Thorned Shadow [+18]
Chapter 14

Cerelia pulled the night dress off from her body before taking a deep breath and standing in front of the mirror. A beautiful and silver haired female with grey eyes, pink tinted lips stared at her. Her body, from below her breasts, was scarred. Cerelia placed her left hand on her stomach slowly, her finger tracing the scars.

She had left everyone behind and had come to her room to see out the window. The witches and the fae danced together as music played louder, enough for her to hear it. She watched as people laughed, genuine joy in their faces as they ate the meals the castle cooks had quickly cooked. She watched them drink in large mugs, before dancing out of the castle gates.

It was three in the morning now and it was the first time she had stared at herself in the mirror. A smile widened on her lips as she thought of how accepting the people had been, how they gasped at every part that should have made her cry and she felt proud of her body that didn’t let any traitorous tears escape.

She had been strong and brave.

Someone knocked on the door she was no longer afraid to close. Erix’s scent travelled under the door. “One second!” She called out, quickly reaching for the cotton dress. She pulled it down through her head, pushed her arms through the sleeve before telling him to come inside.

Erix walked inside just as she pulled her long hair out from under the dress. She faced the mirror, glancing at herself once to see her cheeks were flushed with colour, just as he closed the door with a soft click.

“I am sorry.” Erix gasped out.

Cerelia turned to look at him. Her lips parted, her eyes widening as he knelt down on the ground, his hands joined together in front of him, held up at her and his head tilted down. “I am sorry for yesterday.” He was crying. “I shouldn’t have touched you.” He didn’t look up at her.

A small smile appeared on her face, seeing the male she had seen so many times lately. He was not the rough and strong male he liked to pretend to be with Katara. It was the male who had crawled in the mud to play with the children, the male who had a heart.

“I fucked up.”

Cerelia walked towards him slowly and knelt in front of him. Her hands wrapped around his joined ones and he leaned down, pressing his head against their hands, crying like his heart was in pain. “Erix.” She said softly. “Look at me.”

“I don’t deserve to.” The broken words escaped his lips.

“I don’t blame you.” She said truthfully as his body shook. “I understand why you did what you did yesterday, it’s why I don’t blame you.” It had taken her a whole day yesterday to figure it out, to understand why he had reacted that way.

She placed her hands gently on his sharp jaw, and lifted his head up slowly. Tears streamed his face and his eyes were closed, as if he was punishing himself to not look at her. I don’t deserve to.

“Open your eyes, Erix.” She wiped the tears away with her thumb. “I’m not blaming you for anything.”

“I could have hurt you.” He didn’t open his eyes.

“I don’t think any part of you would ever hurt me.” She said truthfully.

Erix opened his eyes slowly and his golden eyes stared at her, not glowing as if he didn’t have any happiness inside of him to glow. She wiped under his eyes, knowing he was counting every breath she took. “I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“At the way you are speaking, you will say you don’t deserve anything from me.” She giggled watching the glow flickering in his eyes. She lowered her hands slowly. “Are you happy today?”

She was more than happy. She felt free with her mind and body.

He nodded his head slowly as if that was all he could do. Continuing to kneel, she asked. “Why are you awake?”

“I needed to apologise.”

“At three in the morning?” She lifted her eyebrow.

He didn’t laugh. “I tried to give you space but I couldn’t do it. I needed to see you.”

“Is Katara sleeping?” Cerelia questioned.

He blinked. “Katara is not my mate.”

“I know.” Cerelia answered him.

He raised an eyebrow. “How?”

“If you were mates, I definitely know she wouldn’t be happy to allow you to marry me.”

He chuckled, the glow appearing in his eyes. She smiled, sitting down on the floor and stretching her legs out in front of her. The scars on her legs peeked out of the dress but today she didn’t care. Tomorrow she could worry about it but not right now.

“I thought she was my mate though.”

“Are you disappointed she’s not?”

His gaze lingered on her face, making her cheeks burn. “No.” He rubbed his face. “You asked me that night if you would replace love like Katara and I had-” He turned his face and looked at her. “Katara and I don’t love each other.”

“You don’t?” She asked, not believing him. They were always so close, always touching enough that indicated a lot of things.

“There was not enough there for love.”

She looked away from him, staring down at her hands as she placed them on her lap. “I hope you replace the love you are looking for, Erix.”

“I am truly sorry for what I did yesterday. I lost control of myself which is no excuse but I couldn’t stop it.” His voice was equally quiet as hers. “I was looking for you that night and the maids told me you sneaked out which I didn’t believe because you- you wouldn’t do that.”

Cerelia smiled to herself as she raised her head, looking at him as he continued to speak, trying to explain his feelings. “When I saw you, I couldn’t believe you were alive. I needed to touch you, to feel you, to smell your scent to know you were breathing and instead I just fucked up.”

Cerelia pushed herself up onto her feet, standing. She held her hand out to him. “I want to dance.” She blurted out. He looked up at her with wary eyes. “I won’t stand on your toes, I promise but I really wish to dance right now.”

His large hand circled around hers and he stood up, towering over her body. “There’s no music.” He said, watching every inch of her face.

Cerelia walked towards the window, and pushed it open a little, the sound of violins playing in tune with the harp floated through the window and into the room.

Erix chuckled. “Come here.” He reached out for her hand, allowing her to make the first touch.

“It’s not the same from the throne room so I don’t-”

“Do you trust me?” He held his hand out.

She did trust him because he made her feel safe. Cerelia placed her small hand into his and moved towards him. She was about to place her hand on his shoulder, but he wrapped his hand around her wrist slowly and lifted her hand to his beating heart. “Right here.” He murmured.

She felt his hand snake around her waist, low enough that she felt the tingling in her skin again. She dared a step closer, tilting her head up to look at him. “Nyota did not teach me this.”

“Usually the female lays her head on the males chest. The dance is very intimate, but perfect for the so-” his words trailed off as she turned her head slowly, laying her face against his chest. She moved closer, feeling his warmth and scent embracing her like it always did.

His body was not stiff and neither was hers as they swayed side to the side, the soft beautiful music floating around them. “I’m really happy today.” She spoke softly, hearing his heartbeat rapidly.

“Yeah?” His voice was painful.

She didn’t lift her head even as he let go of her other hand and wrapped it around her body. “Are you hugging me, Erix?” She giggled, lifting her head up and looking at him. “I’ve never been hugged before.”

Without another thought, he grabbed her hands, wrapped them around his body and he bent down, his own hands tightening around her. She felt his face on her shoulder, above the dress and could have sworn he inhaled. Her hands were gentle on his big back but he didn’t care.

“I am proud of you.“He spoke softly, his breath warming her neck. “What you said today, what you did for the sake of this kingdom, I don’t deserve you as my queen.” He didn’t let her go.

Cerelia laid her head against his shoulder, her hands tightening around him as much as she could. His body was so big, wrapping around her as if he would protect her from every horror she would ever face. Her body sighed softly, melting into his touch as her eyes fluttered close. “This- it feels..”

"Perfect.”

She had never hugged anyone and now she had her hands around Erix, around a male because she chose to hug him. Erix pulled back, slightly even as her hands tightened around them, not wanting to let go. “I’m just going to close the window. Your room will be too cold.” He motioned behind her.

She let go of him immediately, feeling her cheeks heating with embarrassment as he walked towards the window. She dragged her hands down her face letting out a groan inwardly as her body came to life, as her heart burned with desire she had only ever felt once but she pushed it away.

Cerelia felt a pair of hands snake around her from behind, pulling her flush against a hard chest. She let out a giggle, as Erix chuckled. She hadn’t flinched and neither had she jumped because his scent was more powerful when he was closer. “People can hug like this as well.” He murmured, pressing his forehead against her shoulder. She felt a shiver run up her back.

“Are you going to spend the night teaching me the different kinds of way people hug?” She asked softly, hoping he would say yes. She didn’t want him to leave.

“No.” He said, his voice deflated but he didn’t let her go, even as she leaned back into his touch, her hands alive and wrapped around her waist. “Emrys wants me in the office, something about designing a crown for the wedding that you want in years.”

He hadn’t forgotten when she had blurted out years.

Cerelia pulled away, turning to see as he stretched his hands, reaching for her again. She took another step back. “Emrys is waiting.” She raised an eyebrow, walking towards the door and opening it widely for him. “You shouldn’t be keeping him up so late.”

Erix cursed under his breath as he walked towards the door, his shoulders slumped as he dragged his body. “Will you come to breakfast tomorrow?” He waited beside the door.

She nodded her head. “See you tomorrow, Erix.” She pushed him out the room, laughing before closing the door. Cerelia grinned to herself.