The Tearsmith: A Novel
Chapter 36

Every ending is the start

of something exceptional.

Three years later.

A pleasant warmth came in through the open window.

The rustling of leaves and the spring birdsong floated through the peaceful neighbourhood.

‘So…leptospirosis is an infection with biphasic symptoms…’ I chewed the end of my pen, concentrating. I licked my lips and noted down the information, refining the paper that I had to hand in the next week.

Klaus was snoozing on my crossed legs. I stroked him distractedly, flicking through the volume on Infectious Diseases to the appendices.

I was in the third year of Veterinary Medicine, a degree I had chosen with my heart and soul. I found every element of the course fascinating, but it was still challenging, and even though this was a special day, I couldn’t avoid studying…

‘Nica! They’ve arrived!’

A voice called me from downstairs and I suddenly glanced up. My lips parted in a smile and I dropped the pen on the bed.

‘Coming!’

I was so excited that Klaus woke up indignantly. He jumped down off my legs, vexed, just as I got up.

I ran to my bedroom door, but at the last moment stopped in front of the mirror, noticing the state I was in. I tidied my tight, striped shirt and brushed the cat hair off my denim shorts.

I looked a little dishevelled, but that didn’t bother me. I looked at my reflection and saw the fresh, bright face of a young woman, not the grey, gaunt face that had crossed the threshold of this house for the first time four years ago.

In the mirror, I saw a girl with a healthy, rosy complexion, with freckles brought out by the sun and a slender but full face. Graceful, no longer bony wrists, and a bright gaze that reflected a soul made of light. More gentle and pronounced curves completed the body of a twenty-one year old. Well, an only just twenty-one year old…

I smiled and blew on the stray strand of hair over my forehead, then ran out the room.

There were only three colourful Band-Aids on my hands. I looked at them passionately, noting how they had become fewer and fewer over the years.

Who knows, maybe one day I would no longer need them…I would look at my bare hands, knowing that all the colours were inside me. I smiled. Only inside me…

On the landing, I bumped into Klaus, who was still upset about having been disturbed, and as I passed I gave him a little tap on his rump.

He startled, outraged, and I took advantage of the fact that he was still sleepy to start running. He was thirteen now, and spent more time sleeping than anything else, but he could still be quite energetic and run about like a whirlwind.

I laughed as he chased me down the stairs, and in that moment of total euphoria my thoughts flew momentarily to him.

When would he call? Was it possible he still hadn’t found a moment to write to me?

I reached the ground floor and jumped to one side. Klaus, on the other hand, ran straight ahead without managing to catch me in time. I walked into the dining room, smiling.

‘Here I am,’ I announced, hearing him mewling angrily from a distance.

Anna turned and smiled at me. She was radiant, dressed in a cotton shirt with puffball sleeves and midnight blue pants. She seemed the bright dream I had wanted ever since I was a child. And that wasn’t all…

The room was an explosion of carnations. Their fragrance wafted into my nostrils. I approached Anna, paying attention to the vases on the floor. She passed me one of the flowers as I stepped over a red bouquet. I took it in my hands, we exchanged a knowing look and plunged our noses into the petals.

‘Bread!’

‘Fresh laundry and…’

‘New paper!’

‘Apple peel…no, actually…ginger…’

‘It’s definitely bread. Freshly baked!’

‘I’ve never heard of a flower that smells of bread!’

Like every time, I couldn’t help but laugh. I plunged my nose into the carnation and gave an entertained giggle which she shared.

This would always be our game.

Even though many things had changed, Anna and I would always look at each other like that.

After the success of those years, her business had grown so much that she hadn’t only significantly expanded the shop, but now had two more. One had already been going for two years, and the other was almost ready. Anna seemed to have exclusive rights to flower arrangements in town, and bookings kept coming in.

Now there was a state-of-the-art television shining in our living room, and the couches were brand new. The ceilings had all been repainted and there was a lovely red car in the refurbished driveway. But it was still our house, and I wouldn’t have changed it for anything in the world.

I liked it like this, with the wallpaper and narrow staircase, the smooth parquet flooring that Klaus skidded on and the copper pans glistening in the kitchen light.

And Anna too…despite her sophisticated clothes and her elegant silver hair clip, she still had the same eyes that I had first seen at the foot of the stairs, that morning at The Grave.

She had become my adoptive mom.

After a year of foster care, she and Norman had confirmed my adoption and we had become a family.

Now, I was Nica Milligan.

Even though, to start with, I was scared to change my surname, over time I became convinced I had made the right decision. There was nothing nicer than seeing my name and reading within it the union of the four people who thought of me as a daughter.

‘I’d best get them out of the way by tonight, or we won’t have room to eat,’ Anna noted lightly.

‘We could eat like this, Adeline and Carl wouldn’t mind…’ I turned the carnation and then asked nervously, ‘Do you think Carl will ask her to marry him? I know it’s maybe a bit soon, but he’s twenty-eight…and sometimes when I try to ask Adeline, she blushes furiously and hides her smile behind her hands…’

‘That girl doesn’t tell us everything,’ Anna chuckled, admiring the flower.

I heard my phone ringing and looked up, my hair swishing.

It was him!

I stammered to Anna that I had to pick up and dashed out of the room. I was sure it was in my room, but judging by the sound of the ringing, I must have left my phone outside. Having a little snack whilst barefoot in the garden, with the sun and fresh air, had become a habit that was hard to break.

I rushed out onto the porch but nearly tripped over someone.

‘Oh, Nica, careful!’

‘Sorry, Norman,’ I said, pushing back the hair that had fallen over my face.

He held out my phone that I had left on the wrought-iron table, and I beamed at him.

‘Thanks.’

He smiled, then leant over to give me a kiss on the cheek. He was still a bit awkward, but that was one of the things that I liked best about him.

‘Happy birthday again,’ he said, still wearing his work cap. ‘See you this evening?’

‘Of course.’ I put my arms behind my back and rocked back and forth happily. ‘We’ll be waiting for you. And…please, have mercy on those little mice…’

‘No mice, it’s another hornets’ nest…’

‘Well, they’ve got reason to exist too,’ I replied frankly, tilting my head. ‘Don’t you think?’

‘You explain that to Mrs Finch,’ Norman said, looking at me with a telling expression, as if I was being a bit cheeky.

We had always had different opinions about his job, and I didn’t miss an opportunity to remind him of what I thought. A few years ago, it wouldn’t even have occurred to me, but growing up, for me, had meant gaining confidence, strengthening my convictions and learning not to fear the judgement of my family.

I tilted my head and said goodbye to him, before turning towards the still-ringing phone with trepidation.

It wasn’t him.

It was Billie.

A drop of disappointment tarnished my heart. There was nothing I liked better than hearing from my friends, but still, I couldn’t suppress a feeling of disappointment that it wasn’t his name flashing up on the screen.

Had he forgotten?

He wouldn’t forget such an important day…would he?

I swallowed my disappointment and urged myself to pick up.

‘Hello?’

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’ The words burst so loud in my ear that I almost staggered backwards.

‘Billie!’ I laughed, confused. ‘You’ve already said happy birthday, we spoke this morning!’

‘Have you opened our present?’ she asked, curious, referring to the parcel that she and Miki had sent.

‘Oh, yes,’ I replied, pacing up and down the porch. ‘You’re…crazy!’

‘So you like it?’

‘A lot,’ I whispered sincerely. ‘But you shouldn’t have. Who knows how much it cost…’

‘I got dad to advise me,’ she ignored me, excited. ‘He says it’s one of the best on the market. It takes amazing snapshots, and what a colour palette! Have you tried it yet? We put some film in there for you, did you see?’

‘Yeah, I’ve already taken one,’ I pulled a photo from my jeans pocket, looking at it tenderly. Anna and Norman, in our dining room, with their arms around each other, smiling. ‘It came out well,’ I said happily. ‘Really…thank you.’

‘You’re welcome!’ she burst out, gleeful. ‘It’s not every day you turn twenty-one! It’s an important milestone…almost more important than coming of age! It’s worth a significant present…So, what about this evening? All confirmed? We’re coming over to yours for dinner?’

‘Yep, Sarah’s bringing cake, she said, and Miki wine.’

‘Let’s hope Miki loosens up a bit,’ she confided hopefully. ‘At least tonight…you know, Vincent’s trying his hardest to get her to like him, but…well, Miki is Miki…’

I sighed, understanding.

I remembered when we were just girls. The time after the accident had been something of a new beginning for everyone.

It hadn’t been easy initially. Billie was jealous about everything Miki did without her. I found her behaviour confusing, and more than once I had found myself thinking that maybe, deep down, she shared Miki’s feelings after all. I soon learnt this wasn’t the case.

Miki was a fundamental part of her life, and over time, Billie had matured enough to realise that being apart sometimes wouldn’t mean losing her. She had understood that she couldn’t suffocate her with all the affection she felt for her, and when Sarah arrived in Miki’s life, she had done everything she could to make her feel at ease.

Miki had met Sarah at an Iron Maiden concert two years ago. When they got together, Miki’s father had been gobsmacked to learn that all his efforts to not let males into the house had been for nothing.

‘Vincent’s a great guy,’ I tried to reassure her. ‘Miki just needs time. You know how she is…’

‘Right,’ she muttered down the line.

Vincent was Billie’s boyfriend of several months. He was an unaffected, awkward guy. He made me think of how Norman must have been when he was young.

He knew how important Billie’s relationship with Miki was to her, and he always tried to involve her. He always left her the best place at the table, and tried as hard as he could to entertain her with his jokes, trying to get her to accept him. She made him work hard.

Miki had never been good at making new friends. And Vincent…well, he wasn’t a friend, but Billie’s boyfriend. And even though that special place in her heart now belonged to Sarah, maybe out of some sort of…protective instinct towards her best friend, Miki had never let down her defences.

Their relationship had always been very exclusive. Maybe that was why it was so complicated.

‘Give her time. It’ll all be fine tonight, you’ll see.’

‘It’s just that…I want her to like him,’ she sighed. ‘It’s very important for me…to know that the people I love like him,’ she moaned. My eyes narrowed in understanding. We were very similar in that respect.

‘I’m sure she does like him. It’s just that she needs time to show it. And anyway, Sarah loves Vincent…she’ll manage to soften her, you’ll see. Don’t worry.’

Billie sighed again, but this time I was sure she was smiling.

‘Let’s hope the wine has its effect,’ she joked, and I hid a smile.

We chatted for a while longer and then I said goodbye, promising her we’d be in touch later to agree on timings for dinner.

When I hung up, the mild sense of disappointment hadn’t gone away. My heart stung a little, as if someone had poked it with a needle.

It was a special day, and even though I had never had many expectations, things had changed. We had grown up and I couldn’t help but think that no one could begrudge me wanting him to wish me a happy twenty-first birthday.

All I wanted was to hear his voice caress my ears, and to look into those dark eyes where I had left my heart. I wanted him there, quite simply, and even though I had told him that I had an assessment to hand in, I couldn’t accept the thought that we would be apart, especially today.

That he wouldn’t call, especially today.

That he was busy with who knows what university thing, especially today.

Given the excellent grades he had left high school with, Rigel had been given a generous bursary to study at Alabama State University.

I had always thought that he would gravitate towards degrees that were more…philosophical or literary, given the boundless knowledge he had of these subjects. Instead, Rigel had chosen to study Engineering. And of all the available subdisciplines, he had decided on aerospace.

It was one of the most difficult and complex degrees, and many students would throw in the towel without completing even the first year. But towards the end of high school, I had realised that he was fascinated by everything to do with the universe.

In hospital, all he had done was read books about the mechanics of celestial bodies. The more texts he discovered on stellar kinematics, the more sleepless nights he spent learning about their laws and theories.

In all honesty, I never thought that he would be so interested in space. Probably because of the complex relationship he had always had with his own name, and everything that the solitude of the stars meant for him. But maybe, in some way, constellations and galaxies had become so much a part of him that his desire to understand their secrets had transformed into a profound, boundless interest, so much so that he had actually chosen them.

We are scared of the unknown, I had read once. Rigel had chosen to no longer let himself be dominated by what had always marked him, but rather to study it until he had analysed it, understood it, and made it his. Perhaps the stars had always been written in the story of his life, ever since they had watched over him, that night, wrapped in a basket in front of the gates to The Grave.

The lecturers constantly told him how brilliant he was, that he had a dazzling career ahead of him.

However, while I was happy for him, his studies took up even more of his time than mine did. And as if that wasn’t enough, ever since his freshman year, Rigel had made use of his knowledge to give private tutoring.

It was wild how many students despaired about exams, especially for a difficult major like his. Some people offered him an exorbitant amount of money to help them; others needed to overcome one last hurdle to get their degrees and seemed up for anything.

For that reason, lately I had hardly seen him. He was busy with assessments, and private tutoring took up a large part of his time. It was almost as if he had some specific goal in mind.

Rigel certainly wasn’t someone who would go out of his way to help others. He only did so if there was a motive. I knew he needed the money for something, because he didn’t spend money as lightly as others did.

It was a mystery that he had not revealed to me.

Despite the time that had passed, he still had secrets from me, and knowing that just increased my unease.

Once again, I was surprised by the phone.

It was a message.

From him.

My heart thumped, but fell speechless when I opened the message. It wasn’t what I had hoped for.

He had sent me an address.

Underneath, the only words he had added were: ‘Come here.’

I stared at the message, expecting to replace something else, maybe a happy birthday, but I was disappointed. There was nothing like that.

I read the address he had sent me again, but I didn’t recognise it. I guessed that it was somewhere in the town centre, but I didn’t recognise the name of the street. There was nothing special about his message, nothing out of the ordinary.

A tinge of disappointment in my heart, I lowered my eyes and went back inside to fetch something I had been meaning to give to Rigel.

—

Half an hour later, I had arrived at my destination. I looked around for him, and when I couldn’t see him anywhere, I assumed he hadn’t got there yet. I sent him a quick message to let him know I was there.

Suddenly, my phone screen lit up. Two green eyes shone from the video call request icon.

‘Hi, Will,’ I said, getting my face into frame.

A boy with chestnut hair greeted me enthusiastically and said, ‘Happy birthday, silver eyes!’

I smiled gently and shook my head, embarrassed.

‘Thanks…’

‘So? How does it feel to be old?’

‘Still snowed under with studies,’ I replied jokingly. ‘I’ve still got to finish the paper on Infectious Diseases. Where are you at with it?’

‘I started it, but…Oh, come on, I don’t want to talk about that.’

Will was a veterinary student like me. We followed the same courses, and we often discussed the subjects and exchanged notes for exams. He was a dishevelled, sporty-looking guy, with bright green eyes. Recently, he had started saving me a seat next to him in the third row of the lecture hall, even though I hadn’t asked him to.

We chatted for a while and his dazzling smile kept me company as I walked along the sidewalk in the afternoon sun.

‘…It makes me nervous. Lab, I mean…I want to be good, but using the scalpel always…has a certain effect on me. I know it will be our job, and that we’ll be doing good work, but I’m just not very good at it…’

‘You are, though. You’re a lot more delicate than the others. It took you an entire year to muster the courage…and you’re so careful…it’s crazy. Do I have to remind you that the lecturer used you as an example in the last lab?’

I bit my lip and brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into my eyes. Will’s eyes watched the movement of my fingers.

‘You know, Nica, I was thinking…’ he said, a subtle change in his tone of voice. ‘Well, there’s a really great bar in the centre of town…Do you know it? The one on the corner of the park. Now that you can drink, well…you’ve got no excuse not to come. I could come and pick you up this evening…’

I looked him in the eyes, but the intention I saw shining there implied something that made me look away.

I shook my head and licked my lips. ‘I’ve got plans…’

‘Oh, yeah, your boyfriend, right?’

The thought of Rigel dazzled me. I felt bewildered and vulnerable for a moment, but long enough for Will to notice.

‘Oh, don’t tell me…your boyfriend has forgotten your birthday.’

I smiled with a hint of pity, unable to believe what he had just said.

‘It’s not like that at all.’

He didn’t know Rigel. He didn’t have the slightest idea what we had been through and what it was that tied us together. No one apart from us could read the scars we shared and understand how deeply we were bonded.

We were chained together in a way that no one else could understand. Not even time could draw us apart…We had conquered it together, three years ago.

‘He’s just…very busy. That’s all.’

‘You seem very sure,’ Will noted, looking at me carefully. ‘But…you never talk about him.’

That observation struck me. I thought about it, and after a while I realised that he wasn’t wrong.

It was true…I spoke very rarely of Rigel. I guarded every page of our story far away from prying eyes; it was a labyrinth to which only I had the keys. I couldn’t talk normally about our relationship. It would be like trying to explain the ocean to someone who had never seen it, reducing it to an expanse of water, without considering the beauty of its blue depths or the massive creatures that swam down there with majestic levity.

Some things can only be understood if seen through the eyes of the soul.

Will looked at my thoughtful face and interpreted my silence as hesitation.

‘You know, silver eyes…I’d never forget your birthday.’

I blinked and looked into his eyes, replaceing them steadfast and determined. He smiled lazily through the screen.

‘If, instead of pining after your absent boyfriend, you fancy coming for this beer with me, you’d soon forget about being so callously neglected…’

I noticed as he was still speaking, recognised that feeling only too late, a diamond blade cutting through the air to the back of my head.

I turned around, my heart in my throat.

He had always sent a shiver down my spine…a tingling feeling that was both glacial and boiling.

A young man had appeared on the threshold of a building.

His painfully unmistakable black hair caught the light of the sun. His pale wrists stood out clearly against his broad, strong chest. Magnificently tall, leaning against the door jamb and wearing a studded leather jacket, he looked dangerously attractive.

His explosively beautiful face no longer had the beguiling charm of a boy, but the assertive power of a man. His jaw had lost all trace of childishness and his black eyes under his arched eyebrows contrasted with his pale skin in a bewitching, breathtaking way.

Rigel was staring at me, arms crossed over his strong chest, his head at an angle and his narrowed eyes venomously magnetic.

I felt a burning joy tightening my throat. My heart shook with excitement and my body tensed. I was almost standing on tiptoes, but when I noticed the combustive way he was looking at me, everything abruptly froze.

Speechless, I suddenly realised that he must have heard every word.

‘Rigel,’ I swallowed. Although I felt an uncontainable happiness, my eyes shone with trepidation: that lethal gaze did not portend the fairy-tale reunion I had hoped for.

‘What’s up?’ Will asked. He hadn’t seen what was happening.

My tongue was tied, so I decided to lift the phone so he could see for himself. I framed the boy behind me. His infernal allure was evident even from this distance. I tried to smile as Will turned into a pillar of salt.

‘Rigel, have you…have you met William?’

‘Oh, I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure,’ he hissed, looking down and cracking his jaw. His deep voice made the walls of my stomach tremble, along with Will on the screen.

The problem was that when he became angry like this, he became, if possible, even more attractive. And decidedly too unpredictable.

Catlike, Rigel stalked away from the doorway towards me. His every step was fluid and precise; he moved like a merciless predator. Having him there made my skin crackle. Even though the emotions emanating from him were anything but positive, I felt the world bending under his feet to frame him.

Will paled as I continued to tilt the screen to get Rigel’s height in frame.

‘H…hi, I’m Will. One of Nica’s classmates. You…yeah, you’re her…’

‘Boyfriend,’ Rigel emphasised, coming closer. ‘Partner. Lover. You pick which you like best.’

There was a profound discomfort in Will’s eyes.

He must have had a very different idea of what Rigel was like to what he was seeing now.

Rigel stopped behind me, and even I found myself swallowing. Then he bent over, pinned his gaze on Will and hissed, ‘You were saying?’

‘I…I was just saying…well, I was asking Nica if she wanted, we could all go out together to celebrate, I dunno…somewhere…’

‘Well, what a delightful suggestion,’ Rigel drawled. There was nothing delightful about his tone. ‘How thoughtful. Because, you know, for a moment, dear William…I was under the rather distasteful impression that you were asking her out.’

‘No, I…’

‘Oh, of course, I must have misheard,’ Rigel snarled, ripping him apart with his glare. ‘A clever boy like you wouldn’t make a mistake like that. Would you?’

‘Rigel,’ I whispered, tense, trying to calm him down, but I jumped as he snatched the phone from my hands. My mouth fell open, but before I could grab it back, he lifted it up out of my reach.

‘Rigel!’

‘Now that I think about it, William,’ he clicked his tongue as I chased after him, ‘I think we’ll have to decline your kind offer. Actually, I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t you go by yourself to get that beer you’re so keen on. Maybe then you can have a little think about being so callously neglected.’

Will stared at him, disturbed. He must have thought Rigel was deranged as he gave him a creepy sneer.

‘Enjoy yourself. It’s been a pleasure to meet you…Oh, one last thing…’ He lowered his voice so I could hardly hear him. ‘The next time you call her silver eyes, I’ll give you a reason to call yourself black eyes…’

He abruptly ended the video call.

I stared at him, open-mouthed, gobsmacked. He didn’t even deign to turn around to look at me as I gasped, wide-eyed.

‘No…You…Did you just threaten him?’

‘No,’ he replied without missing a beat. ‘I gave him some advice.’

Before I could say anything, he turned around. His face was hard with a burning irritation.

He handed me back my phone, glaring at me from under his dark hair.

‘Just as well,’ he hissed bitterly, ‘that you told me he didn’t hit on you.’

‘He hasn’t hit on me…Until now he hasn’t…’

‘Yes, I imagine in a class of eighty people, he saves you a seat because he feels lonely,’ he snarled, prowling around me.

I felt him touch my back, and a shiver bit into my skin. His body was towering over me, waking a deep sense of belonging within me.

‘At least he called me…’ I whispered before I could stop myself. I felt that sentence burning my lips and regretted it instantly.

Rigel came to an abrupt stop.

‘Excuse me?’

I pulled my sleeves down over my hands, aware that I couldn’t take back what I had already said. I decided to take action on the nagging thought that had been eating away at me for hours.

‘Not one word. No sign of life…It’s half five in the afternoon, Rigel. You make me come to this address with no explanation and then turn up like this, angry and abrasive…’

In reality, it thrilled me beyond words that he had turned up like this. Just being around him made my soul glow deliriously bright. But I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t hurt by the fact that he had ignored me all day.

‘Is this because I was impolite to your little friend?’

‘I don’t want to talk about Will. He doesn’t matter right now!’ My voice hardened and my eyes narrowed.

My legs were tense and I was almost standing on tiptoes, my hands clenched and my hair brushing against my sides.

‘It matters that…on such an important day, you…’

‘Did you think I’d forgotten?’

The slowness with which he pronounced this question made me look up at him. Suspended galaxies whirled in his eyes, so familiar that I softened, but also so boundless that I flinched. I felt a little pinch of guilt.

‘No,’ I replied, lowering my voice. ‘But you’re always so busy that…’ I left the sentence hanging, and couldn’t help but glance away.

I bit my lip, feeling foolishly vulnerable under his gaze, as if I had offered him an exposed flank.

I knew he had his own things to do and his time was taken up with his own affairs, and yet…

Was it possible that that boring private tutoring was more important to him than spending time with me?

I turned around, and driven by who knows what impulse, walked away from him. I didn’t know why I felt almost ashamed…misunderstood, childlike, despite my twenty-one years. I knew that he had his projects, his plans, and the last thing I wanted was to come between him and his future.

I had just reached the kerb when two hands grabbed my waist.

Rigel pinned my back to his chest, and held me so vigorously I was thrown off centre. Those fingers that could so agilely run over piano keys plunged into the soft flesh of my body. His masculine scent completely astounded me.

‘You think I’m too busy to remember you?’

I shivered as his hot lips brushed my earlobe. My breath shook and when I looked down I could see his shoes behind mine. His presence was a burning pressure behind me.

‘Is that what you think?’ he whispered hoarsely. ‘You think that today…you didn’t cross my mind?’

I tried to turn around, but Rigel held me like that, pressing me forcefully against him.

‘Or that,’ his breath slid on my neck, ‘I haven’t spent all day…waiting for when I could finally…touch you?’

His lips and teeth brushed against my neck, and every inch of me burned with his breath. He was only holding me by my hips, but I could feel goosebumps on every nerve.

I jumped as he pressed his mouth against my ear, whispering so softly that he seemed to be suppressing the urge to bite me.

‘You think I haven’t been dying for the smell of you? Or for the taste of your mouth? You think that…I don’t fall asleep every night…picturing having you,’ he possessively squeezed my sides, ‘in my arms?’

I was hardly breathing. Rigel bent towards me.

‘You’re cruel, little moth.’

My pulse raced, my heart pumped shocks down my nerve endings. I breathed slowly, almost in secret, as if I might let on how deeply his presence overwhelmed me.

‘Little moth?’ I murmured. ‘I didn’t think you’d call me that again…’

Rigel nuzzled my cheek, and I almost stopped breathing as his hands slowly slid over my stomach, pressing me against him.

‘But you’re my little moth,’ he whispered with a boiling sweetness. ‘My…sweet little moth.’

I wavered, completely bewildered by that tone of voice he had never used before, and he seized the opportunity to ask persuasively, ‘Don’t you want to hear what I’ve got to tell you?’

Every shred of me answered Yes, because that was what I had been craving all day. I stayed still, in a silence charged with expectation, and Rigel understood without me needing to speak.

I sensed him slipping his hand into his jacket pocket. I heard a rustling of fabric, and then he brought his face to mine again.

His soft hair brushed against my temple when he whispered slowly in my ear, ‘Happy birthday, Nica.’

He slid something cold and metallic around my neck.

I blinked, surprised, and looked down. When I saw what it was, my mind went blank.

It was a slender, silver necklace with a drop-shaped pendant. The crystal it was made of was so beautifully chiselled that it looked like a white star.

And then I understood.

It was a teardrop.

Like the Tearsmith’s.

‘Now do you want to know why I asked you to come here?’

I turned around, still shaken by that gift, whose deep meaning belonged only to us. Rigel slowly pulled me towards him, but I knew he was just ushering me towards the door he had emerged from.

I didn’t understand until my eyes followed his, which were planted on the intercoms. On the third row, a new nameplate read ‘Wilde’.

I looked up, stunned, speechless.

‘It’s my apartment.’

‘Your…’

Rigel looked at me with his deep, black eyes.

‘I’ve been saving up since the start of university. The private tutoring meant I’d be able to pay rent, once I’d found a place. And I found one.’

My heart was thumping so loudly I was staggered. He murmured, ‘You remember that girl who was struggling with that last exam for a year? She graduated, because of me. And to thank me for being such a great teacher,’ he smirked, ‘she offered me a nice apartment in town at an exceptional price. I wanted it to be a surprise.’

I stared at him, wide-eyed, my heart quivering. He tucked my hair behind my ear, tilting his attractive face.

‘I’m not asking you anything,’ he whispered, looking me in the eyes. ‘I know your home is where you are now. I know you’re finally enjoying everything you have. But if you want to come over every now and then…and stay over…with me…’

I couldn’t take it any longer. My chest exploded, radiating a heat that cancelled out even the light of the sun. I threw my arms around his neck, clutching him to me with all the strength I had.

‘It’s amazing!’ I shouted, making him stagger. I clung to his body and he held me. ‘Oh, Rigel! I can’t believe it!’

I laughed, burying my face into his neck, excited that he no longer had to stay in the institute, that he had a place to call home, his home, excited about his freedom. Excited that he was so unique and surprising, that we no longer had to be so far apart from each other. I couldn’t wait to spend whole days and endless nights with him. To wake up next to his face in the morning, to spend the weekends together, drinking coffee in bed on Sunday mornings.

It was the most wondrous birthday present I could have ever wished for.

I took his face in my hands and kissed him, insanely happy, giggling against his lips as he moaned passionately.

Rigel was holding me so tightly I could feel his heart. I heard it beating just like mine, in exactly the same jarring, mad way.

We were still broken, and that wouldn’t change.

We were destroyed, and we would be forever.

But in that fairy tale that bound our souls together, there was something raw and indestructible.

Powerful and everlasting.

Us.

And, about to turn our last page, I realised that eternity does exist, for those who love beyond measure, even just for an instant.

Because no ending is ever an ending.

Every ending is just…

A new beginning.