The Forgotten Planet
Chapter 35 – The Heist of Our Lives

I felt like a kid in a candy shop. Well, maybe a poor kid without any walking-around money. There were so many shiny baubles and amazing bits of technology that I could look at, but not touch. Definitely couldn’t have. Maybe it was more like window shopping in front of a candy store, while sporting a serious hankering for something sweet.

The whole place was vacuum-sealed, bland and sterile – just what you’d expect from a government facility. The décor consisted of eggshell coloring on the walls, stark-white lighting and furniture and cubicles constructed from cheap materials and likely sold in bulk. Scientists in white coats hunched over stainless-steel tables and sleek computer terminals, speaking in hushed tones and occasionally stealing furtive glances in our direction. Half-assembled gizmo’s and doo-dads with exposed wires and naked internal mechanisms sat here and there.

I was of course recording all of this on my helmet’s hard drive and wirelessly transferring the data it into my ’Seven. The lag my ’Seven was experiencing was, if anything, getting worse, but at least the ringing in my ears was down to a quiet buzz. I was happy my implant was still working, because getting it fixed wasn’t going to be a simple process.

We could have retired on the information I was recording – selling secrets to the highest bidder – but I wanted it more for the general science of it. Once I was done with perfecting Betty, I would need a new project, and there were a number here that I found fascinating. The plans for the hard-light generator I saw on an unguarded screen looked particularly promising. Our tour led us past beam weapons, nanotechnology, applied stealth systems before finally coming to the area that this whole operation was designed for.

“This is the final lab under our umbrella,” Leta informed us. “The particle physics division. As you well know ma’am, we have the most powerful particle accelerator in the sector, and we are pursuing a number of fascinating lines of research.” He started ticking off fingers, “Teleportation, quantum foam manipulation, graviton-wave repulsers-”

“What about wormhole research?” I asked, before realizing this wasn’t the place or the time to do so. Luckily, Philip’s people modified my helmet to modulate my voice into the thin, gravely hiss of an actual Salarian. Maxine glared at me and tapped her pad loudly with a fingernail.

Leta, on the other hand, appeared pleased that I had spoken. “You’re the first trooper that’s ever asked me about my work,” he answered with a smile.

I tried to shrug, but the armor wouldn’t allow it. Maybe Salarians don’t shrug. “It’s just a hobby of mine,” I answered.

“That’s quite the hobby,” Leta said. “Well, wormhole research is sort of a dead field. According to the Kaldo’s, that’s a big a fruitless tree.”

“But what about generating an artificial wormhole?” I asked. Maxine now looked like she was going to kill me. Even Vee was giving me an irritated look. Adan was looking in the other direction. He was probably daydreaming.

“You’ve done your homework,” Leta said in a tone that contained only the slightest note of condescension. “You’re talking about the Holy Grail of wormhole science – to use a human vernacular.” He thought that would get him a smile from Max… but it didn’t. He plowed on with a little less zeal. “Unfortunately, it’s impossible. Scientists gave up on that particular goal decades ago. It’s all in the Depository if you want to read about it.”

Well, call me Galahad then, because apparently, I was the only living being worthy of replaceing the answer to this mystery. I kept that thought to myself though. No one present would have appreciated the comparison.

“Ma’am, we have a very tight schedule,” Maxine said in no uncertain terms.

“Yes, of course,” Veesil said. “And I still need to see something.” She furrowed her brow in mock-concentration. “What was it Maxine? Some sort of erotic member?”

“Exotic matter ma’am,” Max answered neutrally.

“Is this a real thing, Leto?” Veesil asked.

“Yes ma’am,” Leta answered. “You’re speaking of particles such as tachyons, I assume.” Veesil shrugged. Leta looked at Max and she made a small head-nod. He smiled at Vee. “Please, right this way.”

We passed down an aisle between lab tables, filled with scientists – who parted in our wake without really looking up, then got right back to work at their respective stations. They were probably used to random bureaucrats wandering through.

“Tachyons are an intellectual curiosity, if nothing else,” Leta explained to Vee and Max. “It’s a minor byproduct of work with neutrino oscillations. We save the stuff, but we haven’t found a practical use for it.”

No use for a particle that seemingly breaks the laws of physics by moving faster than the speed of light without the need to first warp spacetime? I wanted to scream at him, but I somehow controlled myself. Mostly out of fear of Max, if I’m being honest.

Leta brought us to a glass-enclosed, internally lit storage container that was built into a wall of the lab. Inside were multiple shelves lined with containers of various sizes and shapes. He pointed to a shelf of small and thin metallic tubes and said, “There you have it – the sector’s largest collection of exotic matter. We have negative-mass and zero-mass particles, exotic hadrons and even the only confirmed sample of dark matter.”

Vee stared at the man blankly. His nervous smile began to falter. Finally, she said, “Well? Let’s see it.”

“See what ma’am?” Leta asked, eyes wide. “I don’t understand.”

Veesil loudly sighed and said in a rude tone, “Open it up. I want to see your erotic member.”

“I believe you mean exotic matter, ma’am,” Max said evenly.

“That’s what I asked the man for, Max,” Vee snapped. “Isn’t that right Lito?” He smiled and nodded as he worked the palm and retina scanner on the door lock. Vee looked back at Max and said, “I keep telling you that you need to get your hearing checked.”

“Yes ma’am. I will ma’am.” It was amazing how she kept her face neutral the whole time. In another life, she could have had a career as a straight-man in a comedy duo.

Leta removed a tube and handed it Vee, who took the object uncertainly and hefted it in one hand. With a scrunched up face, she said to Leta, “This isn’t weightless. What are you trying to pull, Lito?”

“That’s just the container ma’am,” Leta explained carefully. “Which does, in fact, have weight,”

Vee grunted in response. She sniffed the container, and then gave it a good shake. She turned it over a few times in her hands before asking, “How do I open it?”

“You need a special tool,” Leta said. He looked at her uncertainly. “You do realize you can’t see the particles in the holding device?”

Vee glared at him, then turned to Max. “Maxine – I feel like I’m being railroaded, and I don’t even know what a railroad is.”

Max started to answer, “A railroad is an old Earth form of locomotion-”

“Not now Maxine,” Vee cut in. “Are you positive we can’t shoot this man?”

A look of fresh panic once again crossed Leta’s face, and the scientists in the background that had appeared to be working this whole time, started to discretely move away from the area.

“Ma’am, I never said we couldn’t shoot him,” Maxine calmly explained once again, “only that it would require a substantial amount of paperwork if we did.” Max then fixed Leta with a look that suggested he was on thin ice and better start making the commander happy.

“We could look at the particles under a quark scanner?” Leta suggested helpfully. “That way you would be able to see them for yourself Commander.”

“Now see, that’s just the kind of initiative I like in my underlings,” Vee said, giving the man a hearty clap on the back. Leta nearly jumped out of his skin, but somehow kept a joyless smile plastered on his face. As this occurred, Maxine took another tube of tachyons off the shelf and slipped it into the leather satchel that hung from her shoulder. “Now, let’s go look at your erotic particles, Lito.”

Leta closed up to the container and led us over to the quark scanner. Whereas the one I had back in my old apartment had been a monstrosity of metal and glass, this one was sleek and compact – fitting nicely on the edge of a lab bench. Leta injected the particles into the holding containers and pointed to the magnified scan on the screen.

Vee frowned, “That’s it?”

“Yes ma’am – those are the tachyons,” Leta answered. He looked like a man about to get bad news from his doctor.

“Well, I can’t see why the brass got their briefs in a bunch about these erotic doodads.” She shook her head. “They’re so small and shriveled. I’m certainly not impressed.”

“It’s a real letdown, if you ask me ma’am,” Maxine deadpanned.

Vee noted the look of impending doom on Leta’s face and said, “Don’t worry Lito – I won’t hold it against you. Maxine, make sure you give this man a good write-up in my official report. I’ll sign it when you’re done writing it.” Then she turned and strode for the exit.

“Yes ma’am,” Maxine answered. Then she fixed Leta with a look that implied he had just dodged a bullet, before turning on her heel to follow Vee. That was our cue as well, so Adan and I took the rear, and we made our way back through the lab and out the entrance. Leta called out to us from the lobby, “It was a pleasure to meet you all. Please come again.” None of us turned or answered.

The guards didn’t even look up as we headed past them. Our ship was sitting right where we left it. It looked like we were home free.

“I can’t believe that worked,” Maxine said, as we walked down the walkway to out ship.

“Just keep walking fast,” Vee responded. She continued to stare straight ahead.

“Not too fast,” I said. “Some of us are wearing armor that’s tight in the crotch.”