Un2Dead (Book One of the Un2Series)
Chapter Nine

The days following the incident at the pet store wore on Joey, both physically and emotionally. With Reese’s help he had moved Wit to his apartment which had already been “day proofed.” The studio apartment was small by any standards and never really meant for more than one occupant. Wit was made to be as comfortable as possible in the corner of the apartment that was considered the bedroom. The futon had become Reese’s domain. Joey thought he would make the bathtub his but decided that the kitchen counter suited him better once he covered it with a sleeping bag. Besides, the counter provided him with a perfect vantage point from which to watch both Wit and Reese. In his over four hundred years of being a vampire he had played midwife to many a rough turning. An overzealous vampire could badly mangle his victim. Poor judgment occasionally resulted in the turning of a pregnant woman and her subsequent miscarriage since her body would no longer accept the necessary foods to support carrying a child. Wit was having a very hard time. Joey guessed it must have something to do with the combining of his bite with the viper bite.

Reese was handling the whole mess better than Joey had expected. She trusted Joey like he was family. Each night she and Joey held a session they referred to as “Vampire 101.” She had a million questions that Joey answered as best he could. There wasn’t an instruction manual for becoming a vampire. The teachings and customs were passed from the older members of the community to the newer ones. Reese was a bit disappointed to replace that a mystical tome of wisdom and rituals just didn’t exist.

“Was there really a Count Dracula? Did he have the cape and turn into a bat and all that other stuff?” Reese turned to a fresh page in her notebook and scooted forward.

“Yes and no. There was a vampire that called himself Dracula. He wasn’t a count. He started out as a magician that performed at children’s birthday parties. He called himself ‘Dracul the Magnificent’. He was pretty awful. The outfit was part of the act. He had quite a way about him. You could call him a ‘drama queen,’ if you get my drift.” Joey winked.

“So how did the legend get started?”

“Like I said, Dracul was a horrible magician. Being a laughing stock caused him to settle into a deep depression. He would roam the streets in costume peering over the top of his cloaked arm. He occasionally hissed at passersby. He found the people that inhabited the world after sunset were more accepting of his eccentricities. Eventually he only came out at night. He spent his days hidden away in a coffin at the back of his parents’ funeral home.”

“Is that where the sleeping in a coffin thing comes from? Come to think of it I have never seen you sleep in a coffin. Do you have one? ” Reese stopped her note-taking for a moment.

“Dracul was a nut job. If his parents owned a laundry it would be rumored that we sleep in hampers. That whole thing about us hating garlic is because of him as well. Dracul’s mother was Italian and added it to everything she cooked. He despised it and made a big deal over it whenever he smelled it. Eating it was a sure way to keep him from bothering you. I personally love the taste of the stuff.” Joey chirped.

“So how did he become this legendary vampire? He doesn’t seem like someone that would deserve such a place in vampire history.” Reese clicked additional lead forward in her mechanical pencil.

“Our community was growing at a rapid rate at that time. It was decided that something or someone was needed as a distraction. It was decided that Dracul could be that someone. His flamboyant nature and odd habits were a perfect means of diverting attention away from our way of life. Dracul was more than willing to be the center of attention. We gave him a chance at eternal life in return for his services. He also maintained rights to any books and eventually movies made about him. He became quite wealthy. Fame eventually got the better of him. He thought he looked too pale and tried using a sunlamp. It fried him to a crisp.”

Joey shook his head.

“These stories you tell are amazing. I can’t believe you wouldn’t want them recorded somehow.

Aren’t you afraid you are going to forget something?”

“Well, there really isn’t that much to know. Everything I needed to know was taught to me by the one who turned me. I will teach Wit what he needs to know. Wit will be expected to teach anyone he turns what they will need to know.”

“What do you mean by ‘Wit will be expected to teach anyone he turns’? Wit will be turning people?” The thought gave Reese goose bumps.

“I have turned only a handful of people in the four centuries since my own turning. We as a community try to be as thoughtful as possible when bringing someone new into the fold. Back when I was turned, the community was overrun with people of questionable moral standards. Street people selling themselves to fuel their habits were easy prey for the non-discriminating palate. They, in turn, cared even less about their victims. It took many years of hard work to rid our community of the ‘bad blood’, you could call it. We now consider ourselves a people of many races but of one mind and purpose.”

“How very Benetton of you.”

“We’re still kind of pissed about that. Imagine having your credo turned into an ad campaign. Anyway, I felt I had no option but to turn Wit. I had to keep him around, you know, for you and the baby.”

“So now you have to teach him how to eat people?”

“Yes. Well, no. We don’t ‘eat’ people. We feed on people. I will teach Wit how to feed himself without damaging his host or turning it unintentionally.”

“I thought everyone that got bitten turned into a vampire. You can pick and choose?”

“Yes. Otherwise we would eventually run out of hosts. While we are on the subject, we need to go back to the pet shop tomorrow and bring back a couple of bunnies.”

“What do we need bunnies for?”

“When Wit comes to he’s going to be hungry.”

“What?”

“We used to use chickens, but if you turn one by mistake they go straight for your eyes. You would never think a chicken could be so vicious. Bunnies are easier to control. They have those long ears to use as handles. Oh, we also need to pick up some disposable razors.”

“Do I even want to know why?”

“Two reasons. First, it will be easier and much more pleasant for Wit if he doesn’t get a mouthful of bunny fur while he is learning to feed.”

“Okay. A little gross, but I get it. What’s the second reason?”

“Have you seen your legs lately?”

Joey burst out laughing. Reese grabbed a pillow off of the futon and threw it at him. Joey twisted awkwardly to avoid the fluffy flying object causing him to fall from his countertop perch. He hit the kitchen floor with a thud.

“Are you okay?”

Reese scooted from the futon and knelt beside the still laughing Joey.

“Could you two keep it down over there? A guy needs his beauty sleep, ya know!”

Joey and Reese turned quickly to face the corner of the apartment that was considered the bedroom. Wit was sitting upright rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. He opened his eyes wide and blinked a few times while his eyes adjusted to the dim light.

“What happened? Where are we?” Wit questioned as he checked out his surroundings.

“Danny!” Reese squeaked as she vaulted across the room and onto the foot of the bed. She scrambled up Wit’s torso knocking him back into the pillows. “Thank God you’re okay!”

Joey crawled over and joined the couple on the bed.

“Man, you had us scared. I didn’t know if you were going to make it.”

“Make what? What wasn’t I going to make?” Wit seemed perplexed.

“Remember what happened at the pet shop? The viper bite? Anything?”

“Holy . . . the viper. That glowing zombie guy. Joey with the solid black eyeballs. Shit. I remember the snake going for Reese … grabbing at it. Are you okay? The baby?”

Wit pulled back from Reese far enough to see her face. He brushed back a strand of her hair to see her eyes.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry. Everybody is fine thanks to Joey.” Reese reached an arm around Joey and pulled him closer. ”Joey saved your life.”

“Well, not really.” Joey separated himself from the hug. “I actually kind of gave you a new one. A new one that’s going to take some getting used to.”

Joey paused, looked down at his hands and then back up at Reese. She nodded for him to continue.

“You see, after the viper bit you, I didn’t have any other option but to turn you.”

“So you’re telling me I’m gay. You turned me gay? I thought you had to be born gay.”

“No, I didn’t turn you gay. What would make you think . . . wait, you think I’m gay?”

“You’re not? I just assumed since I never saw you with any girls and you always talked with Reese about clothes and decorating and theater . . . .”

“Just because a man can discuss other things besides sports does not make him gay. Besides, how could I save your life by turning you gay? How would that even make sense?”

“I don’t know. If you didn’t turn me gay, what did you turn me?”

“You’re a vampire now.”

“Oh, that would have a much more logical conclusion for me to leap to. Duh! And what the hell do you mean ‘you’re a vampire now’?”

“I’m a vampire. I bit you in order to save you from the viper bite. Now you are a vampire.”

“But I still like girls, right?”

Wit started to snicker at Joey’s frustration.

Joey threw up his hands. “You are such an idiot! I wonder if I did Reese any favors by keeping you around.”

“Joe, I’m just screwin’ with you. So, I’m a vampire, huh?”

Wit looked at Reese and she half smiled back at him.

“Compared to what I saw happen at the shop I guess things could be worse. Reese, are you okay with this?”

“I’m a little scared. I would rather have you here than dead, so I will learn to live with it.” Reese put her arms around his neck and gave him a hug.

Wit looked over her shoulder at Joey and mouthed, “Thank you.”