuck it-twins, and fucking Emma out of his head.
If you're that bored, how can I deny you my sparkling company?
Fuck.
Walk away, Jake, stop!
He knew this was stupid, working beside her was one thing, sharing hotels borderline, but actually going to hers socially after hours like this? Completely fucking stupid. He was blurring the lines of what they were more and more, the holiday idea was even more stupid but part of him couldn't let it go. He wanted to see her have fun, kick back with him around to look after her. He wanted to take her away, to the boat, to sun and sea, and he had to admit the thought of seeing her in a bikini had his blood pulsing.
Are you home alone?
If others were home, then it would be better, not just the two of them. He had never been into her apartment before, couldn't believe he was even considering it, but he was sure they would be in a smaller space than a hotel suite and most likely near her bed. He was trying so hard to tell himself that this is what friends did-hung out after work-but he already knew it was a lame excuse. He wanted her. Aren't I always?
Fuck.
I'll be there in 20 minutes.
Why, Jake, why?
He stared at his own reply for a moment and sighed. His mind and body always at war with how he was supposed to treat her nowadays. How could he be rational when his own head was acting like an idiot and throwing caution to the wind? He ran his hands through his hair, dropping his head between his knees and scratching his scalp slowly. He rolled his shoulders and tried to rationalize.
His feet pulled him to his wardrobe while his head was still telling him to cancel, not just this but the boat trip. Emma had never shown any hint of wanting more, not even a onetime fling. He wouldn't have done it even if she had. The one-night thing that was, he would happily give her more even if it scared him shitless. She was a girl you gave it all to, nothing less, and one night would never be enough for him.
***
He floored the pedal to the metal as he hit Queens, getting closer to her apartment made him impatient and his car liked being opened up on the straights. The thrill of a car with this much power meant it demanded a little release every so often. He loved his car almost as much as he loved the girl he was driving toward.
Wait! What? Fuck ... Did he just think that? Love?
Getting to the apartment he remembered from bringing her here a year ago, he raced up the internal stairs two at a time, heart a little erratic still, from the adrenaline of flooring his sports car and getting here in record time. Trying not to think too hard about the love thing, he just pushed it back down. It was dumb and impulsive, and he hadn't really thought about that whole love thing; sure, he knew he had feelings for her, but love? He had no goddamn clue. He couldn't love Emma, she had never asked that of him and he had been pretty sure he was incapable of feeling that way, given the number of women who had tried to get it from him.
The asshole boyfriend of her roommate let him in after a quick knock on the door and he couldn't help himself glaring a little. He knew Emma didn't rate him highly for whatever reason and that was enough reason for him to dislike him too. He didn't say much, just a shrug and nodded toward a room down the hall which he assumed was Emma's, they both sort of grunted instead of conversed. Returning to caveman behavior was fine with him; if this asshole ever laid a finger on his girl he would happily caveman-style smash his skull in.
Jake walked past him, towering over him by a few inches in height and most definitely out-muscling him. Jake was already sizing him up in his head for possible outcomes if he ever needed to get heavy- handed on this one; heading toward Emma's room and keeping an eye on the retreating idiot.
The door was sitting open, all thoughts of her pushing away the asshole, and he slid into the space. Instantly assaulted by her enticing perfume and the girlishness of her bedroom. It was like suddenly stepping into Emma's head, a secret part of her, and he couldn't help but look around, a little overwhelmed.
All soft grays and silvers, a cozy stylish boudoir of sorts, cuddly bears on the bed and a million cushions. Pictures on the wall of scenery, mainly New York skyline and some more tranquil black and white stills. The room had a matureness to it, but the small soft touches, candles, trinkets, and sparkly things hinted at a girly-girl that she kept hidden from view. Jake felt like he was intruding suddenly, it was like seeing a part of her that even he hadn't seen. The romance book on the night stand surprised him.
"Hey." He smiled and threw a thumb over his shoulder, indicating asshole's presence; he wanted to know if he had bothered her. She shook her head, but he could tell she wasn't relaxed and it made him frown If that dickhead had done or said anything he would literally kill him. Her face softening and that pretty smile calmed his aggression almost immediately, his eyes slid to the floor at the Everest of girls' things in a bid to avoid the way he wanted to stare at her mouth. He had never really got control of the staring thing when it came to her face, he had to stop himself doing it a hundred times a day.
"You weren't wrong ... I think Donna has dressed you for a year." He tried to turn his attention anywhere but Emma in jeans and a T-shirt. She looked like a college student and cuter than hell. He had seen her in various casual attire on long trips but being here, surrounded by her things, made it different somehow. Like she was letting him in on her completely unguarded and relaxed, seeing her in a new setting. She didn't even seem to replace it weird that he was here at all, another hint at the fact she thought all of this was harmless. Friends-that's all she saw in this and that was a sobering thought.
He sat down on the floor in front of the huge mountain of clothes a little guiltily. Jake sighed under his breath.
He knew this, and he had to stop ignoring it.
"Whose fault is that? Mr. Oh, buy her an outfit for this, that, and the next thing, every time you see her." Emma poked him playfully in the ribs and he curbed the urge to grab her hand and haul her into his lap. Lately, his hands-on approach was becoming a little too hands-on. He had practically molested her out jogging in Seattle, too much of a pull to always touch her. He leaned back in a bid to stop himself from initiating playful pushes, she brought it out in him, just by being near.
"Maybe I should tell her to ask you when you need something from now on." He held his hands up, trying to appear apologetic but Emma didn't need to know how many times a week he sent Donna pictures of dresses or clothes or even requests and told her Emma needed them. He had no idea what that was all about; women's fashion didn't interest him, but seeing Emma wearing expensive clothes made him happy. He didn't care if she never wore half of them, he just liked making sure she always had what she needed, and she always looked too beautiful for words. It was worth abusing the company credit accounts.
"That would be an idea," Emma smirked, and he couldn't help but smile back, he loved when she tried to sass him. The girl who had once been so closed off and reserved had come out of her shell in the past few months, he had loved watching her bloom. He liked this version of her a lot more than the closed-off ice maiden of those first few weeks.
"Get rid of what you don't want." He shrugged; he didn't care if she threw what she didn't like away, it was only money. He pulled a pale-pink dress from the pile that caught his interest and held it up to admire it but something else caught his eye before he really examined it.☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐
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