The Many Faces of Tully
I Don't Want To Do This

“So how do you want to do this Tully?” Jace asks me. We’re sitting crisscross facing each other again. But we aren’t as close as we were before. I wish there was more distance between us.

“I don’t,” I grumble uselessly. I know I have to. I can’t back out now. He did it, so now I have to.

Jace chuckles. “Do you want to talk about it? Do you want me to shoot at you? Should I get one of the guys to come in here and kiss you?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“No,” I snap. “And why would you have to get someone else to do that? Don’t want to kiss me?” I raise an eyebrow at him, but my heart beats unevenly. Maybe he doesn’t like me like I think he does.

“Oh I wouldn’t mind. I just don’t like using that form of method to get you to explode. I must admit it would be a good way to go though. If I was going to die that is. Which I’m not going to.” He’s smiling confidently at me. Maybe he does like me the way I think he does.

“No kissing then. And no guns. I don’t like being scared like that. And if you accidentally shot me then you wouldn’t be able to heal me, and I’m not sure you want that to happen.” My heart is starting to beat faster from nerves.

Jace laughs. “You’re logic is impeccable today. I think I’m starting to rub off on you.”

“Or I just know you and know what to say to make you do what I want,” I tell him.

“Are you manipulating me?” He looks at me amused.

“Oh yeah. I make Damon’s power look like a circus act,” I joke.

“Is that so? You’re not going to make me take off my clothes are you?” he teases. I laugh.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I question him.

“I’d like it better if we did it together. Wouldn’t you?” he asks me back. I start blushing.

“Should I go and come back later?” I hear Calchas’ voice over the speaker.

“Sorry, Calchas. I forgot we had an audience,” Jace calls to him.

“Will you two just hook up already?” I hear Nash’s voice now. My head snaps towards the window and I see practically everybody there. My blush deepens. I didn’t know they were all here. What were they doing here? My heart starts to speed up.

“Sorry, Tully. I got off topic. Now, I think we narrowed it down to talking about it, is that right?” Jace looks back at me.

“That seems to be the only option, but embarrassing me seems to be doing the trick too,” I say, somewhat angrily. I don’t like having an audience. I can tell Jace my secrets. I don’t want them knowing them too.

“I’m sorry for embarrassing you. I didn’t mean to. I tend to get lost in our conversations. You know you’re a very interesting person to talk to? I never know what to expect from you,” he compliments me, and I am blushing again.

“I did not know that. Are other people predictable?” I question him. I get lost in our conversations too, but that’s normally because I’m too obsessed with learning anything I can about him.

“Not necessarily. They’re just not as interesting. And it might do with the fact that I like knowing you and you are constantly providing me with new information about you. Keeps me on my toes. It’s like I’m a mouse and you’re brain is the maze. I have to work my way through it but I’m always rewarded with a piece of cheese. A piece of information. And even though the maze changes, I’m more than willing to go through it again, just to get another piece of you.”

I can’t help but stare at him in awe. He might be as caught up with me as I am with him. I need to get this thing over with. I want to stop dancing around the edges. I want to get the chance to really know him.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” he asks after I didn’t say anything.

“No, you didn’t. I was just caught up in my thoughts. We should get this over with. Start asking me questions or something,” I say. He smiles.

“Did you lose your virginity to Peter or the guy before him?” he fires at me. I gape at him. That question is kind of personal. “What?” he says. “You said embarrassing you helps.”

It was working. “It was with Peter,” I admit blushing.

“How old were you when that happened?” he interrogates me.

“I was almost eighteen,” I say through gritted teeth. I do not want to talk about this.

“Wow. That’s older than most people these days,” he says, slightly impressed.

“Yeah, well most people aren’t reminded about killing their first boyfriend when they think about sex,” I snap at him.

“Oh right. Jake,” he says.

“Jack,” I correct him.

“Shark tooth.” He reaches forward and touches my necklace.

“Yeah. Shark tooth,” I say, touching it too.

“Which one is your favorite?” he asks me.

“It depends. I’m most attached to the watch, but I love my ouroboros snakes.”

“I understand why you’re attached to the watch, but why do you love the snakes?” He cocks his head to the side.

“They’re me. Ouroboros symbolize cyclicality. Beginning as soon as it ends, just like a phoenix, which you said I was the first time you studied me. I’m a phoenix. I’m an ouroboros,” I explain to him. He’s not doing a good job and raising my heart rate.

“I see. What would you do if you lost one of your items?” he asks.

“I wouldn’t do that,” I say quickly. I can’t lose one of my items. I always have them on me. I make sure they’re there every day.

“But what if you did?” he persisted.

“I would freak,” I say honestly. He is making me nervous. Why is he bringing this up?

“So, if I were to tell you that you were missing your earring, then that would be a bad thing,” he says seriously.

“What!” I squeal and feel for my earring. It’s not there. My heart starts sprinting. “Where is it?” I shout and hop up on my feet. I start looking around the floor.

“I have it,” he says and stands up too.

“Give it to me,” I demand and hold out my hand.

He stuck his hand in his pocket and I watch his face fall. He pulls out his hand and starts patting his pockets.

“Jace,” I plead him. I’m not going to be able to hold on much longer. I’m starting to pant already. I can’t lose Carl’s earring. I can’t lose anyone’s item. I sink to the floor.

“Are you close to exploding?” I hear Jace say.

“Very,” I gasp.

Jace kneels down next to me and I feel him put my earring in. “I’m sorry for tricking you like that. I had to get your heart rate up. Please forgive me,” he whispers to me.

“Just don’t die,” I gasp and wrap my arms around my chest.

“I promise.” I barely hear him over my ringing ears.

The world crashes in on me. I wish it wouldn’t. At this point, I really don’t think Jace can survive it. He’s not indestructible like Nash. He’s soft and breakable. I am going to break him. I am going to kill him.

It goes silent and I hold my breath. I look up at Jace and he looks determined, and excited, and possibly nervous? This might be the last time I see his face with emotion in it, and the thought makes me want to cry. I really hope it’s not.

I’m so sorry, Jace, I think towards him. I close my eyes and breathe out.