The Misbegotten
Misgivings - Summer 2018

We ate and talked, joked around for almost anhour. We were so stuffed by that time wecould barely sit up, let alone talk.

Katie and Ramona staggered over to my bed and floppeddown like a pair of Elephant seals on a beach.

I straightened up a bit, putting what we had dirtiedinto a large bag designated by me as “the trash”.

Jacob strode over to the weed and picked it up,looking it over with avid speculation.

I knew what he was thinking with no more than aglance. “Go ahead, take your cut,” Iprompted. “There are some small Ziploc’sstashed in the right hand corner of my top drawer.”

“Oh yeah, right beside the giant dildo you use everynight,” he jibed. He went aboutseparating his “replaceer’s fee” from the rest of the pot he had purchasedearlier.

I was about to head over to lay down next to Ramonawhen my cell phone chirped on the nightstand. I stopped in my tracks and frowned. Why in the fuck is she calling me? I asked myself. I recognized the special ringtone I hadassigned to her number when she called. I was still a little bothered by Tirza and I know she was through withme, so the fact she was calling was weird.

Ramona rolled over on the bed. Before I could so much as take a step, shegrabbed the phone. She swiped at its’surface in one deft move, her entire face darkening.

I realized she’d seen the Caller ID and theaccompanying picture. She knew it was myex-girlfriend. Double-fuck!

“You’ve reached Estefan’s cell, how can I help you?”she said into the handset, terse. She listenedfor less than a second. “Why the fuckshould you care if I answer his cell phone or not. You’re out of his life, remember.”

Everyone else in the room perked up at that. The others all turned in her direction.

Ramona was nodding now. “Yeah, he’s here. But if you want to talk to him, you’re gonnahave to tell my why first. Otherwise,I’m going to click on your ass.”

I took a few steps toward her.

Her hand flashed outward, demanding I stop where Iwas. If she hadn’t made such asignificant sacrifice a short time ago and hadn’t shown me a whole differentside of her, I would’ve ignored her gesture. I might have even snatched the phone from her.

Instead, I stopped near Katie’s head and waited. I felt Katie tug on my arm, silently askingme what was going on. I just raised myeyebrows and shrugged I had no idea.

Katie frowned, but continued to hold onto me.

“You gotta be kidding me, outside, right now? Come one, Tirza, why in the hell would hewant to do that in the first place? Imean, you weren’t particularly nice when you broke up with him. How do you know he’ll want to lift a fingerto help you?”

That, by itself, shook me. Tirzawanted my help? When I heard that, Iknew something bad had happened. I knewTirza. I knew her like the back of myhand. She was such a stubbornbitch. The only way she would evenconsider asking me for help meant, whatever the fuck was going on, it was bad –bad beyond bad. I disengaged myself fromKatie and walked the rest of the way to Ramona’s side. I placed my hand out, asking for the phone.

She looked at my hand and then covered the mouthpiecewith her hand. “Steve,” she began,speaking my name in English, which wasn’t a good sign, “she is out front andwants to talk to you.”

“In front of my house, for real?” I asked with trueincredulity now.

“Yes, and she says it’s urgent,” she replied. Then, she let her defenses drop for asmoment.

I could see she was fighting an internal battlebetween the old and the new Ramona. Iwas more than a little happy that my new girlfriend won out.

“She is saying her sister is missing…”

“What!?!” I exclaimed, horrified.

“She says she hasn’t been home for more than two days-.”

Now, I know for a fact Ramona had given me moredetails. I know this, but I can in allhonesty tell you, I never heard them. Mymind just jumped back into itself recalling Lisa, Tirza’s fourteen-year-oldsister. She was a sweet, caring littlegirl, but she was autistic, had the mental capacity of a seven-year-old. I felt my heart sink to my knees. I knew, after forty-eight hours, the pliant,eager-to-please teenage girl was in grave danger. By now, she'd have suffered repeated rapesand left for dead along some lonely road. Or someone had chopped her up… placed her in a trash bag and buried hersomewhere.

I shook with fear at the gruesome thoughts, pushingthem from my mind. Still, I knew in myheart, the chance of replaceing her alive was remote; playing a craps table inVegas had better odds. I knew in myheart that cheerful, ornery little girl was beyond our reach now. I knew this terrible, cold world had reachedout touched her. She was dead. I could feel it down deep in the pit of mystomach. I wanted to do nothing morethan vomit.

I don’t remember having left the Loft. I don’t recall running down the flights ofstairs to reach the ground floor. (Both Ramona and Katie told me later I haddone so). I don’t recall the warm sun onmy face as I rushed through the front door of my parent’s house. I don’t recollect rushing toward the smallHonda Hybrid-electric car Tirza’s mother drove. I couldn’t comprehend it was me that rushed around the car.

All I do remember is coming toward Tirza’s rolled-downpassenger window, seeing her eyes as wide as my own. There was pure dread in the pit of her soul.

In a timeless flash, I was seeing Lisa giggle and jumpup and down on the sidewalk in front of her house. This was when Tirza and I had kissed for thefirst time. She had been spying us thewhole time. She had been so happy overher successful attempt at catching us doing the “shame, shame, shame”. I can still see her rubbing her rightforefinger over her left, saying over and over, “Thame, thame, thame! Teezee kiss Effy! Thame! Thame! Thame! Day gonna make a bebe, nowhoooooo!” She had said the last word, “now”, like awolf howling at the moon.

At first, I felt embarrassed and a little more thanmad at her. But, when I got home thatnight, I realized she hadn’t been making fun of us. Rather, she’d been happy for us. She was celebrating a new chapter in hersister’s life. It was her way ofexpressing it that was unusual. Thethought process though was spot on.

I realized then that Lisa Cardenas was a lot smarterthan people were willing to accept. Shehad understood her older sister was growing into a whole new world. A world of boys and kisses and hugs, and shewas thankful to have seen it.

Things might have withered and died between me andTirza, but I still cared for Lisa very much. She was the sweetest, most sincere soul that I had ever met. She was always quick to laugh and joke. She was super-fast to give you a hug when youfelt uncomfortable or uneasy. Eventhough, she had difficulties, she could still somehow manage to talk your earsoff. She could spend hours showing youwhat she had seen on TV or read in a magazine. Whether it was a picture or a drawing, she could sit for a quarter ofthe day. She would speak to every singledetail, down the smallest nuance.

I had liked her.

She had liked me.

I spoke before I knew what I was saying. “Teezee, how in the hell did you guys losesight of Lisa!?!” I remember being demanding, outrageous with accusation. My voice so earnest, I must’ve looked like aNeanderthal to Tirza and her mom. In mymind, though, there was no time for preamble or bullshit.

Tirza face should’ve hardened and turned to ice at theridiculous indictment, but it didn’t. All I could see was the pain in her eyes, the strain in her smallface. She looked like she’d been walkingupon a tightrope for hours with no rest in sight.

Tess Cardenas, Tirza’s mother, didn’t even turn tolook in our direction. Her head appearedto have a mind of its’ own. She scannedthe immediate area about her car.

To me, it was like she was certain, at any second,Lisa was going to walk from behind some random bush. She was going to come around any one of the treessurrounding us on either side of the street. I had seen that look on her face before, I knew it for what it was. It scared me to death. It told me all I needed to know about theseverity of what had happened.

It was a mother’s hope. A thing she would hold on until the end, atangible thread of optimism, beholden of strength, of fortification of thewill. It would force her get up in themorning to forge on. It would be withher until she found out, one way or another.

In that brief second before Tirza answered me, Iprayed that Tess would get her daughter back safe and sound. The loss of Lisa would devastate her.

“W-we don’t k-k-know what happened, Estefan. My mom dropped her off at school, saw herwalk into the yard. She thinks she evensaw her teacher’s aide come up to Lisa and take her to her classroom,” shebegan. Her tears never stoppedfalling. Her face was swollen and pink,her nose was dark red, looked on the verge of severe chapping. Her hair looked matted and stuck to herforehead like she had been running. Shehad sweated completely through it and left it to dry more than once.

Tirza was one of those well-proportioned girls withflawless bodies. She had nice, perkybreasts, rounded hips that ended in a full, firm butt. She was fit and trim, like any other athleticgirl her age, except she was small, almost miniature. She was the smallest girl attending ourschool. She stood only four-foot-ninewithout shoes, weighted ninety pounds, and that was soaking wet. She had straight, light brown hair about abroad face. When I call it broad, I meanfor her size. Compared to anyone else,it was smaller than small. She had smoothcheeks and a squarish, though delicate chin. She had large oval, dark browns eyes, beneath thick eyebrows. Her angled nose was little too and seemed toprotrude at the end where a bulbous tip formed. When she smiled, a deep dimple appeared only on the right side of herface and enhanced her charm.

She was nowhere in the mood for smiling at the momentthough. She sat slouched upon the bucketseat of her mother’s car, dressed in a simple blue tank top and a short jeanskirt.

I couldn’t help myself and noticed it showed her well-formedlegs and knees.

Tess, by the same token, was no more than an inchtaller than her daughter. But, she hadthe body of a middle aged woman. Herhips had broadened due to childbirth, making her big tits drooped a bit. Her face was wide and round. Though, at that moment, her puffy cheeks hadshrunk to jowls that could have rivaled Winston Churchill’s¹ very own. Her dark-brown hair she had dyed a lightercolor with blonde highlights. She wasstill wearing the bright pink smock and matching polyester slacks. She wore them every day to the nail salonwhere she worked in Toluca Lake just off the 134 freeway.

“And that was two days ago…?” I asked afraid of theanswer.

“Y-yes,” was all she said.

“What did they say at her school?” I inquired. The image she’d depicted of her mother’smemory sank in deeper.

“They say she never made it to class. No one saw her on campus that day.” There was frustration and anger soaking hertone as if she suspected some sort of conspiracy. They must’ve had some issues at the schoolabout this. Fucking typical bureaucrats! Accountability doesn't mean a goddamnedthing to them. Well, it’s your jobmotherfuckers!

“But, I thought you said your mom saw her go into theschool?” I was so confused.

“I did! Thosestupid, fucking jerks are covering their asses over this. I can feel and it makes me sick!” It wasn’t Tirza answering. It was Tess, through clenched teeth and a fewhand strikes to her steering wheel. “Iknow I did, because I always do! I waituntil she is completely within the gates of that place! Every day, goddamn it!” She was saying it more to herself than tous. Tirza’s mother was a regularattendee at church, so to hear her curse and talk with such violence wasunsettling.

“That’s not a big school, how could they misplace astudent with all the security. They payspecial attention to make sure no one gets hurts. I don’t understand?” I said, much more quietto my ex-girlfriend.

Her mother kept muttering with rabid hostility in theseat next to her.

“Neither do we. My dad has been down at the police station raising hell, and they – thepolice – are interviewing everyone who works at the school. So far though, nothing…” She wiped at her nose with what appeared tobe an old fashion handkerchief, and then sighed in defeat.

“Jesus, it sounds so weird. Why would - ? How could - ? But, that don’t -.” I kept cutting myself off mid-sentence,the shock of the situation making me flounder.

“So, you haven’t seen or heard anything?”

The raw hope behind her muffled words was heartwrenching. I had to force myself to setaside the emotion lurking behind my every breath. Things between Tirza and I weren’t like that anymore.

“No, Tirza, we haven’t. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. “Is that why you came here, you thought shemight hiding out here?”

“She always had a crush on you, Eff, you know that,”she smiled through her puffy, bloodshot eyes. “We just figured she might’ve shown up here, you know. It was a long shot, but right now, we’re notleaving any stone unturned.”

“I wish she had come by, Teezee. I really do, but we haven’t seen her. I’m sorry.”

“Ok…”

“I can have Jacob ask around if you want. I mean, he knows a lot of people and some ofthem aren’t… Well, you know, they’re notall that nice. It might lead tosomething, you know?” I offered, trying to come up with anything that wouldmake them feel better.

She glanced pass her mother and through the window atJacob.

He was standing a few feet from Ramona and Katie. All three of them had decided to stay nearthe front entry of the house, giving Tirza, her mother and I some privacy. “You guys just hanging out?”

“Yeah, my cousin flew into town just last night tospend the summer with us.” There was noneed to spread Katie’s business all over town. A little white lie here and nownever hurt anyone.

“Oh, Katie,” she said through a catch in herbreath. She brought her eyes back tomine. “She’s here the whole summer,huh?”

“Yeah, she needed to get away from some things inOklahoma,” I clarified. I was feelinglike the ground beneath my feet wasn’t all that solid anymore.

“…or get into new ones…,” she murmured so quiet, Iwasn’t sure I had even heard her right. She covered the word almost at once. “Well, will you let people know to keep an eye out?”

I nodded.

“And, yes, I think it would be a good idea for Jacobto ask around a bit, as long as he doesn’t get into any trouble oranything. You know how some of those kind of people can be, alwaysspying, looking for the next ‘diseased’ person.” She said it with raised eyebrows and thensmiled, thin and wan. She tapped hermother on the arm, who was still cursing under her breath. “We can go now, mom.”

“Bye Tirza, we will do what we can, ok? If we replace anything out I’ll call you. I promise,” I reassured her, then gazed passedher. “Bye, Mrs. Cardenas, we’ll do whatwe can.”

She was trying to be strong and not cry, but shewasn’t having much success. She waved asmall wave at me. “Ok, Eff, you tellyour momma hi for me, ok?”

“I will.”

“Thank you, Eff, call me if you replace out anything,” pleaded Tirza. Then her mother crushed the accelerator andthey shot down the road like a cannonball.

I walked back across the street with my head lowered,studying the ground. I wasn’t that allsure there was anything we could do, other than ask around. Twodays, she could be anywhere by now or…

I just pushed those thoughts to the side, not wishingto rehash anything drenched in negativity at the moment.

Yet, there was something Tirza had said that sparked athought. It had burned bright for a moment or two before it fizzled out. Now, I couldn’t quite focus along the sametrain of thought. It eluded me. Whathad she said? “…the next ‘diseased’person…” Why did that resonate? Why was that important?

“What’s going on?” asked Katie, which brought my headup.

I hadn’t realized her and Ramona had walked from thefront steps of the house, intercepting me half up the walkway.

There was empathy on my cousin’s face, her voicesubdued and calm.

My thoughts scattered. It still took me a few moments to recover. “Like Ramona said, Tirza’s little sister ismissing. She’s been gone for two daysnow and nobody seems to know where she went. Not even the people at her school know where she is. Everyone there is saying she never made it toclass. But, Mrs. Cardenas says shedropped her off and saw her walk onto the campus grounds.

“So, Tirza and her family are all freaking out as youcan imagine. The cops are all over theschool like ants, but still no sign of her,” I explained as cold as I couldmanage. I wanted to keep what I felt inmy heart where it belonged – buried. Ididn’t want to break down.

“That sounds awful,” Ramona commented, coming about toput her arms around my waist. She trappedone of my own within her grasp, giving me a long squeeze. “You ok?” she asked, knowing how much I likedthe little girl.

I nodded.

“You sure, ‘cuz?” was Katie’s question as she strokedtouched my cheek - a slow, tender caress.

I smiled, dejected. “How could I not with you two around? You guys make me feel like a king.” I tried to make it sound light, but I know I didn’t succeed. I hadn’t tried hard enough.

“You see,” began Ramona with a little mischief in hergrin, “they were right, Estefan.”

“No they weren’t,” I muttered, derisive, not in themood for horseplay.

“Yes they were.”

“Who was right?” asked Katie.

“The girls at our school,” began Ramona, gazing acrossme at Katie. “If you ask them aboutEstefan - how he is, what he’s like, etc. They all pretty much say the same thing.” I saw wicked delight spreading across mygirlfriend’s face.

“And what is that?” Katie’s tone dropped a few octaves. She had no doubt formed an opinion of her own.

The other teenager chuckled. “They say he has ‘powers’. They say if he puts his mind to it, he canget any girl to go out with him or kiss him. Plus, a select few even said, he could get girls to sleep with him if hetried hard. They say he accomplishesthis by saying the right thing at the right time. This seems to make girl’s hearts melt indroves.”

I expected Katie to laugh and say those girls were allfull of shit.

She thought about it though, the same fingers that hadnuzzled my cheek were now tapping her lips. “You know, he kinda does do that.”

Her response floored me. What!?!

“Last night, I was having a tough time withthings. He had me calm andcomfortable. I swear to god more than alittle moist just by what he said.” Hereyes narrowed on me. “Were you usingyour ‘powers’ on me last night, Effy?”

Ah come on,Katie, I don’t feel like brutal honesty right now, goddamn it!

“No.” I had hadabout enough of the ‘powers’ bull-pucky that Ramona swore by for more than ayear now.

“He might not have known it, Katie, but he was usingthem. He uses them all the time, but hethinks it’s his natural way of being. Hejust goes around being himself. Yet, foryou, it’s something else entirely. Before you know it, you realize you’ve made decisions abouthim that you shouldn’t bemaking. You’re willing to do things thatyou shouldn’t be willing to do. That’s right about the same time you realize,he’s not a normal guy. You see there issomething about him that attracts you, and you can’t figure it out.” She chortled, being seductive. “That’s usually when you feel your pantieshit the floor.” Ramona hadn’t let go ofme, and, as she finished, she shook me in her arms, rattling my brain. “Isn’t that right?” She licked my earlobe.

It made me shiver with delight despite my efforts tosubdue the sensation.

“You make me sound like some hard-up vampire orsomething,” I quipped, but didn’t pull away.

“Cuz, there is no way you’re that hard-up, You’ve neverwaited one hundred years to be with the right girl. You took every one you could get your hands onlike you were sampling a box of chocolates.” Katie winked, and then laughed. She was walking beside me, opposite Ramona, her narrow hips rocking thisway and that.

Ramona rattled with a lengthy purr.

Maybe I wasin some trouble here…

“Where the hell did Jake go?” I asked, seeing he wasnowhere in sight.

“He went back upstairs,” relied Katie, offhanded.

“I gotta talk to him about lighting some fires underpeople’s asses in the neighborhood. Ineed to see if he can turn up anything on Lisa,” I said to no one inparticular. “If there is someone outthere who can stir the pot, no matter how big the damn pot - Jacob can do it.”

“You got that right,” agreed Ramona as we walked backin the house and closed the door behind us.

{ ¹Winston Churchill: a Britishpolitician who was the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945 and again from 1951 to 1955; widelyregarded as one of the greatest wartime leaders of the 20th century.}

*****

[He breaksthe surface, though his fingers never stop moving.]

Lisa was oneof the first persons that we knew personally, who suddenly disappeared withouta trace in the second half of that year.

There wouldbe many thousands afterward…