Warring Mates
19

Strong arms held me in place, one draped over my stomach, the other used as a pillow for my head. I stilled, holding my breath. He had entangled our legs—a lover’s embrace—and I didn’t know what to think about it. I felt… safe. Relaxed. The first time since Lachlan died. It confused me. My mind warred with my heart. Anger against yearning. And in the midst of it all, I got lost.

I wrapped my hand around his wrist, carefully peeling it off me. He shifted, a groan leaving his mouth, but he stayed asleep. A silent breath of relief left my mouth. That was close. Closer than I would have liked.

Eventually, I pried myself from his grasp and an emptiness settled in my stomach. I shook the feeling away. No matter how good it felt to be in his arms, I couldn’t. But seeing him asleep, his face completely devoid of stress lines… It was almost impossible to walk away.

Wiping a stray tear away, I strode out of the cave. My eyes adjusted to the bright sun. I was surprised we were staying here so long. From what I gathered, Ace and the rest wanted to be as fast as possible in the werewolf kingdom.

“Stop being a tease,” a female voice pleaded, a soft moan leaving her mouth as she breathed out.

I turned to the noise and saw Rokan nipping at Evie’s throat. She was straddling his waist, her hands underneath his shirt. The sight had my stomach churning, my blood boiling. It brought me back to all the passionate kisses I shared with Lachlan. To the kiss I had with Collin in that alley…

With tears clouding my vision, I turned around. The cave was a no-go, but staying outside here wasn’t an option either. Evie and Rokan were on their break, and I didn’t want to interrupt their moment because I felt a little jealous.

“Hey, midget.”

A yelp escaped my mouth, and if it weren’t for his quick reflexes, I would have landed on my ass. His arms steadied me as he flashed me a goofy smile.

“Ace is waiting for you by the river,” he said, ignoring the heated look I was giving him.

“Couldn’t you have given me a warning,” I hissed. Vampires were already quiet, but he was trained to be as silent as a shadow. You wouldn’t be able to detect him unless he wanted you to.

“Ace. River,” was all he said before disappearing.

Grumbling under my breath, I went to the river. It wasn’t far from here, the sloshing water against the river banks leading me the way. Ace stood with his back to the woods, his eyes closed as if he was deep in thought. I knew better. The slightest shift in the wind, or even the littlest sound, wouldn’t go unnoticed by him. I had heard the stories. Wood nymphs were jealous of him as he held more power than them over the trees and plants. The same could be told about the sirens. They held a rage for him that was unmeasured and fear was the main cause for it.

“I won’t bite,” he said after a while, still facing the untamed river.

With hesitant steps, I made my way over to him. “Santos told me you wanted to see me.”

He didn’t say anything, only signalling for me to come closer.

“What…” We were standing inches from each other. Even so close I could see specks of silver swirling in his violet eyes.

Again, he didn’t speak. Instead, he placed his hands on the sides of my face. A warm feeling went through my body, soothing the ache for a moment. It disappeared as soon as it came as he let go of me.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, turning back to the river.

“I…” No words came to my mind. I was more curious to what he had just done.

“Your tiredness,” he reminded me.

“Not as bad as before,” I mumbled without a second thought. “The nauseous is still there though.”

“And the pain?”

My gaze drifted to the river. The pain… “It’s still there.” Not even being in his arms all night could relieve me of it.

“I already thought so.”

I tilted my head. “How?”

“I was sensing your body's energy.” His eyes bored into mine. “Your beast's energy is dwindling, causing your own to be disrupted.”

“I… I don’t understand.” Even if my beast’s energy was diminishing, I shouldn’t feel this sick.

“It’s all about balance,” he explained, and he picked up a stick to draw two circles with. “This left one is a full-blooded shifter. The other one is you.” He divided the circle by half. “A hybrid. Half fae, half shifter.”

I dropped onto the ground, my attention on the two circles. “So, you’re saying that the full-blooded shifter has one kind of energy, and I two, the fae and the shifter’s energy.”

A slight smile tugged at his lips. “Yes.” He grabbed a couple of pebbles out of the river and filled the circles with it. “Right now, the energy is full. But when I take away some pebbles, the energy is dwindling. This results in a weaker link with the beast and eventually sickness until…”

“Until death,” I finished for him. If I didn’t get better soon, I had a chance of dying. The thought didn’t scare me as much as I thought it would. When I shifted, I had almost died and the only thing I remembered was how peaceful it was.

“In your case you might survive, but not your beast.”

“Because I have two kinds of energy?” He lost me.

“Yes.” He stood up. “Energy equals life force.”

That sounded logical. If my beast were to die, then I still had my fae side that could keep me alive. “Do we know the cause of why her energy is dwindling?” I really hoped he did. Being a shifter was a huge part of me, even though I only shifted not too long ago. I wouldn’t want to live without it.

“Collin,” he said. I glanced to where he was looking. Collin sauntered to us, his attention on me. “As for your question, Lexi, the answer is no. I have no idea what is causing this.”

I sighed wearily and hauled myself off the ground. “It’s fine. At least I have now an idea about what’s going on.”

“Is everything all right?” Collin asked when Ace strode away. He didn’t touch me, but the tension in his muscles told me he wanted to. That he had to restrain himself for reaching out to me.

“Yeah.” The lie easily left my lips and with it also came a coldness. It settled deep into my bones. Placed its claws into my mind. The lie put a distance between us. One I wasn’t too fond of, even when it was my fault.

“You don’t trust me,” he whispered brokenly, causing my head to whip up to him. I did trust him. At least, I thought I did. He would never hurt me. I knew that.

“I do trust you.” I wanted to touch him. To wrap my arms around his waist. Let my fingers glide through his hair.

“You don’t.” He lifted his hand, only to drop it when I flinched. “I can’t even touch you.”

“You can.” I awoke in his arms and I’ve been riding with him the entire day.

“No. It’s not the same.” He stepped back. “You tolerate it, but if you had your way, you would be miles away from me.”

He was right. I was too weak to keep myself warm, or to walk after the long ride. He had to touch me, but I didn’t enjoy it. In fact, I hated it. His touch… It wasn’t soothing, and neither did it feel pleasurable.

“I want to,” I started, clasping my hands in front of my chest. “My heart yearns for you, but my mind…” I took a deep breath to calm myself. “I keep replaying his death over and over again inside my head. How I couldn’t tell him the truth. And now… Now I just can’t move on.” Tears trickled down my face. “I feel that if I cave in that I am still cheating on him.”

A pair of hands cupped my face. Collin was inches from my face, his nose bushing against mine. “Then don’t. Don’t cave in.” His hands left my face, going downwards to my shoulders, my arms, my waist. He tugged me closer to him. “We will move at your pace until you are ready to let go.”

I broke down. “What about your wolf?” He had been putting off the mating for two years now, and it was already eating away his sanity.

“I’ll be fine.” He rubbed my back. “Just having you close is enough for now.”

My breathing evened as I listened to his heartbeat and the ache inside me subsided. That was until he let go of me. A whimper left my mouth. “Why are you…” I stopped talking when I saw him unbuttoning his shirt. “What are you doing?”

“Just an idea that might help you.” He undressed himself, not caring that he gave me a full view.

I blushed furiously and turned away to give him some privacy. “And what does this idea entail exactly?” Though I had a clue.

No answer came.

I spun on my heels. My eyes widened, and I tripped over my feet as I tried to haste back. The giant wolf crouched low as if he wanted to help me, but decided against it. I didn’t move, nor did I make a sound. The golden glow in his eyes told me Collin wasn’t in control.

“Collin.” My voice shook, my hands trembling.

A low whine left the wolf’s snout. He laid down, his head on his forepaws.

“I don’t know what you are trying to do, but it isn’t working.” I didn’t make a move to come closer to him. “Unless you want to scare the shit out of me.”

He let out a bark that came close to a laugh. His tail wagged, and if I had to be honest, he looked like a giant puppy. His body held no hint of animosity, only curiosity.

“Can I touch you?” His fur called out to me. It did since the moment I saw it two years ago. The silver fur looked just like the moon, and I wondered how soft it truly was.

The wolf crouched closer to me, touching my hand with his snout. He nipped it lightly, urging me to touch him.

“Okay,” I mumbled. My hands still trembled as I reached out to touch the fur on his neck, and a chuckle left my mouth. He was so soft. So incredibly soft. “I’m jealous of your fur.”

His chest rumbled with soft growls. They were encouraging me. I shifted on my knees and let both of my hands glide through his fur. The wolf shifted to his side, allowing me to lean against him, which I did. He was like a giant breathing pillow. Heavenly didn’t even come close to what it felt like. Every muscle in my body slowly relaxed, my mind staying silent for once. It was freeing—laying on top of him. His wolf didn’t have any expectations. He only wanted to be close to me. Collin, on the other hand, wanted to talk. To know what was going on. It was exhausting.

“Thank you,” I whispered, closing my eyes as I was about to doze off. I’ve never felt such peace.

…

"Lexi..." A pair of hands shook my shoulders.

I groaned as my eyes fluttered open. Ace had crouched down to my level and as my eyes strayed from him, I noticed the sun disappearing behind the treetops. “What time is it?” I couldn’t have slept through the entire day. We couldn’t afford that time.

Beneath me, something shifted, pushing me to stand up. Collin was still in his wolf form and was now stretching himself out. I couldn’t believe he let me lay on top of him the entire day.

“Dinner time,” Ace answered as he looked me over. “You look better.”

“Thanks, I guess…” I turned back to Collin to see him shifting back. My breath hitched, my gaze going lower and lower. He was the epitome of an adonis. His abs were strong and defined, as if the greatest sculpture sculpted them from marble. They twitched with each movement and as I went higher again, I met with his characteristic smug grin. It reminded me of all the other times he caught me checking him out.

“Don’t stop on my account,” he said before pulling on his jeans.

I bit on my lower lip and turned back to Ace, only to replace out he had left. “I thought you guys wanted to get as fast as possible to your kingdom,” I said, redirecting the conversation. My heart hammered in my chest, my nails digging into my arms as I had them crossed over my chest. Whatever we did this day, it made me feel like myself again. Even to the point, I wanted to jump his bones. I shook my head. No. I couldn’t give in to this attraction. It was just the bond.

“We did, but Ace saw you needed this.” He stepped closer, but didn’t touch me. “Something about your energy returning to you. I only have no idea what he meant.”

“I do.” Ace must have looked at my energy again. To see if this bonding was helping. “It’s about my shifter’s side.”

“Does this mean you feel your beast?” A glint of hope reverberated in his voice. Too bad I had to crush it.

I shook my head. “I feel better, but I still can’t connect with her.”

He sighed exasperated and pulled his hand through his hair. “We should head back. I don’t think they will appreciate it if we stay here when it’s dark.”

Electricity buzzed between us—tangible and sexual—as we walked in an oddly peaceful silence back to the cave. His hand was inches from mine. One slight movement and I would touch him, intertwine our fingers. I didn’t. Instead, I clasped my hands behind my back.

“Finally,” Evie breathed with a tinge of frustration. She was busy sharpening her dagger, and by the scowl on her face, I was sure she wanted to throw it at us. “We wanted to leave hours ago, but Ace told us no. Care to explain?”

I shrugged my shoulders and went inside the cave. She didn’t get to judge me. Not when she still had her lover.

“I’ve brought you some food,” Collin said as he handed me a piece of bread. I thanked him and sat on the blanket we had slept upon. “You don’t like Evie, do you?” He leant against the wall opposite of me.

“Not so much.” I picked at the bread, eating small bites. “She just needs to mind her own business.”

Collin let out a short laugh. “She reminds you of yourself.”

“I’m nothing like her,” I clipped, throwing a piece of bread at him. “She is maddening to the point I just want… Want to.” I let out a growl of frustration.

“I can get behind that. She doesn’t know when to quit.” He walked out of the cave and returned shortly with more food. I hadn’t even noticed I had finished my bread. “Looks like your appetite is getting back.”

“Yeah.” I accepted the offer. He had brought me another piece of bread, some cheese and berries. “Maybe Ace was right. I just needed to bond with you.”

“You really believe so?” He sat down next to me, but still far enough so we didn’t touch each other.

The smell of burned wood tickled my nose as I turned to him. Looks like there were making dinner. “I feel better, and the only factor that is different is you.”

His breathing quickened, his eyes on me. The tension between us raised to new heights. My skin begged for his touch, and it took everything in me not to give in. Scared that if I touched him, I would be left disappointed. In the end, my need for him overtook my doubt and guilt. My hand inched closer to his. He watched it, flipping his hand so his palm was up.

“I’m scared,” I breathed. What if there were no sparks…

“Only when you are ready.”

I closed my eyes and leant my head on his shoulders. “I don’t want skin to skin contact yet.” At least like this, I could touch him without getting to know if the sparks had returned.

“Okay.” He moved his arm, careful not to touch my bare ones, and grabbed the bag. He pulled out a blanket and laid it over me before wrapping his arm around me. I smiled at the gesture. Now he could hold me without fearing our skin would touch.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he answered, tightening his arm around me. “What do you want to know?”

“I… I want to know about your family.” He flinched before his chest rumbled with a growl. I stiffened in his arms. “If you don’t want to, then that’s fine too.”

“It’s fine.” His chest heaved with a deep breath. “I had a little sister who was the complete opposite of me.” He let out a chuckle. ”She loved to get into trouble and disobey my parents. I guess that came with the age.”

“How old was she?” She reminded me a bit of me, and I guessed we were around the same age.

“Sixteen.” His voice broke, and I felt bad for asking him. He loved her a lot. “I had also an older brother. He was supposed to inherit the throne, but my parents wanted to wait until he met his mate.”

“What happened to them?” I asked carefully. My parents never told me he had siblings or how his parents had died.

For a while he stayed silent. “There was this attack… My parents wanted a treaty with the shifters after my dad’s father had died. He started the war with the shifters, but my parents didn’t want to continue it.” He cleared his throat. “They were able to capture a shifter and told them they wanted an audience with their leader. Soon they got one. Together with my brother, they went to neutral ground to sign the treaty. I only didn’t know my sister slipped out of the castle to go after them. Not until dinner.”

I buried my head into his chest, drawing circles on his back with my thumb. He didn’t have to continue to let me know what happened.

“Of course, I went after her. It was dangerous for her to be in the woods as she hadn’t shifted yet. When I finally caught up to her…” Something wet fell into my hair, and I let my own tears free too. "My parents and brother were slaughtered like animals, my sister nowhere to be found. In the end, I gave up on replaceing her."

I cupped his cheeks. Faint sparks travelled through my hands, and by his gasp I knew he felt them too. “I am so sorry.” It wasn’t even my fault, but to know that some shifters could be that cruel… I couldn’t imagine it.