The Mystical Attraction of Alpha
Chapter 104

Chapter 104

Chapter 104 – Three Little Words

Ella

“Ella, I love you, but you’re driving me crazy.” My sister’s voice floats through my phone, sounding moreexasperated than irritated. After his shower, Sinclair went to his office, and I promptly called my sisterfor advice.

“What do you mean?” I inquire hesitantly, I’ve just finished explaining

“I mean,” She sighs heavily, “Who are you, and what have you done with my sister? You’ve alwaysknown exactly what you wanted and done whatever was necessary to make it happen. You are astrong, independent woman – not some bratty, indecisive, emotional basket-case who’s too caught upin a man to know her own heart.” She groans.

I wish I could argue with her assessment of my behavior, but I know she’s right. However, before I canacknowledge as much, she continues, “It’s like: you like Sinclair, you don’t like Sinclair. You want to bewith him one moment, and the next you’re trying to foist him off on another woman – just make up yourmind! I swear, I don’t even recognize you anymore!”

“Can’t you see that’s the problem! I don’t even recognize myself anymore.” I exclaim, rubbing my soreneck. “My entire life has been turned upside down –”

“I know! Because that’s all you ever talk about anymore.” She bursts, interrupting me. “Do you haveany idea when you last asked me about my life? That you showed interest in anything other than yourown problems?”

Her words sting, and I realize she’s right. I have been so wrapped up in my own drama that I’ve beenneglecting my sister. I hate to think it, but the truth is I don’t have any idea what’s going on with her. “I’m

sorry, Cora. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing, but it would be nice to know you care!” She snaps, sounding more than a little petulant.

And she had the nerve to call us bratty! The little voice in my head observes.

“Are you serious?” I hiss. “People are trying to kill me, Cora. A psychotic bitch drugged and attemptedto rape the father of my child. I’m committing a fraud of epic proportions in order to save an entirefucking species from civil war. And you’re pissed because for the first time in our entire lives, I’m notignoring my own needs to take care of yours?”

“I never asked you to do that!” Cora argues, “you made that choice all on your own.”

“Because I had to!” I growl. “I had to be the strong one because you always fell apart at the first sign oftrouble.”

“Then maybe you should have let me fall apart!” Cora counters defensively, “maybe if you had, I wouldhave learned to stand on my own rather than relying on you.”

Nausea seizes my stomach, and I clench my eyes shut. “You know what I went through in order toprotect you.” I finally say, my voice hoarse. “Do you really wish that I hadn’t? Was I supposed to standby and let my sister be abused?”

A shaky breath vibrates against the receiver, and Cora’s voice is small when she speaks again. “Youknow that isn’t what I meant… but I have to live with the guilt of knowing you were hurt because of me.And sometimes I just think that maybe… maybe if you hadn’t protected me then at least we would havebeen in it together, rather than you being all alone.”

“And I would have never forgiven myself if I had.” I share, even as a wave of sorrow swells inside me tolearn how she struggles with guilt. “Why haven’t you ever said this to me before?”

“Because you’ve never been willing to talk about it.” Cora scoffs. “I suppose that’s one thing I can thankDominic for. Trust a bossy wolf to make you finally unlock your emotions.”

“He really did.” I acknowledge wryly. “I think maybe that’s why this is all so hard for me. I feel so… raw.I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotionally vulnerable, and I don’t have the first clue how to cope.”

“I can tell.” She laughs. “And it’s not your fault that you never learned how to handle feelings Ella, butyou also have to take responsibility for learning now that you recognize the problem. You do realize thisis why you’re having so many issues with Dominic, right?”

“No, it’s that our situation is insane.” I object pointedly. “It’s not like this isn’t the first time I’ve been inlove.”

Oh my goddess, I think belatedly. I’m in love. I admitted that I was falling for Sinclair a while ago, butthis is the first time I’ve been able to acknowledge that I passed the point of no return – even to myself.I’m not just falling, I’m completely in love with Sinclair, and avoiding a relationship with him isn’t going tochange that.

“I swear El, if you call your relationship with that little weasel love, I will come over there and smack youright in that beautiful face of yours.” Cora threatens, completely serious.

“Hey, I know it wasn’t great in the end, but it’s not like it started out that way.” I defend, wondering if I’mbeing honest even as I say the words. “I did love him.”

“Ella, let me ask you something. Did you ever feel even a fraction of what you feel for Dominic, forMike?” She inquires.

I pause. It’s been so long since I even thought of Mike, and I’ve been in such deep denial about Sinclairthat I haven’t even considered comparing my feelings for the men. As soon as I think back on therelationship, I see the truth glaring back at me, “No.” I exhale sadly. “Never.”

“And why do you think you believed you were in love with him for all those years?” She presses. “Whydo you think you let him treat you so terribly?”

I grimace. “Because I didn’t have the first idea what a healthy relationship looked like?” I suggest.

“Bingo.” She agrees. “That little shit preyed on you from day one – we were just too young andinexperienced to realize it at the time.” She has the grace not to say “I told you so.” The fact is thatCora tried to warn me about Mike more than once over the years, but I was too stubborn to listen toher. Instead she continues, “I wish I could go back in time and kick him in the balls before he could everintroduce himself to you.”

“Me too.” I chuckle, shaking my head.

“Now the real question is: What are you going to do about Dominic, now that you’ve figured all thisout?” Cora asks sternly.

“What can I do?” I question, feeling very overwhelmed all of a sudden. “I mean, so what if I do lovehim? So what if my baggage is causing all these mixed-up feelings? That doesn’t change the situationwe’re in. I can’t make myself a wolf, and I can’t make him a human or non-alpha – I probably wouldn’teven if I could, because then he wouldn’t be the same man I fell for.”

“Are you sure you’re not just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt?” Cora questions. “I mean Iknow you’re in hot water with the campaign and everything, but is it possible those are just excuses?”

The gravity of our circumstances looms above me, and I know that we made the right decision. Evenso, I’m woman enough to admit that my sister isn’t wrong. “I think it’s both.” I murmur sadly. “I havebeen afraid, and I haven’t trusted him. But Dominic and I don’t have the luxury of being selfish – we’regoing to be parents, he’s going to be a king. Our responsibility is to the pack and our baby – not ourfeelings.”

“That’s fair.” Cora concedes. “But is knowing that enough to help you move forward and stop torturingyourself?”

“I don’t know.” I moan. “It just feels so unfinished. We never even talked about our feelings… I mean,he tried and I…”

“Ran away?” Cora surmises. I hum in confirmation, and her voice takes on a sympathetic note. “I’mafraid if you don’t make peace with the decision, you’re going to keep being confused and indecisive,El. You need closure.”

“I wish there was some way for me to get it without making things worse.” I agree. “I mean if I tell him,knowing Dominic he’ll go all wolfy on me and insist we can replace a way to make it work… assuming heeven loves me back.”

“Hey, he’s not the one that’s been avoiding this.” Cora reminds me. “At the minimum you know hewants you. And I wouldn’t discredit him without even giving him a chance to prove you wrong, Ella.You’re making excuses again.”

“Maybe.” I sigh.

“Maybe definitely.” She snorts.

Suddenly, as if a lightbulb goes off in my head, I realize there might be a way for us to steal a nighttogether. “Cora, I just remembered! Wolves can meet in their dreams. I accidentally called Dominic tome once. Maybe if I can figure out how to do it again, I can tell him and we can be together – withoutcomplicating reality.”

“That’s amazing!” She exclaims, “Do you think you can figure it out?”

“I don’t know, but I’m certainly going to try.”