Unspoken Pleasure (erotica)
The Cum Contest:2

Devon gasped, grabbed one of the giant diner menus, and promptly popped it up in front of herself. The other three women ignored her, nodding along like this was normal conversation. "Some women cum like that," I said. I got three glares in response. I was pretty sure I could feel Devon's eyes burning me through the menu, as well.

"They don't," Kelly said, firmly.

"Porn is not an accurate portrayal of the female orgasm," Abby said.

"Sorry dude," Megan said.

"Can we please not talk about this in public?" Devon said through her menu.

"Women don't make noises like that," Kelly said, "We don't scream out 'I'm cumming!' or 'fuck me!' or anything like that."

"Or do the whole yes-yes-yes-yes thing," Megan said, "That's just weird."

"Some women make noise when they cum," I said. Again, I don't know how I ended up arguing for the actuality of porn. It would have been easier to defend the existence of Bigfoot. But there I was. "Do you make noise during sex, TJ?" Kelly asked, sipping her coffee. As if this was the kind of thing people asked each other all the time.

"I mean, I might grunt or gasp some," I said.

"Exactly," Kelly said, "So why do you think it's different for women? Do you honestly believe your penis has magical sound-making powers?"

"If it did you would tell us right?" Megan asked. "Because that would be awesome."

"It is decidedly unlikely," Abby said.

"Can we please stop talking about, you know, this stuff?" Devon asked. Her hands gripped the menu so tightly, the lamination started to crack.

"I get it," I said, "Porn is fake. It's all pretend. But women make noise during sex. My ex would say all kinds of crazy stuff."

"She was faking it," Kelly said.

"Never," I said. I looked at the other women for help.

"I mean, she was probably faking it?" Megan said.

"It does seem to fit the evidence being presented," Abby said, "Nor would she be the first woman to falsify her pleasure in order to accomplish the cessation of carnal activities."

Even Devon lowered her menu to give me a knowing nod. Her tight, golden ringlets bounced along with her chin.

"Just wait till Shawn gets here," I said, "He'll take my side, you'll see."

"Much like your ex, my boyfriend isn't coming," Megan said with a wicked grin. "He got caught up in some weekend work thing."

Great, I was already used to being outnumbered at these breakfasts, but now I was completely on my own. And the girls were ganging up on me.

"Don't feel bad," Kelly said, "Most men wouldn't know a woman's orgasm if it slapped them in the dick. That's the whole problem with porn."

"Women make noise during sex," I repeated, but even I could hear the whine in my voice. It was my argument of last resort, so I clung tight. Even as I slipped right over the cliff. "I know when I've made a woman cum."

"It's OK, TJ," Kelly said, "This is exactly the point I've been trying to make all morning. I'm trying to help you."

"I can prove it," I said.

"How?" Kelly asked, "If it involves watching porn, it won't work."

"I mean, maybe it'll work," Megan said, "We should try it and replace out."

"I'd like to do a little test," I said, "To prove I'm right."

"Like an experiment?" Abby asked, unable to contain her excitement.

"We're not all fucking you," Kelly said flatly.

"Hi guys, sorry I'm..." Grace started, then stopped as Kelly's last statement sunk in. She stood over the table and crossed her arms. "What's going on?" The tall redhead had shown up wearing a professional looking green blouse and a dark skirt. Her diamond earrings twinkled incongruently in the yellowed light of the diner.

"TJ here was just making a fool of himself," Kelly said, "About women's orgasms."

"This is what I get for being late," Grace said, huffily, as she sat at the end of the table. "All of you get out of control." Grace was Kelly's best friend from grade school. Of everyone, they'd known each other the longest. But, ironically, she didn't really fit in with the rest of the group. Still, she was nice enough, and she usually bought breakfast for us, so we kept her around.

"TJ believes that women make noises during sex, as in the pornographic videos disseminated across the Internet," Abby said. "Oh honey, that's not true," Grace said, patting my hand patronizingly.

"He says he can prove it," Megan said.

Kelly snorted and shook her head. She clearly felt that she'd won the argument, which only pressed me harder to champion my side.

"I suggest a little contest," I said. I rubbed my hands together, not unlike a cartoon supervillain. See, I knew the secret to getting Kelly to agree to almost anything. And if Kelly tipped, the rest of the group would topple. It was all too easy. "You say women are quiet when they cum. I think you're wrong. So, let's make a little wager. Put our money where our mouths are, as it were."

Kelly's head popped up and I knew I had her. My roommate was a smart, strong woman who kept her cool most of the tim. But introduce even the slightest bit of competition and she turned into a crazy woman.

"What are you thinking?" Kelly asked

I couldn't keep the smirk off my face.