Variation: A Novel
Variation: Chapter 10

User936221: This is satire, right? Your turnout is all wrong, and don’t get me started on your arms.

Anne wrapped the edges of her cardigan around herself defensively. “Nothing is going on with her. And I am helping. She refuses to rehab at the Company, so I’m here with her, making sure she doesn’t . . .”

“Fall further into depression?” I waged a full-on battle against my instincts to keep from trailing after Allie. “That’s what it is, right?”

“What’s Juniper’s favorite food?” She tucked a curl behind her ear and stared when I didn’t reply. “One for one, Ellis.”

I weighed my options, and Allie won. “Pizza. She’s ten.”

“Pizza.” She echoed my response with a sad smile. “You’re right about Allie. But she’s medicated and sees a therapist. It’s not uncommon for athletes when they’re injured and can’t do what they love. She’ll pull out of it once she’s back on the stage, just like she did before.”

Before. She’d gone through this after the accident too. My shoulders ached under the weight of well-deserved guilt. I should have been there for her then, but I was here now.

“What’s her favorite movie?” Anne asked.

Seemed safe enough. “Star Wars. Marathon if she’s sick. Episode five if there’s only time for one. Is Allie seeing anyone?” My eyes squeezed shut with immediate regret. “Never mind. Forget I asked that.” When I opened my eyes, Anne arched a brow.

“No,” she replied slowly. “She’s not. No one lasts longer than a casual fling and they’re always other dancers. She’ll say it’s because she’s focused on her career or gets bored easily. Personally, I think someone gave her some pretty unconquerable trust issues.”

That landed like a punch to the stomach. “Someone being me.”

“That would be my guess. What is Juniper afraid of?”

Too far. “Try again. You’re not getting the details of what she puts in her diary.” I headed for the door. Funny, I’d walked out of it more often today than I had in my entire life.

“That’s not fair,” Anne sputtered. “I told you about the depression.”

“Yeah.” I reached for the door handle. “And I’m way more protective of Juniper’s secrets than you are of Allie’s, apparently. Ask something else.” The door creaked as I opened it.

“What does she want to be when she grows up?”

I scoffed. “A fucking ballerina. She’s part Rousseau, isn’t she?” Every cell in my body abhorred leaving Allie to sleep off today’s events, but the longer I stayed, the more Anne was going to question me about Juniper.

“Not every Rousseau is a dancer,” Anne argued, catching the door as my shoes hit the porch. “What do you get out of doing this?”

I hesitated, reaching the steps. “Juniper’s happiness, Caroline’s eventual peace of mind, and a shot at earning Allie’s forgiveness.”

“How uncharacteristically selfless. You know I saw you, right?”

That had me turning to look at Anne over my shoulder.

“That morning before the Classic.” Her knuckles whitened on the door handle. “Tucked away with Lina in the back hallway. Whatever you were doing, it wasn’t something you wanted anyone else to see.”

A muscle in my jaw ticked. “Nothing went on between Lina and me.”

“And yet your family ended up with her daughter.” Anne’s shoulders straightened.

Looking up at the sky, I muttered a quick prayer for patience, then walked down the porch steps. “You know, Allie’s walls were about six feet high as a teenager, just short enough for me to peek over. I was never foolish enough to think she let me all the way in, not with the way you Rousseau girls keep secrets for each other.” Allie had only let me into the places she felt safe enough to share. I turned at the base of the steps to face Anne. “But now, those walls are thick as hell and easily twenty feet tall, if not more, which is fine—I know how to climb—but we both know those bricks aren’t all because of me.”

Anne paled and looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Almost forgot how good you guys are at lying too. What did your mother do? Did she wait a day, or was it a month before she expected Allie to fill Lina’s shoes? Was she even allowed to recover? Is that why she’s training herself into exhaustion now?” I took a stab with the last one.

The way Anne drew back told me I’d hit the mark. “Asks the man who left for basic without so much as stopping by the hospital.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, accepting the pain of the truth she hurled my way. “I fucked up. But have you admitted the same? I should have been there, but you were.” My teeth ground.

“I was . . . in college.” Anne tugged the cardigan so hard I expected it to rip. “And I’m keeping an eye on her training—on her—now. Thank you for doing this, Hudson, but make no mistake. I want to know my niece, but not at the expense of ruining Allie. If you so much as think about hurting my sister again, I won’t keep my mouth shut this time around. I’ll tell her I saw you with Lina.”

“Go ahead and tell her.” I headed toward my truck. Guess Anne didn’t need the pointe shoes to learn a few things from her mother. I looked back over my shoulder and reached for the keys in my pocket. “We’re on the same team, Anne. I want what’s best for Juniper and Allie. The only place our interests diverge is Caroline, who I will choose over you every time, just like you’d choose your own sister.” I gestured between us as I rounded the hood. “Same team. Stop trying to draw my blood. Leaving Allie the first time bled me dry already.”

“You sure she’s coming?” Juniper whispered that Saturday as she hopped out of my truck.

“She said she was.” I reached into the bed and pulled out two of the biggest bags 7-Eleven kept in stock, which were hopefully enough for Caroline. “And I’ve never known Alessandra to lie.”

Juniper chewed on her bottom lip but eventually nodded. “And you think you can fool Mom?”

“Worrying about the viability of your plan?”

“No.” She kept one step ahead of me as we walked down the crowded driveway to her kitchen door. “Worried you won’t do your part, therefore ruining my plan? Yes.”

“Your faith in me is comforting.” I switched my grip on the bags as they started to slip. The temperature was a balmy seventy-seven today, not bad for the end of May, and the ice had already started melting on the drive back. “Any advice for improving my performance?” Gavin walked out of the kitchen, carrying a tray of cupcakes to the backyard, but I wasn’t worried about him hearing since he was all too aware of Juniper’s ballet-dancing goal for the deception.

He just didn’t know about the familial relations.

“Girls like it when you get them drinks or ask if they’re hungry,” she lectured, her hair whipping in the breeze. The wind had kicked up today, just ahead of the storm we were expecting for tomorrow. “At least Mom liked when Dad did things like that.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I shifted my grip on the slipping bags.

“And you should touch her. Couples are always touching each other on the back or holding hands.” She turned, her pointer finger raised. “But only if she says it’s okay.”

“Duly noted.” I motioned toward the house. “Grab the door, would you please?”

“Happy to help.” She held open the kitchen door, and I walked into mayhem.

“Those are the tablecloths,” Caroline told our cousin. “The park tables are gross this time of year, and—yep, those are the clips. Thank you.” She turned to our uncle. “Would you see if Gavin has his station up and if it’s age appropriate?”

“We’ve got the ice.” The two hurried past as I sat the ice in the empty side of the sink.

“Hudson, honey!” Mom put up her hands as soon as I turned, and I leaned down so she could cup my cheeks for her usual examination. She was five-three on a good day, with shoulder-length blond hair that only seemed to show the silver in the sun, laugh lines at the corners of her green eyes, and cat-eye, red-polka-dot glasses. “Oh, you look good. Getting enough to eat?”

“Always.” Her smile was infectious, and I bent for a hug as Dad clapped my back.

“There he is.” Dad pulled me in next, a short but tight squeeze before he let go. “Any daring rescues lately?”

“Stop it, George.” Mom playfully swatted his arm with the back of her hand. “He does not exist to give you stories to tell at poker night.”

Dad’s eyes lit up when he saw Juniper. “The girl of the hour!” He swept her into a hug, hoisting her off her feet like she was still in kindergarten. “Did you see my shirt?”

“Hi, Grandpa!” She grinned and shoved her hair out of her eyes to read the absolute eyesore of sequins bedazzling his Carnival Director shirt with a laugh. “It’s great!”

My smile deepened. This was exactly what Allie needed. Noise and laughter.

“Juniper, honey, get upstairs and get dressed so we have time to tie your hair back. I’m pretty sure I saw your uncle unpacking Silly String, and I am not untangling that from your hair.” Caroline gestured toward the stairs and lifted her eyebrows.

“On it!” Juniper ran for the steps as soon as Dad set her down.

“Cupcakes are on the table,” Gavin announced from the doorway, sidestepping to avoid our aunt and two of our cousins as they scurried out, their arms full of balloons.

“Thank you.” Caroline picked up her clipboard and ran her pen down the paper, which no doubt had perfectly spaced boxes to check off. “Okay, if we can get the stations set up in the next half hour, then we’ll be good. Kids start arriving at noon.”

“How many are we expecting this year?” Dad asked, his arm around Mom’s waist.

“Forty-two. Pretty much the entire incoming fifth grade.” Caroline stuck the pencil in her hair, just above her high ponytail. “With family, that’s fifty-nine people. Dad, do you have enough for the grill?”

“And leftovers,” he assured her.

“Actually, it’s sixty.” I leaned back against the counter by the sink.

Caroline’s gaze snapped from me to Gavin. “Another one? Didn’t you just break up with the last one?”

“Not me.” He pointed my direction with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“You?” Caroline dropped the clipboard on the island. “You have a girlfriend?”

“I do.” Here it goes. As much as I valued my honor, it wasn’t like this would be the first time I lied to my family in order to spend time with Allie. She was the exception to every rule I ever set for myself.

“Is it Beth Pierre?” Caroline smiled at me with so much hope that I inwardly flinched. “I know you were out with her last weekend.”

“No. It’s not.” I shook my head and mentally cursed. Plot hole.

“That wasn’t a date.” Gavin reached into an open bag of potato chips and pulled out a handful. “Trust me, I was there. Beth and Jessica must have gotten their wires crossed, because Beth was pretty crushed to replace out Hudson was already in a relationship.”

He lied smoother than butter.

“Oh.” Caroline’s shoulders fell slightly. “Well, who is it?”

“Alessandra Rousseau.” I drummed my fingers on the edge of the counter to fill the enormity of the silence as Caroline and my parents openly stared at me.

“As in Sophie and Thatcher Rousseau’s daughter?” Mom’s eyebrows rose above her glasses.

“Yes.” I nodded.

“As in the Rousseau sisters?” Caroline’s mouth hung open.

“I’m only dating one of them, but yes. Everyone stop acting as if there’s more than one Alessandra Rousseau in this tiny-ass town. You know exactly who I mean.” I looked each of them in the eye, pausing on Caroline. “And she’s nervous as hell to be coming today, so you will all be nice to her. She means a lot to me.” Damn if that didn’t feel good to get off my chest. I’d only been holding that in for eleven years or so.

Caroline blanched. “She means a lot to you? She’s been back in town a handful of weeks and she already means a lot to you? Hudson, she’s going to be gone at the end of the summer. What are you thinking? A Rousseau?”

“So understanding,” Gavin quipped sarcastically, grabbing another handful of chips. “With support like that, you wonder why we don’t bring more girls around.”

“Oh no.” Mom shook her head, reached over, and squeezed my arm twice. “Of course we’ll be nice.” She pushed her glasses up her nose and turned to Caroline. “And we can’t help who raises us, Caroline.”

The door burst open, and Uncle Jared—Dad’s brother—rushed in. “We’re ready for the ice in the cool . . . What’s going on?” Couldn’t help but notice he had a similarly bedazzled shirt that read Carnival Operator. God help me if they had one around here with my name on it.

“Hudson here was just telling us that his girlfriend, one Alessandra Rousseau, will be joining us,” Gavin answered, clearly enjoying himself.

Uncle Jared blinked, then laughed boisterously as he crossed the room. “Good one, Hudson. And here I was thinking Gavin was the prankster.”

Knock. Knock.

Everyone turned at the faint sound on the screen door, and Gavin pivoted quickly to open it. “Speak of the devil. Welcome to our private little hell.”

Allie walked through the door, and my pulse skyrocketed.

Her long, incredible legs were on full display in a pair of thigh-length khaki shorts that held my attention for a heartbeat too long to be considered platonic. She’d rolled the sleeves of her white button-up shirt, and her hair fell in soft waves to just above her breasts. What would it look like finally spread out on my pillow, tangled in my hands?

I blinked those thoughts straight out of my head.

Yeah, there was nothing fake about how much I wanted her. I’d never stopped thinking about her, missing her, wishing we’d had our shot at something beyond the friendship we’d both hidden our feelings behind. But I remembered . . . and she didn’t, which was both a curse and a blessing.

She lifted her oversize sunglasses to the top of her head and offered my family a tentative smile that didn’t reach her eyes as she clutched a gift bag at her side. Her shoulders relaxed when her gaze landed on me. “Hey.”

“Hey.” This was how it should have been back then, me introducing her to my family, us walking together in broad daylight instead of sneaking around in the cover of darkness.

This was what we could have had if I’d been strong enough to hold on to her.

You’re strong enough now.

But I was ten years and one enormous mistake too late.

She gave me that fake-ass show smile as I crossed the kitchen to her, and I shook my head. That wasn’t going to fly. My family needed to see her, not whatever mask she thought they’d expect. I hooked my arm around her waist and hauled her against my chest.

Her pretend smile vanished, and a very real but faint gasp escaped her lips as her eyes flared. There she was. Right there in that little spark of surprise that swiftly ignited to indignation and was immediately stoked by . . . Was that interest?

I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t going to have to fake attraction.

“There you are.” I grinned. “Glad you could make it.” Forget climbing her walls, I’d tear them down brick by brick. This arrangement might be fake for her, but my intentions were very real. Allie had given me the summer, and I was going to use it to bring her back to life.

“You can’t seriously be dating my brother.”

Unless Caroline ruined it.