The breaks on the Greyhound bus strained as it rolled down the steep Smokey Mountain road. This bus had a different– civilian air to it. Julia decided that it smelled better than the dank odor she remembered rising off the military transports, she’d piloted over the past three years.
For the past nine months, other things had dominated her senses. Her mind fumbled with the memory of bitter tasting medicines, cold sweat and everywhere she went the smell of freshly made bedpans had drifted through the air. Before that, she had been unconscious for three months. When she awoke, she found herself completely paralyzed.
While she had been asleep, the doctors had performed dozens of surgeries on her. The scars were hideous. Because of her severe injuries, she had been given a constant dosage of powerful pain medicine. They had fused most of the vertebra between her neck and tailbone with titanium rods. They had also reconstructed most of her right shoulder and left femur, tibia and foot out of titanium. One of her nurses had joked that she has more titanium in her body then Tony Stark has in his whole Iron Man suit. Then, even as the painful physical therapy helped her regain feeling in her fingers and toes, she was being moved from hospital to hospital…
The doctors told her that she would never be the same again.
The memory sent a shiver throughout her body and she shifted her thoughts.
Through the bus windows, the scenery looked familiar. The morning sun had just crested the mountains igniting the fog into a shimmering halo and she wished her son were here to see this. She imagined her little boy saying that the golden light looked like a big crown resting on the heads of some enormous beast.
Something from a recent dream surfaced. It was the memory of seeing such beautiful things on a faraway world. The image touched the edges of her mind and then it passed...
The bus turned and then dipped into the shadows.
Julia recalled hunting with her uncle in these mountains when she was a teenager. He had channeled her anger into skills that later saved her life. She had learned to climb mountains, track animals, use a knife and shoot. During her darkest moments, he had been there to teach her how to survive. Now that she faced the greatest challenge of her life, she wished he were still here.
The trees and the long winding road switched back until the bus reemerged from the darkness. She looked for the glowing halo again but the angle of the sun had shifted leaving only a thick gray mist that now snaked above and in between the lower hills. The clouds were still beautiful but her longing to see the shining mist again made her long for her son.
The image of the hills emerging and dipping in and out of the fog brought a child hood story to her mind. Magic lived in these mountains. As the moments passed, the magical feeling grew inside her stomach and her heart began to race.
“There’s a secret here,” Julia spoke quietly to herself. She was surprised to hear herself say that aloud but the mystery made her feel like she was going to explode. Something had been calling her from out there since the moment she had gotten on the bus and that voice grew stronger with every passing minute...
Then the bus turned again and the hills and mountains vanished into the thicket of trees.
A stream of warm air touched her face. The heater had kicked on again. She adjusted the vent above her seat and as the moments passed she listened to the constant humming of the engine. The vibration felt hypnotizing as if drawing her into a dream. The trees hid the sun again, but swaying beams of light slipped through the branches leaving glowing tiger stripes across the road ahead. The pattern looked like it would go on and on as they drove but she knew the road would turn again, it always did but for right now, she felt peace.
The loud sound of hydraulic breaks hissing and the sudden loss of momentum pulled her back to awareness.
The bus driver said, “Welcome to Pigeon Forge Tennessee.”
The other people on the bus, some coming home from the same war she had been ejected from, stood up. She watched as they opened the overhead bins, quickly remove their carry–on luggage and then file out the exits in an orderly fashion. Every now and then a burst of clapping and cheering came from just outside the bus but Julia couldn’t see who was making all the commotion.
She hated how the metal in her body clicked and how her awkward movements always attracted unwanted attention. Even in the hospital, the other patients looked at her in pity as she strained to do the prescribed exercises.
Once the bus was clear, she groaned and slowly stood up. Her broken body strained to move bones welded into their “natural places” but it felt as if every muscle had forgotten where those places were.
After a few jerks on the duffel bag, the strap dislodged from the overhead storage and crashed onto the seat below. Its weight nearly knocked her down. Methodically, she bent and twisted her hips positioning her body to receive the load on her back. With all her strength, she drew the strap over her shoulder and stood up straight. The bag rose off the seat, teetered and then steadied square between her shoulders.
She thought,
This is all I have for now.
She glanced down at the oversized army fatigues that she was wearing and grimaced in thought... All of her Air Force uniforms had been lost. After she returned to her old home, the home her ex–husband had acquired in the divorce, and saw her son, she would rent a room in the closest hotel– with an in–room hot tub and take a long hot bath. The next day she would rent a car, go to the nearest VA clinic, then to Macy’s and buy civilian clothes.
She was very tired. The long bus ride had jostled every bone in her body. She would soon need more pain medicine but she would need to withdraw funds for that... It had been a long time since she had thought of buying anything.
The officers at the hospital said that her personal bank account would have been credited monthly, as usual, but she hadn’t seen a bank statement in over a year. They added that the payments would continue for years into the future and her honorable discharge, including the extra amount she would receive for disabilities acquired on duty and during a war, assured her that medical attention would be available for the rest of her life.
At that time, none of this mattered to her. She only wished that she would never have to see a doctor or medical person again; but with the pain she was feeling now, she only wanted to see two people, her son and a doctor.
It was almost time to get it all straightened out. She would have to call the local Air Force office tomorrow and get her medical information. She had been given a courtesy bag, which was actually an army duffel bag filled with the kinds of things she had used at basic training; and all her clothes and gear were tailored to a man slightly larger than she is. Somehow, they had sent her home without any of her records, contact information and her Air Force ID card was missing too.
The silence made Julia look up. The bus was empty but the driver was waiting quietly near the exit. She took a breath and started toward him.
Her right leg moved perfectly but the left leg dragged behind her. She held tight to her duffel bag with her left hand, the good one, knowing that her right hand wouldn’t respond in time if it started to slip. The driver waited with a smile. As she approached the doors, he took her bag off her shoulders, carried it down the steps and looked back up at her. He guessed that she wouldn’t let him help her down the steps and, though she had given him her bag, she wanted to step onto her hometown soil under her own power.
The metal handrail felt warm when Julia touched it. Many hands had grasped its smooth surface effortlessly but since the accident, her right arm always felt heavy and unresponsive. She had to time these last few steps just right and every little move planned and executed as quickly as possible before someone tried to do her a kindness.
She inhaled deeply and then gripped the left–hand rail tightly, pause— right leg step down and exhale. Then she inhaled again, pulled her left leg, weighted for it to drop– steady now, and her left hand slid down the bar— hold, and right leg down and then she dragged her left leg until it fell into place... exhale. She continued this until she stopped on the last step before the final drop to the ground.
She stared at the asphalt. It was a longer drop from where she stood to the ground; and this was where the handrail ended. The amount of concentration she was using was giving her a headache. Before she could chicken out, she took the last step and stumbled. The driver quickly stepped forward and caught her elbow. When both of her feet touched the road, the Earth began to shake.
The trembling lasted for only a few seconds but everyone swayed together as if a great wind had passed over them all. Julia unconsciously placed her hand to her stomach. She could feel a humming resonating from within her. Then the trembling stopped and the feeling passed.
A cheer exploded from all around her!
She looked up and noticed for the first time that a small group of elder men, with their wives and some grandchildren, were waiting for her. All were waving American flags, clapping and smiling. And in that moment the pain seemed to vanish as she raised her head high and smiled.
“Thank you for your sacrifice,” said an old lady who moved only a little faster than Julia could move.
A little girl with a puffy pink coat handed Julia a flower and said, “Thank you for your service.”
Julia placed the flower in her hair and said, “Thank you sweetheart.”
The group of people, none of whom she knew, collapsed in around her. She saw an older gentleman take her bag from the bus driver and then stand behind her. Everyone asked questions and thanked her but all Julia could say was that she was glad to be home. She was very tired but she was grateful to all those who took the time to make her feel special.
Then, slowly the crowd began to thin out and a few men started talking amongst themselves. “Well, I guess the mining company just blasted the hell out of that mountain again,” said an old man wearing a black hat covered in military patches.
“That was the strongest trimmer yet,” said the man who was holding her bag behind her.
Julia turned and looked him in the eyes and asked, “What mining company?”
The woman who had first greeted Julia said, “Come on dear, we can talk about this in a few minutes. We wanted to take you and the other service men to dinner but everyone else met with their families and went home.” The old woman looked around the empty parking lot and then back at Julia. Then she waited.
Julia didn’t have anyone waiting for her here. She tried several times to leave her ex–husband, Rand, messages that she would be coming home today but the phone just went to voice mail. She didn’t even have a way home...
Her stomach growled and she felt hungry.
The elder woman took her by the elbow and said, “It’s okay sweetheart, we’ll get you something to eat and then we’ll go from there.”
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