Werewolf Compilations
Chapter 123

He moves away from me, running his hand through his hair before swiping up the vase on the coffee table and throwing it at the wall. It shatters and I jump back, staring at the water and fresh flowers and glass on the floor, and the splash on the wall that slowly drips down to the mess. Gail always puts flowers in the vase. "James!" I shout, moving to the mess but he holds me back.

He curses to himself, clearly in an inner conflict. "Stay away from the glass."

I obey but don't let it go. I grab him and make him look at me. Before I can speak he says, "You know I would do anything for you, Rae. You know that, don't you?" I nod. "I just, I need you to-to stay alive, Rae Alright?"

"Okay."

He takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry you killed your father."

James gives me a look, a sad look that I've never seen from him. It holds grief. "It's alright. You're okay."

"I'm sorry," I say again, and he holds me again. He squeezes as if he needs to absorb me. "I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry."

We lay in bed together for the night, not sleeping just laying. I fear that his father will come for me in my dreams, and James fears dreaming of it, of killing him again. James doesn't tell me where the body went and I don't mention the diaries. I don't tell him his father's last words. He shouldn't read her pain. He shouldn't read of them drifting apart and the eventual hatred that will suffocate her. I am no hypocrite, I will never read them myself either. I know the effects of those books.

I do wonder, though. How much hatred do you have to feel towards your mate to be able to kill them? An incomprehensible amount. I wonder how I became so inadequate in his father's mind to the point where he must get rid of me. Or maybe he didn't see me. Maybe he saw his mate. Maybe he was reliving his past. It's frustrating to never know.

It's hard knowing that we'll have to move on from such an event so quickly. I can't live out the rest of my days thinking and fearing over the one day I almost died. James cannot grieve his father's death and the truth of his mother's while needing to run a pack. After this night, after our hours of holding each other, the shock must end. This is the time when I become a leader and where James realizes his true position. This is where we move on, forever only having a few hours. But I think it will be easier than I predict. There is still so much that needs to happen, so much that will distract us.

"Rae?" James calls, and I hum, his arms tightening around me as we lay buried in the blankets. "I love you."

I let out a breath, a light, airy warmth sparking inside of me. "I love you, too."

***

January 20th, 1993

I reach seven months today.

Theresa was right, it must have been Martha. I suppose her healing just does not work on me. But I am here now, and wait restlessly for the day my baby will come. The doctor says I visit him too much, and I am sure it is because a part of me wants him to tell me that the process has somehow magically sped up for me. I went to see him yesterday, and he says everything is moving along just fine and that I need to be patient. Obviously, he has never been pregnant before. Every day feels like a year, and I just want him out.

James did not come with me yesterday, but I did not expect him to. He has not come to an appointment since the first one. As my belly grows bigger, he grows snappy and moody, always yelling at me for the most pointless things. Theresa tells me he is just nervous and anxious, but I cannot help but think he hates the baby. James has no reason to, he has done nothing to him. I even brought up the idea of naming the baby after him but that only lit him up more.

We do not sleep together at night, not for nearly a year. It worries me. I feel like we are growing too far apart

to be fixed. He avoids me like he once did. feel like things are going back to the way they were, only worse. Even my mother tells me to leave, to come stay with her until the baby is born to give James some breathing room. He should not need breathing room! I am his mate and I am carrying his child, how can he act as if he hates me? It is as if our bond has been completely destroyed.

The Moon Goddess must be taking her revenge, hating the fact that I have my baby, so she takes away my love. Why can I not have both? Why must she have one?

Is it wrong that I chose my baby over James? Is it wrong that some days, when he is fuming, I wish she would take him completely? Yes. Yes, it is. It feels wrong.

But some days, when he is fuming, I cannot help but think that he wants the Moon Goddess to take me completely as well.

THE END of Bewitched Heart For the Alpha