The End of Innocence: Book 3 of the Kinstone series
Chapter 59: A Conversation with Myself

I hear the clatter of computer keys and the incessant clicking of a mouse filling my ears. I also hears to the sounds of what I think is a game? Is someone there? But where is ‘here’?

My body feels as though it were lying down on something, something big, and soft. My fingers flex and draw back on whatever I'm laying on. It too feels soft and warm, like a blanket. My heels rest comfortably what I now assume to be a bed of some kind.

My head rests delicately on a pillow, sensing something else surround my face. The faint smell of dirty laundry permeates the room I'm in. The gentle whirling of a ceiling fan blows cool air onto me. To my right I hear blinds softly hitting each other.

“Shit…not again! Why didn’t you heal me? Gah…” sounds someone angrily.

I curl my fingers on the blanket I am resting on and slowly rise up on the bed, not sure what or who I was going to replace in front of me. I open my eyes, seeing a large man sitting in front of a desk, a familiar lamp hovering over his right shoulder.

I peer around the room; my eyes grow wide, recognizing it as my bedroom in my old apartment. To my left I see a wall scroll of Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura hanging over my dresser, with my lightsaber resting on top.

I pan back over to the man in front of me, sitting in a black office chair, seemingly unaware that I’d awakened. To his right stood a bookcase with numerous models and statues resting on the top shelf with more wall scrolls hanging in front of him. I quietly slip forward on the bed, not wanting to alert him.

“So, are you awake yet?” he sounds.

I freeze, feeling my body lock up. I stare at him, faintly making out his voice.

He sighs, clicking out of his game, “You don’t have to be so secretive…even though it is our bread and butter.”

My eyes widen, finally recognizing who sat in front of me…it…it’s me!

The man pushes back slightly from the desk and turns in his chair, staring at me. A gentle smile rises on his face, a face that I once wore for many years.

He looked thinner than I ever had been before, not quite anemic, just thinner. He leans forward in his chair, hearing it creak.

“Sup.”

I look to him or…me, “Okay…this is just way too-”

“Weird?” he finishes, “you have no idea kiddo. How do you think I feel? Talking to the girl I’ve become. Although…it’s not often that I literally get to talk to myself. But,” smirking, “I think it’s also kinda of weird to actually see and hear what I transformed into. And I have to say…Kenji is definitely a lucky kid.”

My face flushes deeply, feeling it burning up, “Wait, this has to be another dream.” I look around, trying to replace anything that might feel like a lie of some kind.

He or…me, just smirks, “Well duh it’s a dream. This all is in our head…well yours to be accurate. And no…there isn’t anything to worry about, you paranoid nut of a girl.”

I glare at him, “You better not be messing with me.”

He scoots closer to the bed, “Hun…I am you.” His smile broadens as he stares into my eyes, “And I know of the thousands upon thousands of thoughts going through that little brain of yours. Because they’re going through mine too.”

I tilt my head, forming a half-smile, “Okay then…prove it.”

He sighs, shaking his head, “You really are paranoid,” throwing his hands up, “fine. You want proof, okay then. You’re thinking of the time you decided to sneak out of the house right after your date with Kenji. You had a dream about the two of you-”

My eyes flare as my cheeks blush a deep and hot red, scampering off the bed and covering his mouth with my hands, “Okay, okay…you’re telling the truth!”

His beard felt course and yet soft at the same time, feeling really weird to touch it. He smiles, taking hold of my hands, lowering them, “Ok then, now we can really talk.”

I stare up into his eyes, which glitter behind a pair of glasses. His chair creaks as he leans back into it. I step back, hopping onto the bed. I pull my legs into my chest, wrapping my arms around them, “So what is this exactly?”

He place his elbows onto the armrests, clicking his fingertips together, “Think of it as a final send-off. I am what remains of your past self. The part of you that you’ve been struggling with for over a year now. But now…I’m no longer needed in your life.”

I tilt my head, “What?”

He smirks, “Hun…this is your life now. It’s not mine and so I have to go.”

I look to him, “But you are me. This doesn’t make any sense, are you saying that we’ve been two completely different people from the start?”

He shakes his head, “Not exactly, but you have to admit the subtle differences within us. Over time, you became less and less me, and more and more you. You are Aria, a bright, spunky, snarky, not to mention head-over-heels in love with someone for the first time ever, girl. I’m just a holdover from your past. To be honest I’ve been the one holding you back all this time, but now…no longer.”

I cock my head at him, “Huh?”

He leans forward, “Hun, you know how much we hate philosophy. Look,” sighing, “let me make this as simple as I can. When you called Rachel to come save you, you felt a sudden surge of strength right?”

I lean back on the bed, thinking back on it. I nod, looking to him.

He smiles, “Well…that was me or the part of you that still was me. When you came you realize that you were fully and forever her daughter, you simply didn’t need me anymore. So…I chimed in and gave you the power to call for her. Therefore…you no longer have any connection to your past life. You have a bright future ahead of you. Something you can forge on your own, free of me.”

I curl up tighter on the bed, staring at who I once was. I then thought about the day Rachel altered the necklace to where the girl was at the forefront and not the man. It was also when she adopted me and I began my new life as her daughter.

I smile and but feel a small pang in my heart, looking to him, “So what’s all of this leading up to?”

He slowly rose from his chair and kneels in front of me, taking my hands, “It means that you can finally let go of your past and be the girl you’ve become. Go fall in love, continue to drive Mom nuts, and go be with your friends. Just live out your life as Aria. I myself will just fade into nothing and leave you completely. You are you now, and I am just not needed anymore.”

I stare into his eyes, “You…you called Rachel ‘Mom’.”

He smirks, “Yep…she is the one who gave us a brand new life to live, a new path to follow. So I’m just in the way.”

My cheeks continue to feel hot, “I…I have to ask. When Kenji kissed me, were…were you there?”

He shakes his head, “Nope. That was all you kiddo. You fell in love with him. You are the one whose heart trembled at his touch.”

My hands look so tiny and frail compared to his. I smile leaning forward and pressing my head to his, “That’s a relief.”

He chuckles softly, “Not sure if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.”

I peer into his eyes, “Both you idiot.”

He grins, “Brat.”

“Geek.”

“Silly fox.”

I giggle. This was just too funny and yet weird. I am literally talking to my old self and yet it doesn’t really feel all that bad. In some strange way it’s like talking to an older brother.

His voice…a voice I once used for most of my life, one which was filled with kindness, gentleness, strength, passion, fury, and pain. But now a voice that no longer was my own. My heart too had changed, now I’m just a young girl.

He smiles up at me as the room slowly begins to darken, “Now it’s time for me to say goodbye to you Aria.”

I shake my head, “I don’t want you to go.”

He leans up and kisses my forehead, “You have to. You are no longer me.”

I blush, “That…that felt weird, being kissed by me.”

He gently parts my hair, “No kidding. But hey…figured it be something nice. Oh…what was it that Granddad always used to say? Oh right.”

I grin, knowing what he means.

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life,” we say in unison.

I giggle, feeling tears streaming down my face. It really felt weird hearing those word coming from the both of us.

He gently brushes them away, the room now completely darkening, “Oh, one other thing to take with you. Something I found hidden away in the memories you got from Fenris.”

I look to him as he pulls away from me, releasing my hands.

“Something lost, but something gained.

A piece broken, now remade.

A soul in turmoil, now at peace.

A past sacrificed, a future reforged.”

I stare at him in confusion, “Is that a repeating dualistic poem?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know, I’ll leave that up to you and Mom.” He then steps into the deepening darkness, “Take care Aria, and have a good life.”

I stare at him, not sure what to say or do. “I don’t know what to do.”

He smirks through the darkness, “You’re a kid now. You’ll replace that out when the time comes.” His voice soon fades into the void, leaving me there on the bed.

The room goes completely dark. It felt quiet as I sat there, all alone. Something then began to pull on me, something warm, something soft, something…that wanted me back.

A smile stretches over my face.

Mom…Mom’s calling to me.