The Unwanted Luna
Chapter 34

Amelia

I've been avoiding Xavier since the incident in his room. Until now I can't understand why the hell I let it get too far to the point that Tristan walked in on us and assumed that we were giving him a baby sister.

I had asked him how he knew of such things and he told me that he had caught one of the warriors with his mate in the same position and when he questioned them about what they were doing they had answered that they were making a baby.

No matter what I tried to tell him he had held on to the idea that he would soon be getting a sibling. I loved his excitement and the love he already had for this made up sibling but it did break my heart that this was the one thing I couldn't give to him. If I was capable of having any more children, I would be pregnant by now since Nolan and I never use any form of protection.

I honestly don't understand my reaction to him and I hate it that I don't, but then again maybe it is the bond effect, that was the only logical explanation.

"It's not the bond silly, that's just your horny self" Onyx said lazily, waking up from her slumber.

"I am not horny! especially not because of him" I shouted at her. That she would suggest that I am horny for Xavier is downright insulting.

"Sure" she made a clicking sound with her tongue and I could literally feel her rolling her eyes at me.

"Look you don't want to admit it but the truth is staring right at you, you want sex and the bond is pushing you to satisfy your desire with Xavier, and that is what you're afraid of. That you'll fall back to how you were back then. I for one don't care, as long as I am getting some because like it or not we need to get laid" she finished.

Traitorous bitch! I thought to myself.

The fact that she doesn't care if we sleep with Xavier pisses me off but then again she is an animal driven by animal instincts so I guess to her it doesn't matter who we sleep with.

I needed to figure out a way to prevent that from happening. It would be so hypocritical of me to say that I hated Xavier only for me to fall in lust with him.

I should have gone in search of Nolan the minute I was well enough but for some reason my entire being wasn't in agreement with that decision.

My mind told me to just do it. I love Nolan and it isn't a hardship sleeping with him.

But the other part, the part that I had buried years ago thought of it as wrong to be sleeping with Nolan especially now that the bond had resurfaced.

It remembered the pain I had gone through both physically and emotionally and as much as I have become a cold bitch, it didn't want to put Xavier through that even though he put me through it.

"Then you better get used to walking around with a blue vagina" Onyx snickered.

"What the hell is a blue vagina?"

I swear some of the shit that Onyx says doesn't make sense half of the time. She is the quiet type but when she decides to open her mouth, she will leave you scratching your head, trying to figure out what she meant. "It's similar to blue balls, but for a vagina instead" she explained to me gently as if I was a small child.

This conversation just got weird so instead of answering her I pushed her to the back of my mind choosing to work on the papers that were laying scattered on my bed.

I hadn't been to my kingdom in a while so my second in command, Ryker, had brought to me some work that had needed my attention.

Ryker had been the one to train me and show me how to run things. He was my top warrior and very competent at what he does.

When I was away I never worried about anything because with him in charge everything would run smoothly.

He was also the only hybrid in my realm and a powerful one at that. He was older than me but not by much, he was tall, around six foot two with wavy brown hair and honey colored eyes.

I chose him as my second in command because he was capable and also because I trusted him.

A knock sounded on my door making me look up and sniff the air. I let out a groan because by the scent I knew it was Bianca.

We haven't talked since that day in the hallway mainly because I tried as much as I could to avoid her.

"I know you're in there Lia, I need to talk to you" she said, her voice small and tortured.

I honestly didn't want to talk to her, I am still bitter with her and I just can't seem to let it go no matter what.

"Let her in Lia" Onyx said, popping back into my consciousness.

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Because you promised your parents you would replace a way to forgive her, or have you forgotten?" She asked just as Bianca whispered,

"Please Amelia"

Onyx brought out the big guns this time. I wanted to hold on to my hatred for Bianca but at the same time I had made a promise to our parents and I always kept my promises.

I know I couldn't get over her betrayal in a day or even in months but at the same time I didn't know if I could even get over it in the first place.

"Just listen to what she has to say, like really really listen then decide from there" Onyx told me exasperated.

I knew she wanted me to heal but it's hard to do that when you have held on to so much of that bitterness for so long that it has become a part of you.

Onyx kept on insisting and finally with a sigh I flick my wrist and opened the door for her to come in.

"What do you want Bianca? As you can tell, I am busy" looking at her now, she looked like a mess, eyes were swollen and puffy.

"I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I have no excuse for my behavior and I have regretted it ever since. What I did was terrible and gods do I deserve your hatred but please just forgive me, let me make it up to you and be the sister I never was for the past seventeen years" she said her voice trembling and on the verge of crying.

I heave a sigh because I was tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.

They keep saying they're sorry but that won't heal the heart they carelessly crushed with their words and actions towards me.

"I honestly don't know what you want from me, if I am being honest I don't think I can forgive you because among everyone else you were the one who was supposed to stick by my side, you were my sister, my blood, my number one best friend...you were supposed to believe me, trust that I would never kill our parents" I said then continued...

"Instead you believed what everyone else told you then turned your back on me, not caring whether I was alive or dead while I spent those ten years still worrying about you, whether you were okay, whether you were safe or if you got enough love, whether you had someone to guide you, to protect you...all that worrying and where did it get me? Nowhere! You came back and you continued to show me how selfish and uncaring you were when you took my mate from me and constantly rubbed it in my face, telling me that it was my punishment and that I didn't deserve to be loved let alone be a mother" I finished, my anger and bitterness rising with each word.

"Please stop" she asked brokenly but I was past the point of caring.

"Why? The truth hurts doesn't it?" I growled getting in her face.

This is the reason why I don't think I will ever forgive her, not only her but also Xavier. Every time I think of what she did, what he did...I get thrown back to seven years ago when they trampled on my heart and left it bleeding in their wake.

I get thrown back to the pain and heartache and making me hate them more. I take one step forward and ten backwards. I just can't forget, so how the fuck I am supposed to forgive?

"I'm sorry, really sorry, more than you will ever know...If I could go back in time I would and I would change everything" she continued crying then she kneels down next to my bed and grabs my hand.

"But that's the thing, you can't go back...you know what the sad part is? That if the situation had been reversed I would have stayed by your side no matter what everyone tried to make me believe. I would have protected you in any way I could and I would have defended you with my dying breath. That's the difference between you and me" "You're breaking my heart, with every word out of your mouth" she whimpered, clutching her chest.

"You broke mine first" I told her before continuing, "No one destroyed me like you did Bianca, not even Xavier" I finished before shaking off her hand.

I stood up and walked towards my door leaving her still kneeling next to my bed silently crying. Just when I am about to walk down the hallway, Xavier's mom steps in front of me blocking my path. She had unshed tears in her eyes and looked at me in a way that unsettled me. I had been so used to her looking at me with uncontrolled disgust so having her look at me softly unsettled me.

I preferred her looking at me like I am scum because that was what I was used to. I don't like being thrown off balance and that is exactly what she was doing.

She goes to touch my face but I involuntarily flinch and step back. I was so used to being hit when either of the pack members raised their hand at me in the past that my body just reacted automatically. I guess old habits do die hard. She withdraws her hand holding it close to her chest.

I can't even imagine what she is thinking but maybe she is remembering all the times she hit me and was mean to me, but that doesn't matter anymore.

I needed to leave because things were getting weird and I didn't like it at all. First with Bianca and now with Emma.

I move around her planning to leave when for the second time today I am stopped dead in my tracks.

I feel a crackling of power in the air which causes me to temporarily freeze. Every deity has their own special kind of energy. An aura that is unique to only them.

After our last face off I wasn't eager to face him anytime soon but now he is in the pack house and all I am wondering is what the hell he was doing here.

Was this one of his plots to throw me off balance? or was he here for an entirely different reason.