Three Immortals Walk Into A Bar...
Answers

Gregor

“I don’t know,” I tell him, then saying it out loud so he can hear, I ask, “Wolk? Where were we?”

Wolk grins, back in his usual wolf form, and says, “You had concluded an experiment in which Clyde touched you with a ribbon of darkness, which caused your aura to violently dispel his shadows. Then you moved on to a question and answer session.”

I laughingly repeat that to Clyde. He huffs with amusement, and says, “Fair enough. Does he remember what questions we had asked? I admit that considering everything that happened after, I’m not sure that I kept track”

“You had covered the following topics regarding your nature as a Seer: you rarely eat or sleep, you heal rapidly, your aura drives away darkness, and you have an unusually high sex drive.”

It makes me laugh all over again, and of course by the time I am finished repeating this Clyde is howling with laughter. “I feel like I wanted a lot more details about your unusually high sex drive, but after what I saw with Levant, I’m not sure I can take much more!”

I grin. “What you saw?”

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “When I got into the vault, he was still dreaming. Naked. On top of the covers. And clearly, er, enjoying his dream.”

“Ha!” I laugh. “I’ll bet that was a sight!”

“That reminds me,” he says with a casual air, “do you have any bleach on you? I still need to cleanse my eyeballs after that image.”

I make a show of patting my pockets. “Sorry, I must have packed my jug of bleach in my checked baggage.”

“Well, at least I was able to get him to put some pants on before I let everybody in. Otherwise those kids would have been scarred for life.” We both dissolve in hilarity again.

I am still hooting with laughter when he says, “What else had we discussed?”

I look over at Wolk, who says, “You had explained quite a bit about the nature of Guardians, and the fact that Clyde and Levant have none. You speculated about the fate of Clyde and his soul. This discussion comprised the bulk of your conversation before the tornado warning.”

I lean back in my seat, and tell Clyde, “We talked a lot about Guardians, and souls.”

The smile leaves his face. “Oh, yeah, that.” He sighs. “Anything else?”

“Clyde explained his age, that he controls shadows and drinks blood, that sunlight only hurts him in his physical form, and he was discussing the nature of werewolves when your conversation came to an end.”

I repeat this to him, and add, “I believe that mathematically you had the advantage in this conversation. I gave more information than I got. Unfair. I demand at least two more answers.”

He bursts to his feet melodramatically. “I say, sir, not at all! You received just as much information from me as I did from you! In fact, more, because over the course of the evening you observed practical demonstrations of vampire and werewolf strength and endurance! I’d say you had the advantage!”

I grin, happy to dive in. “Ah, but you saw demonstrations as well. You noticed that I don’t need light to see, and watched me heal your men.”

He huffs and plunks back down in his seat. “I’ll admit that we’re even, nothing more!”

I laugh and hold up my hands. He regards them with a dire expression, which makes me yank them back to myself, laughing.

“Fine, fine!” I say, “Shall we start fresh?”

He leans forward eagerly in his seat. “Great! Me first.” He taps his finger on his chin, making a show of thinking deeply, then says, “Where are you from, originally? You said you live in California, but you didn’t get that accent there.”

Goodness. That’s going back a ways. “I was born in Polotsk, a town in Belarus.”

“Is that so?” he says. “Huh. Never heard of it.”

“Not many people outside of the area have.”

“Is your family still there?” he tries to sneak in another question.

“Cheating vampire!” I laugh. “You had your question. My turn.” I think for a moment. “Where did you go today, off to sleep in a coffin or something?”

He smiles. “Or something. I just went home. I don’t sleep in a coffin, not any more. I just have a nice dark room underground where the sunlight cannot reach.” He gets a little smirk on his face. “I spent the day trying to convince my wife that you are real. She didn’t really believe the crazy story I was telling her. I have to thank you for your text message - I think without it she might have thought I was hallucinating.”

Ah-ha! I am so pleased to hear that Clyde is happily married. I wonder what woman could possibly want to marry a vampire. Their story must be utterly fascinating. However, I don’t think that I know Clyde well enough to ask such a personal question. I know Wolk would tell me anything I wanted, but I’ll try not to pry too deeply.

“How about some more evidence,” I suggest. Why don’t we take a selfie to send to her?”

He laughs unexpectedly. “You think selfies are funny?” I ask.

He grins somewhat diabolically. “Oh, sure, go ahead!” he invites me. “Just don’t get too close to me. I’ll stand back here behind you while you take a selfie.”

He’s up to something, I can tell, some trick or other. “Don’t tell me what it is, Wolk, let this unfold however he wants,” I think to my Guardian.

So we both stand, he positions himself behind me, I open the camera app on my phone and hold it up in front of my face. I click a couple of pictures, then lower my phone so I can check them. The image is only of myself.

I look up at Clyde. “Very funny. Are you camera shy? What, did you duck behind me as I snapped the photo? Or evaporate into mist maybe?”

He laughs. “Go ahead, just take a picture of me,” he invites, and stands posing with a huge goofy smile on his handsome face.

“Oooookay,” I say, hold up my phone and take a picture of him. I look down at the screen. It is a picture of the empty gate, not a single seat occupied, no person anywhere in sight.

“Um,” I say, then look back up at him.

“Ha!” he says, “that counts as a question!”

I look back down at the phone again. “You are invisible in photos?” I ask.

“Yep. No reflection, no images. Mirrors and cameras cannot capture me. Security footage is ignorant of my existence - if anyone checks the feed from the terminal here they’d see you talking to yourself like a crazy person.”

“Huh.” This is certainly interesting.

“And now,” he grins, “I get two questions in a row since you had two!”

Well, that’s fair, although I have a lot of follow-ups I’d like to ask. Then I have an idea, and look out the window, where the sky outside has become dark while we converse, and see myself reflected there, staring out towards the tarmac. And no Clyde. I look over at him, then back at the window. No reflection. I guess that’s another vampire trope that must be based in reality.

“All right, ask away,” I tell him, sitting back down.

“How did you end up in California from Belarus?” he asks.

It’s my turn to laugh.

“What?” he says. “How is that a funny question?”

I check the time on my phone. “My flight boards in about five hours,” I say, “and that is definitely not enough time to even scratch the surface of that story. Your question is far too broad. Can you narrow it?”

“Picky,” he accuses me. “Okay, fine. How about you just answer my prior question about whether your family is still there?”

“No,” I say, then decide to be generous and add information without requiring him to burn through more of his questions. “I was born to a servant, who died in the process. I was told that my father was a local nobleman, but he never acknowledged me. So I never knew my parents or anyone in my family.”

His blue eyes seem very serious when he says, “I’m sorry. My family was gone long ago, and they may not have been perfect, but at least I knew them, and had the chance to love them.”

I shrug. “I never knew the lack. And besides, I have a family now. Like you, I am happy.”

He nods in a satisfied way. “I am glad to hear it. And yes, I am happy too. Very much. My wife insists that you come to visit us at our home next time you come through Atlanta,” he says. “And perhaps I could come out to visit you in California, meet your family as well.”

I have to laugh a little. “That could be complicated,” I say.

“Oh? How so?”

“I’m not sure you’d really like my family,” I say wryly.

Before he can ask any more questions, though, Wolk says, “Your friend Levant has made his way back to the airport, and is talking to an agent to re-book a flight to his destination.”

I grin over at Clyde. “Guess who just showed up?” I ask.

He hoots. “No! Really? We should totally go and say hello to our dearest growling friend!”

I wave my hands. “No, no, please. Let’s show poor Levant a little mercy and not inflict our company on him. I think he’s had all he can take from us. I intend to just hide here at this deserted end of the terminal until it is time for my flight to board, so that there is no chance of running into him.”

Clyde rolls his blue eyes. “You are far too merciful.”

I smile and shrug. As entertaining as it had been, most of what occurred was due to circumstances beyond any of our control. I certainly have no desire to deliberately torment the poor man.