Titans
[44] ATARA

1.

If you stare at the darkness for long enough,

you’ll realise it stares back.

2.

From there, it’s simple –

it’s letting go, letting in,

letting your guard fall down,

feeling the surge of the universe

like water in your lungs

and allowing yourself to drown.

3.

You are still you. Don’t panic.

4.

When you start to panic,

you should dive

deeper into your mind.

Down here, you will feel the universe

and the universe will feel you

and the darkness will grow,

and the truth will show.

5.

At this point, you will know

the barriers – you will recognise them:

an alarm system, rigged to blow.

6.

The truth is not a simple thing.

7.

The truth is trapped behind walls.

You must break them.

8.

You must draw on power,

you must fill yourself up.

Consume the light,

steal the electricity –

your new world is dark

but you are thrumming

with energy.

9.

When you break the first wall, it will hurt.

10.

You are hacking with your being,

and you are hacking at your mind.

It is yourself against yourself

with the universe as your knife.

11.

Subsequent walls will be worse –

your mind will hurt first,

than your hands, your feet, your limbs.

Your body will burn and your heart will ache,

and everything in you will quake.

12.

That’s when you’ll realise it,

like a smack to the face:

This was your doing, all along –

You did this to your friends.

And now you’ll have to do it again.

13.

Don’t hesitate.

14.

Cal first – you break into his head.

You know at once his mind,

You feel at once his dread.

You feel his pain. You see him fall.

You push on, push through,

you break down every wall.

15.

With Lilith you replace resistance,

you replace anger and strength of will.

Without her knowing, she fights you,

but still, you plough on through.

16.

Merc.

You know this one will be the worst

before you even begin.

You want to tell him, Sorry,

You want to say, It’s okay.

But you push on through the barriers.

You lay them all to waste.

17.

Pull back, pull in,

mount all the energy within.

You strike a final time.

The alarm sounds, then dies.

Bricks crumple, mortar rains.

The memories surge

like hot water in your veins.

18.

If you stare at your being long enough,

you will recognise how you got this far.

19.

If you open all the doors to the truth,

you will remember who you are.