The Girl Next Door
The Boy Next Door Chapter 44

"I know."

She nods. "Do you want to do it now or wait until tomorrow?"

If I wait, I might chicken out. Scratch that, I'll definitely chicken out. As far as I'm concerned, it's now or never. "Let's just get it over with."

Her hands slide from around my neck where they've been draped, up my neck, before cupping the sides of my cheeks. She leans up on her tiptoes before pressing her lips against mine. Before I can sink into the kiss, she draws away. "I'll be right here with you." I jerk my head into a nod as she steps away.

On legs that feel wooden, I walk across the room and grab my laptop from my backpack before we settle on the queen-sized mattress. Alyssa sits close enough for our shoulders and thighs touch. Barely do I acknowledge to myself that this is really the first time she's taken the initiative to be near me since she's returned from London. Almost as if to punctuate that thought, her fingers settle on my thigh and I have to admit, having her here with me helps.

With a pounding heart, I fire up the computer. It takes a moment for the screen to illuminate and to click onto the internet. When my home screen pops up, my fingers hover over the keys before I force myself to type her full name into the search engine. "Candance Radcliffe?"

"She never took my father's name," I mumble.

I stare at the name until it blurs before my eyes. My finger hovers over the Enter button. I don't realize that air has become trapped in my lungs until they begin to burn. And even then, I refuse to release it. It's only when little spot dance across my vision that it escapes, and I stab the plastic key before I talk myself out of it. A second later, a page full of information materializes on the screen.

A colorful photograph pops up.

My heart skips a painful beat.

Alyssa's fingers dig into the flesh of my leg. I don't even think she's aware that she's doing it. The pain is the only thing that grounds me in the moment. Otherwise I would float away. And that's a frightening feeling. "Is that her?"

I allow myself to time to scrutinize the picture in silence, absorbing every detail about it. The blonde hair that falls around her shoulders. The lines in her face that bracket both her eyes and mouth. Even though sixteen years have past, it's strange for this photo to replace the image of a younger looking Candance in my mind. The one I've been carrying around with me since she walked away.

I flinch when Alyssa clicks on the photo so that it takes up almost the entirety of the screen.

"She's pretty."

There's a faraway quality filling Alyssa's voice. As if she's talking to me from beneath the water. Then again, everything around me feels murky, so maybe I'm the one under water.

I focus on Candance's profile, attempting to dissect it almost clinically.

When I was little, I remember thinking that my mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. Even when she was wearing pa int splattered shirts and jeans with her hair tied up in a blue bandana, so that it would be away from her face. The few times I was allowed to watch her paint, she'd get a dreamy look in her eyes that made her seem as if she wasn't there in the room with me. Almost as if she were unreachable. Wisps of smoke.

I remember thinking that I could stare to my heart's content but never touch. I'm not sure why that memory fills me with pain, but it does.

"It says she owns a gallery where her work is exclusively displayed."

Alyssa's words are like that of a gunshot in the stillness of the room. When I remain silent, trapped int he past, she clicks on the little blurb, bringing up a full page of information.

A heaviness fills my chest as I skim over the paragraphs. A few of photographs of her paintings and the gallery are showcased. It's the last picture that has me wheezing out a painful breath. "Oh." She shifts on the bed next to me.

It's one of a happy family.

Candance is seated alongside an older man. Each one of them holds a child in their arms. Both girls are blond with dark eyes just like Candance.

"Colton?" Alyssa squeezes my thigh again. "Are you all right?"

There's that faraway quality again.

It's kind of funny. I didn't think it was possible for this woman to hurt me any more than she already has, but I was wrong. Because this feels agonizing. Almost as if my chest is on fire.

Did she really walk away from us only to start a brand new family?

Did she really leave me behind?

"Colton?" Her voice dips, concern dripping from it. "Talk to me."

A ragged sound escapes from between my lips.

It's carefully that Alyssa pulls the computer from my hands before setting it down on the desk at the far side of the room and returning to the bed where I sit frozen in place. She maneuvers her way between my legs and threads her arms around my neck. She's so close that I have no other choice but to tilt my head in order to meet her concerned gaze.

My first instinct is to shutdown so the pain-riddled emotion rampaging through me is stopped dead in its tracks before it can infiltrate and wreck further damage. But if I did that, I'll be closing myself off from Alyssa and that would only push her away.

It doesn't escape that this situation is self-inflicted. If I had never gone looking for Candance, I wouldn't inflicted myself with all this hurt. I close my eyes and allow the grief to crash over me like a tidal wave.

Her hands grip my face, forcing me to acknowledge that I'm not alone. I take a breath and force out the words. "I'm all right."

That's a lie but it's the best I can do.

Her lips feather across mine before she whispers, "I'm so sorry, Colton."

"Yeah, me too."

"Do you want me to leave? Would you rather be alone?"

I shake my head. The thought of being left to my own devices with all this emotion crashing around inside me is a frightening one. "Stay. Please."

"Okay."

Before I can say anything more, Alyssa grabs the hem of her T-shirt and drags it up her body, pulling it over her head. My gaze skims across bare breasts as her fingers settle on the elastic band of her shorts before she shoves them down, revealing her slim form. There is nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of Alyssa. Not allowing me time to soak in the sight before me, she grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet before hastily divesting me of my clothing until I'm just as naked as she is.

Somehow Alyssa accomplishes the impossible and I forget all about Candance and the hurt coursing through. Maybe it'll be short lived and, in an hour, the pain will once again flare back to life, but I'll take it. With greedy fingers, I'll take it.