Sammie

It felt as though my body was tumbling down an endless black chasm, almost like when you bungee jump off a frighteningly high building at night.

Not that I have, but you get the picture.

My eyes felt like they were open as I scanned the blackness sailing past me during my free fall, except somehow, I was still aware that I was unconscious. When my body finally ceased the bungee simulation ride, sounds and colors began to trickle through, awakening my senses. I blinked several times to adjust to the bright strobe lights pulsating all around me until I had the sudden awareness that, by some means, I was now standing in the nightclub where Devon and I first met.

Club Fang.

Surveying the club’s atmosphere, I noticed that the music struck me as a little dated. I wondered if maybe this was flashback music-theme night, but as my eyes caught the black and white satin banner draped over the entryway, I knew I was incorrect with my assumption.

The banner was donned with a dancing Grim Reaper holding a silver sickle with the numbers 2016 printed on its blade. The reaper was dancing on a dirt mound. Atop the mound was a gravestone dated 2015.

Holy Back to the Future, Batman!

I wasn’t just at the club where Devon and I met; I was literally here on the actual night that we met over three years ago!

Let’s take a moment to soak all this in, shall we?

**********************************************************

“Hey – Beeotch, you in there?”

I heard the voice of my BFF, Jay, as I felt someone elbow me on my rib trying to get my attention. I was still trying to shake off the unsettling nausea from my sudden epiphany when I automatically reciprocated the jab with a punch to the arm without even so much as a glance over at my unsuspecting target.

Oops!

“Ow Slut! You know how fragile I am. No damaging the merchandise!” Jay scolded as he slapped my hand with a quick flick of his wrist and scowled while he massaged his left arm as if he had been severely beaten by yours truly. I almost choked when my mind, still reeling, was stricken by yet another blow; I now stood next to a ghost from my past.

Jay was really right here next to me at this moment and time.

Breathe, Sammie Breathe.

Cautiously, I turned to face Jay; tiny pools of tears began to quickly form in the corners of my eyes. I tried to hold them back behind my now glistening lashes, but I was so overwhelmed by Jay’s presence that it was quite a struggle.

Seeing Jay, whom I so fondly cherished, in front of me in all his splendor literally knocked the wind out of me.

I gazed at his svelte lean, and slightly tanned body, his gorgeous amber-colored eyes that had tiny flecks of gold, and his signature pastel pink hair that he kept short and closely tapered in the back. Just as always, his soft bangs swooped to the side and rested on his forehead right above his expertly trimmed and shaped eyebrows.

Jay was exactly as I had remembered him.

“Eyebrows maketh the man,” Jay would always preach, which is why his trimmed and styled brows were always flawless.

So true, my friends, so true.

I loved Jay. He was everything that represented extraordinary and then some. My eyes began to tear up even more as I recalled how much I missed having him in my life. He was my partner in crime, the love of my life, OK correction; he was the love of my life in a platonic way just as I was his.

We had even made a blood oath in high school, solidifying our commitment to each other. In a nutshell, if neither of us ever settled down by the time we were 35, we would marry each other and have the best non-sexual, open relationship marriage EVER!

Hell, when Dasha came into the picture during our sophomore year of college, we even indoctrinated her into our promise of marital bliss. Of course, we’d need to move to Utah, where polygamy was still legal, but we’d cross that bridge when and if it ever came. The pledge behind our oath was simply meant to express that we’d always be there for each other unconditionally no matter what.

Unfortunately, our promise was something that would never come to pass. I had lost Jay not too long after I met Devon.

A month later, to be more precise.

Jay had passed away in his sleep, peacefully, I always hoped, due to a brain aneurysm that neither Dasha nor I saw coming. If Jay was aware of his affliction, not once had he ever given any indication that something was wrong with his health. Jay’s demeanor never slipped past the joyful façade he had always graced us with.

So, of course, when I saw Jay again, my heart literally melted into a giant puddle of goo.

“Jay!” I cried in a raspy voice, barely above a whisper that I hardly even recognized as my own.

I immediately wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. Taking in his familiar scent of citrus and musk, choking back my tears, I quietly muttered into his taut chest.

“I … missed you.”

Not that Jay would understand why I was acting so intense with my emotions, but I didn’t care. I held on to Jay for a long time. It was as if some part of me believed that if I held on tight enough, he couldn’t be taken from me again.

“Please don’t leave me again, Jay … it was so hard the first time,” I whispered into his chest, trying to keep myself from tearing up even further.

I know it makes no sense, but the scale of my emotional balance had been unmistakably tipped every which way.

After a minute or two, Jay let out a deep sigh and gently removed my arms from around his neck while gently placing my trembling hands in his own.

“I’m so sorry, Sammie. I never meant to abandon you. I love you so much; please believe me. I will always keep you safe from harm. I’ve always been watching over you. No matter what happens, you will always have me by your side. Even if you can’t see me ... I’m there.”

His words didn’t sound like Jay from this timeline, but rather words that were originating from some distant place that only he understood.

He stared at me, looking troubled but then gave a slight smile that never quite reached his eyes.

Somehow, I just knew that he was aware of what had upset me.

He released my hands and ever so lovingly, with his thumb, wiped away the one tear that had managed to escape the confines of my lashes and placed a soft, gentle kiss on my forehead. After which, he placed both of his arms on my shoulders, reintroducing space between us.

Then as if some sort of switch had been flipped, Jay’s entire demeanor reverted back to the carefree entity that he was just before my emotional breakdown. I looked at him, examining his face for any telltale signs, but there was nothing to the contrary. He seemed as if the events that conspired between us during the last few minutes had never even transpired.

Curious …

Our conversation’s focal point, or rather Jay’s, was his ogling of the men a few feet away from us.

His carefree words seamlessly jumped back to the point of our interaction as it had initially transpired three years prior.

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