The Stars are Dying : (Nytefall: Book 1)
The Stars are Dying: Chapter 30

I wasted a day I could have spent searching for my next key piece by instead pacing my rooms trying to mull over every memory I had with Nyte. Every one threatened to become distant and cold in this new reality, but at the same time…I didn’t want to believe the feelings weren’t real.

The following day I returned from clearing my mind by attempting to train with Zathrian to replace Davina poking at the newly lit fire. I checked the adjoining spaces for Shaye, but she wasn’t there, and Davina’s harsh sniff set me still with dread.

“Are you all right?” I asked carefully, easing toward her.

She wiped her face on the back of her sleeve before turning to me. I was striding at the sight of her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks when a figure landing on the balcony hit me with fright. My pulse raced as I let Rose through the door, and she scanned me from head to toe, letting out a breath of incredulous relief.

“What’s going on?” I asked them.

“It’s Shaye,” Davina croaked. “She— She’s—”

“They found her by the gates this morning,” Rose explained, her brow pinched with sympathy for Davina as another tear spilled.

“Found her?”

“Killed.”

It was as if death’s chuckle had seeped into the echoes of that one word. A reminder it still lingered close, taunting me, threatening those around me. I struggled for breath with the swelling in my chest. Slices of raw memory opened to bleed from me all over again. Cassia’s final moments… I wondered if Shaye would have looked the same.

“Astraea.”

I was lashed back to my present surroundings with a firm shake. I latched onto Rose’s unblinking hazel irises then slipped my gaze to Davina, whose upset shook me out of my shock. I didn’t know Shaye as much I’d hoped to have the chance to, but Davina did, and my heart ached for her.

Pausing in front of her, I gave her the chance to deny, but Davina embraced me eagerly. “I’m so sorry,” I tried, knowing nothing I said could ever soothe something so deep as the wound of loss.

“I’d known her for a year since I came to the castle. She was the first to welcome me here, and we’ve worked together side by side since.”

The three of us settled by the fire and listened to Davina tell her stories of a lost friend. We laughed and shared tears, and the hours we passed were filled with memories that promised to carry her short life on.

“I tried to ask her out once,” Davina chuckled nervously. “She didn’t understand it was romantic, but we had a good time all the same.”

“You never told her your feelings?” Rose asked. She wore such a gentle softness that was so relaxing to see.

Davina shook her head. “Stars, no. I took that as a sign she wasn’t interested in women that way. I didn’t want to shake our friendship.”

I sat on the floor by her chair, reaching a hand to her lap. No words were needed in our shared smile of comfort. “We’re going to replace out who did this,” I said.

Rose nodded, her determination as firm and true as mine.

I decided to fill the silence with a sway of topic. “How did you know I wasn’t Cassia?” I asked Rose. Seeing her caution around Davina, I added, “She knows too.”

Rose’s skin smoothed out as she rubbed her forehead as if gathering strength. “It’s a miracle you’re still alive, Astraea.”

I blinked, wondering how Rose was always one step ahead. “How do you know my name?”

She smirked. “Cassia was a fascinating person. She had many things she loved. I figured if there was anyone traveling with her here, you would be one of them given how much she talked about you.”

The familiar pulse in my chest warmed brightly. I couldn’t express my gratitude, not knowing where to direct it when all I knew was that this was a gift. Rose could be tense and prickly, and I wasn’t so naïve as to think she would warm to me because of this. But here stood someone who somehow knew Cassia deeply, even if only through script, and that was one more flame to keep her memory alive.

I watched her travel through memories as she stared into the fire. Then Rose fiddled with the folds of her jacket, seeming to contemplate something before she took a deep breath and dipped a hand inside. She produced a parchment, unfolding it with careful attention, and there was a dent in her brow when she scanned it over. After a hesitant pause she extended it to me.

I was taken aback, but seeing her obvious twitch as she stopped herself from retracting her arm, I took it. I read over the words, my breath coming quicker. I was wrong to think I’d exhausted my emotions; they barreled into me all over again as my fingers brushed the familiar swirls and the tilt of the writing.

When I turned to Rose with wide eyes, for the first time she showed me her smile. It was true and filled with sadness and grief, and I was overcome to have someone to share these emotions with.

“Cassia and I were exchanging letters before our kingdoms even hosted the Selected trials,” she said solemnly.

I couldn’t believe it. I wondered why Cassia had never told me, and it hit me with a pang of disappointment that perhaps I hadn’t been as close to her as she was to me for this to have been kept a secret.

“She never spoke of you,” I said.

Rose huffed a laugh. “Our relationship was a secret to most. We knew one of the king’s guard who frequented the same border at the wall, and over three years he got our letters past that hurdle without us needing to go through any of the main lines intended only for formal reigning lord correspondence.”

“When did you know I wasn’t her?”

“The moment you walked in,” she said, though I expected that as I recalled her cold glare. “I may never have met Cassia, but I knew what she looked like. I commend you for trying to fool me with the Starlight Matter you must consume, but something was off about you from the moment you walked in. I was doubtful at first, figuring you’d masterfully kept in any hint of recognition toward me with the audience we had. But the black hair doesn’t suit you right. I can’t place it. Then when you continued to act as if we were perfect strangers I knew you couldn’t be Cassia. I didn’t want to out you right away. I wanted to figure you out.”

“Did you?” I shifted my weight, realizing I’d been under Rose’s magnifying glass this whole time.

“Not even close. But you seemed harmless to a worrying degree. I couldn’t comprehend why you’d be here and not her. I figured the worst had happened and Alisus wanted to fool the king to keep a player in the game. No offense, but you don’t seem the type they would choose.”

“None taken,” I muttered. I couldn’t be offended by the truth.

“But for what it’s worth, I think it’s incredibly brave for you to be here after what you went through. Cassia would be proud.”

Rose said it with sincerity. I smiled sadly, but it was like she didn’t know how to offer her condolences. Nor did I want them.

“She would want you to keep on living, you know,” Rose said, her words unexpectedly soft. “She would have wanted that for me too. I didn’t get the privilege of knowing her in person like you did, but I’ll miss her. More than I can say. She was the last person I had.”

My nose stung, and I wondered how she composed herself so well when it pulled me apart at the seams to think of her. “I am living,” I said, though sometimes I wished I were not.

“You are surviving,” Rose said, pushing to her feet. “Something tells me you have yet to live at all.”

I swallowed over the marble that had settled in my throat. Despite everything and what we still had to do, I held her hazel eyes, which were far more of a warrior’s than mine, and I understood. I was grateful, so gods-damned grateful, to discover she had known Cassia.

“I’m going to head to the training room. Helps to clear my mind,” Rose announced.

“Can I come with you?” Davina asked. “It might help to take my mind off things too.”

“Do you want to come?” Rose asked me. The genuine side that came out of her around Davina was a warmth beyond the sorrow we all felt.

I shook my head, following them to the door. “I was there with Zath earlier. I think he said he planned to head back after supper though.”

Rose’s disgruntled exterior returned, and I bit my lip to keep from a chuckle.

After they left, I stood staring at the closed door for a few heartbeats to process all that had happened. I pressed my fingers to my temples, and then, as though trying to ease the announcement of his arrival, I felt a light caress on my nape.

Turning, I was overcome with incredulity at the sight of Nyte on my bed. “What are you doing here?”

He didn’t take his eyes off the item he threw and caught over and over again. Something metallic, made of brass. “I thought we went over this,” he drawled as I clicked the door shut. “I am here when your thoughts are reaching and I happen to be in the mood to reach back.”

“I still don’t understand how…this works,” I said, shivering at the notion he wasn’t here. Not really. And though I could see him so clearly now, I’d been physically closer when I couldn’t see him at all in the library with Drystan.

“Lie with me.”

“I am not going to do that.”

The round brass item he caught in his palm disappeared with a clench of his fist. His golden gaze slipped to me with a devilish smirk. “I’m sorry to hear about your handmaiden.”

“She was more than just that.”

I believed the understanding that erased his jesting for just a moment. I’d exhausted myself with grief with Davina and Rose, and maybe there was a part of me that was glad for this distraction.

“You can tell me anything while I stand right here.”

“I could,” he sang, “but I would much rather you lie with me.”

He isn’t real. There was nothing scandalous or real about obliging. I removed my boots, and knowing the tight sleeves of my jacket would strain uncomfortably, I unbuttoned the high neck too, peeling my arms free. Though he didn’t watch me, the quirk of his mouth ground my teeth.

“Lose the gloating, or I’ll cast you away.”

“I have no need to gloat about you giving in to your wants.”

He was insufferable. Arrogant. Devious.

I marched over to the bed, listing other things to distract myself from the wrongful giddy rise in my stomach as I got closer. My confidence faltered when one knee was pressed to the sinking sheets, displaying every relaxed and beautiful angle of him. I knew his crisp, dark jacket with gold embroidery, much like his finely made pants, was just an illusion, but I admired his fashion sense outside the forgotten cave dwelling. As I eased onto the bed I kept a spacious distance between us, all too aware of my bare arms and the low, curving dip of my neckline. When his head turned and his eyes skimmed over me, it was as if he traced every silver line that marked me, knowing the path of each one.

“What did you want to tell me?” I asked quietly.

His eyes met mine. “Come closer.”

I held back a shiver with that command. Telling myself it was to save a string of useless protests and jesting, I shuffled over.

“Now lie with me.”

That smooth, silvery tone would never fail to race through me. I eased down, not even an arm’s distance away, my heart thumping loudly in the silence. I wondered with a flush if he could hear it.

We stared at the navy canopy over the four-poster bed, and slowly the fire I knew to be blazing across the room died out. The amber diffused, and in its place stars came out to play, stretching beautiful color and constellations above us. It was enchantingly beautiful.

“How do you do that?”

“It’s your desire. I only make you believe it’s real.”

I let a few beats in my chest pass before I said, “I don’t desire you.”

“You’re intrigued. Some part of you believes I have the answers you’ve been searching for.”

“And do you?”

“Perhaps.”

“Only in the form of tricks and games.”

Nyte chuckled, and though the vibrations weren’t physical I felt them all the same.

“Why are you helping me?”

“You fascinate me.”

That wasn’t an answer, but I bit my lip against any argument. “You let me out of Hektor’s manor,” I said suddenly.

“You let yourself out.”

I shook my head at the denial that swirled through it, but he had nothing to gain with the lie. I’d been trying to make sense of the memories I thought he featured in. Every time I remembered he was never really there I thought I’d feel lonely, disappointed… But he had been real to me all those times when I was desperate and reaching.

He’d answered.

“I fell from the wall.”

“Yes, you did. But you’re more agile than you give yourself credit for. And you undid the lock with two hairpins.”

“Why did I think it was you?”

Nyte’s head turned, and I mirrored him. He looked at me with an honesty I couldn’t decipher. “You wanted someone to be there for you. So I made you believe I was.”

My brow pinched at my own pitiful sorrow. How weak and vulnerable I must have seemed to him. I couldn’t bear it, and I twisted my gaze away, but I had nothing to fill the silence.

“I believe I owe you a story,” he said, and I was grateful for the change in direction.

“Why tell me anything at all? I haven’t agreed to help you.”

Nyte took a deep breath. My hand lay palm-up by my head, and my breath hitched when his did the same. So close it wouldn’t take much of a shuffle to touch him.

“Like you, I replace the nights alive. Perhaps we can both replace a means of drifting off peacefully with a tale.”

I didn’t want to know how he’d discovered that about me. Or what other things might have leaked through the barrier I tried to keep firm in my mind.

“Once upon a time, there was a war between the stars,” he began, his voice taking on a soft cadence that was relaxing to my senses. “What started as a beautiful collision turned out to have the most dire consequence for the world.” He paused as if to gauge my reaction.

“Keep going,” I whispered. Something fluttered in my chest like an echo of pleasure.

“The Daughter of Dusk and Dawn went against their wishes.”

“The star-maiden.”

I kept my eyes on the moving stars above us. They shifted, forming two starry silhouettes, and I couldn’t stop the need to see them closer, propping myself up on one hand.

“Yes. And she met another of similar strength by…hostile means. Two who were never meant to exist in the same realm. Their powers combined were too much, and it shook the balance. Everything is a give-and-take. Our souls give back, retire as stars to keep the solar magick going. They shed, which is what falls and is then crafted into Starlight Matter. It’s found in the form of stunning clear and silver rocks. Then it’s turned into an elixir that can be influenced by human mages to create all kinds of things. Like the theft of your silver hair. I think people started to realize something was wrong when more fell. Too much. What was once this rare and precious material dipped in value, but that was a superficial concern. What really mattered was what was happening to the realm.” He paused only to run a finger through my spilled dark tresses, skimming my shoulder. “In turn, the celestials weakened slowly at first. The ones who harbored the most power in the realm became not even a match to the vampires who took advantage of the king’s careful plan to overthrow them.”

I watched the scene unfold. Desolation in a thousand glittering sparkles. My adrenaline raced and my senses filled with the tale as he made it feel so real. As if I were right there among them.

“They had an abundance of soul energy to feed from, and the nightcrawlers and blood vampires became reckless and greedy. All together, they started the uprising led by one male who saw it as his chance to gain the throne. They believe he won because he conquered the gods to be here by walking through worlds…as their savior.”

“The king isn’t a vampire?”

“No. He is nothing more than a fae.”

I tried to process what that meant; if it could be important. “The vampires…could they ever coexist with us in peace?” I thought of Drystan, and with the way Nyte seemed to pause before he answered, perhaps he knew it.

“Yes. There used to be a truce. The vampires and celestials worked together to create harmony. They would feed on the souls of the wicked, those who didn’t deserve to replace peace in the sky, who would one day return to the realm for a new life. Murderers, rapists, evil beings… And then there were humans who would trade days, weeks, months of their lives with the vampires—and their willing blood. Sometimes they gave it with affection; other times they treated it like currency.”

“That doesn’t sound fair,” I mumbled, in a trance with the story.

“The world will always have dark corners of cruelty. Life, no matter which species, will always deal unkind hands of fate. Make it more difficult for one to reach the same goal. If you ask me, it only makes their story worth more in the makings of their legacy.”

The constellations broke and reformed, creating the couple once more.

“What happened to them?” I asked.

Nyte took a deep breath, and now I knew of our mental connection, I thought the notes of despair to be his. “They found themselves forced to lead on enemy sides.”

My heart felt squeezed. “This won’t have a happy ending,” I said, clinging to the glittering forms of the couple.

“The star-maiden was ordered back by her parents as the world erupted into chaos and war, but she defied. She wanted to fight. But there was nothing she could do. One of the two star-gods had to die for the celestials to regain the strength of their solar magick.”

My head twisted to him with wide eyes. His lips firmed and he nodded. I cast my sights up just in time to see the feminine form dissipate from the other, and he reached after the stardust she became.

“What happened next?”

Our eyes met for a prolonged, searching second. There was no next. Not for them.

I lay back down. “Being here, can you…feel?” I asked with growing anxiety. In the silence I counted my breaths, watched stars collide, and almost settled on thinking he wouldn’t answer.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve felt anything at all.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, nor what he was really trying to tell me with it.

“You have to want me here. The more you desire it, the more tangible it can become. It’s a push-and-pull of sorts. Every touch was as real as you believed it to be because you opened yourself to me. The mind is a very powerful thing.”

It somewhat explained how sometimes he only spoke to my mind. Even now I couldn’t reflect on the memories as anything less than real with how sure I was that he’d been before me all those times.

I sucked in a breath when his fingers grazed mine, and though I wanted to deny it, I’d longed for the reality of that touch, and that was what it had become. I was drunk on the magick of it and knew this was safe. I could banish him at any moment and lock him out for good.

At least I thought I could.

“Do you feel me?” I asked quietly.

“As much as you do me.”

He continued until his knuckles grazed my palm, his hand rested in mine, and I slipped my fingers through his, unable to stop my curiosity as I locked them under mine.

“But it’s nothing compared to how I want to feel you,” he added in a low murmur. “Truly real. I may have moments of peace in my mind, but you are a maddening temptation, Starlight.”

I shifted my hips at the tight sensation over my skin. Finally, I found the will to rest my head toward him, immediately captured by his irises, which flickered like the candlelight he’d stolen from the room. My gaze drifted down to his neck and the gold markings peeking out from under his collar. I didn’t know where my bravery came from as my other hand reached over, moving slow like he might be spooked by my advance at any second.

“You only want me to free you,” I said. My fingers brushed the material and his neck tensed, but he didn’t stop me.

“I do. And if I only got one true feel of you before the world collapsed, it would be worth it.”

He’d brushed my tattoos many times, and I rolled to face him, not taking my eyes off the first constellation point leading onto the next I discovered on him. Our hands remained within each other’s, and something enchanting raced over my skin. I touched the first point high on his throat then boldly traced down to the next, heading lower. I almost missed his shallow, contented sigh.

My mind sparked as if I should know what the tattoo meant. As if I had seen it before but couldn’t place the whole picture. I tried to peel back another inch of his tunic when he caught my wrist.

“If you’re going to take my clothes off, I want that to be real.”

I snatched my hand back. Both of them. Propping myself up, my heart thumped wildly at the closeness we’d shared and the intimacy I’d so easily fallen prey to that would have had me lying there until the stars rested for dawn.

As I spun off the bed the room brightened again with the return of the amber fire. I didn’t feel the chill of the room, being so far from it as my body flushed with a heat I wanted to douse to ice, to stop feeling at all, because what was happening within me was sure to get me killed by the demon who wouldn’t leave me alone.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

I closed my eyes, gathering breath to replace my rational mind. Everything I needed to replace out was becoming clouded by his trance. He wanted me for one thing.

“I’m not freeing you.”

A new darkness swept through the room and blew over my skin with the coolness I thought I desired. Not this kind, which rippled with danger and passion.

“Why not?” he asked in a hard tone that contained his thinning patience.

“You won’t tell me what you are or why they see you fit to be chained down there.”

Nyte laughed bitterly. I turned to him, not replaceing him lounging on the bed anymore, and before I sought him out my chest ached at the sight, for the only side with crumpled sheets was where I had lain. No physical trace of Nyte lingered, and I didn’t want to feel my disappointment at that fact.

“Why don’t you ask your prince?”

His voice came so near I gasped, stumbling back until I met the wall, and he closed in, planting his hands by my head.

“You’re scaring me,” I whispered.

“Yet I’m still here,” he challenged.

My mind was mocking me. Laughing and laughing, and I didn’t know what to do.

“Push me out,” he said like a dare, and I closed my eyes. “Do it, or I could kill you right here.”

A hand wrapped around my throat, snapping my eyes wide, and the gold irises that pinned me now were burned bronze. I reacted. My hands tore his wrist from me, and I shoved his chest. Hot anger and the instinct to defend myself pricked my eyes and labored my breathing.

“Don’t fucking touch me like that.”

Nyte searched me, eyes blazing. Not at what I’d done, but he’d read my response too easily. He knew why.

Humiliation threatened to cast him away and never let me surface another thought of him.

Until his expression softened. So slowly. Tentatively he closed the distance, reading my every flicker of a reaction.

I didn’t stop his approach.

His hand rose again, pausing at my throat when my whole body locked. Only when I relaxed, calming to his careful movements, did he continue.

He’s not going to hurt me.

Why was I so certain?

“It’s not the touch you fear, but the intention,” he said softly, grazing a light caress over my neck that inspired a tingling warmth instead this time. He angled his head toward mine, dipping, and my breath came shallow. Not knowing how else to release the anticipation coiling within me, I flattened my hands against the wall behind me.

“He doesn’t get to win,” Nyte said, a growl of a threat so close to my lips.

I realized his hand had encircled my throat fully and I didn’t have an inkling of fear. My fingers flexed against the cool wall from the need tightening in my stomach, heading lower. “Nyte…” I breathed. His proximity consumed me like a fever. I wanted the press of his body and became frustrated by the lack of heat from him even though my skin was hot. My eyes fluttered to the slip of his hand around my nape as he tipped my head back, but his lips moved from hovering over mine.

“He doesn’t get to take this from you.”

I drew breath as the ghost of a kiss was pressed to my neck instead. My pulse raced. Desire tingled, and I wanted—

My eyes snapped open to the grip of loneliness, my chest heaving as I sank to my knees.

Nyte was gone.

I’d wanted him to bite me.

Stars above, what was I thinking?