The Howl
: Chapter 12

On a scale of one to ten, getting into a car with Fenris was probably at a ten for the dumbest things to do. Mouth breathing wasn’t even cutting it. His scent was flooding my senses.

“You need to roll down the windows,” I said.

“You’re going to freeze.”

“Roll down the windows or die, Fenris.”

He chuckled then rolled down the windows.

“I didn’t know you were that gassy,” he said with a smirk.

My mouth dropped open, and I sputtered for a moment.

“It’s not me,” was all I could manage.

“Well, it wasn’t me,” he said.

“You’re completely ridiculous. I asked you to roll down the windows because your scent is making me hungry, not because—”

I snapped my mouth shut.

“Ah, so it wasn’t your smell that would kill me. You’re threatening to eat me alive.”

He tapped the steering wheel with his thumb for a moment.

“I can live with that,” he said finally.

“Well, I can’t. Are we almost there?”

“Almost.”

He took the next left onto another dark wooded road that stopped at a dead end. He turned off the engine, and I gave him a dirty look.

“If this is a setup for a make-out joke, I’m not going to be amused.”

He gave me his sexiest crooked smile.

“Do you think about making out with me often?”

“Get out and give me my keys. I’m going home.”

He quickly opened the door and got out, pocketing the keys.

“Nope. We just got here. Don’t you want to see where we are?”

I looked out the windshield at the dark trees. Given the turns we’d taken, I knew there wasn’t much this far out of town.

“Not really. And if you call me a chicken, I’m going to…”

He leaned down into the open door, studying me intently.

“Going to what?” he asked, calling my bluff.

I huffed.

“Fine. Show me where we are.”

I got out of the car and gestured for him to lead the way. He looked down at my heels.

“It might be easier if I carried you.”

“That would be the furthest thing from easier. Please just start walking, Fenris.”

My feet were cold in seconds, but I was grateful for the jacket. It took us ten minutes to reach a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Fenris opened the door and gestured for me to enter.

I hesitated, looking at the dark space.

“Should I be worried?” I asked.

“Do you really want to stand on the porch, shivering, while we weigh the pros and cons for walking into a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere?”

“Given that you’re a wolf, and I’m a girl in red shoes, yes. Yes, I do.”

He laughed and nudged me forward.

“In before you turn into a popsicle.”

I only walked a few feet into the cabin before stopping because I couldn’t see a thing.

“Just a second,” Fenris said, closing the door and moving past me.

A rustle of noise gave away his location. I waited and was rewarded with a burst of light as he lit a candle.

He glanced at me then turned toward the dark fireplace.

“Do me a favor,” he said.

“What?”

“Don’t run.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think I’d be able to let you go this time.”

My pulse fluttered, and my mind jumped to too many wrong conclusions.

“Why?” I asked again.

“Because your lips really do look blue. Why didn’t you say you were that cold?”

I let out a breath of relief and moved closer to him as his kindling lit.

“Because I didn’t want to be carried.”

“Stubborn,” he said without rancor.

I wrinkled my nose.

“How’d you like it if I started carrying you around?”

“That’d be hilarious. You can carry me into school on Monday.”

“You’re so weird.”

He grinned at me.

“Weird. Devilishly charming and handsome. All the same thing.”

I snorted this time. Fenris never took anything seriously.

Turning away from the fire, I looked around the small space. It was just a one-room cabin with two chairs before the fire, a bed shoved in one corner, and a kitchen in another.

“Whose place is this?” I asked.

“It was my Dad’s. He showed it to me a while ago and told me it was mine. There’s a creek that runs along the back of it. Perfect for losing my scent trail when I need to get away and hide for a while.”

Fenris added a log to the growing flames then straightened.

“It’s not much. But it’s quiet and secluded, which is perfect for what we need.”

His scent leveled up, and I took a step back from him.

“We? There is no we, Fenris.”

He sighed like I’d disappointed him.

“We are both looking for a place to get away, aren’t we? But I think you need this place more than I do. Stay as long as you like.” He handed me my keys. “I’m going to go for a run. I’ll come back later and close the place up when you’re gone.”

I grabbed his arm, stopping him when he would have gone for the door.

“Fenris, I wasn’t trying to be mean. It’s just not easy being around you.”

He looked down at my hand then met my gaze.

“I know you don’t have a mean bone in your body. You just need to trust yourself more. Stay. I’m due for a run, anyway.”

He patted my hand then left. If I wasn’t mean, why did I feel like such a horrible person at the moment?

Alone, I looked around the cabin. There wasn’t much to do other than sit in a chair and watch the fire. So I did. The crackle of the wood and flicker of the flames was as soothing as it was mesmerizing.

Kicking off my shoes, I made myself comfortable. The log burned down, and I added two more, not yet ready to leave. As Fenris had pointed out, I needed this place. I had nowhere else to hide from my life problems.

The cabin grew warmer, and my eyelids grew heavier.

I knew I was dreaming the moment I was walking through a forest. Only this time, there weren’t any skunks. Food, hung by strings, dangled from the trees. Everywhere I looked, there were cakes. Spiced cakes. Chocolate cakes. The further I walked, the more decadent they became. Saliva pooled in my mouth. I needed to eat one. Instead of grabbing it, I opened my mouth and pulled a strand of energy from it. The tree shook, vibrating the ground on which I stood.

It scared me. No, it terrified me. Everything about the dream was wrong, but I didn’t understand why.

“Shh…” the tree echoed. “You’re safe. Take what you need.”

Another cake dangled in front of my face. Lava cake. I wanted it so badly. I opened my mouth and consumed it. And the next one. And the next. They didn’t stop appearing, and I didn’t stop feeding until I felt bloated with cakes.

I smiled and smacked my lips. In that moment, I knew what was wrong with the dream. My cakes tasted like Fenris.

With a gasp, I sat up in my chair and looked around the cabin. I was alone, the logs nothing more than coals. Yet, the taste of Fenris lingered.

I grabbed my shoes and jacket and hurried toward the door. On the porch, I almost tripped on Fenris’s pile of clothes. Pausing, I scanned the trees. Everything was quiet. I bent down and touched the material. Still cold.

“Thank the gods,” I whispered.

Calmer, I shrugged into the jacket, slipped on my shoes, then retraced my steps back to the car. It didn’t seem to take me long because I wasn’t yet freezing when I got in. The seat was cold, though. I started the car and noted it was after midnight and probably safe enough to go home.

I executed a tight Y-turn and headed out the way we’d come. Having lived in Uttira for four years, I knew about where I was. The werewolves occupied a large chunk of land west of town. As long as I headed east, I’d eventually hit a familiar road or the barrier. I shivered and hoped I didn’t get that far. Accidentally running into the barrier that kept all the underage creatures locked in wasn’t a pleasant experience. I recalled that it had taken days for the smell of burnt hair to fade from my sinuses.

At the end of the road, I turned left. The headlights illuminated the trees on the other side, and I caught a flash of eyes. I really hoped it wasn’t one of Fenris’s girls. I’d feel horrible if they discovered his hiding place because of me.

I watched the mirror, trying to see what or who it was, but nothing showed up in my tail lights. Unsure what to do, I decided to text Fenris when I got home, just to give him a heads up. It took almost an hour to replace my way back, though.

Thankfully, most of the house was dark when I pulled into the garage. I sat there for a minute and debated what to say. Fenris’s phone was likely still on the porch, and who knew who was there to see what I sent him.

Thanks for giving me a quiet place to stay. I hope it doesn’t cause you any trouble.

I waited, but there was no immediate answer. He was either still out running or finally sleeping.

Tucking my phone into my purse, I went inside and quietly made my way to my room.

“Wakey, wakey. I have something better than eggs and bakey.”

I tiredly opened my eyes and looked up at my mom’s smiling face.

“Well? What do you think?”

A hand settled on my stomach, and a male rumble of appreciation resonated in my left ear. A full-grown tongue licked my right ear.

I bolted from the bed, clipping the testicles of one of the boys based on his groan. Shaking, I stared down at the pair. They’d been under the covers with me. Naked. The one who wasn’t cupping himself grinned at me.

“What’s wrong?” Mom asked, looking from me to the boys.

I couldn’t believe she was even asking that.

“Why can’t you be a normal mom?”

“I think you have the best mom ever,” the grinning boy said. “I wish my mom would have invited friends over for me.”

“Hush, Michael,” Mom said. “Entertain yourself for a moment.”

His eyes glazed over, and he reached for his groin.

I quickly studied my ceiling.

“I am normal,” Mom said, coming around the bed to grab my shoulders.

“Normal moms don’t invite two strangers into their daughter’s bed.”

“I’m normal for what I am. And I’m worried about you, so I’m just trying to help.”

“No, you’re not helping. You’re being like Adira and trying to force things.”

“I’m not forcing anything. If you don’t like these two, I’ll have Mrs. Quill return them. Do you prefer girls? It’s okay if you do. Knowing your preferences will make it a little easier to pick—”

“I don’t want you to pick, Mom. I want you to let me decide who I “see” and when I see them. I’m not like you: hungry all the time.”

I realized what we were saying and glanced at the two boys. The groaner was quiet now but still holding his parts.

“Don’t worry about them,” Mom said. “They know they’ll see weird things here and won’t remember any of it. One of your druid classmates will do a mind wipe. Part of their studies. See? I’m helping other kids. Don’t you want to graduate?”

I couldn’t believe she was having a student doing a mind wipe of them. The boys in my bed would be lucky if they weren’t drooling when the druid was done.

I looked at the pair.

“And you’re okay with this?”

They both shrugged.

“She said we’d wake up in our own beds,” the one playing with his bits, instead of protecting them, said. “We’ll vaguely remember doing yard work for a rich lady and getting well paid and well laid. Getting a cougar is on my bucket list.”

Is that all boys thought about? Money and sex?

“Darling, I’m barely a puma,” Mom said with a purr to her tone.

I felt a little gaggy.

“So you brought them here with the promise of sex with me? Like I’m some whore?” I said, more hurt than angry.

“Of course not. They don’t have to have sex with you for you to feed. You know that. They can have sex with each other.”

“Hey now,” the smiler said, losing his humor.

“Hush.”

The boys went quiet and looked at each other. I could see my mom’s influence and quickly fled before they started touching each other.

“I don’t want any part of this,” I said just before I closed the bathroom door.

I felt dirty. And cheap. Stripping, I stepped into the shower, which was already running. Mom had probably started it, thinking the two boys and I would end up in there. I shuddered and grabbed the soap.

A sudden buzzing filled the air, and I looked up at Piepen.

“Get out!”

I grabbed the shower wand and tried to spray him. He dodged nimbly, darting from one side of the shower to the other, but not toward the exit.

“I was here first!” he squealed.

A jet of water caught him just as he flew over me. His wet wings collapsed, and he fell with a splat on my chest. He slowly slid downward, his arms catching on the top of my breasts. Then glitter water exploded in a flash of rainbow mist.

“Eliana,” he said, his voice filled with awe. “I think we just made a baby.”

“Your sparkle dust needs to go somewhere else for that.”

I plucked him off me and held him out at arm’s length. His eyes roved my chest.

“Look.” He pointed at my belly, and I looked down.

A glowing spot the size of a quarter marked the skin just below my boobs. From there, a thin, luminescent line trailed down to my pubic hair.

“Eww!”

I tossed him, grabbed the soap, and started scrubbing.

Piepen’s whooping cheers only increased my growing panic. The glow wasn’t fading.

“I hate my life!”

I didn’t know I was going to scream the words until they were out of my mouth. Setting my forehead against the glass, I started to cry.

The door opened, and Piepen’s cheers stopped abruptly. I heard Mom say something to him, and then the door closed again. I didn’t care what she did with him. I wanted him and his nasty smell gone. For good.

Picking up the soap, I continued trying to scrub the glowing stain from my skin. It wasn’t budging. I cried harder and washed until my skin was raw and I was out of tears. My life had never been a picnic in the park. My early memories of taking care of my dad confirmed that. But even through those times, I’d somehow found acceptance. My life was my life, and I’d dealt with it as best I could, never railing against it. Why did everything feel so horrible now?

Turning off the water, I stood there in complete despair as I realized what had changed. My choices had been taken from me, and I’d never before felt so trapped as I did at that moment. Everything was dark. Everything. Everyone in my life was determined to unmake me. Me, Eliana, the girl who was nice. The girl who didn’t want to feed on other people. The girl who just wanted to be left alone.

I grabbed a towel and dried off, still tearing up randomly every time I caught sight of my stomach. If they wanted me to change, fine. I would change. But, the people in my life weren’t going to like what they got. I was done being nice.

Wrapping the towel around my torso, I left the bathroom. Mom was sitting on the edge of my bed. The room was otherwise empty.

I barely spared her a glance before going to the closet. My dresses were back. Seeing them almost brought new tears to my eyes. I pushed away the emotion because I couldn’t be the girl who wore those cute clothes anymore and started dressing. Jeans. Canvas shoes. A bra that actually covered me. A cami with a button-up top. I felt like I was channeling Megan and managed a smile even though my heart ached.

When I stepped out of the closet, Mom was still there.

“I’m truly sorry for this morning,” she said. “I was…” She sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know how to help you.”

“Try listening. I’m fine. I don’t need help. I like myself just the way I am. Why can’t everyone else like me, too?”

Mom’s expression fell, and her eyes began to tear.

“Don’t,” I said. “It’ll only make you hungrier.”

“Then I’ll eat.”

I shook my head and started for the door.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Your jacket is with a human named Ashlyn. She said she’ll bring it over today. Why don’t we watch some movies and wait for her together?”

“The last thing I want is another human in this house. I’ll go get it.”

I moved for my door.

“I’ll take care of the brownie for you,” Mom said behind me. “He’ll be safe. I promise.”

Was I a horrible person for no longer caring? Maybe. I walked out without another word.

The house was quiet, as usual. But given it was close to ten in the morning, I wasn’t too surprised. I was surprised, though, that I’d slept so late. And, by Mrs. Quill’s presence in the dining room.

I stopped short when she saw me and stood.

“Eliana, I know things aren’t easy on you right now, but I promise they’ll get better.”

“Like you promised to care for me always right before telling me you don’t want to feed me anymore?”

“We’re only trying to help you.”

“It’s funny how the people who are trying to help me are the ones who are hurting me the most. If you really wanted to help me, you’d stop bringing people here for my mom to eat and tell the Council to set her free. She’s pregnant and hungry, she doesn’t belong here.”

Something like guilt flashed in Mrs. Quill’s eyes, and in that moment, the conversation in the library came back to me. The Quills and Adira hadn’t been talking about Megan. They’d been talking about my mom and me. Adira had purposefully brought her here to manipulate me into feeding. They’d known my mom hadn’t killed anyone and that she would never kill anyone; but they’d used her pregnancy and voracious feeding as an excuse to bring her here. For me.

“Unbelievable,” I said softly.

“I know you think you’re fine, but you’re not seeing what we’re seeing. You’re slowly dying, starving yourself. And, we love you too much to allow that to happen.”

Mom’s words about how often a girl my age should feed wormed its way into my mind. I focused on my hunger but could barely feel it. A rare thing. Was I dying? I didn’t feel like it. Mostly I felt hurt and angry.

“Please stop loving me. If anything kills me, it’ll be that.”

She looked like I’d slapped her. I didn’t care. I couldn’t endure any more attempts to help me.

“Wait,” she said when I started for the kitchen. “Take what you need.”

She held out a hand, and I knew she was offering to feed me. Instead, I thought of the tree in my dream last night and all the cake I ate.

“I’m really not hungry. Besides, you don’t want to break the rules. Adira wouldn’t like you ruining her games.”