Ursanthropy
43. Quiet

A/n: I have written a few chapters already, but I need a bit more time to be able to update daily. 💛

Jack

Doreen’s body was completely reddened by burns, as I could see that through the glass on the side of the tank. I had tried to prevent her from stepping in, but she didn’t want me to stop her. My strong vixen was willingly getting burned all over her body, just for me!

She had been in the water for over five minutes now, shaking violently as she fought the urge to gasp for air. I sat anxiously on the ground, waiting for her to get through whatever she was supposed to get through to.

I didn’t understand a word about the things that Giselle had explained to me when she talked about different realms and seeking truth, or whatever else she said. But apparently Doreen had understood it, as she had nodded to every word, before she had made the decision to step into the tank.

All I understood, is that she had to voluntarily let her body burn all over and practically drown herself to get rid of the evil stuff! And as she is my mate and we have a bond that connects us to each other, I could almost feel all the pain that she is feeling now. And it angered me a lot, because even this little part that she was letting through to me, was already much worse than the surges of the electrical rod that I had felt in the barn!

But all I could do was wait, for her to finish this…

Giselle was walking around the tank, chanting words that I couldn’t understand even though they sounded English, but suddenly stopped when Doreen stopped shaking. I could see black fur sprouting out of her neck and back and she opened her blackened eyes, she was halfway her shift again and it started to worry me. Fuck! This wasn’t good, was it?

She growled under water and immediately every man that stood around the tank, as that was one of the demands from Maxwell as safety procedure to be allowed to proceed with this ‘thing’, were tensing up and some of them even shifted as they felt Doreen’s power soar through their minds.

Within a flash, she had jumped out of the tank, roaring wildly as her wet naked body was smoking from the burns on her skin. The water must have been boiling her alive, as blisters on her skin popped open and made her even crazier than she had been in the barn!

“Grab her!” Giselle suddenly yelled and because I was completely healed and had been training myself during that week that she didn’t want to talk to me, I was strong enough to fight her now. I hope.

I let myself shift and ran my way over to her, knocking her over, making her tumble to the ground. Leopards and tigers came running in as well, biting her legs and arms, forcing her to stay pinned down.

She roared in pain as I could see the skin on her arms being rolled up, as if it was a sleeve of her vest! Blood seeped all over us, as we continued to keep her steady. It angered me to see her hurt like this, but it was the only way to force her into submission. Giselle came closer, immediately putting the necklace on her chest again, urging her to calm down.

I growled towards Giselle, wanting to know if it had worked. She understood my meaning and shook her head. I already feared it myself, it hadn’t…

Her body was covered in gauze, drenched in iodine to clean the blisters and teared skin. She was only covered with a soft towel on her lower abdomen and breasts, as that was the least amount of decency they could give her. She had been put in a chemically induced coma, to prevent her from moving her muscles, as she was otherwise feeling the pain from a hundred percent body coverage of second degree burns.

Machines were beeping, saline dripped into one IV, another IV was filled with morphine and a third had been dripping with a bag of my blood.

If she got out of this alive, she was going to wear that necklace forever! I won’t let her get through this again!

“You know she is stubborn, right?” Bertha suddenly asked behind me and I nodded.

“I had made the decision to tell her about her roots and to let her call Giselle, and as I had feared she has taken the decision to sacrifice herself. And for what? It didn’t even work!” I shouted as I banged my fist on the edge of the bed.

“For what, you ask? Well how about the love she has for you? The love she has for the pack and the determination to get you back to the place where you belong?” Bertha rhetorically asked.

I grunted and let my head drop on my hands. I wanted to touch her so bad, to let her know that I was here, but if I would, her skin would tear. I never cried and wasn’t going to start now, but this moment, this feeling I have right now, was the most guttural feeling I have ever had to endure! But I can’t force pity onto me, it would have been selfish compared to what she has done for me already!

And I hate to admit it, but I think that when she is healed, she will jump into that burning tank again, without a doubt. And even though I admired her strength for it, I don’t know if I can see her go through all this pain once more! I’d rather stay a rogue and not take back my pack, than watch how she tortures herself like this!

I hadn’t eaten in days, hadn’t slept for over two days, hadn’t taken a shower… All I did was stay with her, watching her take slow breaths, slowly noticing that her skin was healing. The tube had been removed from her throat and she was breathing on her own, but she didn’t wake up. She had stirred in her sleep, a few times actually, but fell deeper in her sleep right after as her body was using up too much energy for healing.

The doctor had said that I could hold her hand now and that was what I did, all day.

“You should eat, brother.” Vic said, as numerous more days had passed where I hadn’t eaten.

Doreen had been given a probe that lead right into her stomach and now a machine was feeding her. But I couldn’t think about food, I sort of had the feeling that I had to torture myself, just as bad as she had suffered her pain. Her pain, should have been mine, not the other way around!

“I’ll eat when she wakes up.” I said and Vic turned around, wanting to leave the room.

“Then you better start eating now, because she will wake up in a matter of minutes.” Giselle stepped in and I growled at her. “I know you are angry with me, I don’t like this at all either. But it was her decision and I had made every possible outcome, perfectly clear.” She continued but I didn’t have the energy to argue with her.

Suddenly, Doreen’s fingers started to move and I sat up immediately. “You can do it, love! Come back to me!” I whispered, encouraging her.

“Giselle, has Jack eaten already?” Doreen croaked, still with her eyes closed and Giselle started to chuckle. “No, he is even more stubborn than you!” She chimed back to Doreen and left the room, together with Vic.

Doreen slowly opened her eyes and looked into my direction. “Shit, you look like hell!” She whispered and I laughed at her comment. “Thank you, you look rather dashing too.” I shot back and I could see her lip lift on one side.

“Water.” She asked and I took the bottle with the straw closer to her, for her to be able to drink.

Doreen

“I win!” Erol yelled when he threw a perfect royal flush on the bedside table.

“Hey! You should let the patient win!” I yelled back, putting the tube of the feeding probe aside on my shoulder.

I hated that thing, but my throat had still been sore from the boiling water I had inhaled, so I still couldn’t feed myself with solid food. Water and cold drinks had been alright, but bread and meat and other stuff had been scraping their way down, damaging more than doing good, so the doctor had decided to keep the probe in for a little while longer.

“Nope, you are almost fully healed, so get lost!” Erol laughed and shuffled the deck of cards again, for another round. He was right though, I have been almost fully healed and there is no scar to be found on my body. I don’t know if it is because Giselle has put a spell on me, or the blood from Jack, or that the shifter part of me was helping with that, but I’m happy that I don’t have a skin that looks like plastic now.

Jack came in too, he had been eating, sleeping and luckily showering as well, so he was to his full strength again. “Are you winning from him?” He asked me and I shook my head. “I thought so already, only my father could beat him with poker.” Jack continued.

“And that was only because I let him!” Erol chuckled and we all laughed.

We played a few more games, Jack played along as well, before Erol decided to get back to Bertha again. Jack had managed to roll in bed, next to me, and now we were spooning under the blankets.

Jack sighed, clearly wanting to talk, just as I did, but we didn’t know how to start.

“What colour is it?” I asked.

“What’s what colour?” He returned.

“The elephant in the room.” I answered and he sighed again. “You don’t want me to try the ritual again, do you?” I asked.

“No.”

“But you also know that you can’t keep me from doing it, right?”

“Yes, I suppose so. But explain to me why, give me one good reason to make me understand. And don’t come with some shit about wanting to get my pack back.”

I had been thinking about that answer for a pretty long time, because I knew that he would come with this question, eventually. And the pain that I felt when I got into that tank, together with the pain that I felt when I had woken up for the first time after it, wasn’t something that I wanted to feel again. And the fact that the ritual hadn’t gone in any way that Giselle had explained me, made me uncertain for a little while, but if there was something that I could have been certain about, it was about me never giving up.

So, I turned myself around, looked Jack straight in the face, put my hand on his cheek and felt the warmth heat up my skin. “You know that feeling when you walk down the stairs, that your feet know exactly how far to go forward, for your toes to reach just over the edge of the steps?” I asked him and he nodded agreeingly.

“And I bet that you know exactly how far you have to turn the knobs on the shower faucets for you to have the exact amount of heat, just the way you like it, right?” I asked him now and again he nodded.

“Alright, then let me ask you this. If you get angry, afraid that someone that you love could get hurt, what do you do to protect that person?” I asked and as I suspected he told me that he would shift into his bear.

“Exactly, and I would bet a million dollars for it, that you know exactly how it feels when each and every single bone contorts, breaks and shifts into that of your bear, right?” I asked.

“Yes, but what does that have anything to do with- “Shush!” I interrupted him.

“These feelings, of knowing exactly how something feels, is because you have done them thousands and thousands of times. It’s because you know every inch of your own body, it’s because you trust your own body.” I said and deeply sighed before I continued.

“I don’t trust my own body, I can’t trust my own body. It has been defeated by this curse I am wearing on the inside, making me uncontrollable in my movements. I can’t freely love you enough, because I have to wear this stupid necklace! I can’t freely act upon my own anger, because I have been wearing this necklace!” I stopped for a moment, to let this sink in to Jack.

“Even though I have never experienced it, I don’t have the free will to decide to shift into my bear. And ever since I knew I wasn’t human, I felt a little open space in my heart, unknowing to what it could have been to fill it up. But now that I know that my lineage could provide me with that feeling of being complete, this freaking necklace is preventing me from doing it!”

“So yes, at first I wanted to get into the tank, because I wanted to get your pack back, but now I know better. I need to do this for myself, to be able to complete myself, to be able to trust my own body again.” I finished and Jack was completely quiet.