The Girl I Once Loved: Love & Hate Duet
The Girl I Once Loved: Chapter 19

“We really should do something about this hair. Maybe after I come back from Daisy’s bachelorette party tonight, I’ll give it the cut it deserves,” I coo, running my fingers through Noah’s long locks, as his head remains perfectly nestled on top of my bare chest. “I doubt the Monroes would appreciate you showing up at the wedding with this lion’s mane. Not exactly wedding album material.”

“I could care less what they think, but if you don’t like it, then why wait for tonight? Maybe after today’s race, you can give me a cut,” he drawls, kissing the swell of my breast. “I’m good with whatever you want.”

I try to ignore the warmth that spreads over my body with how willing he is to submit to anything I ask.

Truth be told, I love Noah’s hair just the way it is. Wild and free, just like him.

It reminds me of better days.

It reminds me of a life I thought I’d have.

“Speaking of the race,” I gruffly choke out, needing to move our conversation onto a safer topic than his hair, “shouldn’t you have left by now? I’m sure there are many things you need to do to prepare for such a big event.”

“All taken care of.” I feel him smile onto my skin. “I’d rather spend the last few hours I have in bed with you than anywhere else.”

That stupid warm feeling spreads through every limb in my body again, making sure to tug at my heartstrings. So much so, that I start to shift from under him, preparing myself to make a quick getaway before my heart begins to believe things that aren’t there.

“I will not be responsible for you losing this race because you preferred to have a lazy morning in bed. Derrick would kill me,” I joke, but Noah is having none of it, lifting himself just enough to plant his palms on each side of my face on the pillow, trapping me with his strong masculine body as it hovers over mine.

“Don’t even think about it. You’re not going anywhere.” He throws me a mischievous smile. “Not until I get my fill.”

“And when will that happen?” I ask, my breath hitching when I feel his hard length press up against my sensitive clit.

“Never,” he whispers so softly I almost miss it.

Before I’m able to say anything in return, he flips us over on his bed, until I’m straddling his waist.

“Enough talk, little stalker. If you’re really concerned about me winning today’s race, then be a good girl and put me inside you. I want you to ride my cock until you see God himself. That’s the only way either one of us is getting out of this bed this morning.”

“Always with the orders,” I taunt, snaking my hand in between his thighs and wrapping my hand around his girth. The way he hisses with just my delicate fingers around him emboldens me further, giving it a little squeeze.

“Fuck. Enough fucking foreplay, baby. Just show me what you’ve got.”

This I can handle.

This type of carnal banter.

It’s astounding how easy it is for me to share my body with this man, feel as if I was born for it even, but whenever we get close to talking about feelings, my knee jerk reaction is to run the other way.

“Sky,” he starts to pant as my hand strokes his hard cock up and down my slit, just prolonging his agony.

“Yes?” I feign ignorance, knowing full well the effect I’m having on him.

His eyes squint in pain, as his fingers dig into my flesh with each stroke of his cock. It’s such an euphoric feeling, having this much power over him, that instead of showing him the mercy that he so craves, I begin to kiss his hard abs and shimmy down his body until I’m face to face with his engorged cock.

Noah lets go of his grip on me, preferring to bite on his fisted knuckles as my tongue swipes the precum off his head. The salty sweetness bursts along my taste buds, making me ravenous for more. I hear him punching the mattress as my lips wrap themselves around him and suck him in until I feel his crown hit the back of my throat.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Sky. You’re killing me,” he moans, lifting his waist to meet my tempo.

I smile inwardly at the compliment, but my own lust for him begins to take charge as he pounds into me. Noah threads his fingers in my hair, keeping me exactly where he wants me, ruthlessly fucking my mouth until I’m withering with need, my pussy feeling devastatingly empty without him.

“Baby, if you don’t want me to come in your mouth, then you have exactly five seconds to put me inside you,” he forewarns gruffly.

I take him at his word, plopping his cock out of my mouth and quickly positioning myself until his cock is teasing my breach. I stare at his face, so tragically beautiful and vulnerable, as I sink myself to the hilt, both of us letting out loud groans as my pussy strangles his cock. I begin to rock myself on him, slowly at first, needing to prolong this sweet torture, loving the sound of the soft moans that slip out of his mouth.

“Is this what you had in mind?” I whisper breathlessly, my nails biting into his abs as I use his chest to keep my balance.

“Fuck, yes,” he grunts, unable to keep his cool composure.

My own breathing comes out in spurts as I ride his cock like a woman starved. Instead of using my words to show him how he makes me feel inside, I offer up my body as sacrifice instead. My rhythm increases as I drive myself up and down his cock, loving how he’s able to fill the emptiness that dwells inside my soul. His gaze burns into me, his mouth parted open as if needing me to kiss his suffering away. Without a second thought, I submit to his silent request and lean down, Noah quickly grabbing the back of my neck so he can crash his lips to mine.

We get lost in our passionate kiss as our joined bodies continue to sing their song.

“Tell me I’m not dreaming,” he begs in between kisses and thrusts. “Tell me you’re really here. That I’m not alone in this.”

I swallow up my replies, unable to give him what he wants, but in my head, I tell him everything he longs to hear.

You’re not dreaming, Noah.

I’m really here.

You’re not alone in this.

Instead, I lean back and break our kiss, planting my hands on his chest as I jump on his cock with reckless abandon.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he praises. “A fucking dream.”

And when I feel his thumb lightly caress my clit, a flicker of white light begins to crest my vision, my mouth gaping open as I let its blinding warmth spread throughout me.

“That’s my girl. That’s it, baby. Look at you come on my cock. Fuck, but you’re beautiful,” he continues to worship, slamming himself inside me so viciously that my orgasm topples over, giving way to another.

“Oh, my god!”

“That’s it. Shit. Just like that,” he taunts, hitting the walls inside me in a way that has me losing my mind.

“Noah!” I scream out, uncaring who may hear, too overcome with the sensation that is taking over my body and mind. Pure unadulterated ecstasy runs through my veins as I let this orgasm heal wounds I thought could never mend.

“Sky,” he chokes as he follows me off the cliff’s edge, increasing my euphoric state.

It takes me a while to come back to earth and force my eyes to open, but when I do, I see droplets of blood on his chest, caused by my nails digging into his flesh.

“You’re bleeding,” I gasp in horror.

“Consider them battle wounds,” he teases lightheartedly, his face soft and loving. “Scars that I’ll treasure forever.”

My forehead wrinkles, not happy that I’ve made him bleed.

“What’s that face?” he asks, running his knuckles softly on my cheek.

“I’m not sure if it’s a good omen to have you bleed before a big race.” I chew on my bottom lip.

“Careful there, Sky. You’d think you were worried about me.” He smirks.

I roll my eyes and slap his chest, pretending that could never be the case.

But I am worried.

There are a myriad of things that can go wrong in a race like this. I’m no expert, of course, but anything to do with the water heightens my apprehension.

“None of that,” he says softly. “You can’t look worried for me when my cock is still inside of you. It will only encourage it to fuck you again.”

The tension in my shoulders relaxes at his attempt to lighten the mood.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think you were paying attention. If I’m not mistaken, I fucked you. Not the other way around.”

“My deepest apologies,” he feigns chivalry. “What type of poor excuse of a man would I be if I didn’t return the favor?”

He flips me over on my back and gives me that blinding smile of his that screams out love and happiness.

“Stop.” I giggle as he begins to pepper kisses all along my body until he’s right at my apex. “You don’t have time for this. You have a race to win, remember?”

“The Royal Shank will just have to wait. This takes priority.” He grins, his head falling in between my thighs.

“Royal Shank… What a peculiar name to give a boat,” I moan out when his tongue flicks my clit.

“It’s an anagram,” he unknowingly admits, too wrapped up in lapping my pussy clean with his tongue to realize the lapse he’s made.

“Anagram? Anagram of what?” I whimper, but Noah’s mouth is just too busy eating me out to pay me any mind.

It’s only after he’s successfully rocked my world and has left for his Labor Day boat race that the jumbled letters begin to take form.

Skylar & Noah.

The Royal Shank is an anagram of our combined names.

The realization of that brings forth too many questions, leaving me and my feelings even more confused than they already are.

It’s one in the morning and Daisy’s bachelorette party is still going strong. Seeing as Daisy used to work at The Scarlet Letter Café and is still regarded as one of the best employees the establishment ever had, management was all too happy to close its doors tonight to host her party.

All of Daisy’s friends from school are dancing their asses off, drunk with glee that their friend is finally going to tie the knot with Thatcher’s Bay’s most beloved son. Unlike her bridal shower, the festively uninhibited environment is more my sister’s speed. I’ve seen more dildos and penis paraphernalia tonight to last me a lifetime. But Daisy is having such a fun time, that I don’t have the heart to slip away and go home like I want to, knowing that Noah is counting down the minutes for my return.

The least I can do is send him a text not to wait up for me. If Daisy has it her way, this bachelorette party is sure to last until dawn.

“Just where do you think you’re running off to?” she asks with an ear-to-ear grin when she catches me trying to sneak off the dance floor just so I can text Noah.

“Just going outside for a breath of fresh air. It’s too hot in here. I’ll be back in a jiff,” I promise her.

“Want me to go with you?”

“No.” I smile back. “You just keep having fun. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Okay, babe.” She smiles, continuing to dance the night away with her friends.

I swerve my way through the crowd and let out a relieved exhale when I finally manage to step outside, the cool sea breeze kissing my cheeks and cooling me down. But my relief is short-lived when I see someone else had the same idea of getting a few moments to herself and some fresh air.

“You’re still here. Thought you’d be gone by now,” Stacy stammers when she sees me, and I can smell from her breath that she’s had a few too many vodka cranberries.

“Sorry to disappoint.” I scowl. “I know how badly you want to see me gone.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

To her credit, Stacy looks somewhat ashamed of my accusation. Doesn’t make it any less true though. But as the awkward silence between us lingers, I start to become uncomfortable with the way she just stands there…staring at me.

“Well, I would say it was nice bumping into you, but we both know I’d be lying,” I say dryly, turning my back to go back inside.

“Enough, Skylar,” she belts out before I’ve taken a step.

“Enough?” I turn to her with a raised eyebrow. “You don’t get to tell me when it’s enough.”

Her cheeks turn red, and the familiar disdain that she showered me with back in high school comes tumbling through those deep emerald eyes of hers.

“I never did like you,” she admits with a slur.

“Likewise,” I retort, crossing my arms over my chest.

“You probably don’t even know why I didn’t like you.”

“I can take a wild guess.” I throw her a mocking grin.

“You’re right. I never gave you a chance because of Noah.” She shrugs unapologetically, admitting what we’ve both known all our lives. “The way he looked at you back then…I knew you were trouble.” I keep my mouth shut, not willing to take the bait. “You were different than the others. I knew it the first time I saw you. You were different.”

“Guess I must not have been if he cheated on me with you. But then again, you probably had more experience on that front that I had. Once a cheater, always a cheater, isn’t that how the saying goes?” I sneer at her.

She stares me down for a beat, and then shocks the living daylights out of me when her head falls back in a cackle.

“God, you’re clueless. You think Noah cheated on me? Never, Skylar. He’d never do that to me. Anytime he hooked up with some rando, we were never together. Aside from a kiss you stole from him at my pool party junior year—which he told me about the minute it happened—Noah always made sure to respect me by staying loyal.”

“Well, congratulations. Apparently, I wasn’t as deserving.”

But just as the words are out of my mouth, I see her flinch, guilt written on her forehead. She starts looking up and down the street as if she’s suddenly afraid to be seen with me. And when she grabs onto my wrist and pulls me into a dark alleyway, all my hackles rise.

“Let me go, Stacy, or I swear to God, I’ll claw your eyes out,” I warn through gritted teeth.

If Stacy Monroe is too drunk off her rocker to believe I won’t slap the bitch, she’s got another thing coming.

“He’s going to hate me for this, but I can’t live like this anymore,” she mutters under her breath, letting go of my wrist.

“Who’s going to hate you?” I ask, puzzled by this weird turn in our conversation.

“I wanted to tell you back on that day at the Farmer’s market. I had gathered up all my courage to confront you, but to my shame, I chickened out. Deep down, I knew he wouldn’t allow it,” she states frantically.

“Who wouldn’t allow it? What are you talking about, Stacy?” I almost shout, nervous energy running through me.

“Noah. I’m talking about Noah.”

I take a step back away from her, as if his name uttered by her lips puts the fear of God into me.

“You know what? I don’t want to know. Whatever game you’re trying to pull won’t work. I’m not that stupid girl anymore. Go and play with someone else. I’m done here,” I tell her, needing to get as much distance as I can from this snake.

“Wait, Skylar. You need to hear this,” she pleads frantically.

I shake my head with my hands up.

“Whatever you have to say to me, I don’t want to hear it. Especially if it has to do with him.”

“Stop being so goddamn pig-headed and give me a second to explain. Believe me when I say you are going to want to hear every word.”

It’s my curiosity more than anything that has me rooted to the spot, wondering what Stacy could possibly have up her sleeve. No matter how much she’s trying to portray that she’s changed, I’m not buying it. So it’s with a grain of salt that I listen attentively to whatever gibberish she’s about to lay on me.

“Before that night,” she starts hesitantly, referring to the night she ruined my happiness, “Noah was spending a lot of time at my house, talking shit through with Derrick. He didn’t know it, but I eavesdropped on them both any chance I could get.”

“Classy,” I reprimand, hating that I was guilty of doing the same all my life.

“I’m not proud of it, but it was the only way I could think of to still feel like I was part of Noah’s life. By then, I had already lost his heart, but I thought that maybe there was a way I could still keep him as a friend. Only years later did I realize his heart was never mine to begin with. Still, at the time, I didn’t know any better. I needed Noah in my life, no matter what.”

“I’m failing to see how this is any of my business, Stacy,” I state flatly.

“Give me a second, will you? It’s hard enough having to admit what a shitty person I was back in the day without your scrutinizing commentary.”

“If you want absolution, replace yourself a priest, Stacy. You’ll get none from me.”

“I don’t expect any from you.” She lets out a solemn sigh. “I don’t care if you hate me. I don’t even care if after I tell you the truth, you do nothing about it. I just want to be someone my son can look up to. And that will never happen if I don’t at least try to right the wrongs I’ve done in my life.”

As much as I hate the woman staring me in the eye, I hear the truth in her words. Apparently, motherhood has done a number on Stacy, forcing her to reflect on everything she’s done. It takes courage to admit when you’re wrong. It takes even more courage to face the people you’ve hurt. That is the only reason why I don’t leave and stay firmly to my spot to listen to all she has to say.

That and the fact that whatever is weighing on her soul has to do with Noah.

“Anyway, one night I heard Noah tell Derrick about his family’s money problems. How his mother’s hospital bills were still draining their resources. That didn’t surprise me though. I suspected as much when Noah insisted that my brother sign him in on any drag race or underground fight Derrick was organizing. Money was always a sensitive topic with Noah, so I never broached it with him, but I heard it in his voice how concerned he was that he’d never be able to pay it off no matter how hard he and his father tried.”

I don’t add anything to her statement, since she was apparently more in tune with Noah’s hardships at the time than I was. It’s always been a sore spot for me how I had no clue what was happening under my own roof. I was so happy living in my bubble that I didn’t see the signs of how my family was struggling financially. I thought it was normal for Curt never to have a day off, always out at sea whenever possible. I never questioned why my mother sometimes needed to work double shifts, or how Daisy was always complaining about how broke she was, even when she was working her ass off waiting tables.

I just thought it was the normal everyday struggles of any family living in Thatcher’s Bay.

How wrong I had been.

“And then Noah confessed something else to my brother—how proud he was that you had gotten a full ride to Dartmouth—” she starts to say, but I quickly stop her before she says another word.

“Wait? What?” I interject, confused. “That never happened, Stacy. Noah didn’t know about my grant. I didn’t tell anyone,” I call her out on her lie.

“You didn’t, but your mother found out and told Noah about it,” she explains, guilt-ridden.

“That’s a lie, Stacy. A fucking awful lie.” I shake my head, not wanting to let her lies sink into my brain.

“Look at me, Skylar. I’m not lying,” she says steadfastly. “Your mom did tell Noah about the grant and how you had kept that news from them, telling everyone you didn’t get in much less get a full ride. They knew the only reason why you would have kept the truth from everyone was because you were going to turn it down just to stay in Thatcher’s Bay. Just to stay with Noah.”

“I…I…” I stammer, wide-eyed and frantic.

It’s true.

I didn’t tell anyone about the grant, not even Daisy, because it killed me just thinking about leaving Noah. I couldn’t do it. I loved him too much. He was my world. Dartmouth had nothing on him.

“I think I need to sit down,” I stutter, feeling like the rug has just been yanked from underneath me.

“Come with me,” Stacy urges, pulling her car keys out of her pocket and pointing to a brand-new silver hybrid parked on the other side of the street.

I don’t fight her on this, and walk across the street with her, slipping into her car, doing my very best not to lose my shit.

“Are you okay?” she asks worriedly.

“Just fucking tell me the rest. Just tell me…” I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying as best I can to keep my wits about me. “Just tell me all of it.”

When she grows quiet, I have to grab her hand and look her in the eye to force her not to stop now.

“All of it, Stacy. Don’t fucking keep anything from me now. You owe me that much.”

She gives me a clipped nod and takes a deep breath, as if needing to muster all her courage to continue.

“Noah knew you’d never leave him willingly. He knew the only way he could get you to leave Thatcher’s Bay was if he hurt you. He just didn’t have the courage or will to do it. That’s when I came into the picture and offered him the help he longed for.”

“Right,” I rebuke sardonically, imagining how eager she was to have a hand in ruining me.

“Like I said, I’m not proud of my actions, but at the time, you and your feelings were the last thing on my mind. I thought I’d be doing myself a favor. That if I got rid of you, then Noah would come back to me. How stupid I had been. I guess I was just as clueless to the truth as you were,” she laments.

“Stacy—” I grind my teeth, needing her to continue on with her tale instead of explaining how little she cared for me. I got the memo just fine back in high school. I don’t need a reminder.

“Right… sorry,” Stacy hiccups with a sheepish grin, reminding me that she’s two sheets to the wind. “Where was I?”

“You were just telling me how you offered Noah your gracious help to get rid of me,” I seethe.

“Oh, right. Well, that turned into a shitshow right quick, didn’t it?” She blinks apprehensively, and I can tell she’s rethinking having invited me into her car, worried that I might hit her or something.

“I’m not going to hit you. We’re adults, for crying out loud,” I tell her in the hopes to ease her concerns.

When before I wasn’t above kicking Stacy’s ass for her part in tragically ruining my life, now it feels pointless.

“You know what they say?” She tries to lighten the tension between us. “You can take the girl out of Thatcher’s Bay but not Thatcher’s Bay out of the girl.”

Tell me about it.

“We don’t have all night, Stacy. Out with it.” I snap my fingers in her face to sober her up just enough to keep her talking.

“Right. So we set off on concocting a plan. One that would make sure you took your one shot out of Thatcher’s Bay and never looked back. I planned a party and invited anyone I could think of so our plan would look legit. Noah made sure to arrive early and began to drink his weight in alcohol, hoping that it would give him liquid courage to do what had to be done.”

“To sleep with you, you mean. That was your big plan, right? Me catching you two in the act,” I end her thought process for her. “Bravo. You played your part beautifully in ruining my life.”

“Trust me, it was no picnic for me either. Can you imagine how humiliating it was for me to do that? To act like I was okay and that it didn’t hurt me to know that Noah would move heaven and earth to make sure the girl he was actually in love with could have a chance at a better life than the one he could offer her?” Stacy defends ardently.

“Don’t talk to me about sacrifice.” I scoff.

“Why not? I made mine for the boy I thought I loved. Noah made his for the girl he did love. What did you do? You ran. You ran away, Skylar. It didn’t even occur to you that it was all for show. It’s like you didn’t know him at all. Noah isn’t a cheater. He would never cheat on anyone. Especially you.” She shakes her head, looking me dead in the eye like she can’t believe how stupid I am.

“It was all a lie? You didn’t…” I stammer, not believing what I’m hearing.

“Sleep together?” She shakes her head. “Noah never touched me. You saw what you needed to see that night. That was all.”

“You’re lying! You have to be!” I shout, trying to make sense of everything she is telling me. “That night you told me you paid off his mother’s hospital bills, and I know you did, because any time I tried to help Curt or my mom out over the years, they told me they didn’t need it. That they were financially stable.”

Hadn’t that been the reason why I was keen on believing Noah had chosen Stacy over me?

Because she could offer him money when all I could give him was my heart?

“That part was true,” she explains, slumping her shoulders back to her seat. “Derrick and I did dip into our trust fund to help Noah out and clear your family’s debt. My father wasn’t too happy about it, but both Derrick and I felt it was the right thing to do. Of course, Noah never did like handouts, so he only accepted our money under the strict condition that it was an interest free loan. Over the last seven years, he’s worked hard to pay us back every last dime, which he has. Every bit of it. I donated my share to Falmouth Hospital and their hospice ward where Annabelle lived her last days. And while I’m not sure what my brother did with his share, I’m pretty certain he used it to buy Noah his monohull—the Royal Shank—so he could also live out his own dream.”

Gobsmacked, I just sit there in the dark, taking in every word of her confession, unable to move or say anything.

It was all a lie.

My life was completely altered and irreparably scarred because of one lie.

“You’re quiet. It’s very unnerving,” Stacy says after a few minutes have passed in total silence.

“Believe me, my silence is your friend right now. You don’t want to hear all the shit that’s running through my mind at the moment.”

“What are you going to do?” she asks worriedly.

What am I going to do?

Guess there’s only one thing I can do.

“First, I’m going to drive you back to your place since you’re too drunk to drive, and then you’re going to let me borrow your car so I can go home.”

It’s time Noah Fontaine and I had a very serious conversation.