The Lies that Made Us
A Dependence on Hope

Brynn

Brynn enjoyed his summer travels, though they would always be tainted in his memories. As beautiful as the kingdom of Erialla was, he had problems seeing it. Every impressively high mountain or magnificent ocean view was less because of the absence of Amelia. He knew she would love everything he saw even more than him. She would replace ways to appreciate the beauty and grandeur that he could not. He wanted badly to hear her thoughts on Erialla so he could see the place through her eyes.

Though he told himself not to worry about the lack of letters, he could not help but be anxious. As they traveled, he sent letter after letter to Amelia, sometimes with things he would buy that would remind him of her. He would tell her to write him at the Celestial palace, hoping he would have many letters waiting for him when he got back.

On his travels, he became closer to the prince and princess. They stayed at a few lords’ homes throughout the kingdom, and Brynn noticed the king often tried to encourage Tristeen to speak with the young ladies who resided there. Tristeen was never unkind, but he was standoffish. He never said more than what was politely necessary to any woman, though several were beautiful and seemed clever to Brynn.

One night as Brynn stood outback of an impressive manor house, looking up at the full moon and the vast number of stars while thinking of Amelia, Tristeen came out to join him.

“Did you not enjoy Lady Meggan’s company?” asked Brynn.

“She was as charming as the rest my father has set upon me, maybe even more so. She also seemed sweet, but I can feel nothing for her,” said Tristeen.

“May I ask why?”

“I thought perhaps you would already know. Sometimes it is easier to recognize what plagues another if you are going through the same thing. I have long been in love with a woman, Brynn, but I don’t think my father will replace her acceptable. I am not even sure my people would accept her as my queen.”

“Who is she?” asked Brynn.

“Lady Lyneth, the daughter of Master Ruan,” said Tristeen. “You must have noticed how I stay behind after lessons on most days.”

“I thought you were just very dedicated to your training,” said Brynn, thinking about Lady Lyneth. She was very quiet, and while not bad to look at, there was nothing about her that Brynn could say stood out. Most of the time, she faded into the background.

“I try to spend time with her whenever I can. I know many overlook her because she is small and quiet, but she is more than most can see. She is so intelligent and talented, and she understands me like no one I have ever met. I love her, Brynn, and I know I will never love anyone else.”

“Then you will need to speak with your father about her. She is from a good family. Her father is the master over an ancient order of magicians. I would think her credentials would be high enough,” said Brynn.

“My sister is marrying a foreign prince who will one day be the king of his kingdom. I think my father believes I should do the same or marry one of the women whose fathers are vast estate owners, such as Lady Meggan. Lady Lyneth’s father has no land. He relies on the palace for his house and position.”

“Your father seems like a decent man, Tristeen, and he cares for you. I believe he will understand. You will have to try unless you think you could give Lady Lyneth up.”

“I cannot,” said Tristeen. “I think I would be miserable for the rest of my life. I know it sounds silly, depending on one woman for your happiness, but I think if anyone could understand me, it is you.”

“It does not sound silly, not to me. I’m afraid if I cannot be with Amelia, then I shall never replace any sort of happiness.”

The rest of the trip passed quickly, though Brynn started to get anxious as they made their way back to the palace. It was now autumn and a year since he had left home. He made up his mind that if he did not hear from his father or Amelia, he would sail home before winter as he could no longer take the silence or be away from Amelia.

Walking into the palace, Brynn hurried to the room he stayed, hoping for a pile of messages. What he found was only one message sent from his brother. He stared at it for a moment before tearing it open.

Brynn,

I can hardly write this message as I do not know what to think, and I know it shall bring you nothing but agony. Father is dead. It has been found that he was killed by Lady Amelia Fox. I know this is hard for you to understand as it was for me as well. We have all always thought well of Amelia. Father loved her like a daughter.

I can only imagine it was some accident having to do with her magic, but you know the consequences of such an action. I am sorry to say that I do not think we can save her even with my and her father’s influence. Her trial is in two weeks, and I dread the outcome. Even if she caused our father to lose his life, I don’t know how I shall bear to see her perish.

You are, of course, welcome to come home should you wish it, though I don’t see the reason. We will have already placed father in the tomb, and Lady Amelia’s trial and punishment will be done by the time you could possibly arrive.

I am sorry you are not here to grieve with me and then see me take the throne. I hope we meet again some day soon, brother, as you and I are all we have left in terms of family.

For the good of Evalmore,

King Gareth Carrew.

Bren fell back onto a nearby chair, his heart beating fast as he shook all over. His father was dead, and it was said to be at the hands of Amelia. It could not be true. She would never hurt their father. She loved him too much, and she was always so gentle no matter how powerful she grew. It must have been some mistake. He knew she did not do it.

He opened the letter and read it again as the tears came to his eyes as he read the date. Not only was his father dead, but Amelia would have been executed by the day before. He held his letter with one hand as he wiped his face with the other. It was too much to face. He had lost everything.

“Brynn?” said Tristeen as he stood in Brynn’s half-opened door. “Is something wrong?”

Brynn looked up at Tristeen, unable to speak. He finally held up his letter, and the prince came forward and took it. He read over it as Brynn hung his head and cried quietly.

“Brynn, I can’t even…” started Tristeen, sounding shocked. “How can this be?”

“I don’t know,” whispered Brynn. “She did not do it. I know she did not, but it is too late. Even if I sailed home this very second, it would do no good. She is gone.”

“Let me go tell my father. He will want to know,” said Tristeen. He looked out in the hall, calling for his sister, who walked in. “Stay with Brynn while I go speak with father. Do not leave him alone.”

“What is wrong?” she asked as she watched Brynn cry. Tristeen handed her the letter. She smiled slightly. “Did your lady not have a good word for you?”

“Read it, now,” said Tristeen adamantly. “I will be back soon.”

Princess Melwa read the letter, whispering to herself. When she was done, she sat down in the chair next to Brynn and took his hand. “What can I do?” she asked urgently.

“Nothing,” he gasped. “There is nothing anyone can do. My father is gone. Amelia has been killed for a crime she did not do. I know she did not do it.”

“Brynn, I know you loved her, but why would your brother lie?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he was fooled as well, but I know her, Mel. I know her better than I know myself, and she is incapable of doing this. On the goddess, what must have happened while I was gone? I abandoned her, and now she is dead, my poor Amelia.”

The king came in soon with Tristeen, and they all tried to comfort him, but there was no comfort to be found. His life as he knew it was over. He could no longer be who he once was as he died the moment his hope did.

As the weeks went by, Brynn found some semblance of what most would call life, but it was not in any way fulfilling to him. He tried to bury his feelings at first in training, but it only reminded him that he had no one to improve for anymore. He next turned to drink, which quickly led to women. No amount of strong spirits could make him forget. No matter how alluring or skilled, no woman could dull the ache he felt for Amelia.

He was told his grief would lessen in time. Everyone said he would eventually be able to live each day, not feeling as though he was missing a part of himself, but it was a lie. Even as he took women to bed, he felt as though he was betraying Amelia. He knew it was not so as she was no longer in the world, but it still felt wrong. When he went to lessens with his magic, it was unbearable as his power still reahed out as though he was searching for another. It made no difference how much he tried to convince it who it wanted was gone; it would not listen.

A year and a half went by in a haze of drinking and terrible nights with too many women before Princess Melwa would not have it anymore. She sat next to him at a local tavern, taking his mug away and dismissing whatever woman was by his side.

“Brynn, what are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m doing what you told me to do long ago, earning a reputation. You were right; women do seem to enjoy a wayward young prince with no obligations,” said Brynn as he smiled at a few ladies sitting at a close table.

“I was not being serious, and you know it. Now, you have acted like this for long enough. You were right when you said this is not you. You are going to waste your life if you aren’t careful.”

“My life is already over. Everything I lived for is gone. I left her and look what happened. At least I can forget for a few hours if I keep busy.” Brynn stood up to go talk with the women close by, but Melwa stood up and took his hand.

She dragged him out of the tavern and into the street towards the palace. “I’m sorry she died, Brynn, but she would not want this for you. If she was what you said she was, you are disappointing her.”

“It does not matter. She cannot be disappointed now. She can be nothing because she is no more,” slurred Brynn, feeling the effects of that night’s drinks.

“She may not be here in this world, having moved on, but if her goddess let her see you, what would she replace? A weak man she thought she knew. This is no way to pay tribute to her memory. Maybe you should go home.”

He stopped waling. “No, I cannot go back. I will never go back to that place. I cannot go back and remember it all. I think it would kill me.”

Melwa turned and looked at him. “I thought you were better than this. I understand you are grieving, but it has been over a year and a half. You have to replace some way to move on. Do something that would make your father proud. Become something that would be worthy of Lady Amelia. You have been blessed with gifts and privilege, and you are doing nothing but waisting them by being a cad.”

Brynn pulled Melwa close, his arm going around her waist. “Perhaps, I can use my time more wisely. Bedding a beautiful princess would be much more interesting than spending time with simple, pretty girls from the city.” He leaned down and kissed her.

She made a noise against his lips before putting her hands on his chest and shoving him away. “You are disgusting. I should go straight to my father and tell him of your actions. He would throw you out in a second. I will not be another woman you use to try to cover up your pain instead of facing it.

“I have a duty to my people and my future husband. I know who I am and what is expected by me, and I will not let the likes of you ruin it.”

She started to walk away as Brynn felt shame wash over him, sobering him up. “Mel, wait. I’m sorry. That was wrong. I didn’t mean to dishonor you.”

“You should leave, Brynn. If you aren’t going to do what you came here to do, there is nothing for you. Either go back to lessons and serve the goddess or replace somewhere else to languish in your self-pity. I am tired of it. We all are. We all care about you and cannot stand to see you destroy yourself.”

She walked off, leaving Brynn to stand there and feel his shame further. He spent the rest of the night walking out of the city to the sea. He stood on the rocky shores and looked out towards his kingdom before looking up at the stars.

“I miss you so much, Amelia,” he whispered. “The thought that I will never be able to see or speak to you again is too much. I’m sorry I left you and that I couldn’t save you. I know you would never hurt my father.” He paused, his eyes flooded with tears. “At least you and father are together. You both must see what a mess I am. I will do better for both of you. I will replace a way to serve and hopefully do some good in this world. Maybe then my goddess will give me a chance to be with you again someday.”

Brynn went back to his lessons with a focus he had never had before. He worked to perfect his magic. He went out on missions with his fellow guardians when they heard of dark magic users in the kingdom. Eventually, Melwa’s prince came to claim her, and Brynn was happy to see he was a pleasant man who seemed taken with his bride.

Prince Tristeen had nothing to fear, telling his father. His father was just pleased his son had any interest in a suitable woman. He started openly courting Lady Lyneth, and Brynn had no doubt soon they would marry and be happy. Though he was sometimes lonely, Brynn’s life was not unbearable. He had the companionship of his fellow Guardians and Amelia and his father’s memory to guide him.

As fall came on his fourth year in Erialla, Brynn was sent out with two others to check on a village up the shore where sickness was spreading. After a long day of healing those he could and helping to bury those he could not, Brynn and his companions started their journey back to the city. They stopped for the night in a good-sized village about a half day’s journey from the palace, replaceing a tidy-looking inn.

Brynn stood at the bar, drinking a mug of mead as he waited for a room, when a man who looked travel-worn came to stand beside him. He patted his pockets until he found a few coins and threw them on the bar.

“Will that get me a drink, some stew, and perhaps a place to lay down?” asked the man.

“I can give you some stew and water for that, but not much else,” said the barmaid as she looked over the coins.

Brynn reached into his pocket and pulled out several coins, throwing them down. “Give him whatever he needs, please.”

The barmaid nodded and took the coins. “I will have some stew and mead out directly. Your room will take a moment.” She walked away as the man looked at Brynn.

“That was very kind, sir,” said the traveler.

“It was nothing,” said Brynn. “I have plenty.”

“And he’s not a sir,” said one of Brynn’s companions as he leaned over the bar, looking at the man. “You should address your benefactor correctly. This is Prince Brynnwyn Carrew, the brother of the King of Evalmore.

Brynn rolled his eyes as the traveler bowed. Bastian always did get mouthy when he drank.

“I am sorry, your highness. I did not realize it, though I had seen your father before, and I can see the resemblance.”

“You have visited my kingdom?” asked Brynn.

“I am from Evalmore, your highness. I just came from there, bringing some supplies here and taking some back to sell.” The man took the mug the barmaid brought and took a long drink.

“And how are things in the kingdom? How do you like my brother as king?”

“I’m not sure how to answer that, your highness. The trade routes are fine, so that is something, but lords are not buying like they used to. There is some mistrust between the palace and some of the estates.”

Brynn leaned up. “Do you know why?”

“I am not sure. I do not spend much time around lords and ladies,” said the traveler. “Of course, everyone knows Lord Fox does not think much of the king. I suppose if the palace did not hold his daughter, then the lord might revolt. It is a sad situation, but what did Lord Fox expect. His daughter was found guilty of killing the king. I am sorry your father passed, your highness. I believe he was a good king and man.”

Brynn stood up straight. “What did you just say?”

“I said I am sorry your father was killed. He was a good king.”

Brynn moved closer to the man. “No, before that. You said that Lord Fox’s daughter is being held in the palace.”

The man nodded. “Did you not know? I thought if anyone knew, it would be you. After she was found guilty of killing the king, it was thought she would be hung, but instead, she is kept in some high tower of the palace. I have never seen her, but I hear she is quite beautiful and such a favorite of the king that he could not bear to see her killed. I think it has more to do with keeping Lord Fox on the palace’s side, but you know how people like to talk.”

“She is alive,” gasped Brynn. “You are telling me that Lady Amelia Fox is alive and has been held in the palace all these years.”

The man nodded. “I am sure of it, your highness. As you can imagine, it is the source of much gossip.”

“I have to go,” said Brynn. He threw a pile of coins on the bar. “For you information and trouble, sir. Take my room as well. It comes with a bath.”

Brynn adjusted his cloak and started walking towards the door. Bastian grabbed his arm. “Brynn, where are you going?”

“Home,” said Brynn. “And I don’t have a moment to lose.”